Hajime Saitou's Comedy Hour
This story was written by Raoulak and co-written by Marina.
Disclaimer: We don't own anything owned by anyone else! (This means all characters we didn't make up!!)
Catchy Theme Song:
Shingai: Doo doo doo doo doo!!
Kenshin: Come to our dojo!
Saitou: Hajime Saitou, Hajime Saitou! You should meet him, he's the funniest guy! This is hard um...
Shingai: One might say my my my!!
Girly Fan: Oh Saitou-san, your so sexy I could just die!
Burly Manly Man: AND NOW.....yes...think Threes Company.
Saitou: Okay, I think I got it!!
Shingai: And what's that Saitou?
Saitou: How the song goes, you imbecile. Now sing!
Shingai: Doo doo doo doo doo!
Kenshin: Come to our dojo!
Saitou: *starts tapping foot* Hey, this is pretty catchy, guys! Keep it going!
Kenshin: Hajime Saitou!
Shingai: Hajime Saitou!
Both: You should meet him, he's the funniest guy!
Saitou: Okay guys, you don't have to flaunt it...
Girly Fan: Oh Saitou-san!! You're so sexy! I could just die!
Both: Your fame is being haunted!
Saitou: Alright, that's enough! Let's start....Hajime Saitou's Comedy Hour!!
Burly manly man: And now for the Hajime Saitou Comedy Hour!!!!!!!
Audience: *applause*
Saitou: Did I not just say that?!
Shingai: *sits back down next to Saitou*
Kenshin: *sits in special guest chair*
End Song
Saitou: Hello everyone! Welcome to the VERY first episode of Hajime Saitou's Comedy Hour! Today, we have a very special guest, the one and only Samurai Rurouni, Kenshin Himura! And later, Aoshi Shinomori will be here!
Audience: *applause*
Kenshin: I am very pleased to be here, that I am!
Shingai: And why is that Himura-san?
Kenshin: O.O Be...cause...Saitou is a good man and I am honored to be in his presence!
Shingai: But enlighten me....you two used to be arch rivals. How did this change?
Saitou: *whispering to Kenshin* Uh, Kenshin, I thought we wouldn't talk about that...
Kenshin: We will not, that I assure you. It was long ago, that it was. I cannot remember, that I cannot. *winks at Saitou*
Saitou: Oh.kay...moving on...So Kenshin, what was it like being a Battousai?
Kenshin: It seems like I am Kaoru-donu killing many of me, that it seems so.
Audience: *massive laughter*
Shingai: Yeah...Kenshin...speaking of Kaoru...what's up with that chick, anyway?
Saitou: *nervous laughter* I'm not sure I like where this is going...
Kenshin: Kaoru-donu has changed, that she has.
Saitou: Uh, Shingai? Can I talk to you in back for a minute?
Shingai: Whatever you say!
Saitou: *grabs her shoulder and leads her backstage*
Shingai: Be gentle this is a Versace kimono! *goes in*
Minutes Later.
Shingai: *comes back out with a black eye* Wow, Saitou is very persuasive, folks!
Saitou: *comes back out looking slightly happier* Yes, yes I am! *rubs hands together* Now then, Kenshin, where were we?
Kenshin: You were asking of old memoirs, that you were.
Saitou: Okay, Kenshin. Tell the beautiful people, mainly me, what your rivalry with Aoshi Shinomori is like.
Shingai: Uhhh.....yeah, what's it like? *rubs eye*
Kenshin: It is not easy, that it is not. I do not wish to have him as an adversary, that I do not. Yet, it is better him be one than Kaoru-donu.
Audience: *hysterical laughter*
Kenshin: That wasn't meant to be funny, that it wasn't...
Audience: *more laughter*
Kenshin: But if you desire laughter, he was very strong but compared to Kaoru-donu, his strikes were merely tickles.
Saitou: *muffles laughter* Alright... continue.
Shingai: Sounds like my mother and someone else I know.
Saitou: What's that supposed to mean?! *looks as if he's about to KILL Shingai*
Shingai: *cringes*
Kenshin: ...But Shingai, you only get one mother, that you do.
Mysterious Feminine Voice: Oh Shinny!!!!!
Shingai: ACK! Who's there?! * looks around nervously* Oh no!!!! Hide me! *hides behind Saitou's chair*
Saitou: Shingai, get out from back there! We have a show to do! Look at all the people watching! *points*
*a plump woman in a robe and rollers then suddenly come in the picture*
Woman: Shinny-baby!!!
Shingai:*still hiding behind Saitou's chair...frozen*
Saitou: Get OUT!! *grabs Shingai and throws her from behind the chair*
Woman: Come on Shinny-baby, I just want you to model out a new kimono I got for you!
Shingai: Awww...do I have to?!
Saitou: If it will get her to go away...YES!! I have a show to do!
Mother: *looks over at Saitou gets a big smile* Who's this young man?!
Saitou: Oh crap...I'm in trouble...
Kenshin: *holding himself in his chair cringing* ORO ORO ORO ORO ORO!!
Mother: And who's this cute little boy?! *picks up both Saitou and Kenshin and bear hugs them.* They're sooo adorable!!!!! *kissing them and pinching their cheeks.* Well, young men, I brought presents for you too!!
Saitou and Kenshin: ORO ORO ORO ORO ORO ORO!!
Mother: *holds out two dorky nerd outfits*
Shingai: Mom!!!!!!! I'll try it on later!!!!!!
Mother: But Shinny honey, they're sooooo cute!!
Kenshin and Saitou: ORO ORO ORO ORO ORO ORO ORO!!
Shingai: Later Mom!!!!!
Mother: *sniffles* Okay, dear. Do you promise?
Shingai: YES!!!!!!
Mother: Okay. Oops! *lets go of Kenshin and Saitou* Sorry about that boys, you're just too adorable! *pinches everyone's cheeks and kisses them* Bye, dears!
Kenshin and Saitou: O.O Who was that...?!
Shingai: My mother!!! I hate when she does that!!!
Saitou: *to self* Note to self...alert security when that woman comes near again...
Shingai: Sorry. She always does that.
Kenshin: Better her than Kaoru-donu, that it is.
Saitou: Really...
Kenshin: I like kisses and hugs rather than slaps and punches, that I do.
Saitou: Even when it's from that monster? No offense Shingai...
Shingai: None taken. You'll get a lot of it, being around her.
Saitou: *mutters under his breath* Now I see where she gets it from...
Shingai: At least my dad didn't come.
Kenshin and Saitou: What do you mean by that?!
Shingai: All he does is talk the birds and the bees to guys, and brag about his 'little girl'.
Saitou: I already know of this, I am married, thank you.
Kenshin: Shingai-san, what are the 'birds and the bees'?
Shingai: Then he'll want to wrestle both of you to see how weak you are.
Kenshin: WRESTLE? ORO!
Shingai: Kenshin, honey, if you don't know, maybe it's time to draw your katana.
Saitou: Your family scares me, Shingai...
Shingai: Why do you think I'm never home?
Kenshin: MY SWORD!!! *grabs sheath*
Shingai: What about it?
Kenshin: *grabs sword tighter* MINE!!!
Saitou: I hate my job...Did I just say that?
Shingai: And this is your debut, too!
Saitou: I said nothing!
Kenshin: *pulls sword out and starts running around like a maniac* MIIIIIINE!!
Shingai: Maybe our ratings will go up if you admit it.
Saitou: Admit what?
Shingai: That you hate your job.
Saitou: I do not!
Kenshin: *turns blade over and chops off a camera man's head*
Saitou: Oh yeah...I hate it...
Shingai: Kenshin, babe, put your sword away!!! He's not here....yet.
Kenshin: Okay! *sits in chair as if nothing happened*
Shingai: Speaking of the devil....
Manly voice: Gai-Gai!!!
*a tall muscled man enters*
Saitou: Oh now what.
Shingai: Hide me!
Saitou: WHAT ABOUT MY SHOW?!?!
Kenshin: *whistling, then nervously stands and draws his sword*
Man: Hello Gai-cha......*gets head chopped off*
Kenshin: I did nothing, that I did not!
Saitou: EVERYONE STOP!!!!
*everyone stops where they are, dead guy falling in mid air*
Shingai: Huh?
Saitou: What's going on, Shingai?
Shingai: Whoa!! Another funeral!!! Duh!
Kenshin: *sits on the floor and starts playing with his hair*
Shingai: Banzai!!!! Guess what?
Saitou: *sits in char and covers his face* Oh dear God, what have I done...What?
Shingai: Despite you giving me a black eye and my dad getting killed...I have a surprise for you.
Saitou: That...was...your...dad? You don't seem too remorseful.
Shingai: Uh-huh. Well.I can't say I'm glad, but.
Kenshin: *stands up and starts playing with Saitou's hair*
Saitou: Will you quit that? Well then, what is it?
Shingai: *hassles Kenshin to his chair* Stop!!!
Kenshin: *stops and sits in chair, listening*
Saitou: Thank you...
Kenshin: No problem!
Shingai: Guess what?
Saitou: *throws a furtive glare at Kenshin* What?
Shingai: I have a surprise for you.
Saitou: I think you said that before.
Shingai: Okay!!! You can come out now!!!
Saitou: *to self* What now... *to Shingai* Let it come. Things can't get any worse.
*Saitou's wife walks in the picture*
Saitou: TOKIO!! I was wrong...it can always get worse...
Tokio: Hi Saitou.
Saitou: Hello dear... *blushes* Were you here the whole time...?
Tokio: Yes...Shingai told me this was your big day. How is it coming along?
Saitou: Um...Kenshin has only killed two people...so I guess its going okay...
Tokio: *gets a baffled look*
Kenshin: I DIDN'T MEAN TOOO!! I was in Battousai mode...I can't help myself then... You all act as if it was my entire fault, that you do.
Tokio: Don't you feel guilty?
Kenshin: Oh, I feel guilty, that I do, I assure you...I am eternally in your debt, Saitou-san...Now who's up for some pie? *brings out a pie from behind his back*
All but Kenshin: *sweat drop*
Shingai: Don't worry sweetie, I'll get you some help.
Kenshin: ORO? Help? Help for what?
Shingai: Soon...hopefully.
Kenshin: I have no idea what you're talking about! *smiles in ignorant bliss*
Shingai: Yeah, right.
Kenshin: Honestly I don't...Um, Saitou, don't you have a show to do?
Shingai: Yeah sure, change the subject...
Saitou: About time...
Shingai: Kenshin, what made you want to ditch Kaoru?
Kenshin: *hoping Kaoru isn't watching* I didn't ditch Kaoru-donu per say...
Shingai: But you did.
Kenshin: Did not!
Saitou: Are you Jay Leno or something? You're always trying to start some argument.
Tokio: Who's Jay Leno?
Saitou: Long story...
Shingai: I mean, come on, if I was a guy and some girl was bossing me around, I'd ditch her too.
Kenshin: I DID NOT DITCH KAORU-DONU!! *takes out sword*
Saitou: Okay, okay, you didn't ditch her...*laughs nervously* Put that away please, Kenshin...
Shingai: Okay! Okay! Geez....!
Saitou: *whispering to Shingai* Try not to start anything else, okay? You remember what happened last time...
Kenshin: *puts away sword but does the Battousai glare at Shingai*
Shingai: Sorry.
Kenshin: *goes back to normal* You are forgiven, that you are, though I do not know for what.
Tokio: O.O Remind me never to come here again, Hajime...
Saitou: Can we move on NOW please?!
Kenshin: *like nothing happened* Yes, please do.
Shingai: I'm going to shut up now.
Saitou: Good idea...
Shingai: *gets mad expression.*
Tokio: *gets up to leave* I'm gonna go and uh...cook dinner. *kisses Saitou on the cheek* Bye dear. *leaves*
Saitou: Now look what you did...
Shingai: .....
Saitou: .......Now Kenshin, tell me, how did it feel when you FINALLY defeated Shishio? After my help of course...
Kenshin: I felt good for saving Tokyo, that I did.
Saitou: Even though almost all of Tokyo was against you? ...... ALRIGHT SHINGAI! Just stop making that FACE!!
Kenshin: Yes, but I have received some atonement *ignoring her*
Saitou: Shingai...I said stop it!
Shingai: *stops*...What?
Saitou: ...That face you were making... *turns to Kenshin* You saw it didn't you?
Kenshin: Saw what?
Saitou: I must be going senile...
Shingai: See?
Audience: *laughter*
Saitou: ...never mind... But wait! They saw it, didn't they? *turns to audience* Didn't you? She was making that stupid face! That one she always does! Like this... *makes Shingai's face* See? Did you see?
Shingai: I'm glad you received atonement, Kenshin. You remind me of a Battousai I know.
Saitou: AM I GOING CRAZY HERE?! Alright...I'm taking five...I need a cigarette...I'll be right back. Shingai, you take it from here...
Shingai: Cool.
Audience: *waits*
Kenshin: The mean one is gone, so what do we do now?
Shingai: So, Kenshin do you know any other sword styles?
Kenshin: No, just the Hiten Mitsurugi-Ryou. There may be something from my days as Shinta, but if there is, I do not remember it, that I don't.
Shingai: I think you'd be good at Madruk Korean fencing.
Kenshin: Really? Do you know it?
Shingai: Of course! One style I fancy.
Kenshin: Shh! I think the mean one is returning!
Shingai: Great.
Saitou: *comes in* I heard that...
Shingai and Kenshin: *sitting quiet as if they said and did nothing when Saitou was gone*
Shingai: Hi!
Saitou: *looks at Shingai and Kenshin warily* Hello...
Shingai: Are you recharged now? We still have 39 minutes.
Saitou: Yes, I...think so...39 minutes you say? Dear God why... *puts head in hands and shakes head, then comes up with a smile* Alright, where were we?
Shingai: Time flies when you have fun.
Saitou: Mhm...So what did you kids talk about while I was gone?
Kenshin: Well, we sort of talked about...MPHMHPHPHPH!!
Shingai: *puts hand over Kenshin's mouth* Nothing. Why do you ask?
Audience:*laughter*
Saitou: *looks at audience then back at Shingai, who is smiling innocently with her hand over the struggling Kenshin's mouth*
Shingai: Yes?
Saitou: I've decided I don't believe you.
Shingai: Why?
Saitou: *to self, looks up* Do I deserve this? *to Shingai* Because you're you.
Shingai: You don't believe your bestest best friend?
Saitou: Bestest best...what? What are you talking about, woman? And let go of our guest!
Shingai: Why? He looks good like this!
Saitou: Just...let go.
Shingai: *lets go*
Kenshin: *gasp*
Shingai: Now, what were you asking?
Saitou: I asked...What did you guys do when I was gone?
Shingai: Nothing!!!!
Saitou: Sure...Okay...
Kenshin: Actually, Saitou...we *sees Shingai glaring* only talked about the weather...
Shingai: Now that we got that settled..... *smiles again*
Saitou: *rolls eyes* Whatever...But if I find that you guys said anything, you're both gonna be in trouble. I am actually allowed to watch my own show, you know.
Shingai: What I wasn't in trouble already?
Saitou: Oh, asking for it now, are we?
Shingai: No Hajime!!!!!!!
Saitou: It's Saitou to you.
Shingai: Whatever.
Saitou: Don't you 'whatever' me, I can fire you, you know.
Shingai: .....
Saitou: *smiles in satisfaction*
Kenshin: It is a lovely evening, that it is.
Audience: *cricket noises*
Saitou: Is anyone else as bored as I am right now? Shingai, how much time do we have left?
Shingai: *shrugs*
Saitou: Oh sure, NOW you have nothing to say...
Shingai: ....
Saitou: Kenshin?
Kenshin: Yes, Saitou-san?
Saitou: *whispering* For lack of anything better to talk about...I am going to let you talk about that...thing...I wouldn't let you talk about earlier...
Kenshin: *then cell phone rings*
Saitou: I thought I told you to turn that off!
Kenshin: *answers phone* Hello? Baby... I told you I told you I have a show to do!!!
Saitou and Shingai: O.O
Kenshin: Yeah....yeah...got to go....kiss kiss! *click*
Saitou and Shingai: O.O
Kenshin: Uhh...wrong number, *trying to pick up the proper accent again* that it was.
Shingai: I didn't know Kenshin had a cell phone!! Why am I always the last to know?
Saitou: Because you're you.
Kenshin: A small token from a friend, that it was.
Shingai: ......
Saitou: Moving on...I feel as if I've said this before...
Shingai: *looks at him*
Saitou: What?
Shingai: You were saying...?
Saitou: I don't know, what was I saying?
Shingai: *shrugs*
Saitou: *shrugs* Sooooooo...Kenshin... *nudges him with his elbow*
Kenshin: ORO?
Saitou: *nudges again* You know...what I said for you not to say?
Kenshin: Oh yes, we called a truce to this rivalry, that we did.
Saitou: Tell them WHY Kenshin...
Kenshin: It was juvenile to obtain a childish grudge, that it was. And our city was at stake, that it was.
Saitou: No no, not THAT reason...
Shingai: *listening intently*
Kenshin: Oh, THAT reason...
Saitou: Yes, Kenshin, THAT reason.
Shingai: *has puzzled look on her face*
Kenshin: So you mean, when you bought me those ass-kicking Dock Martins when I couldn't afford it so I could beat Shishio?
Saitou: Yes...that...
Shingai: O.o So that's how you did it...
Kenshin: Yes, that it was.
Audience: O.o
Shingai: Okey dokey then. I always thought you just wore sandals.
Kenshin: Well, I didn't that day, no I did not.
Shingai: How interesting
Saitou: *smiles smugly* He's owed me ever since.
Shingai: *nods and smiles politely*
Saitou: Since when are you so polite towards me?
Shingai: *shrugs*
Saitou: I hope Kenshin isn't rubbing off on you...I kinda miss the obnoxious Shingai... *glances at Kenshin*
Kenshin: *sitting, legs crossed, smiling politely*
Saitou: That's enough to scare anyone.
Kenshin: ORO?
Audience: *laughter*
Saitou: Never mind, Kenshin. Don't strain yourself.
Kenshin: *Looks innocently at Saitou*
Shingai: Let me guess...'ORO?'?
Audience:*laughter*
Saitou: *rolls eyes* You see, Kenshin, you're what they call...naive...and Shingai is what they call...obnoxious. You two are totally opposite, understand?
Shingai: 'ORO?'...right?
Kenshin: You are telepathic Shingai-donu, that you are.
Audience: *laughter*
Saitou: How come you always laugh at THEIR jokes??
Audience:*laughter*
Shingai: *rolls eyes*...That answer your question?
Saitou: ........
Kenshin: But you are quite humorous, that you are.
Saitou: ........
Shingai: Put it to rest, honey. Don't ruin the mood.In ....5...4...3...2....
Saitou: WHO YOU CALLING 'HONEY'?! *looks like he's going to punch Shingai again*
Kenshin: ORO?
Shingai: ......
Audience: *laughter*
Kenshin: So, do you dance, Saitou-san?
Saitou: *starts turning red with smoke coming out of his ears*
Shingai: -_-; .......
Kenshin: I was merely joking, that I was.
Shingai: The Battousai's got jokes, now?
Saitou: *grabs Shingai and Kenshin and starts shaking them* I DO NOT DANCE YOU TWO ARE NEVER BEING ON THIS SHOW TOGETHER AGAIN I HAVE HAD IT WITH YOU TWO!!!!!!!!!!
Audience:*massive laughter*
Kenshin and Shingai: ORO ORO ORO ORO ORO ORO ORO ORO!!!!!
Shingai: Shall we call in our next guest? Aoshi Shinomori, of course.
Saitou: *puts them down*
*Aoshi Shinomori enters*
*fan girls scream*
Saitou: Hey this is MY show!
Fans: We love you, too Saitou-san!!!!!!
Aoshi: *draws swords*...Enough!
Audience: *falls silent with fear*
Saitou: *sigh* Thank you.
Aoshi: Thank you. Now ask your stupid questions little girl, Saitou-san.
Saitou: Who's questions are you calling stupid, Mr. Shinomori? *draws katana*
Aoshi: Hers.
Saitou: I like him...
Shingai: *thinking- You're just asking for it!!!! And crosses her arms*
Aoshi: Oh he is, is he?
Kenshin: ORO?
Saitou: I really like him... *sheaths katana*
Shingai: *thinking- I bet you do. I should've brought my katana!*
Aoshi: Let's see you even try anything...
Shingai: O.o How's he doing that?!
Kenshin: ORO?
Saitou: Enough with the ORO!!
Shingai: I know, shut up!!!!!!!
Aoshi: *points a sword at Shingai* No, you shut up.
Shingai: *thinking- I hate my job*
Aoshi: Well how do you think Saitou feels, little girl?
Audience: OOOOOOOOOOHHH!!!!!!!
Shingai: *shrugs*
Saitou: Now everyone sit down, please, I'm getting frown lines on my beautiful face!
Fan Girls: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
Kenshin: You should not threaten a lady, that you shouldn't.
Aoshi: This one is no lady, that I assure you, Himura-san.
Kenshin: But she is female, that she is. Do you lap dance Shinomori-san?
Aoshi: EXCUSE ME?!
Audience: *hysterical laughter*
Shingai: Again with the jokes.
Audience: *hysterical laughter*
Saitou: Why me?
Shingai: Ditto!
Saitou: What do you mean 'ditto'? This is MY show!!
Shingai: ......
Saitou: I have to sit here listening to all you imbeciles!
Shingai: ......
Aoshi: Imbecile? *draws swords*
Saitou: You do not scare me, little man. GATOTSU!!
Aoshi: You want to rephrase that, Saitou-san?
Kenshin: I feel a brawl coming on, that I do.
Shingai: .....
Saitou: No, Aoshi, I think I finally got something right this time...
Aoshi: What?!
Saitou: You heard me. GATOTSU!! *strikes at Aoshi using the Gatotsu*
Audience: OOOOOOHHHH!!!!!!
Aoshi: *Counters with a double strike*
*they are broken up by Kenshin in the middle*
Saitou: Move, Kenshin...
Kenshin: No. You have a show to do first, that you do. Let us dance, not fight. Do you know the jitterbug, Shingai-donu?
Saitou: I suppose you're right, Kenshin. Aoshi, it would be wise to lower your weapon. But I do not dance. *sheaths katana*
Aoshi: ....*sheaths swords*
Audience: Awww man!!!!
Kenshin: Well you two should learn, that you should. It is good for the stress, that it is. Like ballet or jazz dance for strength and discipline.
Aoshi and Saitou: BALLET?
Kenshin: It gives you strength and discipline, that it does.
Aoshi: No...Not for me.
Saitou: I didn't even dance at my wedding, and I'm not starting now.
Kenshin: It is your life and loss, that it is.
Saitou: ...I feel no remorse over not dancing...
Aoshi: And what is it that I'm losing, Himura-san?
Kenshin: An easy way to get stronger and wiser, Shinomori-san.
Saitou: Are you saying you partake in ballet, Kenshin?
Kenshin: What else would I imply?
Girl fans: *claps, cheers, hoots, and hollers*
Saitou: Oh, I don't know, that maybe I'm not the only insane one here?
Kenshin: It is probable, that it is.
Aoshi: Uh huh...
Mother: Shinny-baby!!!!!!! I'm back!!!!!!!!
Shingai: Oh no.
Saitou: Oh God no...
Aoshi: Who is this woman?
Shingai: Hide me!
Aoshi: WHO is this woman?!
Mother: There you are!!!!!! OH! Who's this handsome young man? *grasps and hugs Aoshi*
Shingai: Put him down, Mom.
Aoshi: LET GO OF ME THIS INSTANT!
Mother: I wish I could, but you're sooooo cute!!! *pinches cheeks*
Aoshi: *kicks at Shingai's mother* LET ME GO!!!
Mother: Well! Aren't we feisty?! Anyway, I really want you all to try on some outfits.
Aoshi: NOOOOO!!!
Shingai: Not now, mom!!!!!!
Mother: And I brought some friends as back-up.
Saitou: She didn't...
*Aoshi's mom and Saitou's mom come out*
Kenshin: ORO?
Aoshi: I didn't even know my mother was still alive...
Mother Shinomori: Hello, Aoshi. Have you been behaving?
Aoshi: M-m-mom-mommy?
Mother Saitou: Yes, have you been behaving Hajime?
Aoshi: *runs to mother and hugs* MOMMY!!
Saitou: Um... *scratches head* Um...I got married...
Mother Saitou: I missed you!!!! *tears, gets all emotional*
Saitou: I got married, Ma...
Mother Shinomori: It's all right, Aoshi, mommy's here.
Mother Saitou: Good for you.
Saitou: But...but...Ma...don't you care?
Kenshin and Shingai: *can't stop horrendous giggles*
Few Minutes of Silence.
Kenshin and Shingai: *finally burst out laughing*
Audience: Huh?!
Aoshi: *still sobbing to his mother*
Mother Saitou and Saitou: *stare down*
Mother Saitou and Shinomori: *begin laughing*
Mother: Did I miss something?
Kenshin and Shingai: *still laughing hysterically*
Aoshi: What is going on?! I don't find reuniting with my mother the least bit funny!!!
Saitou: MY MOMMY DOESN'T LOVE ME ANYMORE!!!
Mother Saitou and Shinomori: *laugh even harder*
Saitou and Aoshi: MOMMY!!!!
Mother Saitou and Shinomori: *get manly voices* Awww, that was classic!!!!!!
Kenshin: I knew this would loosen them up, that I did!!!!! *still laughing*
Saitou: What?
Aoshi: You mean...is Mommy dead?!
*Saitou's mother and Aoshi's mother pull off granny masks, revealing to be two crew members*
Saitou: I knew their voices sounded awfully masculine.
Mother: O.o
Saitou: Bob? Moe?
Audience: *hysterical laughter*
Saitou: THIS IS MY SHOW I WILL NOT BE MOCKED!! Bob, Moe, sorry to inform you, but you're fired!!
Bob and Moe: *smile and grin*
Aoshi: What are you smiling about? You just got sacked!
Bob and Moe: Yeah....we knew you'd do that.
Saitou: So you're not mad or anything?
Bob and Moe: No.....you're so predictable.
Saitou: That's no fun!! That's so unfair!
Bob and Moe: Look who's talking.
Saitou: Shut up, both of you, and get off my set!
Bob and Moe: *walk off set*
Saitou: Thank God...I can't believe I fell for that...
Mother: .....Well! How 'bout those outfits now?
Aoshi: Uh, maybe another time, ma'am...I must be leaving. *walks off set*
Saitou: Chicken...
Mother: Bye sweetie.
Shingai: Mom, he isn't coming back.
Mother: Oh. Well then looks like you get two outfits!
Mother: *pinches Saitou's cheek*
Saitou: Ouch...Woman, don't make me call security on you!
Shingai: Stop, Mom.
Mother: Well! I can tell when I'm wanted, hmph! *walks off set*
Saitou: Thank God...I mean, so sad...
Kenshin: Despite her indiscreetness, she has been very.....kind.that she has.
Shingai: .......*thinks- Yeah right!!!!*
Saitou: .........So...
Kenshin: ....Do you like frog butter, Saitou-san?
Audience: *hysterical laughter*
Saitou: *stares and pauses, then...* Frog butter?
Shingai: ....... -_-;
Kenshin: Yes, frog butter. Do you like it?
Saitou: What...is...it?
Kenshin: It is wonderful, it is whatever you like it to be, that it is.
Saitou: I see...then...I guess...if it were Tokio...I'd like it.
Kenshin: It can be, that it can.
Saitou: Oh...kay...
Kenshin: Mine will be ultimate atonement, that it will be.
Saitou: Oh...kay...
Kenshin: So, now, do you like frog butter, Saitou-san?
Saitou: Sure, why not?
Kenshin: Wonderful!!!!! What about you, Shingai-donu?
Shingai: .....
Saitou: ......Kenshin...no...
Kenshin: ORO?
Saitou: Just...stop...Kenshin.
Kenshin: All right, would you like to hear a joke?
Saitou: No, not from you I don't.
Kenshin: If I asked the ever-quiet Shingai-donu, would you listen?
Audience: * laughter*
Saitou: Proceed...you've already caused enough damage.
Kenshin: All right, why did the traveling samurai cross the road?
Saitou: *listens and tries not to let Kenshin know*
Shingai: .....*glares*
Kenshin: Because it was against his code to stay on that side!!!!!!
Saitou: *sweat drop*
Audience: *-_-;.......* A joke about himself.
Shingai: *rolls eyes,-_-;, thinking- Keep your Battousai jokes to yourself.*
Kenshin: Well I thought it was funny!!!!!!!!!!!
Audience: *laughter*
Kenshin: Would you like to hear another one?
Saitou: NO!
Audience: *suddenly fell silent*
Shingai: Stick to bushido and Hiten Mitsurugi Ryou.
Saitou: Shingai, when this show is over, are you ready to flee the country?
Shingai: I was more in mind of the continent, why?
Shingai: I was more in mind of the continent, why?
Saitou: Because I was thinking on it...
Shingai: Yeah. Ditto.
Kenshin: How about a riddle, Saitou-san?
Saitou: No thanks...
Shingai: *-_-;*
Saitou: Oh...kay...
Kenshin: How about a-
Shingai: NO!
Saitou: Finally something we agree on...Oh look, it's time to go!
Kenshin: *cringes* Okay! Don't hurt me....what?!
Saitou: You heard me, folks. It's time for all good little Rurouni Samurai to go bye bye!
Shingai: Bye, Himura-san!
Kenshin: You sure you don't want to-
Saitou: BYE!!
Shingai: BYE Himura-san!!
Kenshin: *sadly walks off stage*
Audience: *applause*
Shingai: Think we were a little harsh?
Both: NAH!!
Audience: * laughter while filing out*
Saitou: Okay, folks, that's our show! Tune in next week to see the Vash and Meryl on....
Both: Hajime Saitou's Comedy Hour!!! BYE!!!
This story was written by Raoulak and co-written by Marina.
Disclaimer: We don't own anything owned by anyone else! (This means all characters we didn't make up!!)
Catchy Theme Song:
Shingai: Doo doo doo doo doo!!
Kenshin: Come to our dojo!
Saitou: Hajime Saitou, Hajime Saitou! You should meet him, he's the funniest guy! This is hard um...
Shingai: One might say my my my!!
Girly Fan: Oh Saitou-san, your so sexy I could just die!
Burly Manly Man: AND NOW.....yes...think Threes Company.
Saitou: Okay, I think I got it!!
Shingai: And what's that Saitou?
Saitou: How the song goes, you imbecile. Now sing!
Shingai: Doo doo doo doo doo!
Kenshin: Come to our dojo!
Saitou: *starts tapping foot* Hey, this is pretty catchy, guys! Keep it going!
Kenshin: Hajime Saitou!
Shingai: Hajime Saitou!
Both: You should meet him, he's the funniest guy!
Saitou: Okay guys, you don't have to flaunt it...
Girly Fan: Oh Saitou-san!! You're so sexy! I could just die!
Both: Your fame is being haunted!
Saitou: Alright, that's enough! Let's start....Hajime Saitou's Comedy Hour!!
Burly manly man: And now for the Hajime Saitou Comedy Hour!!!!!!!
Audience: *applause*
Saitou: Did I not just say that?!
Shingai: *sits back down next to Saitou*
Kenshin: *sits in special guest chair*
End Song
Saitou: Hello everyone! Welcome to the VERY first episode of Hajime Saitou's Comedy Hour! Today, we have a very special guest, the one and only Samurai Rurouni, Kenshin Himura! And later, Aoshi Shinomori will be here!
Audience: *applause*
Kenshin: I am very pleased to be here, that I am!
Shingai: And why is that Himura-san?
Kenshin: O.O Be...cause...Saitou is a good man and I am honored to be in his presence!
Shingai: But enlighten me....you two used to be arch rivals. How did this change?
Saitou: *whispering to Kenshin* Uh, Kenshin, I thought we wouldn't talk about that...
Kenshin: We will not, that I assure you. It was long ago, that it was. I cannot remember, that I cannot. *winks at Saitou*
Saitou: Oh.kay...moving on...So Kenshin, what was it like being a Battousai?
Kenshin: It seems like I am Kaoru-donu killing many of me, that it seems so.
Audience: *massive laughter*
Shingai: Yeah...Kenshin...speaking of Kaoru...what's up with that chick, anyway?
Saitou: *nervous laughter* I'm not sure I like where this is going...
Kenshin: Kaoru-donu has changed, that she has.
Saitou: Uh, Shingai? Can I talk to you in back for a minute?
Shingai: Whatever you say!
Saitou: *grabs her shoulder and leads her backstage*
Shingai: Be gentle this is a Versace kimono! *goes in*
Minutes Later.
Shingai: *comes back out with a black eye* Wow, Saitou is very persuasive, folks!
Saitou: *comes back out looking slightly happier* Yes, yes I am! *rubs hands together* Now then, Kenshin, where were we?
Kenshin: You were asking of old memoirs, that you were.
Saitou: Okay, Kenshin. Tell the beautiful people, mainly me, what your rivalry with Aoshi Shinomori is like.
Shingai: Uhhh.....yeah, what's it like? *rubs eye*
Kenshin: It is not easy, that it is not. I do not wish to have him as an adversary, that I do not. Yet, it is better him be one than Kaoru-donu.
Audience: *hysterical laughter*
Kenshin: That wasn't meant to be funny, that it wasn't...
Audience: *more laughter*
Kenshin: But if you desire laughter, he was very strong but compared to Kaoru-donu, his strikes were merely tickles.
Saitou: *muffles laughter* Alright... continue.
Shingai: Sounds like my mother and someone else I know.
Saitou: What's that supposed to mean?! *looks as if he's about to KILL Shingai*
Shingai: *cringes*
Kenshin: ...But Shingai, you only get one mother, that you do.
Mysterious Feminine Voice: Oh Shinny!!!!!
Shingai: ACK! Who's there?! * looks around nervously* Oh no!!!! Hide me! *hides behind Saitou's chair*
Saitou: Shingai, get out from back there! We have a show to do! Look at all the people watching! *points*
*a plump woman in a robe and rollers then suddenly come in the picture*
Woman: Shinny-baby!!!
Shingai:*still hiding behind Saitou's chair...frozen*
Saitou: Get OUT!! *grabs Shingai and throws her from behind the chair*
Woman: Come on Shinny-baby, I just want you to model out a new kimono I got for you!
Shingai: Awww...do I have to?!
Saitou: If it will get her to go away...YES!! I have a show to do!
Mother: *looks over at Saitou gets a big smile* Who's this young man?!
Saitou: Oh crap...I'm in trouble...
Kenshin: *holding himself in his chair cringing* ORO ORO ORO ORO ORO!!
Mother: And who's this cute little boy?! *picks up both Saitou and Kenshin and bear hugs them.* They're sooo adorable!!!!! *kissing them and pinching their cheeks.* Well, young men, I brought presents for you too!!
Saitou and Kenshin: ORO ORO ORO ORO ORO ORO!!
Mother: *holds out two dorky nerd outfits*
Shingai: Mom!!!!!!! I'll try it on later!!!!!!
Mother: But Shinny honey, they're sooooo cute!!
Kenshin and Saitou: ORO ORO ORO ORO ORO ORO ORO!!
Shingai: Later Mom!!!!!
Mother: *sniffles* Okay, dear. Do you promise?
Shingai: YES!!!!!!
Mother: Okay. Oops! *lets go of Kenshin and Saitou* Sorry about that boys, you're just too adorable! *pinches everyone's cheeks and kisses them* Bye, dears!
Kenshin and Saitou: O.O Who was that...?!
Shingai: My mother!!! I hate when she does that!!!
Saitou: *to self* Note to self...alert security when that woman comes near again...
Shingai: Sorry. She always does that.
Kenshin: Better her than Kaoru-donu, that it is.
Saitou: Really...
Kenshin: I like kisses and hugs rather than slaps and punches, that I do.
Saitou: Even when it's from that monster? No offense Shingai...
Shingai: None taken. You'll get a lot of it, being around her.
Saitou: *mutters under his breath* Now I see where she gets it from...
Shingai: At least my dad didn't come.
Kenshin and Saitou: What do you mean by that?!
Shingai: All he does is talk the birds and the bees to guys, and brag about his 'little girl'.
Saitou: I already know of this, I am married, thank you.
Kenshin: Shingai-san, what are the 'birds and the bees'?
Shingai: Then he'll want to wrestle both of you to see how weak you are.
Kenshin: WRESTLE? ORO!
Shingai: Kenshin, honey, if you don't know, maybe it's time to draw your katana.
Saitou: Your family scares me, Shingai...
Shingai: Why do you think I'm never home?
Kenshin: MY SWORD!!! *grabs sheath*
Shingai: What about it?
Kenshin: *grabs sword tighter* MINE!!!
Saitou: I hate my job...Did I just say that?
Shingai: And this is your debut, too!
Saitou: I said nothing!
Kenshin: *pulls sword out and starts running around like a maniac* MIIIIIINE!!
Shingai: Maybe our ratings will go up if you admit it.
Saitou: Admit what?
Shingai: That you hate your job.
Saitou: I do not!
Kenshin: *turns blade over and chops off a camera man's head*
Saitou: Oh yeah...I hate it...
Shingai: Kenshin, babe, put your sword away!!! He's not here....yet.
Kenshin: Okay! *sits in chair as if nothing happened*
Shingai: Speaking of the devil....
Manly voice: Gai-Gai!!!
*a tall muscled man enters*
Saitou: Oh now what.
Shingai: Hide me!
Saitou: WHAT ABOUT MY SHOW?!?!
Kenshin: *whistling, then nervously stands and draws his sword*
Man: Hello Gai-cha......*gets head chopped off*
Kenshin: I did nothing, that I did not!
Saitou: EVERYONE STOP!!!!
*everyone stops where they are, dead guy falling in mid air*
Shingai: Huh?
Saitou: What's going on, Shingai?
Shingai: Whoa!! Another funeral!!! Duh!
Kenshin: *sits on the floor and starts playing with his hair*
Shingai: Banzai!!!! Guess what?
Saitou: *sits in char and covers his face* Oh dear God, what have I done...What?
Shingai: Despite you giving me a black eye and my dad getting killed...I have a surprise for you.
Saitou: That...was...your...dad? You don't seem too remorseful.
Shingai: Uh-huh. Well.I can't say I'm glad, but.
Kenshin: *stands up and starts playing with Saitou's hair*
Saitou: Will you quit that? Well then, what is it?
Shingai: *hassles Kenshin to his chair* Stop!!!
Kenshin: *stops and sits in chair, listening*
Saitou: Thank you...
Kenshin: No problem!
Shingai: Guess what?
Saitou: *throws a furtive glare at Kenshin* What?
Shingai: I have a surprise for you.
Saitou: I think you said that before.
Shingai: Okay!!! You can come out now!!!
Saitou: *to self* What now... *to Shingai* Let it come. Things can't get any worse.
*Saitou's wife walks in the picture*
Saitou: TOKIO!! I was wrong...it can always get worse...
Tokio: Hi Saitou.
Saitou: Hello dear... *blushes* Were you here the whole time...?
Tokio: Yes...Shingai told me this was your big day. How is it coming along?
Saitou: Um...Kenshin has only killed two people...so I guess its going okay...
Tokio: *gets a baffled look*
Kenshin: I DIDN'T MEAN TOOO!! I was in Battousai mode...I can't help myself then... You all act as if it was my entire fault, that you do.
Tokio: Don't you feel guilty?
Kenshin: Oh, I feel guilty, that I do, I assure you...I am eternally in your debt, Saitou-san...Now who's up for some pie? *brings out a pie from behind his back*
All but Kenshin: *sweat drop*
Shingai: Don't worry sweetie, I'll get you some help.
Kenshin: ORO? Help? Help for what?
Shingai: Soon...hopefully.
Kenshin: I have no idea what you're talking about! *smiles in ignorant bliss*
Shingai: Yeah, right.
Kenshin: Honestly I don't...Um, Saitou, don't you have a show to do?
Shingai: Yeah sure, change the subject...
Saitou: About time...
Shingai: Kenshin, what made you want to ditch Kaoru?
Kenshin: *hoping Kaoru isn't watching* I didn't ditch Kaoru-donu per say...
Shingai: But you did.
Kenshin: Did not!
Saitou: Are you Jay Leno or something? You're always trying to start some argument.
Tokio: Who's Jay Leno?
Saitou: Long story...
Shingai: I mean, come on, if I was a guy and some girl was bossing me around, I'd ditch her too.
Kenshin: I DID NOT DITCH KAORU-DONU!! *takes out sword*
Saitou: Okay, okay, you didn't ditch her...*laughs nervously* Put that away please, Kenshin...
Shingai: Okay! Okay! Geez....!
Saitou: *whispering to Shingai* Try not to start anything else, okay? You remember what happened last time...
Kenshin: *puts away sword but does the Battousai glare at Shingai*
Shingai: Sorry.
Kenshin: *goes back to normal* You are forgiven, that you are, though I do not know for what.
Tokio: O.O Remind me never to come here again, Hajime...
Saitou: Can we move on NOW please?!
Kenshin: *like nothing happened* Yes, please do.
Shingai: I'm going to shut up now.
Saitou: Good idea...
Shingai: *gets mad expression.*
Tokio: *gets up to leave* I'm gonna go and uh...cook dinner. *kisses Saitou on the cheek* Bye dear. *leaves*
Saitou: Now look what you did...
Shingai: .....
Saitou: .......Now Kenshin, tell me, how did it feel when you FINALLY defeated Shishio? After my help of course...
Kenshin: I felt good for saving Tokyo, that I did.
Saitou: Even though almost all of Tokyo was against you? ...... ALRIGHT SHINGAI! Just stop making that FACE!!
Kenshin: Yes, but I have received some atonement *ignoring her*
Saitou: Shingai...I said stop it!
Shingai: *stops*...What?
Saitou: ...That face you were making... *turns to Kenshin* You saw it didn't you?
Kenshin: Saw what?
Saitou: I must be going senile...
Shingai: See?
Audience: *laughter*
Saitou: ...never mind... But wait! They saw it, didn't they? *turns to audience* Didn't you? She was making that stupid face! That one she always does! Like this... *makes Shingai's face* See? Did you see?
Shingai: I'm glad you received atonement, Kenshin. You remind me of a Battousai I know.
Saitou: AM I GOING CRAZY HERE?! Alright...I'm taking five...I need a cigarette...I'll be right back. Shingai, you take it from here...
Shingai: Cool.
Audience: *waits*
Kenshin: The mean one is gone, so what do we do now?
Shingai: So, Kenshin do you know any other sword styles?
Kenshin: No, just the Hiten Mitsurugi-Ryou. There may be something from my days as Shinta, but if there is, I do not remember it, that I don't.
Shingai: I think you'd be good at Madruk Korean fencing.
Kenshin: Really? Do you know it?
Shingai: Of course! One style I fancy.
Kenshin: Shh! I think the mean one is returning!
Shingai: Great.
Saitou: *comes in* I heard that...
Shingai and Kenshin: *sitting quiet as if they said and did nothing when Saitou was gone*
Shingai: Hi!
Saitou: *looks at Shingai and Kenshin warily* Hello...
Shingai: Are you recharged now? We still have 39 minutes.
Saitou: Yes, I...think so...39 minutes you say? Dear God why... *puts head in hands and shakes head, then comes up with a smile* Alright, where were we?
Shingai: Time flies when you have fun.
Saitou: Mhm...So what did you kids talk about while I was gone?
Kenshin: Well, we sort of talked about...MPHMHPHPHPH!!
Shingai: *puts hand over Kenshin's mouth* Nothing. Why do you ask?
Audience:*laughter*
Saitou: *looks at audience then back at Shingai, who is smiling innocently with her hand over the struggling Kenshin's mouth*
Shingai: Yes?
Saitou: I've decided I don't believe you.
Shingai: Why?
Saitou: *to self, looks up* Do I deserve this? *to Shingai* Because you're you.
Shingai: You don't believe your bestest best friend?
Saitou: Bestest best...what? What are you talking about, woman? And let go of our guest!
Shingai: Why? He looks good like this!
Saitou: Just...let go.
Shingai: *lets go*
Kenshin: *gasp*
Shingai: Now, what were you asking?
Saitou: I asked...What did you guys do when I was gone?
Shingai: Nothing!!!!
Saitou: Sure...Okay...
Kenshin: Actually, Saitou...we *sees Shingai glaring* only talked about the weather...
Shingai: Now that we got that settled..... *smiles again*
Saitou: *rolls eyes* Whatever...But if I find that you guys said anything, you're both gonna be in trouble. I am actually allowed to watch my own show, you know.
Shingai: What I wasn't in trouble already?
Saitou: Oh, asking for it now, are we?
Shingai: No Hajime!!!!!!!
Saitou: It's Saitou to you.
Shingai: Whatever.
Saitou: Don't you 'whatever' me, I can fire you, you know.
Shingai: .....
Saitou: *smiles in satisfaction*
Kenshin: It is a lovely evening, that it is.
Audience: *cricket noises*
Saitou: Is anyone else as bored as I am right now? Shingai, how much time do we have left?
Shingai: *shrugs*
Saitou: Oh sure, NOW you have nothing to say...
Shingai: ....
Saitou: Kenshin?
Kenshin: Yes, Saitou-san?
Saitou: *whispering* For lack of anything better to talk about...I am going to let you talk about that...thing...I wouldn't let you talk about earlier...
Kenshin: *then cell phone rings*
Saitou: I thought I told you to turn that off!
Kenshin: *answers phone* Hello? Baby... I told you I told you I have a show to do!!!
Saitou and Shingai: O.O
Kenshin: Yeah....yeah...got to go....kiss kiss! *click*
Saitou and Shingai: O.O
Kenshin: Uhh...wrong number, *trying to pick up the proper accent again* that it was.
Shingai: I didn't know Kenshin had a cell phone!! Why am I always the last to know?
Saitou: Because you're you.
Kenshin: A small token from a friend, that it was.
Shingai: ......
Saitou: Moving on...I feel as if I've said this before...
Shingai: *looks at him*
Saitou: What?
Shingai: You were saying...?
Saitou: I don't know, what was I saying?
Shingai: *shrugs*
Saitou: *shrugs* Sooooooo...Kenshin... *nudges him with his elbow*
Kenshin: ORO?
Saitou: *nudges again* You know...what I said for you not to say?
Kenshin: Oh yes, we called a truce to this rivalry, that we did.
Saitou: Tell them WHY Kenshin...
Kenshin: It was juvenile to obtain a childish grudge, that it was. And our city was at stake, that it was.
Saitou: No no, not THAT reason...
Shingai: *listening intently*
Kenshin: Oh, THAT reason...
Saitou: Yes, Kenshin, THAT reason.
Shingai: *has puzzled look on her face*
Kenshin: So you mean, when you bought me those ass-kicking Dock Martins when I couldn't afford it so I could beat Shishio?
Saitou: Yes...that...
Shingai: O.o So that's how you did it...
Kenshin: Yes, that it was.
Audience: O.o
Shingai: Okey dokey then. I always thought you just wore sandals.
Kenshin: Well, I didn't that day, no I did not.
Shingai: How interesting
Saitou: *smiles smugly* He's owed me ever since.
Shingai: *nods and smiles politely*
Saitou: Since when are you so polite towards me?
Shingai: *shrugs*
Saitou: I hope Kenshin isn't rubbing off on you...I kinda miss the obnoxious Shingai... *glances at Kenshin*
Kenshin: *sitting, legs crossed, smiling politely*
Saitou: That's enough to scare anyone.
Kenshin: ORO?
Audience: *laughter*
Saitou: Never mind, Kenshin. Don't strain yourself.
Kenshin: *Looks innocently at Saitou*
Shingai: Let me guess...'ORO?'?
Audience:*laughter*
Saitou: *rolls eyes* You see, Kenshin, you're what they call...naive...and Shingai is what they call...obnoxious. You two are totally opposite, understand?
Shingai: 'ORO?'...right?
Kenshin: You are telepathic Shingai-donu, that you are.
Audience: *laughter*
Saitou: How come you always laugh at THEIR jokes??
Audience:*laughter*
Shingai: *rolls eyes*...That answer your question?
Saitou: ........
Kenshin: But you are quite humorous, that you are.
Saitou: ........
Shingai: Put it to rest, honey. Don't ruin the mood.In ....5...4...3...2....
Saitou: WHO YOU CALLING 'HONEY'?! *looks like he's going to punch Shingai again*
Kenshin: ORO?
Shingai: ......
Audience: *laughter*
Kenshin: So, do you dance, Saitou-san?
Saitou: *starts turning red with smoke coming out of his ears*
Shingai: -_-; .......
Kenshin: I was merely joking, that I was.
Shingai: The Battousai's got jokes, now?
Saitou: *grabs Shingai and Kenshin and starts shaking them* I DO NOT DANCE YOU TWO ARE NEVER BEING ON THIS SHOW TOGETHER AGAIN I HAVE HAD IT WITH YOU TWO!!!!!!!!!!
Audience:*massive laughter*
Kenshin and Shingai: ORO ORO ORO ORO ORO ORO ORO ORO!!!!!
Shingai: Shall we call in our next guest? Aoshi Shinomori, of course.
Saitou: *puts them down*
*Aoshi Shinomori enters*
*fan girls scream*
Saitou: Hey this is MY show!
Fans: We love you, too Saitou-san!!!!!!
Aoshi: *draws swords*...Enough!
Audience: *falls silent with fear*
Saitou: *sigh* Thank you.
Aoshi: Thank you. Now ask your stupid questions little girl, Saitou-san.
Saitou: Who's questions are you calling stupid, Mr. Shinomori? *draws katana*
Aoshi: Hers.
Saitou: I like him...
Shingai: *thinking- You're just asking for it!!!! And crosses her arms*
Aoshi: Oh he is, is he?
Kenshin: ORO?
Saitou: I really like him... *sheaths katana*
Shingai: *thinking- I bet you do. I should've brought my katana!*
Aoshi: Let's see you even try anything...
Shingai: O.o How's he doing that?!
Kenshin: ORO?
Saitou: Enough with the ORO!!
Shingai: I know, shut up!!!!!!!
Aoshi: *points a sword at Shingai* No, you shut up.
Shingai: *thinking- I hate my job*
Aoshi: Well how do you think Saitou feels, little girl?
Audience: OOOOOOOOOOHHH!!!!!!!
Shingai: *shrugs*
Saitou: Now everyone sit down, please, I'm getting frown lines on my beautiful face!
Fan Girls: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
Kenshin: You should not threaten a lady, that you shouldn't.
Aoshi: This one is no lady, that I assure you, Himura-san.
Kenshin: But she is female, that she is. Do you lap dance Shinomori-san?
Aoshi: EXCUSE ME?!
Audience: *hysterical laughter*
Shingai: Again with the jokes.
Audience: *hysterical laughter*
Saitou: Why me?
Shingai: Ditto!
Saitou: What do you mean 'ditto'? This is MY show!!
Shingai: ......
Saitou: I have to sit here listening to all you imbeciles!
Shingai: ......
Aoshi: Imbecile? *draws swords*
Saitou: You do not scare me, little man. GATOTSU!!
Aoshi: You want to rephrase that, Saitou-san?
Kenshin: I feel a brawl coming on, that I do.
Shingai: .....
Saitou: No, Aoshi, I think I finally got something right this time...
Aoshi: What?!
Saitou: You heard me. GATOTSU!! *strikes at Aoshi using the Gatotsu*
Audience: OOOOOOHHHH!!!!!!
Aoshi: *Counters with a double strike*
*they are broken up by Kenshin in the middle*
Saitou: Move, Kenshin...
Kenshin: No. You have a show to do first, that you do. Let us dance, not fight. Do you know the jitterbug, Shingai-donu?
Saitou: I suppose you're right, Kenshin. Aoshi, it would be wise to lower your weapon. But I do not dance. *sheaths katana*
Aoshi: ....*sheaths swords*
Audience: Awww man!!!!
Kenshin: Well you two should learn, that you should. It is good for the stress, that it is. Like ballet or jazz dance for strength and discipline.
Aoshi and Saitou: BALLET?
Kenshin: It gives you strength and discipline, that it does.
Aoshi: No...Not for me.
Saitou: I didn't even dance at my wedding, and I'm not starting now.
Kenshin: It is your life and loss, that it is.
Saitou: ...I feel no remorse over not dancing...
Aoshi: And what is it that I'm losing, Himura-san?
Kenshin: An easy way to get stronger and wiser, Shinomori-san.
Saitou: Are you saying you partake in ballet, Kenshin?
Kenshin: What else would I imply?
Girl fans: *claps, cheers, hoots, and hollers*
Saitou: Oh, I don't know, that maybe I'm not the only insane one here?
Kenshin: It is probable, that it is.
Aoshi: Uh huh...
Mother: Shinny-baby!!!!!!! I'm back!!!!!!!!
Shingai: Oh no.
Saitou: Oh God no...
Aoshi: Who is this woman?
Shingai: Hide me!
Aoshi: WHO is this woman?!
Mother: There you are!!!!!! OH! Who's this handsome young man? *grasps and hugs Aoshi*
Shingai: Put him down, Mom.
Aoshi: LET GO OF ME THIS INSTANT!
Mother: I wish I could, but you're sooooo cute!!! *pinches cheeks*
Aoshi: *kicks at Shingai's mother* LET ME GO!!!
Mother: Well! Aren't we feisty?! Anyway, I really want you all to try on some outfits.
Aoshi: NOOOOO!!!
Shingai: Not now, mom!!!!!!
Mother: And I brought some friends as back-up.
Saitou: She didn't...
*Aoshi's mom and Saitou's mom come out*
Kenshin: ORO?
Aoshi: I didn't even know my mother was still alive...
Mother Shinomori: Hello, Aoshi. Have you been behaving?
Aoshi: M-m-mom-mommy?
Mother Saitou: Yes, have you been behaving Hajime?
Aoshi: *runs to mother and hugs* MOMMY!!
Saitou: Um... *scratches head* Um...I got married...
Mother Saitou: I missed you!!!! *tears, gets all emotional*
Saitou: I got married, Ma...
Mother Shinomori: It's all right, Aoshi, mommy's here.
Mother Saitou: Good for you.
Saitou: But...but...Ma...don't you care?
Kenshin and Shingai: *can't stop horrendous giggles*
Few Minutes of Silence.
Kenshin and Shingai: *finally burst out laughing*
Audience: Huh?!
Aoshi: *still sobbing to his mother*
Mother Saitou and Saitou: *stare down*
Mother Saitou and Shinomori: *begin laughing*
Mother: Did I miss something?
Kenshin and Shingai: *still laughing hysterically*
Aoshi: What is going on?! I don't find reuniting with my mother the least bit funny!!!
Saitou: MY MOMMY DOESN'T LOVE ME ANYMORE!!!
Mother Saitou and Shinomori: *laugh even harder*
Saitou and Aoshi: MOMMY!!!!
Mother Saitou and Shinomori: *get manly voices* Awww, that was classic!!!!!!
Kenshin: I knew this would loosen them up, that I did!!!!! *still laughing*
Saitou: What?
Aoshi: You mean...is Mommy dead?!
*Saitou's mother and Aoshi's mother pull off granny masks, revealing to be two crew members*
Saitou: I knew their voices sounded awfully masculine.
Mother: O.o
Saitou: Bob? Moe?
Audience: *hysterical laughter*
Saitou: THIS IS MY SHOW I WILL NOT BE MOCKED!! Bob, Moe, sorry to inform you, but you're fired!!
Bob and Moe: *smile and grin*
Aoshi: What are you smiling about? You just got sacked!
Bob and Moe: Yeah....we knew you'd do that.
Saitou: So you're not mad or anything?
Bob and Moe: No.....you're so predictable.
Saitou: That's no fun!! That's so unfair!
Bob and Moe: Look who's talking.
Saitou: Shut up, both of you, and get off my set!
Bob and Moe: *walk off set*
Saitou: Thank God...I can't believe I fell for that...
Mother: .....Well! How 'bout those outfits now?
Aoshi: Uh, maybe another time, ma'am...I must be leaving. *walks off set*
Saitou: Chicken...
Mother: Bye sweetie.
Shingai: Mom, he isn't coming back.
Mother: Oh. Well then looks like you get two outfits!
Mother: *pinches Saitou's cheek*
Saitou: Ouch...Woman, don't make me call security on you!
Shingai: Stop, Mom.
Mother: Well! I can tell when I'm wanted, hmph! *walks off set*
Saitou: Thank God...I mean, so sad...
Kenshin: Despite her indiscreetness, she has been very.....kind.that she has.
Shingai: .......*thinks- Yeah right!!!!*
Saitou: .........So...
Kenshin: ....Do you like frog butter, Saitou-san?
Audience: *hysterical laughter*
Saitou: *stares and pauses, then...* Frog butter?
Shingai: ....... -_-;
Kenshin: Yes, frog butter. Do you like it?
Saitou: What...is...it?
Kenshin: It is wonderful, it is whatever you like it to be, that it is.
Saitou: I see...then...I guess...if it were Tokio...I'd like it.
Kenshin: It can be, that it can.
Saitou: Oh...kay...
Kenshin: Mine will be ultimate atonement, that it will be.
Saitou: Oh...kay...
Kenshin: So, now, do you like frog butter, Saitou-san?
Saitou: Sure, why not?
Kenshin: Wonderful!!!!! What about you, Shingai-donu?
Shingai: .....
Saitou: ......Kenshin...no...
Kenshin: ORO?
Saitou: Just...stop...Kenshin.
Kenshin: All right, would you like to hear a joke?
Saitou: No, not from you I don't.
Kenshin: If I asked the ever-quiet Shingai-donu, would you listen?
Audience: * laughter*
Saitou: Proceed...you've already caused enough damage.
Kenshin: All right, why did the traveling samurai cross the road?
Saitou: *listens and tries not to let Kenshin know*
Shingai: .....*glares*
Kenshin: Because it was against his code to stay on that side!!!!!!
Saitou: *sweat drop*
Audience: *-_-;.......* A joke about himself.
Shingai: *rolls eyes,-_-;, thinking- Keep your Battousai jokes to yourself.*
Kenshin: Well I thought it was funny!!!!!!!!!!!
Audience: *laughter*
Kenshin: Would you like to hear another one?
Saitou: NO!
Audience: *suddenly fell silent*
Shingai: Stick to bushido and Hiten Mitsurugi Ryou.
Saitou: Shingai, when this show is over, are you ready to flee the country?
Shingai: I was more in mind of the continent, why?
Shingai: I was more in mind of the continent, why?
Saitou: Because I was thinking on it...
Shingai: Yeah. Ditto.
Kenshin: How about a riddle, Saitou-san?
Saitou: No thanks...
Shingai: *-_-;*
Saitou: Oh...kay...
Kenshin: How about a-
Shingai: NO!
Saitou: Finally something we agree on...Oh look, it's time to go!
Kenshin: *cringes* Okay! Don't hurt me....what?!
Saitou: You heard me, folks. It's time for all good little Rurouni Samurai to go bye bye!
Shingai: Bye, Himura-san!
Kenshin: You sure you don't want to-
Saitou: BYE!!
Shingai: BYE Himura-san!!
Kenshin: *sadly walks off stage*
Audience: *applause*
Shingai: Think we were a little harsh?
Both: NAH!!
Audience: * laughter while filing out*
Saitou: Okay, folks, that's our show! Tune in next week to see the Vash and Meryl on....
Both: Hajime Saitou's Comedy Hour!!! BYE!!!