Wow another chapter- I'm becoming efficient again...
Chapter 13- Pinstripes and Marshes
"Where the fk are we?" questioned Frog, getting more agitated by the second.
"Is stupid tall habbit scared, gayness? Is it frightened of marshmen?" hissed Gollywog.
"Will you stop calling me 'stupid tall habbit' for fks sake. Just 'cos you're fat and ugly, doesn't mean you have to insult me. I mean, it's your fault you're fat anyway- if you hadn't wished for so much grub using the ring, then you'd still look like a habbit, instead of a fat lump. What's your problem anyway? You on something or did you forget to take something. I mean-"
"SHUT THE FK UP FROG!!!" yelled Gimmy, "You're boring everyone. No-one gives a shit, what's your damage?"
"Why me? Always me. Why does everyone hate me?" moaned Frog (anyone else think we've been here before? Serious déjà vu here...).
Oh by the way, seeing as I've forgotten to tell you why Frog and co are pissed off about where they are, I betta do the whole description thing...here goes...
Ahead of the company was a marsh, but not just any old marsh, no (taking the piss here...clichédness...), it was covered in love things wandering about like zombies (except they weren't dead) - the marshmen Gollywog mentioned before. So basically, they were in deep shit...
"When you've finished your gayness Frog" hinted Gimmy.
"Just 'cos you're a homophobe" replied Frog, not taking the hint and starting to walk across the marshes (finally- lazy people) still talking, "Look will you guys hurry up, Gollywog, can I call you Golly? It takes too long to say your full name, and can you do your job and lead us today please?"
"Nasty habbit. Wants to call us Golly, but it doesn't deserve the privilege, gayness. Gollywog will lead, but habbitses and Daft mustn't want us to protect them from marshmenses"
Just then the marshmen started having a cabbage fight (this idea comes from my lil brother's friend, Jay, who hates the fact that I've put this in, and also hates me, but do I give a fk? No not really...), and started calling each other 'monkey losers' (also from jay, who is now going to kill me...goodbye...wait I'm not dying...Hi again...). Don't ask me why there are cabbages in a marsh, and they're calling each other 'monkeys', but any complaints see Jay (he lives across the road from me in central Watford, England...DON'T STALK ME....). The poor cabbages were screaming in protest (this idea comes from my lil bro Joel (so desperate to get an idea of his in this story...bless), who is currently hitting me with pillows...don't you just love him???
"WHAT THE FK???" screamed everyone really, "Why is this story so gay???"
Well people, maybe because I'm insane, and also 'cos Frog's gay obviously. Oh, and I don't want to give anything away (ahem), but has anyone noticed Sum stroking Frog's cheek at the moment (gayness...HINT HINT...).
Some of the marshmen randomly walked over to the company for no apparent reason, and started doing an Irish jig whilst singing-
'Who are these strangers? Dear marshes, dear marshes,
Who are these strangers? Dear marshes, who they?
They're disturbing our cabbage fight, dear marshes, dear marshes,
They're disturbing our cabbage fight, dear marshes, our cabbages (no the marshes aren't cabbages people...),
We can't be fked to sing, dear marshes, dear marshes (well no, actually I can't be fked to write any more of this crapped-up song...),
We can't be fked to sing, dear marshes, can't be fked'
"Rrrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigggggggggggggggghhhhh hhhhhhhhhtttttttt" said Gimmy, "Erm, you wanna see a psychiatrist or a shrink or someone guys? 'cos I really think you need some serious help"
"Cool song. When are you releasing it? I wanna buy it. I need some new CDs" put in Sum (arse...who wants a crapped up song, which is sun to the tune of 'There's a hole in my bucket...'??? Sorry didn't I mention that?).
"Well we're having trouble getting a record deal (well you would in the middle of a marsh)" replied one of the marshmen (another inspired name, and I can't be fked to name this guy...how's 'Cabbageman'?) – God, they really are insane...
The cabbages then roared with laughter (does that work- can you roar and laugh at the same time? Impressive...), and shouted a reply song (to the same tune...)-
'Your song is so crappy, so crappy, so crappy (hypocrites),
Your song is so crappy, so crappy, it sucks,
It's fking annoying, annoying, annoying,
It's fking annoying, annoying, it sucks,
You're fking hurting us, hurting us, hurting us,
You're fking hurting us, hurting us, you suck,
We're gonna kill ya, kill ya, kill ya,
We're gonna kill ya, kill ya, you suck'
So they did...Just imagine it- insane brutal cabbages ruthlessly murdering insane marshmen (not easy is it? By the way, to help create this, image in your head, the cabbages bounce to move...Still not working? Give up...I can't be fked to give it to you (kwtschh) detail by detail, and the image is unnerving anyway...).
"Well gayness, we'd better be going or habbitses and Dafty (Gimmy glares at Golly) might be attacked by mad cabbageses" said Gollywog.
So on they walked until nightfall (for a full three minutes then...), and then they made camp (has anyone ever slept (not including with someone...) in this story yet? They must be real tired...). Sum and Gimmy fell asleep at some point, but Frog couldn't get to sleep, and Gollywog never slept because he was too fat and it hurt...
"We misses our gayness, gayness. We needs it. We wants more tasty food, gayness, we is hungry for lobster, gayness" said Gollywog.
"Lobster!" exclaimed Frog suddenly, "Why lobster? Why not battered cod (fish abuse...) and chips, or something normal?"
"Stupid habbit has no taste, gayness. Battered cod and chips! Poor, poor fishes, what have they ever done?"
"Well they taste nice"
"Evil habbit. Never thinks about other others, only out for himself, selfish, selfish"
"Oh shut it"
"Don't tell poor Golly to shut up. Golly always gets abuse from thieving habbit"
"What do you mean?" asked Frog, surprised.
"We knows you have it. We knows. You stole our gayness and we wants it back"
"What the ring? I know you miss it, but don't you miss being thinner? Grandold told me you used to be, before you found the ring. You were called Smellme then weren't you?"
"Smellme? Yes, yes, we was, but we hates it, so we changed it to Gollywog, and if nasty habbit stops insulting poor Golly's name, then he can call us Golly"
"Good. Finally. Look, about the ring, I'll get you a better one, any colour you like. How's red?"
"Our favourite colour"
"Good, good. Then you'll this red one and stop lusting after this one?"
"Yes, Golly wants red ring- more pretty"
"Well here you go" said Frog, handing him a red bottle-top-ring-thingy (stupid of Golly- it wasn't even magic...), "Can I try to go to sleep?"
"Yes, yes. Golly didn't say habbit must stay awake"
"Fk you, ya bastard" said Frog, lying down to go to sleep.
Abuse from Golly
The next morning they continued to walk across the marshes, which were now not so alive after the cabbages' genocide. They had now overtaken the Southern end, leaving the Northern end clear for Frog and co to cross- convenient or what?! Gollywog started rambling to himself again- the habbits and Gimmy couldn't figure out what he was saying, but kept hearing the word 'fillet' and 'our fish friend', so, using the small amount of brainpower they shared between them, decided Golly was talking about his friend Fillet, who was a fish- wow, so clever, I'm so proud...
Suddenly Golly stopped in front of a pool of water and knelt down over it. He then stuck his hand in it, and appeared to be waving under the water (another one in need of help...).
"Come, come Fillet" he called, "Golly wants to show you his new friendses"
A few seconds later a fish appeared, he or she was wearing a pink tutu with black pinstripes and a matching tie- this was Fillet (remember him Els and Nabs? I dedicate him to you, in memory of the torture we suffered during those maths lessons...).
"Hiya Golly" said Fillet (it talks...), "How's it going? Not seen you since the episode with the drunken Orby (don't ask- they come in later)"
"Yes Fillet, we doesn't want to talk about that now- Golly has new friends he wants to show you. We also thinks we may be lost ("What!" from Gimmy and Frog. "Yay" from Sum...)"
"Oh deary me! I'll help ya. Just follow me while I swim through these pools of water. I'll lead you to safety" replied Fillet (crossing his fingers...dun dun duuun...)
So they followed Fillet as he (it was a he, but a tranny fish- strrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaange...) spazzed (yes weird spelling, but I like 'z's okay?) through the water, until they reached a manked-up barren wasteland full of mangled burnt trees.
"Well Golly, here you go. I've got you and your friends out. I hope you're grateful"
"Yes, yes, we is, we is. We thanks you very much Fillet, we appreciates it, we do"
"You won't soon"
"What does it mean, gayness? It sounds evil. It frightens poor Golly"
"You'll see" said Fillet as a spaceship descended from up above. It landed on the ground, and out from it stepped more fish like Fillet, except they were green and had antennae- alien-fish (another contribution from Joel, who wanted an alien abduction (so unoriginal), but I decided to have alien- fish instead (so gay and pointless...)
"What's this, gayness?" asked Golly, "Fillet's friendses look evil. Poor Golly doesn't like them"
"Shuddup Golly" snapped Fillet, then, to the alien-fishes, "Bring him aboard- we have our slave. Now we can build up our planet -Pintutu- into a superior world" (clichéd evil guy...)
"Stupid pink Fillet. What has Golly ever done to him? Why does he hate us, gayness?"
"You've always hated the fact that I'm a transvestite, you trannyphobe (yes not a word...) you. You shall pay by serving us forever. We leave now for Pintutu!" (still clichéd...)
So with that a load of alien-fish grabbed Golly and dragged him onto the spaceship (called 'Pinstripe tutu 1).
"I'll be on board in a second. I just need a quick word with Golly's friends" Fillet told the main alien-fish-guard-person, to Frog and co, "I'm sorry to take away your guise, but it had to be done. Please believe me when I say I don't have a problem with you three. I will give advice for which way to go from here as payment for the trouble I have caused"
"Why should we trust you?" inquired (ooh, posh word!) Frog, "You've lied to us already. Who's to say you won't do it again?"
"I only lied to Golly, and I told you I don't have a problem with you guys, so what do ya say?" (is it me or does his speech change from formal to modern to psycho-bad-guy all the time???)
"We have no other option but to follow his directions" said Gimmy to Frog.
"Okay then, tell us where we should go- I give in" Frog decided.
So Fillet gave them directions (which I can't be fked (god there hasn't been any fking swearing for fking ages- I was starting to suffer withdrawal symptoms...) to repeat, and they started to go on their way. Fillet boarded the ship, which flew off into the sky and away to Pintutu (no idea where it is by the way...).
Phew, that chapter was fking long, probably my longest yet- makes up for me not updating for fking ages...
Chapter 13- Pinstripes and Marshes
"Where the fk are we?" questioned Frog, getting more agitated by the second.
"Is stupid tall habbit scared, gayness? Is it frightened of marshmen?" hissed Gollywog.
"Will you stop calling me 'stupid tall habbit' for fks sake. Just 'cos you're fat and ugly, doesn't mean you have to insult me. I mean, it's your fault you're fat anyway- if you hadn't wished for so much grub using the ring, then you'd still look like a habbit, instead of a fat lump. What's your problem anyway? You on something or did you forget to take something. I mean-"
"SHUT THE FK UP FROG!!!" yelled Gimmy, "You're boring everyone. No-one gives a shit, what's your damage?"
"Why me? Always me. Why does everyone hate me?" moaned Frog (anyone else think we've been here before? Serious déjà vu here...).
Oh by the way, seeing as I've forgotten to tell you why Frog and co are pissed off about where they are, I betta do the whole description thing...here goes...
Ahead of the company was a marsh, but not just any old marsh, no (taking the piss here...clichédness...), it was covered in love things wandering about like zombies (except they weren't dead) - the marshmen Gollywog mentioned before. So basically, they were in deep shit...
"When you've finished your gayness Frog" hinted Gimmy.
"Just 'cos you're a homophobe" replied Frog, not taking the hint and starting to walk across the marshes (finally- lazy people) still talking, "Look will you guys hurry up, Gollywog, can I call you Golly? It takes too long to say your full name, and can you do your job and lead us today please?"
"Nasty habbit. Wants to call us Golly, but it doesn't deserve the privilege, gayness. Gollywog will lead, but habbitses and Daft mustn't want us to protect them from marshmenses"
Just then the marshmen started having a cabbage fight (this idea comes from my lil brother's friend, Jay, who hates the fact that I've put this in, and also hates me, but do I give a fk? No not really...), and started calling each other 'monkey losers' (also from jay, who is now going to kill me...goodbye...wait I'm not dying...Hi again...). Don't ask me why there are cabbages in a marsh, and they're calling each other 'monkeys', but any complaints see Jay (he lives across the road from me in central Watford, England...DON'T STALK ME....). The poor cabbages were screaming in protest (this idea comes from my lil bro Joel (so desperate to get an idea of his in this story...bless), who is currently hitting me with pillows...don't you just love him???
"WHAT THE FK???" screamed everyone really, "Why is this story so gay???"
Well people, maybe because I'm insane, and also 'cos Frog's gay obviously. Oh, and I don't want to give anything away (ahem), but has anyone noticed Sum stroking Frog's cheek at the moment (gayness...HINT HINT...).
Some of the marshmen randomly walked over to the company for no apparent reason, and started doing an Irish jig whilst singing-
'Who are these strangers? Dear marshes, dear marshes,
Who are these strangers? Dear marshes, who they?
They're disturbing our cabbage fight, dear marshes, dear marshes,
They're disturbing our cabbage fight, dear marshes, our cabbages (no the marshes aren't cabbages people...),
We can't be fked to sing, dear marshes, dear marshes (well no, actually I can't be fked to write any more of this crapped-up song...),
We can't be fked to sing, dear marshes, can't be fked'
"Rrrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigggggggggggggggghhhhh hhhhhhhhhtttttttt" said Gimmy, "Erm, you wanna see a psychiatrist or a shrink or someone guys? 'cos I really think you need some serious help"
"Cool song. When are you releasing it? I wanna buy it. I need some new CDs" put in Sum (arse...who wants a crapped up song, which is sun to the tune of 'There's a hole in my bucket...'??? Sorry didn't I mention that?).
"Well we're having trouble getting a record deal (well you would in the middle of a marsh)" replied one of the marshmen (another inspired name, and I can't be fked to name this guy...how's 'Cabbageman'?) – God, they really are insane...
The cabbages then roared with laughter (does that work- can you roar and laugh at the same time? Impressive...), and shouted a reply song (to the same tune...)-
'Your song is so crappy, so crappy, so crappy (hypocrites),
Your song is so crappy, so crappy, it sucks,
It's fking annoying, annoying, annoying,
It's fking annoying, annoying, it sucks,
You're fking hurting us, hurting us, hurting us,
You're fking hurting us, hurting us, you suck,
We're gonna kill ya, kill ya, kill ya,
We're gonna kill ya, kill ya, you suck'
So they did...Just imagine it- insane brutal cabbages ruthlessly murdering insane marshmen (not easy is it? By the way, to help create this, image in your head, the cabbages bounce to move...Still not working? Give up...I can't be fked to give it to you (kwtschh) detail by detail, and the image is unnerving anyway...).
"Well gayness, we'd better be going or habbitses and Dafty (Gimmy glares at Golly) might be attacked by mad cabbageses" said Gollywog.
So on they walked until nightfall (for a full three minutes then...), and then they made camp (has anyone ever slept (not including with someone...) in this story yet? They must be real tired...). Sum and Gimmy fell asleep at some point, but Frog couldn't get to sleep, and Gollywog never slept because he was too fat and it hurt...
"We misses our gayness, gayness. We needs it. We wants more tasty food, gayness, we is hungry for lobster, gayness" said Gollywog.
"Lobster!" exclaimed Frog suddenly, "Why lobster? Why not battered cod (fish abuse...) and chips, or something normal?"
"Stupid habbit has no taste, gayness. Battered cod and chips! Poor, poor fishes, what have they ever done?"
"Well they taste nice"
"Evil habbit. Never thinks about other others, only out for himself, selfish, selfish"
"Oh shut it"
"Don't tell poor Golly to shut up. Golly always gets abuse from thieving habbit"
"What do you mean?" asked Frog, surprised.
"We knows you have it. We knows. You stole our gayness and we wants it back"
"What the ring? I know you miss it, but don't you miss being thinner? Grandold told me you used to be, before you found the ring. You were called Smellme then weren't you?"
"Smellme? Yes, yes, we was, but we hates it, so we changed it to Gollywog, and if nasty habbit stops insulting poor Golly's name, then he can call us Golly"
"Good. Finally. Look, about the ring, I'll get you a better one, any colour you like. How's red?"
"Our favourite colour"
"Good, good. Then you'll this red one and stop lusting after this one?"
"Yes, Golly wants red ring- more pretty"
"Well here you go" said Frog, handing him a red bottle-top-ring-thingy (stupid of Golly- it wasn't even magic...), "Can I try to go to sleep?"
"Yes, yes. Golly didn't say habbit must stay awake"
"Fk you, ya bastard" said Frog, lying down to go to sleep.
Abuse from Golly
The next morning they continued to walk across the marshes, which were now not so alive after the cabbages' genocide. They had now overtaken the Southern end, leaving the Northern end clear for Frog and co to cross- convenient or what?! Gollywog started rambling to himself again- the habbits and Gimmy couldn't figure out what he was saying, but kept hearing the word 'fillet' and 'our fish friend', so, using the small amount of brainpower they shared between them, decided Golly was talking about his friend Fillet, who was a fish- wow, so clever, I'm so proud...
Suddenly Golly stopped in front of a pool of water and knelt down over it. He then stuck his hand in it, and appeared to be waving under the water (another one in need of help...).
"Come, come Fillet" he called, "Golly wants to show you his new friendses"
A few seconds later a fish appeared, he or she was wearing a pink tutu with black pinstripes and a matching tie- this was Fillet (remember him Els and Nabs? I dedicate him to you, in memory of the torture we suffered during those maths lessons...).
"Hiya Golly" said Fillet (it talks...), "How's it going? Not seen you since the episode with the drunken Orby (don't ask- they come in later)"
"Yes Fillet, we doesn't want to talk about that now- Golly has new friends he wants to show you. We also thinks we may be lost ("What!" from Gimmy and Frog. "Yay" from Sum...)"
"Oh deary me! I'll help ya. Just follow me while I swim through these pools of water. I'll lead you to safety" replied Fillet (crossing his fingers...dun dun duuun...)
So they followed Fillet as he (it was a he, but a tranny fish- strrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaange...) spazzed (yes weird spelling, but I like 'z's okay?) through the water, until they reached a manked-up barren wasteland full of mangled burnt trees.
"Well Golly, here you go. I've got you and your friends out. I hope you're grateful"
"Yes, yes, we is, we is. We thanks you very much Fillet, we appreciates it, we do"
"You won't soon"
"What does it mean, gayness? It sounds evil. It frightens poor Golly"
"You'll see" said Fillet as a spaceship descended from up above. It landed on the ground, and out from it stepped more fish like Fillet, except they were green and had antennae- alien-fish (another contribution from Joel, who wanted an alien abduction (so unoriginal), but I decided to have alien- fish instead (so gay and pointless...)
"What's this, gayness?" asked Golly, "Fillet's friendses look evil. Poor Golly doesn't like them"
"Shuddup Golly" snapped Fillet, then, to the alien-fishes, "Bring him aboard- we have our slave. Now we can build up our planet -Pintutu- into a superior world" (clichéd evil guy...)
"Stupid pink Fillet. What has Golly ever done to him? Why does he hate us, gayness?"
"You've always hated the fact that I'm a transvestite, you trannyphobe (yes not a word...) you. You shall pay by serving us forever. We leave now for Pintutu!" (still clichéd...)
So with that a load of alien-fish grabbed Golly and dragged him onto the spaceship (called 'Pinstripe tutu 1).
"I'll be on board in a second. I just need a quick word with Golly's friends" Fillet told the main alien-fish-guard-person, to Frog and co, "I'm sorry to take away your guise, but it had to be done. Please believe me when I say I don't have a problem with you three. I will give advice for which way to go from here as payment for the trouble I have caused"
"Why should we trust you?" inquired (ooh, posh word!) Frog, "You've lied to us already. Who's to say you won't do it again?"
"I only lied to Golly, and I told you I don't have a problem with you guys, so what do ya say?" (is it me or does his speech change from formal to modern to psycho-bad-guy all the time???)
"We have no other option but to follow his directions" said Gimmy to Frog.
"Okay then, tell us where we should go- I give in" Frog decided.
So Fillet gave them directions (which I can't be fked (god there hasn't been any fking swearing for fking ages- I was starting to suffer withdrawal symptoms...) to repeat, and they started to go on their way. Fillet boarded the ship, which flew off into the sky and away to Pintutu (no idea where it is by the way...).
Phew, that chapter was fking long, probably my longest yet- makes up for me not updating for fking ages...