Hajime Saitou's Comedy Hour
This story was written and co-written by Raoulak and Marina
Disclaimer: We do not own Hajime Saitou or his guests.
Catchy Theme Song:
Shingai: Doo doo doo doo doo!!
Vash: The infamous world of Gunsmoke!
Saitou: Hajime Saitou, Hajime Saitou! You should meet him, he's the funniest guy!
Shingai: One might say my my my!!
Girly Fan: Oh Saitou-san, your so sexy I could just die!
Shingai: Doo doo doo doo doo!
Vash: The infamous world of Gunsmoke!
Saitou: Keep it going! Almost there!
Vash: Hajime Saitou!
Shingai: Hajime Saitou!
Both: You should meet him, he's the funniest guy!
Saitou: *smirk*
Girly Fan: Oh Saitou-san!! You're so sexy! I could just die!
Both: Your fame is being haunted!
Saitou: Alright, that's enough! Let's start....Hajime Saitou's Comedy Hour!!
Burly manly man: And now for the Hajime Saitou Comedy Hour!!!!!!!
Audience: *applause*
Saitou: Did I not just say that?!
Shingai: *sits back down next to Saitou*
Vash and Meryl: *sit in special guest chairs*
End Song
Saitou: Welcome back everyone! This is the second episode of Hajime Saitou's Comedy Hour!! Today we have two guests all the way from planet Gunsmoke, Vash and Meryl!!
Vash: Hullo!
Meryl: Hi, everyone!
Shingai: Tonight's guests are Meryl and Vash.
Saitou: Did I not just say that?
Shingai: Whatever......So!! Vash and Meryl!!! What made you want to come do our show?
Vash: I heard about this show of course!
Meryl: And Vash just made me come.
Shingai: Ha ha! Well, where's Milly?
Meryl: We actually found a chaperone for her this time, so she's back at the hotel room.
Audience: *laughter*
Vash: No!! It's true! You should see her when she's drunk...Whoo hoo!
Shingai: Sounds like some one I know. *looks at Saitou*
Saitou: What is that supposed to mean?
Audience: *laughter*
Saitou: *glares at audience*
Shingai: What, you don't remember? Tokio's party, your anniversary......oh, I can go on and on!
Saitou: Shut up! I AM married you know.
Meryl: Yeah, but he's just child's play compared to Milly when she's drunk!
Saitou: How do you know how I am when I'm drunk?! Wait...I don't get drunk! Never mind...
Vash: So!! What did he do at their anniversary?! I'm dying to know!!!!!
Shingai: Should I tell them, Saitou-san?
Saitou: *gives Shingai THE LOOK*
Shingai: Whatever, so where's Wolfwood, then?
Vash: I don't know, but I have his cross gun right here! *pulls it out* Isn't it pretty?!
Shingai: Oh yeah.....a real beaut.
Vash: *^_^*
Meryl: Why'd you bring that thing, Vash?!
Vash: Because it's pwetty!!
Meryl and Shingai: *-_-;*
Vash: *^_^*
Saitou: ...... Oh...kay...
Shingai: Uhhh....yeah, so what's it like being worth $$60 billion?
Vash: What about it?
Shingai: How does it affect you?
Vash: *shrugs* It's ok, I guess...It doesn't really bring in the chicks...
Meryl: It might explain Milly and his behavior.
Audience: *laughter*
Vash: But that girl...at the bar...the rich one! She was so pretty!! I thought it was going to work, really!
Meryl: You probably intimidate them with that cross.
Vash: MINE!! *grabs it*
Meryl: Technically it's Wolfwood's!
Vash: Shut up!
Shingai: Yeah.....
Saitou: Can I say something?
Meryl: Why not?
Saitou: *punches Meryl* Shut up!
Meryl: OW!! *grabs face* Vash! Are you going to let him hurt a lady like that?!
Vash: Ooh! Where?!
Audience: *laughter*
Saitou: Good answer.
Vash: No, but really, where?
Saitou: Just forget it, Vash. Meryl was talking about her own dumb self.
Meryl: Hey! I am not dumb!!
Vash: HAHAHA! Oh! Were you serious?
Audience: *hysterical laughter*
Meryl: * gives Vash THE LOOK*
Saitou: Excuse me, that's MY look, thank you!
Meryl: ......FINE!
Saitou: *punches Meryl again* Shut up, bitch!
Shingai: *thinking: What a drama queen!!*
Meryl: *holds face* Vash, can I go now?
Meryl: I know! But they're hurting me!
Saitou: Correction: WE'RE not hurting anyone. I am the one doing the hurting around here.
Vash: Well, be nice and he'll be nice!
Saitou: In other words, shut up! God Almighty...You nag worse than Tokio! Sorry dear!
Tokio: *at home watching the TV* Hmph! Cold ramen for you tonight!
Meryl: But-
Vash: No buts, Meryl. We're not supposed to talk about those things on TV. It's simply unheard of.
Shingai: Will you shut up for at least six minutes???!!!
Saitou: Thank you!
Meryl: Hmph... *crosses arms*
Vash: Meryl, now you're being juvenile.
Meryl: I told you I didn't want to come!
Vash: But you did.
Saitou: Tisk tisk! I thought Shingai told you to shut up for six minutes!
Burly manly man: This is true.
Meryl: *not listening to Saitou or Burly Manly Man* Did not!
Shingai: SHUT UP before I personally rip out your voice box!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Saitou: I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU!! *punches Meryl*
Meryl: *knocked out* @.@
Shingai: Now, * smiles again* Vash, how are you?
Vash: Better now, thanks guys.
Shingai: Finally! Peace and quiet! How do you put up with her?!
Vash: I try to avoid her as much as possible.
Shingai: Maybe, you should've left her with a chaperone, and brought Wolfwood or Milly
Meryl: *wakes up* Wha-what happened...Why am I on the floor? *looks at Saitou* WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME?!?!
Vash: I'm beginning to think you're right...
Shingai: *draws Korean sword*...Go to sleep!
Meryl: RAPE!! RAPE!!
Shingai: I'm straight. No man would give you the time of day!
Saitou: What?! All I did was knock her out!! I can do it again if that's what you guys want...
Shingai: *points sword at Meryl* Shut up or answer to me.
Saitou: How's this? *knocks her out again*
Shingai: *sheaths sword*
*Gandalf the Grey and Frodo Baggins from Lord Of The Rings come running across the set, Gandalf chasing Frodo*
Gandalf: Come back here, you runt! Give me that ring!! *pushes Shingai* Move, bitch, get out 'da way!
*Ludacris music cues*
Frodo: Ahhh!! Somebody help me!!!!!!!
Frodo and Gandalf: *run off set*
Saitou: TURN THAT DAMNED MUSIC OFF!!
Music: *swwwwsh*
Vash: Get out the-...oh.
Saitou: Don't even start...
Audience: *laughter*
Saitou: I guess I haven't lost my touch after all...
Shingai: *gets up* What was that all about?
Saitou: I think I know, but it's a REALLY long story...
Vash: But, I liked the song!!!! By the way, are you okay, Shingai-san?
Shingai: Yeah, nothing broken.
Vash: That's good. *reaches out grabs her hand and kisses it*
Meryl: *wakes up to him doing this* *O.o* Vash!!!! What are you doing?!
Vash: *lets go* Uh, nothing...Just making sure Shingai san is okay. Is that all right?
Meryl: She looks fine to me!!
Shingai: *rolls eyes*
Saitou: But you missed the whole Gandalf charade...
Meryl: Who's Gandalf?
Saitou: Never mind...
Shingai: Don't worry about it.
Saitou: It might hurt your little one-tracked mind.
Meryl: Oh yeah? And what track is that?
Saitou: Oh, don't deny it...
Meryl: What are you trying to imply?!?!?!?!
Saitou: Oh, I don't know...maybe that you're completely obsessed with Vash?
Meryl: You're delusional!!!!!
Saitou: Ok, I'll let you think that.
Meryl: I'll have you know that I have a boyfriend at home!!!!!
Shingai: Yeah right.
Audience and everyone else: *laughs hysterically*
Saitou: *still laughing* Now that's one I haven't heard before!!
Vash: *suppressing his giggles*
Shingai: Are you sure you're not referring to stuffed animals?
Meryl: *steaming* And what....you do?!
Shingai: No, but I wouldn't pull off what you're trying to do.
Meryl: But I'm serious!!
Audience and everyone else: *laughs hysterically again*
Shingai: Young adults, so cute when they don't what they want....or should I say who they want...
Meryl: And just how old are you?!
Shingai: I 'm sixteen. Got a problem with it?
Meryl: Um...
Saitou: So NOW you're at a lack of words...
Meryl: Um...
Audience: *laughter*
Saitou: I think it's time for you to go now. Good bye...
Meryl: Final... *dies*
Saitou: *Gatotsus Meryl*
Audience: *standing ovation*
Saitou: *smiling smugly*
Vash: Meryl, rest in hell.
Audience: *laugher*
Vash: Just glad I didn't have to kill her.
Audience: *more laugher*
Shingai: I would've done it myself, but Saitou beat me to it.
Vash: *kisses Shingai's hand again* Now that the bitch is gone, I have you all to myself, my dear...
Saitou: Ahem...
Shingai: *blushes*
Vash: *^______^* *still holding Shingai's hand*
Shingai: Well, how long have you been worth $$60 billion?
Vash: *ignoring her* You're very pretty, Shingai...
Shingai: Uhh....thank you, Vash. * bites lip in nervousness*
Vash: *^_____^*
Shingai: Vash?
Vash: Hi...
Shingai: Uhh....hello, how are you?
Vash: I'm great... *^______^*
Shingai: That's good! *starts to look in his eyes now*
Vash: *looks back* Cool...You have the prettiest blue eyes...
Shingai: You do, too.
Vash: Uh huh...
Saitou: *-.-*
Saitou: What?! It's MY show!!
Shingai: Not all of it is yours!
Saitou: You're only the co-host!
Shingai: YEAH!!! In other words, WE share it!!
Vash: *still looking at Shingai*
Saitou: But MORE of it is MINE!
Shingai: Look you!!!!! A guy's trying to pick me up, don't embarrass me!!!!!! 'Kay?! *twitches eye scarily*
Saitou*-.-* Is that supposed to intimidate me?
Shingai: So, can we just drop it?! *twitches eye scarily again*
Saitou: I will not have people hitting on you in the middle of the show!
Shingai: But they.....uhh...Saitou?
Saitou: Yes?
Shingai: Why is Meryl's corpse still there?
Saitou: Because...I'm not going to touch it...
Shingai: Oh....okay whatever. What were we talking about?
Vash: *pokes Shingai so she'll look back at him*
Shingai: HELLO!!!!!!....Yes, Vash?
Vash: *still looking at Shingai*
Shingai: Oh....what pretty colors!!!!!
Audience: * hysterical laughter*
Saitou: *sigh* Okay, I'll bring in the surprise guest...Come on in, Wolfwood!
Wolfwood: *comes on the set* Hello, hello. Vash?
Vash: *still locking eyes with Shingai*
Wolfwood: What's their problem?
Saitou: Don't ask...It's their problem, not ours.
Wolfwood: Alrighty then...
Shingai: Hey Wolfwood. * puts most of her attention to Wolfwood*
Saitou: Finally...
Wolfwood: Hello there, pretty little girl.
Vash: Hey! I saw her first!
Wolfwood: Hey, you mind if I give a compliment?! Just trying to be nice!
Vash: Yes, I do mind!
Wolfwood: Well it's true, she is pretty! And it's not like she's a piece of land or something! I swear, you're starting to act like Meryl!! By the way, why is she laying dead on the ground?!
Saitou: I can explain...
Wolfwood: Please do!
Saitou: Well, you see, um, she was being an annoying bitch, and...
Wolfwood: Enough said. *notices cross gun* Hey! What's that doing here?
Vash: It's sooo pwetty!!!!! *^_^*
Saitou and Shingai: *-_-;*
Wolfwood: I know, isn't it? But that's not the point! I want it back!
Vash: Mine!!!!!!!! *o*
Wolfwood: MINE!!!!!
Vash: Mine!!!!!!!!
Wolfwood: MINE!!!!!!!
Vash: Mine!!!!!!!!
Wolfwood: MINE!!!
Vash: Finders keepers...
Shingai: Guys?
Wolfwood: No way!!!!!!
Shingai: Guys?
Vash: Yes way!
Wolfwood: No way!!!!!!
Shingai: Guys?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *o*
Vash: Yes, my darling?
Shingai: That's better... Wolfwood, just let Vash borrow it 'til the show's over, or you'll be forever arguing.
Vash: As the lady commands! You heard her, Wolfwood! *^_^*
Wolfwood: Shut up.
Vash: *sits innocently in his chair, smiling*
Wolfwood: *crosses arms and sits down*
Saitou: Great! Now that that's settled...let's move on.
Vash: Can I sing the Genocide Song?!?!?! Please?!?!
Shingai: Huh? Yeah, sure, why not?
Wolfwood: Please don't get him started on that...
Shingai: Uhhh....what is it anyway?
Vash: *begins humming to himself*
Wolfwood: Too late now...
Shingai: Sorry.
Vash: Total Slaughter, Total Slaughter. I won't leave a single man alive.
La de da de dai, Genocide. La de da de duh, An ocean of blood. Let's begin the killing time.
Wolfwood: Oh God.
Saitou: *O.o*
Shingai: *-_-;*
Saitou: Shingai, I think we're in for another homicidal frenzy...This time it's Vash... Who next?
Shingai: Don't jinx it.
Wolfwood: I think we're all in trouble now.
Shingai: You said it.
Wolfwood: Said what?
Shingai: No, I mean that as in, I agree with you.
Wolfwood: I see...So now I suppose it's time to bring out my...portable confessional!! Seeing as we're all about to die, and all...
Saitou and Shingai: *-_-;;;*
Vash: C'mon you guys, sing along!!!!!!!!
Saitou: NO!!
Shingai: Why our show?!.....*-_-;*
Saitou: I don't know...Why can't Larry King get all the loonies? Oh wait, he already does...
Shingai: Or Jay Leno or something?
Saitou: You still don't know who Jay Leno is, do you?
Shingai: Does it matter? Either way, he has a show and Mr. Karaoke over here had the chance to go there, but instead chose us.
Saitou: So you still don't know who Jay Leno is?
Shingai: No.
Saitou: That's all you had to say.
Vash: I'm getting tired of this song; let's play a game with it!
Shingai: Whatever, why do we get all the psychotic people?
Vash: YAY!! Pretty girl said I could kill someone!! But...she...said it wasn't right to kill... Who do I listen to?! I'm so confused!!
Shingai: Vash, have you ever flown?
Vash: I WANNA FLY!!
Saitou: Shingai, no...
Shingai: Figures.
Vash: BUT I WANNA FLY!! Pretty girl, come fly with me!!! *jumps out of his chair and zooms around the set with his arms out*
Shingai: I hate my job.
Saitou: That's my line!
Vash: *grabs Shingai's arm and pulls her behind him* C'mon! Let's fly!!
Wolfwood: Maybe I should've left him with a chaperone.
Saitou: Yeah, maybe...You think?
Shingai: I think Milly would've actually been the only sane one.
Milly: *runs on the set* Meryl-sempai, where are...*sees Meryl's corpse*
Shingai: Long story, just sit down.
Milly: S-s-sempai...*whimper*
Vash: *still running around pulling Shingai*
Wolfwood: Milly, where's your chap- I mean, special friend?
Milly: *sniff* Friend? Oh, that person! He fell asleep...I knew he couldn't keep up with me!
Wolfwood: How'd you know we'd be here?
Milly: My friend told me! He drove the truck too! Then he fell asleep half way here. I drove the rest of the way! Aren't you proud of me, Mr. Priest?
Wolfwood: Oh, Vash?! Sit down before I take back the cross!!!!!!!!!
Vash: *sits down* MINE!!!!!!
Wolfwood: That's better.
Vash: MINE!! Don't even LOOK at it!
Wolfwood: FINE!!!!!!! Just sit down!!!!!!!!
Vash: But I am sitting...
Wolfwood: And stay there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Vash: I don't know what you're getting so worked up about...
Wolfwood: *gives him evil glare*
Saitou: Why MY show? Why not Conan O'Brian or Dr. Phil?
Vash: What was that for, Wolfwood, my friend?
Shingai: Or Oprah for that matter.
Saitou: My point exactly.
Audience: *hysteric laughter*
Saitou: After all this, I still got it.
Vash: Isn't that some kind of vegetable?
Wolfwood: That's okra, you idiot.
Vash: I WANNA BE AN OKRA!!
Wolfwood and Shingai: *mumbling: What's the difference?*
Milly: I WANNA BE AN OKRA, TOO!!
Vash: Milly, don't start.
Saitou: You're one to talk!!
Wolfwood: Why am I cursed with such idiot partners?!
Saitou: Why am I cursed with such idiot guests?!
Shingai: You took the words right out of my mouth.
Saitou: Well, excuse me...
Milly: Oh! Did somebody fart?
Audience: *hysterical laughter*
Saitou: Don't make me punch you, too, Milly!
Milly: You wouldn't dare hit a lady, would you?
Saitou: Yeah, gorilla-lady, maybe...
Milly: Are you implying that I look like a gorilla?!
Saitou: No, I most certainly am not. I'm just implying that you have the reflexes and brain capacity of a gorilla.
Milly: Oh! Okay.
Vash: Milly, you know he just insulted you worse, right?
Milly: Yeah...I knew that...Wait a second!!
Wolfwood and Shingai: ....I'm not going to ask. *-_-;*
Saitou: What have we gotten ourselves into, Shingai?
Shingai: Another public migraine.
Saitou: Another? Wait, the last one was all your fault!
Shingai: How?
Saitou: Remember...that thing you did? Come on, let's not discuss that here...there's already enough madness going on with the okra and the gorilla.
Shingai: Whatever, everything's always my fault.
Saitou: I never said that. I will admit this was mostly my fault.
Vash: Did someone say okra?
Saitou: Again with the okra... No, I said banana sundae!
Milly: What about the gorilla? They're so cute and fuzzy!!!!
Saitou: Cute isn't exactly the word I was thinking of.
Milly: Ooh! What?!
Saitou: Never mind...It's a word too big for your gorilla shaped brain to consume.
Milly: I'll have you know that I'm not a gorilla!!
Wolfwood and Shingai: That's what they all say. *laugh at each other*
Vash: HEY! What are you two, laughing about?!
Saitou: I pity you, Vash.
Vash: I said I saw her first!!!!!! *grabs Shingai*....My Shinny-shin!!!!!!
Saitou: Shinny-shin?
Wolfwood: Saitou, don't ask.
Shingai: Vash! Put me down.
Vash: Mine!!!!!!
Saitou: I can ask if I want to, it's my show!
Wolfwood: Fine, it's your ass.
Saitou: Excuse me? I'll have you know I'm happily married to a WOMAN, you gay priest...staring at my ass...how dare you.
Milly: I want a banana sundae!!!!!
Audience: *-_-;*
Wolfwood: Don't flatter yourself, Saitou. I'm straight.
Girl fans: YAY!!!!!!!!!!!
Saitou: Get off my set, you gay priest.
Wolfwood: To get away from a gorilla girl, an okra, a desperate show host, and a poor pretty little girl being tortured, gladly.
Milly: Where are you going, Wolfwood?
Saitou: Who you calling desperate, you gay priest?!
Audience: *hysterical laughter*
Wolfwood: You.
Saitou: GET OFF MY SET!!! SECURITY!!!
Wolfwood: *gets up from chair, and starts walking* I'm going. I'm going.
*security guards come out of no where and grab Wolfwood and cuff him and drag him off the set*
Wolfwood: Might as well go out with a bang, right?
Audience: *laughter*
Saitou: That's right, Mr. Gay Priest, have the last word! As long as I never have to see you again, I'm okay with it!
Milly: May I have a banana sundae, please? Mr. Priest, when you come back, bring me a banana sundae!
Audience: *laughter*
Shingai: *-_-;*
Vash: Face it, Milly, he isn't coming back.
Saitou: Damn right, he isn't.
Milly: Why not?
Vash: Because, he was mean to Saitou-san.
Saitou: That's the nicest thing you've said about me all day.
Shingai: *still being squeezed by Vash* Vash, how long are you going to hold me like this?
Vash: Oops... *lets go*
Shingai: So, where's Legato these days?
Vash: Legato? OH!!! I killed him!! *^_^*
Shingai: Oh.
Saitou: Not this again! Please dear God...
Milly: Gorilla's are fuzzy!
Vash: Milly, there's a reason why we put you with a chaperone.
Milly: Well, Mike V. wasn't a good chaperone...wait, you said he was my friend!!!
Vash: Well, he is, isn't he yours?
Milly: Well....yes.
Vash: LIAR!!!!!!! Well, what exactly happened?
Milly: WE GOT DRUNK! YAY!!!
Vash: I am gonna KILL the guy who told me the professional skater Mike Vallely was responsible!!!
Random guy in the crowd: *runs out*
Milly: NO!!!!!! Don't do that, he was responsible....
Vash: *sees random guy running out* I'M GONNA GET YOU!!! *runs out after him*
Saitou: There goes another guest...
Milly: Can we have a gorilla come on?
Saitou: NO!
Audience: * hysterical laughter*
Shingai: Again with the gorillas.
Milly: What's wrong with gorillas?!?!?!?!
Shingai: You tell me.
Saitou: Everything...They're big, clumsy, stupid, and they shed all over my set! *picks up a Milly hair* Just like what you're doing now!
Milly: There's nothing wrong with them!!!!!!!
Saitou: *coughcoughyesthereiscough*
Shingai: Besides the fact that you're in denial that you're trying to stand up for your own kind.
Milly: Shut up! *starts to cry* What are you trying to say little girl?!
Shingai: Why does everyone call me a little girl?
Saitou: Because, compared to everyone else that's been on this show, you are a little girl.
Shingai: Great.
Milly: You hurted my feelings, little girl!!!!!!!!
Shingai: You're welcome.
Milly: I didn't say thank you!!
Shingai: That's okay; I knew what you were thinking. Young adults, so predictable.
Saitou: *prepares himself* Yes?
Milly: Are you going to let her talk to me that way?!?!?!
Saitou: Why wouldn't I?
Milly: Because little girls should respect their elders.
Mike Vallely: *stumbles in, drunkenly* Wha-what...Mil-mil, where are ya?
Milly: Here I am.
Mike V.: Why'd you leave, you know you were supposed to stay with me.
Milly: I wanted to see Sempai, but she's dead and these people are being mean, so we can go now...
Mike V.: YAY!!! MORE BEER!!
Milly: YAY!!!!... *^_^*
Saitou: *-.-*
*outside*
Vash: COME BACK, YOU BASTARD!!
Guy: What?!
Vash: OH MY GOD!! YOU KILLED KENNY!!! Wait, wrong story.
Guy: Drunken asshole.
Vash: I am not drunk, thank you. Milly is the drunken one!!
Guy: What's the difference? You both know each other, and you both act like gorillas and okra.
Vash: I want okra! *sees guy getting away* Wait a minute, get back here!
Guy: Make me!!!!!! *runs faster*
Vash: *^_^* Okay!! *Angel Arm appears* Stop right where you are, sir! I don't want to have to use this!
Guy: *slows down*......Use what?! *sees Angel Arm* ACK!!!!!
Vash: I tried to warn you........!
*in jail*
Wolfwood: *playing the harmonica, sitting in a lonely cell*
TV: *Hajime Saitou's Comedy Hour* Saitou: Um...Okay, that was strange...But thank God Milly and that guy left, right Shingai?
TV: Shingai: Um...sure...
Wolfwood: Such a shame... *goes back to playing harmonica* Wait, how did i get this anyway?
*back on the set*
Shingai: Where do our sponsors find these people?
Saitou: How am I supposed to know? Ask them! Besides...now we have no guests...
Shingai: I know that, genius.
Saitou: Shut up! *looks as if he's about to hit her again*
Shingai: What?!....Am I supposed to cringe or something?
Saitou: *hits her*
Shingai: Oh my God, ow.
Saitou: Shut up before I hit you AGAIN again.
Audience: *hysterical laughter*
Shingai: I'm shaking in my boots.
Saitou: I didn't know you were wearing boots.
Mother: Shinny?!?!?!?!?!?!
Shingai: Okay, now I am...
Saitou: Please God, not this again... *starts praying*
Mother: *comes onto the set* Hello Saitou-sama.
Mother: Just thought I bring you two kids some cookies. *holds up a platter of Toll House cookies*
Saitou: They're not poisoned, are they?
Mother: Now why would I poison my little girl and her little friend?
Saitou: I don't know... *takes a cookie warily*
Shingai: You really want me to answer that?
Saitou: Should I put it back?
Mother: Just taste it, it'll melt in your mouth.
Saitou: *licks cookie* Well, I'm not dead yet...
Shingai: I'm under the influence that that's a bad thing. Or might be, at least.
Mother: C'mon Shingai, have one.
Shingai: Pass. I ain't hungry.
Saitou: Take it, maybe she'll leave.
Mother: Well, I have things to do anyway. Bye kids. *walks off set*
Saitou: *finishes cookie* Damn, she ain't that bad a cook.
Shingai: Whatever.
Saitou: Still not as good as Tokio's, though.
*at Saitou's house*
Tokio: Awww, did he really mean that? Maybe there'll be no cold ramen tonight after all. Well, at least I know I can do something to make him happy.
*back on the set*
Vash: *comes running in carrying random guy* Hey guys, I brought a friend!
Guy: Put me down!
Shingai: Don't we have enough chaos with just one guest?
Vash: I guess not! *^_^* And he thought he recommended a good chaperone for Milly, the liar!!!!!!
Guy: HEY!!!!!!! I didn't know he was going to baby-sit a grown drunk chick, either.
Vash: Well, you didn't ask!!!!!!
Guy: It's still not my fault! And PUT ME DOWN!! I didn't think I had to- why is there a corpse on the floor?!
Saitou and Shingai: Long story.
Guy: Whatever....LATER!!!!!!! *breaks free of Vash's grasp and disappears in to nothingness*
Saitou: How'd he do that?!
Vash: HUH?! HEY!!!!!!! He's gone!!!!! *once again notices Shingai*.... Hi, Shingai-san.
Audience: *laughter*
Shingai: Hi.
Saitou: Great. My show has got to be the worst on the air. Not to mention random.
Shingai: With sky high ratings.
Saitou: How do you know? Since when do you pay attention to the news?
Shingai: I don't, that's what the boss said.
Saitou: Wait...boss? What boss? I thought I was the boss! The title of the show even has MY name in it!
Shingai: Our sponsor, dumb ass.
Saitou: Watch who you're calling a dumb ass.
Shingai: What, gouge out my eyeballs and turn them around?
Audience: * hysterical laughter*
Saitou: Sadly, that's exactly what I mean. But no one ever takes me seriously.
Shingai: There's a reason for that.
Audience: *laughter*
Saitou: *glare*
Shingai: What?
Audience: *fell silent*
Saitou: You know exactly what I'm talking about...
Shingai: People only listen to you when you draw your sword.
Saitou: Alright then... *draws katana*
Shingai: What's on your mind?
Saitou: Um... *^___^* Wait, never mind... Hurting you is on my mind right now, actually.
Shingai: *smiles and nods politely*
Saitou: Stop with the Kenshin act.
Shingai: What are you talking about?
Vash: Who's Kenshin? Is he an old boyfriend, Shingai? Something you want to tell me?
Shingai: No, an old adversary.
Vash: Adversary? You didn't kill him, did you? Killing is bad. Rem said so.
Shingai: I wish.
Vash: Wish what, dear Shingai? *grabs her hands and looks in her eyes*
Shingai: Je veux mourir.
Saitou: Oh my God, she speaks French...
Vash: Why ever would you want to die, Shingai?
Shingai: I speak something else, too.
Saitou: And what is that?
Shingai: Pain.
Saitou: Vash, you asked her why she wanted to die, right? I could gratify that wish...
Vash: What do you mean? I'm scared!!!!!!!
Saitou: Good, you should be...
Vash: *Angel Arm appears and he stands in front of Shingai* I WILL NOT LET YOU HARM HER!!!
Saitou: OH MY GOD!!! WHAT IS THAT?!?!
Vash: Meet the Angel Arm.
Saitou: *nozzle of the Angel Arm pointed at his nose* You CAN put that away now, you know...
Vash: Do you PROMISE not to harm Shingai-san?!?!!?!?!?!
Saitou: Yeah, yeah, sure. JUST PUT THAT DAMN THING AWAY!
Vash: All right, along as she is safe. One problem, though.
Saitou: And what is that?
Vash: I really don't know how to put it way.
Saitou: You...what?!?!
Vash: Plus, I can't really control it.
Saitou: Am I in trouble?
Vash: Hey, I wouldn't have done it if I thought you weren't going to hurt Shingai-san. Not really anyway.
Saitou: .......
Shingai: Don't I feel special.
Vash: Yes you are, Shingai-san.
Saitou: ......
Vash: What?! You disagree?!?!!?!?!??!!?! *left eye twitching*
Saitou: It's not that I disagree...How can I disagree with you when you have that thing in my face?!
Vash: Well, you should have thought of that when you threatened Shingai- san!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You NEVER, and I mean NEVER threaten Vash the Stampede's women!!!!!!!
Shingai: Wow, for the first time on this show, someone actually called me a woman.
Audience: *laughter*
Saitou: Whatever...do you think you could TRY and put that thing away now? If it goes off, the whole town is going up in flames...
Vash: I've tried to try, but I fail every time trying to try to try.
Audience: * O.o*
Saitou: What is that supposed to mean?
Shingai: In just plain English.....he can't.
Audience: Ooh! *confused laughter*
Saitou: How come you are the only one who can understand this strange man?
Shingai: Just lucky I guess...
Audience: *laughter*
Saitou: Lucky? You say the possibility of accidentally being disintegrated any second by that thing any minute LUCKY?!
Vash: You don't understand me, Saitou-san?
Saitou: Not really...
Vash: Well are you trying? In order for you to try to understand me, you must try to try to understand and listen well. Or maybe I'm just trying to try too hard. Well, I'll try to try be more...well...I'll try to be to more clear. So let's give it a try!!! If she's not trying to try to understand without trying, you should try, too.
Saitou: *-_-*
Audience: * @.@*
Saitou: Can you believe I understood that?
Shingai: Do you need another translation oh great and powerful one?
Saitou: I said I actually UNDERSTOOD that!
Audience: *claps*
Shingai: To be completely honest...no.
Saitou: 'No' what?
Shingai: No as in, no I don't believe you to comprehend that.
Saitou: Well I did!!
Shingai: Want a prize?
Saitou: Shut it, Shingai.
Audience: *laughter*
Shingai: All yours.
Saitou: *glares at audience*
Audience: *falls silent*
Vash: Why do you like to scare people, Saitou-san?
Saitou: Be...cause...it's fun?
Vash: I worry about you, Saitou-san.
Saitou: And I you. At least I can keep my woman around.
Vash: What woman are you referring to? It seems as though you have more than one. *glares at the female audience*
Saitou: Uh, yeah...that...Well in this case, I'm talking about my WIFE!
Female audience: Ahhhh!
Vash: But she is not here, and I don't see her in the audience.
Saitou: That's because...she's at my house...duh...
Vash: Well, it's not like I had one.
Saitou: I feel pity for you, Vash the Stampede. A wife is an incredible thing.
*at Saitou's house*
Tokio: *hears what Saitou just said* Awww...He's never said anything like that before...
*back on the set*
Vash: An angel arm is an incredible thing.
Saitou: I'll take your word for it...
Vash: Good!!!!!....Where do you think we should bury Meryl? *stares at the corpse*
Saitou: I assume we can find a suitable ditch for her...
Audience: *laughter*
Saitou: *smug look on his face*
Saitou: Yes?
Vash: Nothing.
Saitou: Oh no, you don't. What were you going to say?
Vash: Never mind. *said so innocently*
Saitou: *glare* Say it!
Vash: Do you really want me to say it?
Saitou: Must I really repeat myself?
Vash: Yeah, it would be nice t-
Shingai: Don't even say it.
Saitou: Well? Are you going to say it, or not?
Vash and Shingai: You're not going to like it.
Saitou: Just tell me!!
Vash: Why are you such a tight-ass all the time?
Saitou: *glare*
Vash: We told you, but you're always seem in a bad mood.
Saitou: What do you mean 'you already told me'? You told me something I already knew! Tokio tells me that all the time.
Vash: Oh!!!!! But why?
Saitou: That is none of your business...
Shingai: Just accept him for who he is....
Saitou: What's that supposed to mean?
Shingai: Don't tell me you're trading in your evil stares and glares for happy happy joy joy smiles and grins.....?
Saitou: What the hell did you just say?
Shingai: Are you changing from evil to good or what?
Saitou: Who gave you that idea?
Shingai: Forget it, you're confused again.
Audience: * laughter*
Saitou: I am not!
Vash: Yes you are!!!!!!! Awww, Shingai, he's s-
Shingai: Don't say it.
Saitou: Say what?
Shingai: If you do, you're only making your death wish.
Saitou: I do not have a death wish. The only one who can match my power is the Battousai.
Vash: And he surpasses you, too.
Saitou: *glare* That has never happened in the entire Rurouni Kenshin and Samurai X series.
Shingai: *-__-;* You done did it.
Vash: What....? But isn't Kenshin better? I saw the show!!!!!!
Audience: *laughter*
Saitou: I didn't know they had Rurouni Kenshin on Planet Gunsmoke.... I didn't know they had ANY anime on Planet Gunsmoke...
Vash: Uh huh!!!!!! It comes on every Saturday morning!!!!!!!! I've never missed a single episode!!!!! *pouts in pride*
Saitou: Okay, okay...Don't lose sleep over it...
Vash: Okay!!!!
Saitou: *-_-;;*
Vash: Then, I have another question!!!
Saitou: *rolls eyes* What now?
Vash: How do you get your hair like that and stay that way?
Saitou: I could ask you the same question, broom head...
Vash: Oh it's simple!!!!! Baby oil!!!!!!!!!!
Saitou: Why am I not surprised?
Audience: *laughter*
Saitou: *-_-;;*
Vash: How do you do hair, Shingai-san?
Audience: *-__-;;*
Saitou: Hey! I haven't answered you yet!
Shingai: Some people use what you call a comb and brush.
Vash: Oh yeah! I've heard of those!!
Shingai: I hope so.
Audience: *laughter*
Saitou: And the cool one still gets ignored...
Fan Girls: WE still love you, Saitou!!!
Vash: Ooh!!!!!! Where's the cool one?!?!!?!?!?!?!
Audience: * hysterical laughter*
Saitou: *-_-;;;* Right here, imbecile...
Vash: Awww man!!!!! I thought you were serious!!!!! *snaps finger*
Saitou: *-_-;;;;*
Vash: Can I have a quarter?
Audience: *laughter*
Saitou: *-_-;;;* Shingai, he likes you. You do something!
Shingai: But didn't you just tell me to stop talking?
Saitou: Just...shut him up!
Shingai: Okay, Vash....? *innocently said*
Vash: Am I in trouble?
Legato: *comes in* You are now...
Shingai: ......
Vash: *O.O* But...I...killed you...
Legato: Well, you didn't.
Vash: But I did! I was sure of it!
Legato: And to think I could kill every man, woman, and child here if I wanted to. The power of death is intoxicating.
Saitou: How did you get in here?
Legato: Your only concern is to keep your ratings up.
Saitou: And you can help me do that?
Legato: Maybe. What is he doing here?
Saitou: He's a guest...I was forced to invite him.
Legato: How depressing.
Saitou: Exactly my point.
Legato: Finally, some genius killed the bitch.
Saitou: Thank you.
Legato: And who's this? *looks at Shingai*
Vash: I SAW HER FIRST!!! *hugs Shingai tightly*
Shingai: Here we go again.
Vash: What? I am just trying to protect you from this monster!
Saitou: Who's the monster here?
Shingai: I can take care of myself, I have my own kind of protection.
Vash: But the women I love NEED me!!!!! *begins to cry, still clutching Shingai* He's the monster!!!!!! *points at Legato*
Shingai: *gasping for breath*
Saitou and Legato: *-_-;* *look at each other* Stop doing what I am doing! No, you! You first!! YOU!!!
Shingai: *x.x*
Saitou and Legato: Leave me alone! No you! Go away!! YOU!!
Vash: *trembling, still holding Shingai* SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Saitou and Legato: *fold their arms across their chests and turn their backs on each other*
Vash: That's better.
Saitou and Legato: *stick their tongues out at Vash*
Vash: But she's mine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Shingai: *x.x*
Saitou: How did this start again?...Vash, let go of Shingai, she's suffocating...wait...never mind...
Vash: MINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *grabs her tighter*
Shingai: *x.x*
Audience: *hysterical laughter*
Saitou: *steps closer to Vash, but then remembers he still has the Angel Arm out* Uh, Vashie-san, would you please let her go, at least a little bit?
Vash: Mine!!!!!!!!
Shingai: *turning blue*
Legato: *suppressing giggles* This is great...
Legato: *hand over his mouth* Why...heh heh...yes it is...especially since you are the one causing it...You're the one torturing her, remember?
Vash: Oh!!!!!! Shingai-san!!!!!! *finally releases her*
Shingai: *panting, turns back to normal color*
Saitou and Legato: Damn, it was just getting good...
Saitou: Oh no, not this again.
Vash: What?!!?!?!?!? Tell me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Legato: What do you mean 'what'? Don't be stupid...*smacks Vash*
Vash: Shingai-san!!!!!!!!!! *said in fear*
Shingai: What now?
Vash: Hold me!!!!!!!!! *puts arms around her waist*
Audience: *laughter*
Legato: Get off her, she doesn't want you. *smacks Vash again*
Shingai: And, aren't you the one with the Angel Arm? Hold yourself.
Legato: You know he's just a 100 year old plant, don't you?
Shingai: Oh yeah.
Saitou: How come I didn't know this?
Shingai: Because.
Saitou: *-_-;*
Shingai: Any more questions?
Saitou: Yeah, will you go away?
Shingai: Fine. *starts to get up*
Vash: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
Audience: BOO!!!!!!! *starts throwing trash at Saitou*
Saitou: She's the one that wants to! Alright, if that's how it's going to be...I will leave!
Vash: And YOU asked her!!!!!!!!!
Girl Fans: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!
Saitou: Sorry ladies, no one wants me here! *gets up to leave*
Girl Fans: WE DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Saitou: Too late. *leaves*
Legato: Stop!!!!!!
Saitou: *pops head back in* Yes?
Legato: Are you really going to waste your career because you don't like your best but sarcastic friend as your co-host?
Saitou: .......
Vash: *O.O* I didn't know you had it in you, Legato-san.
Legato: SILENCE!!!!!!!! *smacks Vash once again*
Vash: Owie! *holds cheek*
Legato: Quiet, before I strike at you, again!
Saitou: *comes back in* I am not sitting back down until all the wrongs have been righted.
Legato: Enlighten me.
Saitou: Apologize, every one of you!
Legato, Vash, and Shingai: FOR WHAT?!
Saitou: ....That's it... *leaves for good*
Legato, Vash, and Shingai: OKAY!!!!!!!......Sorry, Saitou-san!!!!!!!!!!!
Saitou: *comes back in, laughing* I got you all good!
Legato, Vash, and Shingai: *_*
Saitou: You know this whole thing was a set up, correct?
Legato, Vash, and Shingai: *_*
Saitou: *to the audience* Thanks for your cooperation, all!
Audience: *^-^*
Saitou: *smiles slightly*
Vash: You know, this is the first time I've seen you truly smile this whole time...
Legato: .....imbecile......
Shingai: ......
Saitou: Don't push it, people. The show's almost over anyway.
Vash: But I still don't have my okra!
Legato and Shingai: Oh God... HEY!!!!! Now we're doing it!!!!!! STOP!!!!!!!!...... SHUT UP ALREADY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Someone Backstage: *comes in and gives Vash some okra*
Vash: Thank you, dude!!!!!!!!
Someone Backstage: *goes back stage*
Vash: My mommy used to make it!!!!! *^_^*
Legato: B-
Shingai: Just let him have his moment.
Saitou: Okay, folks, that's all the time we have! Until next time, when we have...Tsukasa, Bear and Mimiru from .hack//SIGN!!!
Audience: *claps and files out*
Saitou and Shingai: Now, both you get out!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Vash: *leaves while eating his okra*
Legato: *salutes Saitou* I commend you for your efforts, Sir. You would be a worthy adversary! *leaves*
Saitou and Shingai: Until next week! *wave*
This story was written and co-written by Raoulak and Marina
Disclaimer: We do not own Hajime Saitou or his guests.
Catchy Theme Song:
Shingai: Doo doo doo doo doo!!
Vash: The infamous world of Gunsmoke!
Saitou: Hajime Saitou, Hajime Saitou! You should meet him, he's the funniest guy!
Shingai: One might say my my my!!
Girly Fan: Oh Saitou-san, your so sexy I could just die!
Shingai: Doo doo doo doo doo!
Vash: The infamous world of Gunsmoke!
Saitou: Keep it going! Almost there!
Vash: Hajime Saitou!
Shingai: Hajime Saitou!
Both: You should meet him, he's the funniest guy!
Saitou: *smirk*
Girly Fan: Oh Saitou-san!! You're so sexy! I could just die!
Both: Your fame is being haunted!
Saitou: Alright, that's enough! Let's start....Hajime Saitou's Comedy Hour!!
Burly manly man: And now for the Hajime Saitou Comedy Hour!!!!!!!
Audience: *applause*
Saitou: Did I not just say that?!
Shingai: *sits back down next to Saitou*
Vash and Meryl: *sit in special guest chairs*
End Song
Saitou: Welcome back everyone! This is the second episode of Hajime Saitou's Comedy Hour!! Today we have two guests all the way from planet Gunsmoke, Vash and Meryl!!
Vash: Hullo!
Meryl: Hi, everyone!
Shingai: Tonight's guests are Meryl and Vash.
Saitou: Did I not just say that?
Shingai: Whatever......So!! Vash and Meryl!!! What made you want to come do our show?
Vash: I heard about this show of course!
Meryl: And Vash just made me come.
Shingai: Ha ha! Well, where's Milly?
Meryl: We actually found a chaperone for her this time, so she's back at the hotel room.
Audience: *laughter*
Vash: No!! It's true! You should see her when she's drunk...Whoo hoo!
Shingai: Sounds like some one I know. *looks at Saitou*
Saitou: What is that supposed to mean?
Audience: *laughter*
Saitou: *glares at audience*
Shingai: What, you don't remember? Tokio's party, your anniversary......oh, I can go on and on!
Saitou: Shut up! I AM married you know.
Meryl: Yeah, but he's just child's play compared to Milly when she's drunk!
Saitou: How do you know how I am when I'm drunk?! Wait...I don't get drunk! Never mind...
Vash: So!! What did he do at their anniversary?! I'm dying to know!!!!!
Shingai: Should I tell them, Saitou-san?
Saitou: *gives Shingai THE LOOK*
Shingai: Whatever, so where's Wolfwood, then?
Vash: I don't know, but I have his cross gun right here! *pulls it out* Isn't it pretty?!
Shingai: Oh yeah.....a real beaut.
Vash: *^_^*
Meryl: Why'd you bring that thing, Vash?!
Vash: Because it's pwetty!!
Meryl and Shingai: *-_-;*
Vash: *^_^*
Saitou: ...... Oh...kay...
Shingai: Uhhh....yeah, so what's it like being worth $$60 billion?
Vash: What about it?
Shingai: How does it affect you?
Vash: *shrugs* It's ok, I guess...It doesn't really bring in the chicks...
Meryl: It might explain Milly and his behavior.
Audience: *laughter*
Vash: But that girl...at the bar...the rich one! She was so pretty!! I thought it was going to work, really!
Meryl: You probably intimidate them with that cross.
Vash: MINE!! *grabs it*
Meryl: Technically it's Wolfwood's!
Vash: Shut up!
Shingai: Yeah.....
Saitou: Can I say something?
Meryl: Why not?
Saitou: *punches Meryl* Shut up!
Meryl: OW!! *grabs face* Vash! Are you going to let him hurt a lady like that?!
Vash: Ooh! Where?!
Audience: *laughter*
Saitou: Good answer.
Vash: No, but really, where?
Saitou: Just forget it, Vash. Meryl was talking about her own dumb self.
Meryl: Hey! I am not dumb!!
Vash: HAHAHA! Oh! Were you serious?
Audience: *hysterical laughter*
Meryl: * gives Vash THE LOOK*
Saitou: Excuse me, that's MY look, thank you!
Meryl: ......FINE!
Saitou: *punches Meryl again* Shut up, bitch!
Shingai: *thinking: What a drama queen!!*
Meryl: *holds face* Vash, can I go now?
Meryl: I know! But they're hurting me!
Saitou: Correction: WE'RE not hurting anyone. I am the one doing the hurting around here.
Vash: Well, be nice and he'll be nice!
Saitou: In other words, shut up! God Almighty...You nag worse than Tokio! Sorry dear!
Tokio: *at home watching the TV* Hmph! Cold ramen for you tonight!
Meryl: But-
Vash: No buts, Meryl. We're not supposed to talk about those things on TV. It's simply unheard of.
Shingai: Will you shut up for at least six minutes???!!!
Saitou: Thank you!
Meryl: Hmph... *crosses arms*
Vash: Meryl, now you're being juvenile.
Meryl: I told you I didn't want to come!
Vash: But you did.
Saitou: Tisk tisk! I thought Shingai told you to shut up for six minutes!
Burly manly man: This is true.
Meryl: *not listening to Saitou or Burly Manly Man* Did not!
Shingai: SHUT UP before I personally rip out your voice box!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Saitou: I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU!! *punches Meryl*
Meryl: *knocked out* @.@
Shingai: Now, * smiles again* Vash, how are you?
Vash: Better now, thanks guys.
Shingai: Finally! Peace and quiet! How do you put up with her?!
Vash: I try to avoid her as much as possible.
Shingai: Maybe, you should've left her with a chaperone, and brought Wolfwood or Milly
Meryl: *wakes up* Wha-what happened...Why am I on the floor? *looks at Saitou* WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME?!?!
Vash: I'm beginning to think you're right...
Shingai: *draws Korean sword*...Go to sleep!
Meryl: RAPE!! RAPE!!
Shingai: I'm straight. No man would give you the time of day!
Saitou: What?! All I did was knock her out!! I can do it again if that's what you guys want...
Shingai: *points sword at Meryl* Shut up or answer to me.
Saitou: How's this? *knocks her out again*
Shingai: *sheaths sword*
*Gandalf the Grey and Frodo Baggins from Lord Of The Rings come running across the set, Gandalf chasing Frodo*
Gandalf: Come back here, you runt! Give me that ring!! *pushes Shingai* Move, bitch, get out 'da way!
*Ludacris music cues*
Frodo: Ahhh!! Somebody help me!!!!!!!
Frodo and Gandalf: *run off set*
Saitou: TURN THAT DAMNED MUSIC OFF!!
Music: *swwwwsh*
Vash: Get out the-...oh.
Saitou: Don't even start...
Audience: *laughter*
Saitou: I guess I haven't lost my touch after all...
Shingai: *gets up* What was that all about?
Saitou: I think I know, but it's a REALLY long story...
Vash: But, I liked the song!!!! By the way, are you okay, Shingai-san?
Shingai: Yeah, nothing broken.
Vash: That's good. *reaches out grabs her hand and kisses it*
Meryl: *wakes up to him doing this* *O.o* Vash!!!! What are you doing?!
Vash: *lets go* Uh, nothing...Just making sure Shingai san is okay. Is that all right?
Meryl: She looks fine to me!!
Shingai: *rolls eyes*
Saitou: But you missed the whole Gandalf charade...
Meryl: Who's Gandalf?
Saitou: Never mind...
Shingai: Don't worry about it.
Saitou: It might hurt your little one-tracked mind.
Meryl: Oh yeah? And what track is that?
Saitou: Oh, don't deny it...
Meryl: What are you trying to imply?!?!?!?!
Saitou: Oh, I don't know...maybe that you're completely obsessed with Vash?
Meryl: You're delusional!!!!!
Saitou: Ok, I'll let you think that.
Meryl: I'll have you know that I have a boyfriend at home!!!!!
Shingai: Yeah right.
Audience and everyone else: *laughs hysterically*
Saitou: *still laughing* Now that's one I haven't heard before!!
Vash: *suppressing his giggles*
Shingai: Are you sure you're not referring to stuffed animals?
Meryl: *steaming* And what....you do?!
Shingai: No, but I wouldn't pull off what you're trying to do.
Meryl: But I'm serious!!
Audience and everyone else: *laughs hysterically again*
Shingai: Young adults, so cute when they don't what they want....or should I say who they want...
Meryl: And just how old are you?!
Shingai: I 'm sixteen. Got a problem with it?
Meryl: Um...
Saitou: So NOW you're at a lack of words...
Meryl: Um...
Audience: *laughter*
Saitou: I think it's time for you to go now. Good bye...
Meryl: Final... *dies*
Saitou: *Gatotsus Meryl*
Audience: *standing ovation*
Saitou: *smiling smugly*
Vash: Meryl, rest in hell.
Audience: *laugher*
Vash: Just glad I didn't have to kill her.
Audience: *more laugher*
Shingai: I would've done it myself, but Saitou beat me to it.
Vash: *kisses Shingai's hand again* Now that the bitch is gone, I have you all to myself, my dear...
Saitou: Ahem...
Shingai: *blushes*
Vash: *^______^* *still holding Shingai's hand*
Shingai: Well, how long have you been worth $$60 billion?
Vash: *ignoring her* You're very pretty, Shingai...
Shingai: Uhh....thank you, Vash. * bites lip in nervousness*
Vash: *^_____^*
Shingai: Vash?
Vash: Hi...
Shingai: Uhh....hello, how are you?
Vash: I'm great... *^______^*
Shingai: That's good! *starts to look in his eyes now*
Vash: *looks back* Cool...You have the prettiest blue eyes...
Shingai: You do, too.
Vash: Uh huh...
Saitou: *-.-*
Saitou: What?! It's MY show!!
Shingai: Not all of it is yours!
Saitou: You're only the co-host!
Shingai: YEAH!!! In other words, WE share it!!
Vash: *still looking at Shingai*
Saitou: But MORE of it is MINE!
Shingai: Look you!!!!! A guy's trying to pick me up, don't embarrass me!!!!!! 'Kay?! *twitches eye scarily*
Saitou*-.-* Is that supposed to intimidate me?
Shingai: So, can we just drop it?! *twitches eye scarily again*
Saitou: I will not have people hitting on you in the middle of the show!
Shingai: But they.....uhh...Saitou?
Saitou: Yes?
Shingai: Why is Meryl's corpse still there?
Saitou: Because...I'm not going to touch it...
Shingai: Oh....okay whatever. What were we talking about?
Vash: *pokes Shingai so she'll look back at him*
Shingai: HELLO!!!!!!....Yes, Vash?
Vash: *still looking at Shingai*
Shingai: Oh....what pretty colors!!!!!
Audience: * hysterical laughter*
Saitou: *sigh* Okay, I'll bring in the surprise guest...Come on in, Wolfwood!
Wolfwood: *comes on the set* Hello, hello. Vash?
Vash: *still locking eyes with Shingai*
Wolfwood: What's their problem?
Saitou: Don't ask...It's their problem, not ours.
Wolfwood: Alrighty then...
Shingai: Hey Wolfwood. * puts most of her attention to Wolfwood*
Saitou: Finally...
Wolfwood: Hello there, pretty little girl.
Vash: Hey! I saw her first!
Wolfwood: Hey, you mind if I give a compliment?! Just trying to be nice!
Vash: Yes, I do mind!
Wolfwood: Well it's true, she is pretty! And it's not like she's a piece of land or something! I swear, you're starting to act like Meryl!! By the way, why is she laying dead on the ground?!
Saitou: I can explain...
Wolfwood: Please do!
Saitou: Well, you see, um, she was being an annoying bitch, and...
Wolfwood: Enough said. *notices cross gun* Hey! What's that doing here?
Vash: It's sooo pwetty!!!!! *^_^*
Saitou and Shingai: *-_-;*
Wolfwood: I know, isn't it? But that's not the point! I want it back!
Vash: Mine!!!!!!!! *o*
Wolfwood: MINE!!!!!
Vash: Mine!!!!!!!!
Wolfwood: MINE!!!!!!!
Vash: Mine!!!!!!!!
Wolfwood: MINE!!!
Vash: Finders keepers...
Shingai: Guys?
Wolfwood: No way!!!!!!
Shingai: Guys?
Vash: Yes way!
Wolfwood: No way!!!!!!
Shingai: Guys?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *o*
Vash: Yes, my darling?
Shingai: That's better... Wolfwood, just let Vash borrow it 'til the show's over, or you'll be forever arguing.
Vash: As the lady commands! You heard her, Wolfwood! *^_^*
Wolfwood: Shut up.
Vash: *sits innocently in his chair, smiling*
Wolfwood: *crosses arms and sits down*
Saitou: Great! Now that that's settled...let's move on.
Vash: Can I sing the Genocide Song?!?!?! Please?!?!
Shingai: Huh? Yeah, sure, why not?
Wolfwood: Please don't get him started on that...
Shingai: Uhhh....what is it anyway?
Vash: *begins humming to himself*
Wolfwood: Too late now...
Shingai: Sorry.
Vash: Total Slaughter, Total Slaughter. I won't leave a single man alive.
La de da de dai, Genocide. La de da de duh, An ocean of blood. Let's begin the killing time.
Wolfwood: Oh God.
Saitou: *O.o*
Shingai: *-_-;*
Saitou: Shingai, I think we're in for another homicidal frenzy...This time it's Vash... Who next?
Shingai: Don't jinx it.
Wolfwood: I think we're all in trouble now.
Shingai: You said it.
Wolfwood: Said what?
Shingai: No, I mean that as in, I agree with you.
Wolfwood: I see...So now I suppose it's time to bring out my...portable confessional!! Seeing as we're all about to die, and all...
Saitou and Shingai: *-_-;;;*
Vash: C'mon you guys, sing along!!!!!!!!
Saitou: NO!!
Shingai: Why our show?!.....*-_-;*
Saitou: I don't know...Why can't Larry King get all the loonies? Oh wait, he already does...
Shingai: Or Jay Leno or something?
Saitou: You still don't know who Jay Leno is, do you?
Shingai: Does it matter? Either way, he has a show and Mr. Karaoke over here had the chance to go there, but instead chose us.
Saitou: So you still don't know who Jay Leno is?
Shingai: No.
Saitou: That's all you had to say.
Vash: I'm getting tired of this song; let's play a game with it!
Shingai: Whatever, why do we get all the psychotic people?
Vash: YAY!! Pretty girl said I could kill someone!! But...she...said it wasn't right to kill... Who do I listen to?! I'm so confused!!
Shingai: Vash, have you ever flown?
Vash: I WANNA FLY!!
Saitou: Shingai, no...
Shingai: Figures.
Vash: BUT I WANNA FLY!! Pretty girl, come fly with me!!! *jumps out of his chair and zooms around the set with his arms out*
Shingai: I hate my job.
Saitou: That's my line!
Vash: *grabs Shingai's arm and pulls her behind him* C'mon! Let's fly!!
Wolfwood: Maybe I should've left him with a chaperone.
Saitou: Yeah, maybe...You think?
Shingai: I think Milly would've actually been the only sane one.
Milly: *runs on the set* Meryl-sempai, where are...*sees Meryl's corpse*
Shingai: Long story, just sit down.
Milly: S-s-sempai...*whimper*
Vash: *still running around pulling Shingai*
Wolfwood: Milly, where's your chap- I mean, special friend?
Milly: *sniff* Friend? Oh, that person! He fell asleep...I knew he couldn't keep up with me!
Wolfwood: How'd you know we'd be here?
Milly: My friend told me! He drove the truck too! Then he fell asleep half way here. I drove the rest of the way! Aren't you proud of me, Mr. Priest?
Wolfwood: Oh, Vash?! Sit down before I take back the cross!!!!!!!!!
Vash: *sits down* MINE!!!!!!
Wolfwood: That's better.
Vash: MINE!! Don't even LOOK at it!
Wolfwood: FINE!!!!!!! Just sit down!!!!!!!!
Vash: But I am sitting...
Wolfwood: And stay there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Vash: I don't know what you're getting so worked up about...
Wolfwood: *gives him evil glare*
Saitou: Why MY show? Why not Conan O'Brian or Dr. Phil?
Vash: What was that for, Wolfwood, my friend?
Shingai: Or Oprah for that matter.
Saitou: My point exactly.
Audience: *hysteric laughter*
Saitou: After all this, I still got it.
Vash: Isn't that some kind of vegetable?
Wolfwood: That's okra, you idiot.
Vash: I WANNA BE AN OKRA!!
Wolfwood and Shingai: *mumbling: What's the difference?*
Milly: I WANNA BE AN OKRA, TOO!!
Vash: Milly, don't start.
Saitou: You're one to talk!!
Wolfwood: Why am I cursed with such idiot partners?!
Saitou: Why am I cursed with such idiot guests?!
Shingai: You took the words right out of my mouth.
Saitou: Well, excuse me...
Milly: Oh! Did somebody fart?
Audience: *hysterical laughter*
Saitou: Don't make me punch you, too, Milly!
Milly: You wouldn't dare hit a lady, would you?
Saitou: Yeah, gorilla-lady, maybe...
Milly: Are you implying that I look like a gorilla?!
Saitou: No, I most certainly am not. I'm just implying that you have the reflexes and brain capacity of a gorilla.
Milly: Oh! Okay.
Vash: Milly, you know he just insulted you worse, right?
Milly: Yeah...I knew that...Wait a second!!
Wolfwood and Shingai: ....I'm not going to ask. *-_-;*
Saitou: What have we gotten ourselves into, Shingai?
Shingai: Another public migraine.
Saitou: Another? Wait, the last one was all your fault!
Shingai: How?
Saitou: Remember...that thing you did? Come on, let's not discuss that here...there's already enough madness going on with the okra and the gorilla.
Shingai: Whatever, everything's always my fault.
Saitou: I never said that. I will admit this was mostly my fault.
Vash: Did someone say okra?
Saitou: Again with the okra... No, I said banana sundae!
Milly: What about the gorilla? They're so cute and fuzzy!!!!
Saitou: Cute isn't exactly the word I was thinking of.
Milly: Ooh! What?!
Saitou: Never mind...It's a word too big for your gorilla shaped brain to consume.
Milly: I'll have you know that I'm not a gorilla!!
Wolfwood and Shingai: That's what they all say. *laugh at each other*
Vash: HEY! What are you two, laughing about?!
Saitou: I pity you, Vash.
Vash: I said I saw her first!!!!!! *grabs Shingai*....My Shinny-shin!!!!!!
Saitou: Shinny-shin?
Wolfwood: Saitou, don't ask.
Shingai: Vash! Put me down.
Vash: Mine!!!!!!
Saitou: I can ask if I want to, it's my show!
Wolfwood: Fine, it's your ass.
Saitou: Excuse me? I'll have you know I'm happily married to a WOMAN, you gay priest...staring at my ass...how dare you.
Milly: I want a banana sundae!!!!!
Audience: *-_-;*
Wolfwood: Don't flatter yourself, Saitou. I'm straight.
Girl fans: YAY!!!!!!!!!!!
Saitou: Get off my set, you gay priest.
Wolfwood: To get away from a gorilla girl, an okra, a desperate show host, and a poor pretty little girl being tortured, gladly.
Milly: Where are you going, Wolfwood?
Saitou: Who you calling desperate, you gay priest?!
Audience: *hysterical laughter*
Wolfwood: You.
Saitou: GET OFF MY SET!!! SECURITY!!!
Wolfwood: *gets up from chair, and starts walking* I'm going. I'm going.
*security guards come out of no where and grab Wolfwood and cuff him and drag him off the set*
Wolfwood: Might as well go out with a bang, right?
Audience: *laughter*
Saitou: That's right, Mr. Gay Priest, have the last word! As long as I never have to see you again, I'm okay with it!
Milly: May I have a banana sundae, please? Mr. Priest, when you come back, bring me a banana sundae!
Audience: *laughter*
Shingai: *-_-;*
Vash: Face it, Milly, he isn't coming back.
Saitou: Damn right, he isn't.
Milly: Why not?
Vash: Because, he was mean to Saitou-san.
Saitou: That's the nicest thing you've said about me all day.
Shingai: *still being squeezed by Vash* Vash, how long are you going to hold me like this?
Vash: Oops... *lets go*
Shingai: So, where's Legato these days?
Vash: Legato? OH!!! I killed him!! *^_^*
Shingai: Oh.
Saitou: Not this again! Please dear God...
Milly: Gorilla's are fuzzy!
Vash: Milly, there's a reason why we put you with a chaperone.
Milly: Well, Mike V. wasn't a good chaperone...wait, you said he was my friend!!!
Vash: Well, he is, isn't he yours?
Milly: Well....yes.
Vash: LIAR!!!!!!! Well, what exactly happened?
Milly: WE GOT DRUNK! YAY!!!
Vash: I am gonna KILL the guy who told me the professional skater Mike Vallely was responsible!!!
Random guy in the crowd: *runs out*
Milly: NO!!!!!! Don't do that, he was responsible....
Vash: *sees random guy running out* I'M GONNA GET YOU!!! *runs out after him*
Saitou: There goes another guest...
Milly: Can we have a gorilla come on?
Saitou: NO!
Audience: * hysterical laughter*
Shingai: Again with the gorillas.
Milly: What's wrong with gorillas?!?!?!?!
Shingai: You tell me.
Saitou: Everything...They're big, clumsy, stupid, and they shed all over my set! *picks up a Milly hair* Just like what you're doing now!
Milly: There's nothing wrong with them!!!!!!!
Saitou: *coughcoughyesthereiscough*
Shingai: Besides the fact that you're in denial that you're trying to stand up for your own kind.
Milly: Shut up! *starts to cry* What are you trying to say little girl?!
Shingai: Why does everyone call me a little girl?
Saitou: Because, compared to everyone else that's been on this show, you are a little girl.
Shingai: Great.
Milly: You hurted my feelings, little girl!!!!!!!!
Shingai: You're welcome.
Milly: I didn't say thank you!!
Shingai: That's okay; I knew what you were thinking. Young adults, so predictable.
Saitou: *prepares himself* Yes?
Milly: Are you going to let her talk to me that way?!?!?!
Saitou: Why wouldn't I?
Milly: Because little girls should respect their elders.
Mike Vallely: *stumbles in, drunkenly* Wha-what...Mil-mil, where are ya?
Milly: Here I am.
Mike V.: Why'd you leave, you know you were supposed to stay with me.
Milly: I wanted to see Sempai, but she's dead and these people are being mean, so we can go now...
Mike V.: YAY!!! MORE BEER!!
Milly: YAY!!!!... *^_^*
Saitou: *-.-*
*outside*
Vash: COME BACK, YOU BASTARD!!
Guy: What?!
Vash: OH MY GOD!! YOU KILLED KENNY!!! Wait, wrong story.
Guy: Drunken asshole.
Vash: I am not drunk, thank you. Milly is the drunken one!!
Guy: What's the difference? You both know each other, and you both act like gorillas and okra.
Vash: I want okra! *sees guy getting away* Wait a minute, get back here!
Guy: Make me!!!!!! *runs faster*
Vash: *^_^* Okay!! *Angel Arm appears* Stop right where you are, sir! I don't want to have to use this!
Guy: *slows down*......Use what?! *sees Angel Arm* ACK!!!!!
Vash: I tried to warn you........!
*in jail*
Wolfwood: *playing the harmonica, sitting in a lonely cell*
TV: *Hajime Saitou's Comedy Hour* Saitou: Um...Okay, that was strange...But thank God Milly and that guy left, right Shingai?
TV: Shingai: Um...sure...
Wolfwood: Such a shame... *goes back to playing harmonica* Wait, how did i get this anyway?
*back on the set*
Shingai: Where do our sponsors find these people?
Saitou: How am I supposed to know? Ask them! Besides...now we have no guests...
Shingai: I know that, genius.
Saitou: Shut up! *looks as if he's about to hit her again*
Shingai: What?!....Am I supposed to cringe or something?
Saitou: *hits her*
Shingai: Oh my God, ow.
Saitou: Shut up before I hit you AGAIN again.
Audience: *hysterical laughter*
Shingai: I'm shaking in my boots.
Saitou: I didn't know you were wearing boots.
Mother: Shinny?!?!?!?!?!?!
Shingai: Okay, now I am...
Saitou: Please God, not this again... *starts praying*
Mother: *comes onto the set* Hello Saitou-sama.
Mother: Just thought I bring you two kids some cookies. *holds up a platter of Toll House cookies*
Saitou: They're not poisoned, are they?
Mother: Now why would I poison my little girl and her little friend?
Saitou: I don't know... *takes a cookie warily*
Shingai: You really want me to answer that?
Saitou: Should I put it back?
Mother: Just taste it, it'll melt in your mouth.
Saitou: *licks cookie* Well, I'm not dead yet...
Shingai: I'm under the influence that that's a bad thing. Or might be, at least.
Mother: C'mon Shingai, have one.
Shingai: Pass. I ain't hungry.
Saitou: Take it, maybe she'll leave.
Mother: Well, I have things to do anyway. Bye kids. *walks off set*
Saitou: *finishes cookie* Damn, she ain't that bad a cook.
Shingai: Whatever.
Saitou: Still not as good as Tokio's, though.
*at Saitou's house*
Tokio: Awww, did he really mean that? Maybe there'll be no cold ramen tonight after all. Well, at least I know I can do something to make him happy.
*back on the set*
Vash: *comes running in carrying random guy* Hey guys, I brought a friend!
Guy: Put me down!
Shingai: Don't we have enough chaos with just one guest?
Vash: I guess not! *^_^* And he thought he recommended a good chaperone for Milly, the liar!!!!!!
Guy: HEY!!!!!!! I didn't know he was going to baby-sit a grown drunk chick, either.
Vash: Well, you didn't ask!!!!!!
Guy: It's still not my fault! And PUT ME DOWN!! I didn't think I had to- why is there a corpse on the floor?!
Saitou and Shingai: Long story.
Guy: Whatever....LATER!!!!!!! *breaks free of Vash's grasp and disappears in to nothingness*
Saitou: How'd he do that?!
Vash: HUH?! HEY!!!!!!! He's gone!!!!! *once again notices Shingai*.... Hi, Shingai-san.
Audience: *laughter*
Shingai: Hi.
Saitou: Great. My show has got to be the worst on the air. Not to mention random.
Shingai: With sky high ratings.
Saitou: How do you know? Since when do you pay attention to the news?
Shingai: I don't, that's what the boss said.
Saitou: Wait...boss? What boss? I thought I was the boss! The title of the show even has MY name in it!
Shingai: Our sponsor, dumb ass.
Saitou: Watch who you're calling a dumb ass.
Shingai: What, gouge out my eyeballs and turn them around?
Audience: * hysterical laughter*
Saitou: Sadly, that's exactly what I mean. But no one ever takes me seriously.
Shingai: There's a reason for that.
Audience: *laughter*
Saitou: *glare*
Shingai: What?
Audience: *fell silent*
Saitou: You know exactly what I'm talking about...
Shingai: People only listen to you when you draw your sword.
Saitou: Alright then... *draws katana*
Shingai: What's on your mind?
Saitou: Um... *^___^* Wait, never mind... Hurting you is on my mind right now, actually.
Shingai: *smiles and nods politely*
Saitou: Stop with the Kenshin act.
Shingai: What are you talking about?
Vash: Who's Kenshin? Is he an old boyfriend, Shingai? Something you want to tell me?
Shingai: No, an old adversary.
Vash: Adversary? You didn't kill him, did you? Killing is bad. Rem said so.
Shingai: I wish.
Vash: Wish what, dear Shingai? *grabs her hands and looks in her eyes*
Shingai: Je veux mourir.
Saitou: Oh my God, she speaks French...
Vash: Why ever would you want to die, Shingai?
Shingai: I speak something else, too.
Saitou: And what is that?
Shingai: Pain.
Saitou: Vash, you asked her why she wanted to die, right? I could gratify that wish...
Vash: What do you mean? I'm scared!!!!!!!
Saitou: Good, you should be...
Vash: *Angel Arm appears and he stands in front of Shingai* I WILL NOT LET YOU HARM HER!!!
Saitou: OH MY GOD!!! WHAT IS THAT?!?!
Vash: Meet the Angel Arm.
Saitou: *nozzle of the Angel Arm pointed at his nose* You CAN put that away now, you know...
Vash: Do you PROMISE not to harm Shingai-san?!?!!?!?!?!
Saitou: Yeah, yeah, sure. JUST PUT THAT DAMN THING AWAY!
Vash: All right, along as she is safe. One problem, though.
Saitou: And what is that?
Vash: I really don't know how to put it way.
Saitou: You...what?!?!
Vash: Plus, I can't really control it.
Saitou: Am I in trouble?
Vash: Hey, I wouldn't have done it if I thought you weren't going to hurt Shingai-san. Not really anyway.
Saitou: .......
Shingai: Don't I feel special.
Vash: Yes you are, Shingai-san.
Saitou: ......
Vash: What?! You disagree?!?!!?!?!??!!?! *left eye twitching*
Saitou: It's not that I disagree...How can I disagree with you when you have that thing in my face?!
Vash: Well, you should have thought of that when you threatened Shingai- san!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You NEVER, and I mean NEVER threaten Vash the Stampede's women!!!!!!!
Shingai: Wow, for the first time on this show, someone actually called me a woman.
Audience: *laughter*
Saitou: Whatever...do you think you could TRY and put that thing away now? If it goes off, the whole town is going up in flames...
Vash: I've tried to try, but I fail every time trying to try to try.
Audience: * O.o*
Saitou: What is that supposed to mean?
Shingai: In just plain English.....he can't.
Audience: Ooh! *confused laughter*
Saitou: How come you are the only one who can understand this strange man?
Shingai: Just lucky I guess...
Audience: *laughter*
Saitou: Lucky? You say the possibility of accidentally being disintegrated any second by that thing any minute LUCKY?!
Vash: You don't understand me, Saitou-san?
Saitou: Not really...
Vash: Well are you trying? In order for you to try to understand me, you must try to try to understand and listen well. Or maybe I'm just trying to try too hard. Well, I'll try to try be more...well...I'll try to be to more clear. So let's give it a try!!! If she's not trying to try to understand without trying, you should try, too.
Saitou: *-_-*
Audience: * @.@*
Saitou: Can you believe I understood that?
Shingai: Do you need another translation oh great and powerful one?
Saitou: I said I actually UNDERSTOOD that!
Audience: *claps*
Shingai: To be completely honest...no.
Saitou: 'No' what?
Shingai: No as in, no I don't believe you to comprehend that.
Saitou: Well I did!!
Shingai: Want a prize?
Saitou: Shut it, Shingai.
Audience: *laughter*
Shingai: All yours.
Saitou: *glares at audience*
Audience: *falls silent*
Vash: Why do you like to scare people, Saitou-san?
Saitou: Be...cause...it's fun?
Vash: I worry about you, Saitou-san.
Saitou: And I you. At least I can keep my woman around.
Vash: What woman are you referring to? It seems as though you have more than one. *glares at the female audience*
Saitou: Uh, yeah...that...Well in this case, I'm talking about my WIFE!
Female audience: Ahhhh!
Vash: But she is not here, and I don't see her in the audience.
Saitou: That's because...she's at my house...duh...
Vash: Well, it's not like I had one.
Saitou: I feel pity for you, Vash the Stampede. A wife is an incredible thing.
*at Saitou's house*
Tokio: *hears what Saitou just said* Awww...He's never said anything like that before...
*back on the set*
Vash: An angel arm is an incredible thing.
Saitou: I'll take your word for it...
Vash: Good!!!!!....Where do you think we should bury Meryl? *stares at the corpse*
Saitou: I assume we can find a suitable ditch for her...
Audience: *laughter*
Saitou: *smug look on his face*
Saitou: Yes?
Vash: Nothing.
Saitou: Oh no, you don't. What were you going to say?
Vash: Never mind. *said so innocently*
Saitou: *glare* Say it!
Vash: Do you really want me to say it?
Saitou: Must I really repeat myself?
Vash: Yeah, it would be nice t-
Shingai: Don't even say it.
Saitou: Well? Are you going to say it, or not?
Vash and Shingai: You're not going to like it.
Saitou: Just tell me!!
Vash: Why are you such a tight-ass all the time?
Saitou: *glare*
Vash: We told you, but you're always seem in a bad mood.
Saitou: What do you mean 'you already told me'? You told me something I already knew! Tokio tells me that all the time.
Vash: Oh!!!!! But why?
Saitou: That is none of your business...
Shingai: Just accept him for who he is....
Saitou: What's that supposed to mean?
Shingai: Don't tell me you're trading in your evil stares and glares for happy happy joy joy smiles and grins.....?
Saitou: What the hell did you just say?
Shingai: Are you changing from evil to good or what?
Saitou: Who gave you that idea?
Shingai: Forget it, you're confused again.
Audience: * laughter*
Saitou: I am not!
Vash: Yes you are!!!!!!! Awww, Shingai, he's s-
Shingai: Don't say it.
Saitou: Say what?
Shingai: If you do, you're only making your death wish.
Saitou: I do not have a death wish. The only one who can match my power is the Battousai.
Vash: And he surpasses you, too.
Saitou: *glare* That has never happened in the entire Rurouni Kenshin and Samurai X series.
Shingai: *-__-;* You done did it.
Vash: What....? But isn't Kenshin better? I saw the show!!!!!!
Audience: *laughter*
Saitou: I didn't know they had Rurouni Kenshin on Planet Gunsmoke.... I didn't know they had ANY anime on Planet Gunsmoke...
Vash: Uh huh!!!!!! It comes on every Saturday morning!!!!!!!! I've never missed a single episode!!!!! *pouts in pride*
Saitou: Okay, okay...Don't lose sleep over it...
Vash: Okay!!!!
Saitou: *-_-;;*
Vash: Then, I have another question!!!
Saitou: *rolls eyes* What now?
Vash: How do you get your hair like that and stay that way?
Saitou: I could ask you the same question, broom head...
Vash: Oh it's simple!!!!! Baby oil!!!!!!!!!!
Saitou: Why am I not surprised?
Audience: *laughter*
Saitou: *-_-;;*
Vash: How do you do hair, Shingai-san?
Audience: *-__-;;*
Saitou: Hey! I haven't answered you yet!
Shingai: Some people use what you call a comb and brush.
Vash: Oh yeah! I've heard of those!!
Shingai: I hope so.
Audience: *laughter*
Saitou: And the cool one still gets ignored...
Fan Girls: WE still love you, Saitou!!!
Vash: Ooh!!!!!! Where's the cool one?!?!!?!?!?!?!
Audience: * hysterical laughter*
Saitou: *-_-;;;* Right here, imbecile...
Vash: Awww man!!!!! I thought you were serious!!!!! *snaps finger*
Saitou: *-_-;;;;*
Vash: Can I have a quarter?
Audience: *laughter*
Saitou: *-_-;;;* Shingai, he likes you. You do something!
Shingai: But didn't you just tell me to stop talking?
Saitou: Just...shut him up!
Shingai: Okay, Vash....? *innocently said*
Vash: Am I in trouble?
Legato: *comes in* You are now...
Shingai: ......
Vash: *O.O* But...I...killed you...
Legato: Well, you didn't.
Vash: But I did! I was sure of it!
Legato: And to think I could kill every man, woman, and child here if I wanted to. The power of death is intoxicating.
Saitou: How did you get in here?
Legato: Your only concern is to keep your ratings up.
Saitou: And you can help me do that?
Legato: Maybe. What is he doing here?
Saitou: He's a guest...I was forced to invite him.
Legato: How depressing.
Saitou: Exactly my point.
Legato: Finally, some genius killed the bitch.
Saitou: Thank you.
Legato: And who's this? *looks at Shingai*
Vash: I SAW HER FIRST!!! *hugs Shingai tightly*
Shingai: Here we go again.
Vash: What? I am just trying to protect you from this monster!
Saitou: Who's the monster here?
Shingai: I can take care of myself, I have my own kind of protection.
Vash: But the women I love NEED me!!!!! *begins to cry, still clutching Shingai* He's the monster!!!!!! *points at Legato*
Shingai: *gasping for breath*
Saitou and Legato: *-_-;* *look at each other* Stop doing what I am doing! No, you! You first!! YOU!!!
Shingai: *x.x*
Saitou and Legato: Leave me alone! No you! Go away!! YOU!!
Vash: *trembling, still holding Shingai* SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Saitou and Legato: *fold their arms across their chests and turn their backs on each other*
Vash: That's better.
Saitou and Legato: *stick their tongues out at Vash*
Vash: But she's mine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Shingai: *x.x*
Saitou: How did this start again?...Vash, let go of Shingai, she's suffocating...wait...never mind...
Vash: MINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *grabs her tighter*
Shingai: *x.x*
Audience: *hysterical laughter*
Saitou: *steps closer to Vash, but then remembers he still has the Angel Arm out* Uh, Vashie-san, would you please let her go, at least a little bit?
Vash: Mine!!!!!!!!
Shingai: *turning blue*
Legato: *suppressing giggles* This is great...
Legato: *hand over his mouth* Why...heh heh...yes it is...especially since you are the one causing it...You're the one torturing her, remember?
Vash: Oh!!!!!! Shingai-san!!!!!! *finally releases her*
Shingai: *panting, turns back to normal color*
Saitou and Legato: Damn, it was just getting good...
Saitou: Oh no, not this again.
Vash: What?!!?!?!?!? Tell me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Legato: What do you mean 'what'? Don't be stupid...*smacks Vash*
Vash: Shingai-san!!!!!!!!!! *said in fear*
Shingai: What now?
Vash: Hold me!!!!!!!!! *puts arms around her waist*
Audience: *laughter*
Legato: Get off her, she doesn't want you. *smacks Vash again*
Shingai: And, aren't you the one with the Angel Arm? Hold yourself.
Legato: You know he's just a 100 year old plant, don't you?
Shingai: Oh yeah.
Saitou: How come I didn't know this?
Shingai: Because.
Saitou: *-_-;*
Shingai: Any more questions?
Saitou: Yeah, will you go away?
Shingai: Fine. *starts to get up*
Vash: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
Audience: BOO!!!!!!! *starts throwing trash at Saitou*
Saitou: She's the one that wants to! Alright, if that's how it's going to be...I will leave!
Vash: And YOU asked her!!!!!!!!!
Girl Fans: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!
Saitou: Sorry ladies, no one wants me here! *gets up to leave*
Girl Fans: WE DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Saitou: Too late. *leaves*
Legato: Stop!!!!!!
Saitou: *pops head back in* Yes?
Legato: Are you really going to waste your career because you don't like your best but sarcastic friend as your co-host?
Saitou: .......
Vash: *O.O* I didn't know you had it in you, Legato-san.
Legato: SILENCE!!!!!!!! *smacks Vash once again*
Vash: Owie! *holds cheek*
Legato: Quiet, before I strike at you, again!
Saitou: *comes back in* I am not sitting back down until all the wrongs have been righted.
Legato: Enlighten me.
Saitou: Apologize, every one of you!
Legato, Vash, and Shingai: FOR WHAT?!
Saitou: ....That's it... *leaves for good*
Legato, Vash, and Shingai: OKAY!!!!!!!......Sorry, Saitou-san!!!!!!!!!!!
Saitou: *comes back in, laughing* I got you all good!
Legato, Vash, and Shingai: *_*
Saitou: You know this whole thing was a set up, correct?
Legato, Vash, and Shingai: *_*
Saitou: *to the audience* Thanks for your cooperation, all!
Audience: *^-^*
Saitou: *smiles slightly*
Vash: You know, this is the first time I've seen you truly smile this whole time...
Legato: .....imbecile......
Shingai: ......
Saitou: Don't push it, people. The show's almost over anyway.
Vash: But I still don't have my okra!
Legato and Shingai: Oh God... HEY!!!!! Now we're doing it!!!!!! STOP!!!!!!!!...... SHUT UP ALREADY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Someone Backstage: *comes in and gives Vash some okra*
Vash: Thank you, dude!!!!!!!!
Someone Backstage: *goes back stage*
Vash: My mommy used to make it!!!!! *^_^*
Legato: B-
Shingai: Just let him have his moment.
Saitou: Okay, folks, that's all the time we have! Until next time, when we have...Tsukasa, Bear and Mimiru from .hack//SIGN!!!
Audience: *claps and files out*
Saitou and Shingai: Now, both you get out!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Vash: *leaves while eating his okra*
Legato: *salutes Saitou* I commend you for your efforts, Sir. You would be a worthy adversary! *leaves*
Saitou and Shingai: Until next week! *wave*