Awfulness on April First
Chapter Three: Applying the Threefold Rule
Disclaimer: Lilo & Stitch is not mine. Hallelujah.
Author's Note #2: Christine will appear in this chapter. Her lines will be written in brackets, since she can't speak English or Turian. By the way, you'll see the return of something from 'Basically, They Want Attention.'
Author's Note #3: This chapter—which is the last one—contains violence, and some possibly frightening material. I have warned you.
Author's Note #4: The prank that Gigglyn plays on Christine is taken from Naruto.
- -
"MY HAIR IS ON FIRE! MY HAIR IS ON FIRE!" Nani screamed.
"Gee, this chapter's off to a quick start," Lilo said, coming into Nani's room.
"Lilo! Get me some water!"
"I already have a bucket of water, thanks to the power of…"
"Just dump it on my hair!"
Lilo poured the water onto Nani's hair.
"Hey, Nani, how'd your hair catch on fire?"
"I woke up like that."
"YAAAAAHHH!!" Stitch bellowed.
"What's the matter?" Lilo asked him.
Stitch slumped into Nani's bedroom. "Note from Angel," he said, handing Lilo a letter.
"She says that you wrote all those bad things about her?"
"Ih."
Lilo studied the letter. "I don't remember you ever calling her a vile, foul-tempered ogress. Or, for that matter, a steel-hearted, fire-breathing dragon. Not to mention a caterwauling, demonic siren. And what the heck does 'anserine, mettlesome qued' mean?"
"Meega naga have clue, but it sound bad."
"Non-verbal sound conveying repulsion and disbelief!" someone shrieked.
"That would be Pleakley," Nani said.
--
A quick jaunt across the hall found Pleakley in his room, sobbing.
"All my women's outfits are gone. My purple muumuu, my paisley-print bathrobe, my spandex for doing yoga, the ensemble that makes me look like ParaPara from Sailor Moon Super S, my ridiculous Stuck-in-the-Sixties suit, my cocktail waitress's getup, my Final Fantasy X-2 costumes that I was going to wear in case there was a cosplay convention…they're all missing."
"Um, well, that's…uh…" Nani began.
"That's not the worst of it. They've been replaced with these!" Pleakley flung open his wardrobe's doors, revealing several copies of his old uniform.
"At least they're all different colors," Lilo said.
"I can't wear this, though," Pleakley replied, holding up a black uniform. "I'll look like I'm attending a funeral."
"And that orange one makes me want to vomit," Nani said disgustedly.
"Red uniform just look silly," said Stitch.
"You can't wear the yellow one, obviously," Lilo said with a smile.
"This gray one isn't so bad, though…."
There was a pause.
"Excusing me," said Jumba, who was previously absent. "May I be coming in? I am partially owning this room, after all."
"All right," Nani told him. "But where were you?"
"Long story. I shorten it. Four-Oh-One tried to drown me in creek."
Stunned silence reigned.
"Speaking of Four-Oh-One, where is she?" asked (insert random character's name here).
--
It turned out that Gigglyn was hiding in the cupboard.
"That was brilliant, but it didn't work," she said, commenting on her attempt to drown Jumba. "Hmm…what else can I do?"
At that moment, Stitch was placing a phone call to Christine, who was at a body shop. Stitch was inviting Christine to come over, because they needed a superweapon in order to defeat Gigglyn.
She snickered, and the eyes in her scepter glowed. "I could make Christine totally blow her stack…yeah, that could work."
--
When Christine arrived, Gigglyn made sure to pop out of the cupboard two minutes and fourteen seconds afterward.
"[Hey, it's Experiment Four-Oh-One, the little brat who poured root beer in my engine!]"
"That's right," she replied. "Hey, Pleakley, turn around for a moment."
"Why?"
"No reason."
"I don't trust you."
"Just do it!" Gigglyn shouted.
"Okay…"
Gigglyn used her staff to thrust Pleakley forward, so that his lips landed on top of Jumba's.
"[AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH]!"
"Someone is going to being toast!"
"Poison! My mouth has been contaminated! I'm dying."
Christine popped out all of her weapons and focused them on Gigglyn.
"Heh heh…gotta run."
--
Elsewhere, Experiment 625 was about to bite into a truly delicious sandwich.
"All my favorite ingredients," 625 said. Before he could take a bite, a metal claw reached out and grabbed him (625, not the bite).
"Yikes! Put me down! Put me down!" The claw shook him back and forth, until 625 became very dizzy. He was finally dropped onto the floor.
"You deserve it, trog," Gantu said before sitting down in the captain's chair.
He had to eat his words when he felt a shaking something jut into his rump.
"EEYOWWW!"
"What?"
Gantu held out a bumble ball. "Take a gander at this thing!" he growled.
"That's gotta hurt."
Gantu tossed the bumble ball out of a window and into a pond, where a certain frog leaped out of the way.
625 studied his sandwich. "I'm not going to eat this, now."
--
That night, Lilo had gathered her immediate family and Christine for an emergency meeting.
"We need to do something about Gigglyn. In less than two days, she has made utter chaos, disrupted our 'ohana, and bothered the living heck out of us. Now, I have an idea. The best way to defeat Gigglyn is if we play tricks on her."
Lilo's audience applauded.
"All right. Now, here's what we're going to do…"
--
Gigglyn sat in the upstairs hallway, plotting her next move. She was entirely oblivious to the fact that there was a monster silently making his way toward her.
Gigglyn felt a tap on her shoulder. She (Gigglyn, not the shoulder) whirled around.
A hideous monster stood in front of her. He had purple scales, an arrow-tipped tail, and two horns. He wore leather fetish gear, had large dragonwings on his back, and carried a black pitchfork and a whip.
"Hi, Gigglyn. Welcome to Hell!"
She screamed and took off downstairs. Blocking her way was a girl with with chalk-white skin and a bloody-looking face. The girl held up a voodoo doll, and ripped it open. Stuffing slowly dripped out, as if the doll were bleeding. Gigglyn's stomach lurched. She zipped back upstairs. The demon had vanished, but in his place was a terrifying zombie. He had rotting green skin, three eyes where four once were, missing teeth, and torn clothing. His mottled hands overturned a jar of an unrecognizable substance onto Gigglyn's body.
She gave a disgusted verbal sound, pounced over the banister, and dashed in front of the kitchen. An ebony-furred creature swooped down from the doorframe, and revealed himself. He wore a crimson cloak, and had wings and ears like a bat's. He opened his mouth, showing bloodstained teeth, and lunged towards Gigglyn in an attempt to bite her neck.
Gigglyn shrieked, speeding into the living room. A silver car with flames painted on its sides rolled up. It stopped, and a woman exited the car. The woman wore an intimidating red dominatrix outfit. She lifted a whip from what seemed like thin air. Instead of a normal whip, this one had scorpions on the end.
"Welcome to the Inferno," said the woman, in a voice that seemed to crackle with fire. "I'll be glad to show you around the Nine Circles. But watch your step…or these scorpions will watch it for you."
Gigglyn was too traumatized to scream. She grabbed her suitcase and fled from the house.
--
Along her way, Gigglyn spotted a puppy.
"Oh…hello," Gigglyn said. "You're out late."
The puppy's eyes locked onto her. He slowly crept towards her, without averting his glance.
"Um…er…what are you doing?"
He stepped into the moonlight. The puppy had ruffled brown fur, a bushy, pointed tail, razor-sharp claws, ears that were positioned upward, and fangs. He salivated shortly, then raised his head in a howl that pierced the silence of the night like an assassin's dagger.
"Y-you're not a puppy…you're a…WOLF!!"
Gigglyn was more afraid of werewolves than anything else. She stampeded away from that spot, without looking back even once.
--
What became of Gigglyn? She went back to live with Chlemyra.
(To all the readers who are curious: Pleakley was a demon, Lilo was a dead voodoo priestess, Jumba was a zombie, Christine was the Devil's automoile, Nani was a female version of Satan, and 625 was a werewolf).
That wasn't the last time anyone ever saw Gigglyn, though. Or Chlemyra, either.
Or the werewolf…
THE END
Author's Note: I might write something about Pokemon next.