I wrote this chapter about three months ago and just haven't bothered to
type it up...sorry...
Chapter 15- More than expected
Well we're finally back with the other crew...hope you guys didn't miss 'em too much 'cos I know I did...sob sob...ahem...
If anyone remembers (or cares) Grandold and Co were walking (very slowly I must say) to Beeror to get the pool of Beer ready (apparently...). They still hadn't arrived in the city at whatever time we join them now...
"Honey, I'm tired, and I'm PREGNANT (!). Please sweetheart, can you carry me? My poor feet need a rest" Amen whined at Arson.
"Of course babes; you know I'd do anything for you (narrator pukes...)" replied Arson, picking her up.
"Gibberend (it means 'thanks' I reckon)" said Amen sweetly, and staring lovingly (and hornily...) into his eyes (narrator still puking...not literally...).
"Fk me!" exclaimed Arson.
"Later..." whispered Amen. (Dedicated to Dale...remember?)
"No, I meant your fking heavy babe. (Seeing the look she was giving him) Not that I don't want to or anything...Anyway you sure it's just one you're having?"
Arson laughs
"No..."
"Eh?"
"Well no 'cos I ain't been to see a doctor yet. There weren't any free in Riverhell..."
"Crap, Amen. We're so gonna go and see some midwife the second we arrive in Beeror, okay?"
"Yes hun"
Arson held her tight (he didn't want to drop her...) as he carried her along...and then fell over... (no she didn't have a miscarriage- Ells can't for some reason...)
"FK!!!" he shouted...
"Here we are at last" said Grandold to the company a fortnight later (or sometime later- I've lost all track of time here...), "We have arrived at the gates of the main city of Beeror- 'Largeror' (not as in 'bigger'...). Follow me people; we must speak to the keeper of the throne at once"
"Wait a sec Grandold. Me and Amen aren't gonna come I'm afraid. We have to go and find a midwife somewhere round here"
"Maybe it's for the best, but I don't think it really matters if you're not there. Very well, you can kick him out and take up your kingship later. See you then. Everyone else, follow me"
So Arson carried Amen off to see a midwife, while Grandold and the rest (well the 'important' people- the random warriors went to find 'B&B's...) went to see Deadbore, father of Borromemirror, and keeper of the king's throne, for it had been guarded for years in case of the unlikely, and greatly longed for, event that the King should return. Phew, long sentence...anyways, who'd you guys like to follow first? Ah, let's get the two love-birds (or horny ones...) out the way first shall we? Well then...
Arson walked up to a random woman to ask her where the nearest surgery was...
"Excuse me ma'am, could you tell me where I can find a doctor around here?"
"I am no woman!" snapped the man (!), turning round- whoops, "How dare you?!"
"Hey- do you have a problem with women, you sexist prick?" shouted Amen (hormones...)
"Sorry" said Arson quickly, and ran off up the street, with Amen still in his arms (thankfully...), to find someone else to ask.
In the end they found a surgery themselves, and so rushed in. Arson carried his love up to the reception desk, and asked the receptionist if they could please see a female midwife, because Amen was too shy of discussing personal issues with male ones...
"Certainly sir, but it'll have to be a doctor, who is qualified in that field, as all the midwives are busy" replied the receptionist, "So if you'd like to go along the corridor to room 4, Dr Kids will see you there"
"Thanks very much" said Arson, carrying (God his arms must kill...and I'm fed up of typing 'carrying'- you people must realize he is by now...) Amen off to room 4. He knocked on the door (that rhymes...evil/annoyed glare...) when they reached it, and a woman called, "Come in"
They walked in and sat down on the sofa that faced the doctor's desk.
"So, how can I help you?" she asked.
"I'm pregnant, and I'd like a check-up, because I haven't had one yet. Also, we're a bit worried that I might be expecting more than one baby" replied Amen, anxiously.
"Okay then, if you'll just climb onto the couch, I'll give you an ultrasound to see what's happening"
"Thanks. Arson, could you lift me up please?"
"Sure thing babe" said Arson, doing as she had requested, "God you are heavy hun"
Dr Kids started to scan her, and after a while said, "Ah, well erm..."
"Out with it" said Arson anxiously."
"Well I don't know whether this'll come as good or bad news, but erm..."
"Yes?" said Amen, starting to sob.
"Well, you were right in thinking it wasn't one baby, because err... it's quadruplets..."
"WHAT!!!" screamed Arson, "Four fking babies. Tell me you're joking, please"
"I'm afraid not, but don't worry, because she's an Ell, Amen won't die in childbirth" (Wait a sec- how's she know her name...oooh psychic doctor...)
"Arson" pleaded Amen, "You said you loved me. You said that no matter what happened we'd always be together. I thought you were happy about having a baby. I thought you loved me..."
"I do, and I was happy that you're carrying my child, but that's all I thought it was – one baby, not four. I don't think I can cope with four at once..."
"Honey, we'll get through this. And anyway you're gonna be King- we can get nannies..."
"Good point. Once I'm King, you can have whatever you want babes"
"You're all I want, my darling (narrator starts throwing up again/ crying tears of joy- whichever you prefer...puking naturally...)"
"Sorry" interrupted Dr Kids (rudeness- ruining a romantic (ahem) moment...), "But what do you mean by 'once I'm King'?"
"Oh, never mind that lady (rudeness) - you'll find out soon enough. Come Amen, my love, you're right; we can get through this together"
"I love you" whispered Amen in his ear (still puking) in reply, then turning to Dr Kids (appropriate, and crappy, name eh?), "Is it still around three or four months till I give birth, or has that changed as well?"
Amen laughs (stop tempting fate people...)
"Three or four months? No, my dear, you're an Ell, so you're only pregnant for five or six months- you're baby being half Min doesn't make a difference. You'll have your quadruplets within about a week or two"
"FK!!!" exclaimed Amen and Arson in unison, walking out of the room, and going to find a five star hotel (wonder what they'll get up to...)
Yeah, sorry it's so sickening, but I like annoying you people.
Meanwhile, Grandold, Thedid, Oweme, Eywin, Longlegs, Pip-pop and Merrid (the 'important' ones...long list...) walked to the 'Hall of many Beers'
They walked for a long time down the hall, because it was a really pissy one that was really big.
"Really", said Grandold, trying to be sarcastic.
Shut up you old git, this is my story (well...mine and Megs') and I can repeat myself if I like, so fk you (more pretty astarisksness!!!).
Sorry peeps- Els wrote that...glares at Els- trying to overtake my story and being unimaginative...slaps Els...now write decent shit my love...
Eventually they got to the end, where this old guy was sitting on a throne, taking pill after pill and washing it down with vodka. Dunno why, but who cares anyway? Apparently it was some kind of depressant drug...
Hi it's me, I'm back...Els can't be fked to write anymore...
"Hey Deadbore! What's up dude?" said Longlegs, failing to be cool.
Grandold punched him in the face and knocked him out saying, "Shut the fk up Longlegs" (whoa that is one weak Ell...), then turning to Deadbore, "Sorry about him. We've come to aid you in this war against The Sour One. Thedid here of Rowham brings many strong men of the Rowmard, and I bring myself, the Ell I just knocked out, and one of the strongest among Min, who is busy dealing with his pregnant fiancée at the moment"
Grandold had been talking for so long that Longlegs had regained consciousness, and hit Grandold on the leg as he did so, but Grandold just knocked him out again (man, the guy needs anger management...).
"Oh fk off Grandold. I hold you responsible for my son Borromemirror's death, and I'm not having you kill off my other son, and now heir, Faraway"
"I assure you it won't come to that. Ah, here is your son now. Why not ask him what he thinks. He is entitled to decide for himself, being your heir, and you are fking old, and so are probably gonna die soon"
"HOW DARE YOU?!" screamed Deadbore, "I'm not waiting around to see you take control of my son and my city. I'm off"
"Dad, where're you going?" Faraway asked him (just to prove his presence).
"Never mind son. I will say goodbye, as you won't ever see me again" (God he really is dead boring, and no that's not meant to be funny...)
"Good. I hate you anyway. And just to let you know I've heard that the heir to the throne has returned, so you have even more reason to go and kill yourself now. Have fun" said Faraway coldly (well obviously not lovingly or warmly...lol Dale...)
"Oh fk off the lot of you" shouted Deadbore as he ran to a kitchen that was off the hall. He found a cheese-slicer, and attempted to commit suicide using it (mank), but failed (I dedicate this concept to Els- only she and Vix will ever know why...). He then picked up a knife and thrust (kwtschh...) it into his chest (just to be unoriginal...I mean so many people have died in this way...)
"Dammit! Now we have to clear this mess (kwtschh) up" moaned Faraway, rushing in to see how his father had ended his life- out of morbid curiosity (such a loving son...)
"The end of Deadbore son of Tartywhore ("Yeah, Gran was a slut" put in Faraway (don't you just love his dedication to upholding his family's honour?)), the reign of the King shall begin" said Grandold, sounding wise (even though he ain't).
Chapter 15- More than expected
Well we're finally back with the other crew...hope you guys didn't miss 'em too much 'cos I know I did...sob sob...ahem...
If anyone remembers (or cares) Grandold and Co were walking (very slowly I must say) to Beeror to get the pool of Beer ready (apparently...). They still hadn't arrived in the city at whatever time we join them now...
"Honey, I'm tired, and I'm PREGNANT (!). Please sweetheart, can you carry me? My poor feet need a rest" Amen whined at Arson.
"Of course babes; you know I'd do anything for you (narrator pukes...)" replied Arson, picking her up.
"Gibberend (it means 'thanks' I reckon)" said Amen sweetly, and staring lovingly (and hornily...) into his eyes (narrator still puking...not literally...).
"Fk me!" exclaimed Arson.
"Later..." whispered Amen. (Dedicated to Dale...remember?)
"No, I meant your fking heavy babe. (Seeing the look she was giving him) Not that I don't want to or anything...Anyway you sure it's just one you're having?"
Arson laughs
"No..."
"Eh?"
"Well no 'cos I ain't been to see a doctor yet. There weren't any free in Riverhell..."
"Crap, Amen. We're so gonna go and see some midwife the second we arrive in Beeror, okay?"
"Yes hun"
Arson held her tight (he didn't want to drop her...) as he carried her along...and then fell over... (no she didn't have a miscarriage- Ells can't for some reason...)
"FK!!!" he shouted...
"Here we are at last" said Grandold to the company a fortnight later (or sometime later- I've lost all track of time here...), "We have arrived at the gates of the main city of Beeror- 'Largeror' (not as in 'bigger'...). Follow me people; we must speak to the keeper of the throne at once"
"Wait a sec Grandold. Me and Amen aren't gonna come I'm afraid. We have to go and find a midwife somewhere round here"
"Maybe it's for the best, but I don't think it really matters if you're not there. Very well, you can kick him out and take up your kingship later. See you then. Everyone else, follow me"
So Arson carried Amen off to see a midwife, while Grandold and the rest (well the 'important' people- the random warriors went to find 'B&B's...) went to see Deadbore, father of Borromemirror, and keeper of the king's throne, for it had been guarded for years in case of the unlikely, and greatly longed for, event that the King should return. Phew, long sentence...anyways, who'd you guys like to follow first? Ah, let's get the two love-birds (or horny ones...) out the way first shall we? Well then...
Arson walked up to a random woman to ask her where the nearest surgery was...
"Excuse me ma'am, could you tell me where I can find a doctor around here?"
"I am no woman!" snapped the man (!), turning round- whoops, "How dare you?!"
"Hey- do you have a problem with women, you sexist prick?" shouted Amen (hormones...)
"Sorry" said Arson quickly, and ran off up the street, with Amen still in his arms (thankfully...), to find someone else to ask.
In the end they found a surgery themselves, and so rushed in. Arson carried his love up to the reception desk, and asked the receptionist if they could please see a female midwife, because Amen was too shy of discussing personal issues with male ones...
"Certainly sir, but it'll have to be a doctor, who is qualified in that field, as all the midwives are busy" replied the receptionist, "So if you'd like to go along the corridor to room 4, Dr Kids will see you there"
"Thanks very much" said Arson, carrying (God his arms must kill...and I'm fed up of typing 'carrying'- you people must realize he is by now...) Amen off to room 4. He knocked on the door (that rhymes...evil/annoyed glare...) when they reached it, and a woman called, "Come in"
They walked in and sat down on the sofa that faced the doctor's desk.
"So, how can I help you?" she asked.
"I'm pregnant, and I'd like a check-up, because I haven't had one yet. Also, we're a bit worried that I might be expecting more than one baby" replied Amen, anxiously.
"Okay then, if you'll just climb onto the couch, I'll give you an ultrasound to see what's happening"
"Thanks. Arson, could you lift me up please?"
"Sure thing babe" said Arson, doing as she had requested, "God you are heavy hun"
Dr Kids started to scan her, and after a while said, "Ah, well erm..."
"Out with it" said Arson anxiously."
"Well I don't know whether this'll come as good or bad news, but erm..."
"Yes?" said Amen, starting to sob.
"Well, you were right in thinking it wasn't one baby, because err... it's quadruplets..."
"WHAT!!!" screamed Arson, "Four fking babies. Tell me you're joking, please"
"I'm afraid not, but don't worry, because she's an Ell, Amen won't die in childbirth" (Wait a sec- how's she know her name...oooh psychic doctor...)
"Arson" pleaded Amen, "You said you loved me. You said that no matter what happened we'd always be together. I thought you were happy about having a baby. I thought you loved me..."
"I do, and I was happy that you're carrying my child, but that's all I thought it was – one baby, not four. I don't think I can cope with four at once..."
"Honey, we'll get through this. And anyway you're gonna be King- we can get nannies..."
"Good point. Once I'm King, you can have whatever you want babes"
"You're all I want, my darling (narrator starts throwing up again/ crying tears of joy- whichever you prefer...puking naturally...)"
"Sorry" interrupted Dr Kids (rudeness- ruining a romantic (ahem) moment...), "But what do you mean by 'once I'm King'?"
"Oh, never mind that lady (rudeness) - you'll find out soon enough. Come Amen, my love, you're right; we can get through this together"
"I love you" whispered Amen in his ear (still puking) in reply, then turning to Dr Kids (appropriate, and crappy, name eh?), "Is it still around three or four months till I give birth, or has that changed as well?"
Amen laughs (stop tempting fate people...)
"Three or four months? No, my dear, you're an Ell, so you're only pregnant for five or six months- you're baby being half Min doesn't make a difference. You'll have your quadruplets within about a week or two"
"FK!!!" exclaimed Amen and Arson in unison, walking out of the room, and going to find a five star hotel (wonder what they'll get up to...)
Yeah, sorry it's so sickening, but I like annoying you people.
Meanwhile, Grandold, Thedid, Oweme, Eywin, Longlegs, Pip-pop and Merrid (the 'important' ones...long list...) walked to the 'Hall of many Beers'
They walked for a long time down the hall, because it was a really pissy one that was really big.
"Really", said Grandold, trying to be sarcastic.
Shut up you old git, this is my story (well...mine and Megs') and I can repeat myself if I like, so fk you (more pretty astarisksness!!!).
Sorry peeps- Els wrote that...glares at Els- trying to overtake my story and being unimaginative...slaps Els...now write decent shit my love...
Eventually they got to the end, where this old guy was sitting on a throne, taking pill after pill and washing it down with vodka. Dunno why, but who cares anyway? Apparently it was some kind of depressant drug...
Hi it's me, I'm back...Els can't be fked to write anymore...
"Hey Deadbore! What's up dude?" said Longlegs, failing to be cool.
Grandold punched him in the face and knocked him out saying, "Shut the fk up Longlegs" (whoa that is one weak Ell...), then turning to Deadbore, "Sorry about him. We've come to aid you in this war against The Sour One. Thedid here of Rowham brings many strong men of the Rowmard, and I bring myself, the Ell I just knocked out, and one of the strongest among Min, who is busy dealing with his pregnant fiancée at the moment"
Grandold had been talking for so long that Longlegs had regained consciousness, and hit Grandold on the leg as he did so, but Grandold just knocked him out again (man, the guy needs anger management...).
"Oh fk off Grandold. I hold you responsible for my son Borromemirror's death, and I'm not having you kill off my other son, and now heir, Faraway"
"I assure you it won't come to that. Ah, here is your son now. Why not ask him what he thinks. He is entitled to decide for himself, being your heir, and you are fking old, and so are probably gonna die soon"
"HOW DARE YOU?!" screamed Deadbore, "I'm not waiting around to see you take control of my son and my city. I'm off"
"Dad, where're you going?" Faraway asked him (just to prove his presence).
"Never mind son. I will say goodbye, as you won't ever see me again" (God he really is dead boring, and no that's not meant to be funny...)
"Good. I hate you anyway. And just to let you know I've heard that the heir to the throne has returned, so you have even more reason to go and kill yourself now. Have fun" said Faraway coldly (well obviously not lovingly or warmly...lol Dale...)
"Oh fk off the lot of you" shouted Deadbore as he ran to a kitchen that was off the hall. He found a cheese-slicer, and attempted to commit suicide using it (mank), but failed (I dedicate this concept to Els- only she and Vix will ever know why...). He then picked up a knife and thrust (kwtschh...) it into his chest (just to be unoriginal...I mean so many people have died in this way...)
"Dammit! Now we have to clear this mess (kwtschh) up" moaned Faraway, rushing in to see how his father had ended his life- out of morbid curiosity (such a loving son...)
"The end of Deadbore son of Tartywhore ("Yeah, Gran was a slut" put in Faraway (don't you just love his dedication to upholding his family's honour?)), the reign of the King shall begin" said Grandold, sounding wise (even though he ain't).