Disclaimer: I do not own Lord of the Rings or any characters and/or places
thereof
*****
I must have been six, perhaps seven, years old when Elrohir told me I was ugly. True, at that time in my life I had been quite vain. Who would not have been? I was a child, and so often told of my superior appearance that it was to me a fact: I was beautiful. Then one day, when I was waiting with the twins my brothers for our friend--for I did think of him as "our" friend--Legolas to arrive, Elrohir tried to shoo me away. "Arwen, why do you not go and play with your doll?" he suggested.
"I want to greet Legolas when he arrives," I replied. "He is my friend, too."
"Arwen, I do not think he wishes to greet you," Elrohir replied, not trying to sound cruel but certainly achieving it. The idea that Legolas did not enjoy my company was new to me. Though he was far closer in age to my brothers, he was always very kind to me and spoke to me as though I were an adult, which at the time I quite considered myself to be. I had known him for all of my years, and for all of my years he had behaved in the same manner towards me. The idea of this as a falsity appalled me. "He is our friend, Elladan's and mine, not yours."
"He is so!" I shouted at my brother. "He wants to greet me because he is my friend! He is not your friend. Who would want to be friends with a smelly goblin like you?" Do not think that I am as I was then--my fit of temper ashamed me for many years until I accepted that the person I was then had gone. At my remark, Elrohir looked startled, then returned, "Who would want to be friends with a stupid, ugly chit like you?" In hardly three minutes, my brother had forced me to consider two things I had never even thought of before: that Legolas disliked me, and that I was ugly. Things might have gone differently if I had responded equally, by insulting Elrohir or denying his accusation, but instead I burst into tears and ran away.
"Elrohir!" exclaimed Elladan, turning angrily to his twin. "Why did you do that? She is only a child, Elrohir. You were far too harsh, that was certainly not necessary."
"I only want the best of happiness for our little sister," Elrohir replied, "but Elladan, I could not stand to have her here so constantly. Do you not tire of her? And besides that, a lesson in humility will not do her badly." Elladan was displeased with this answer, but said nothing.
I ran out of the house and to the gardens, my stubby legs moving as fast as they could as I made my way to the pond in the gardens. Once there, I knelt on the rocks that entered the water at a diagonal, sniffling, and watched the ripples grow in the water as my tears fell. My pond was the lower pond, hidden behind a larger one, and because of the abrupt end of the two upper shelves the water entered my pond via two small waterfalls. Lilies were in abundance on the water, floating on their waxy leaf-like lilypads. The blooming flowers were white, sometimes hued with purples, quite blissful little things. Frogs would hide among the lilies and croak, and koi swam about, flashing gobs of red, orange, black, white, and grey. The pond was most magical at night--but that is unrelated, for the time being.
I sat on the rock and cried. At one point, because I had to know, I leaned over the edge and saw my reflection in the water. My eyes were Elrohir was right; I was hideous! With a sob I hid my face in my hands, thinking that because I was ugly my life would be lonely, and would end when I died of heartbreak, because no one wanted me at all.
As I was hiding I heard a sound of footsteps, as though one had hopped, then some splashing, and I knew someone was looking for me. The splashing was a giveaway--my little refuge could only be accessed by crossing a trickling little stream. I drew closer to the rocks, as if this would make me invisible. I did not want to go back to the house and act "like a lady". For the first time, I did not want to sit up straight and quiet and be seen but not heard, and I was willing to fight against those regulations. If I was an ugly, stupid, annoying little girl, well, the prospect made me a different person. To my surprise and near disappointment, I did not hear any command or scolding. I heard the sounds of a person settling down and I felt a warm hand on my back.
"Hello there, Little Evenstar." Even as a youth, people called me "Evenstar". It always made me feel as though something great was expected of me, something above average, something undeliverable. Coming from Legolas, it made me feel like I was special. "I was hoping you would be waiting for me, and when I saw that you were not, I sought you out. Hopefully I do not invade your privacy too much?"
"Go away!" I told him. "Leave me alone!"
"But why, Little Star? What did I do?"
"Nothing. You are Elladan and Elrohir's friend, not my friend! Go be with them."
"I am your friend, Arwen," he said, his voice tinged with slight insult.
"No one wants to be friends with a stupid, ugly little twerp," I said sadly, because I truly wanted Legolas to be my friend. "And do not say that is untrue, because it is true, Elrohir told me so. I am stupid and ugly and everyone hates me, and no one will ever want to be around me or marry me and I will spend all of forever all alone!"
"He said all of that?" asked Legolas, lifting me onto his lap and hugging me. "Well, may it be that Elrohir is a rotten liar? We all say things we do not mean, Arwen. Elrohir said something he did not mean. You are not going to spend all eternity alone, why, you have a family right here that loves you very much. You have your ada, and your naneth, and both of your brothers, and all of them love you--even Elrohir."
"But I will still never find an Elf to marry," I replied, not yet ready to stop sniveling.
"Even easier," said Legolas. "Some day, Arwen, I am going to marry you."
To be honest, I never thought he would. But I did not exactly think that he was bluffing, either. While I did not expect Legolas to marry me, or even to love me in that sense, I never expected him to abandon me, and he never did. He was infinitely patient, someone who would always listen, but also playful. He was a third brother to me, but one I never fought with because he was hardly ever in Imladris, and I never at all in Mirkwood--Greenwood, as it was known then. Actually, that is not true. The reason I knew the value of my friendship was Legolas was that I lost it once. But before you can understand that story, you must understand about what happened the year I turned eleven.
Legolas came to visit us shortly after the incident at the lake. He had not sent any word ahead, and would later explain that he had left in a hurry after a stupid fight with his father, for which he would apologize when his anger cooled. Into Imladris he rode, looking a bit the worse for wear. Naneth and I were out in the garden, weeding the flower garden. She called it "flowering the weed garden", because when I was young I would love the flowers so much I would pluck them all from the ground, leaving nothing but weeds. Just as Legolas jumped to the ground I spotted him, and hurried to my feet, shouting, "Legolas, Legolas!" as I bolted over to him.
"Good to see you too, my Little Star," he said, twirling me in the air and smiling. "Have you been well?"
"Yes, and have you?" I answered politely.
"Yes."
Just then Naneth approached us, saying, "Good morrow to you, Legolas. I must apologize, but I was not aware you would be coming to visit us!"
"For that I am at fault," replied Legolas. "I sent no word ahead. Might I speak to Lord Elrond about it?"
"Of course, come, we will find him. Arwen, please go and clean yourself up," Naneth said, first to Legolas and then to me. I was quite dirty at the time, and so it was a reasonable request, and I acquiesced. But curiosity got the better of me. Yes, I went to my room and splashed some water on my face, but I did not actually wash up. Just a splash of water, a quick rub with a towel to dry off, and I was off again, skidding to a halt outside of my father's study. The door had been left open, but I did not peek in. I flattened myself against the wall to listen.
". . .understand that my showing up here is a complete breach of decorum, it is just that I have been in the wild for a time, without even my bow, and I sought refuge for a day or two. I could have gone to Lothlorien, but I was on the wrong side of the Mountains," Legolas was saying.
"That is quite all right, Legolas, you are always welcome here," Ada replied.
"But, I do not understand. You said there was something that it was important to discuss," Legolas half-asked.
"Aye, there is, but it is not your staying here. That is, as always, both acceptable and welcome. However, I must confront you on your manner of action towards my daughter." This was a surprise not only to Legolas, but also to me. He had always been so kind to me, so like a brother. What could it be that my father was upset about? Obviously he had the same thought, because he asked. "For many years now you have maintained that you will, one day, marry her. It was one thing when she was a child, but Arwen is growing into womanhood. Your previous behaviour has been fine, but I must ask that it cease. Definitions of acceptable behaviour change as the participants grow."
"I understand," Legolas replied. "It will not happen again, you have my word."
'Growing into womanhood?' I made a face. In my opinion, I was very much a child. Why was Ada acting this way? I was still a little girl! Just then Legolas and Ada left the study, and I had to run not to be caught eavesdropping. For the rest of his visit, which was indeed brief, Legolas called me Arwen. No one called me Little Star ever again.
Now, with all this prodding from Ada, I soon did grow to womanhood. My mien changed from one of childhood to one of a womanhood I had yet to grasp. By the time I was twelve I was painting my face and costuming myself to appear something I wished to be. It was because of this that Legolas and I fought one day in late autumn.
The weather was freak that day. It was nearly winter, but the heat was just within the borders of bearable. That year, I slept perfectly through the night. I never tossed and turned, never swam at midnight--I did not swim at all. I was a budding young woman, my body beginning to curve and grow in places I had never thought about before. Many say that this stage is awful, bodies acting so oddly, but I found it wonderful. As when I was young, I was aware once more of my beauty, and not at all afraid to flaunt it. Naneth seemed a bit disappointed, and would frown when she thought I could not see, but Ada was happy enough about it. He wanted me to be a young woman, and I was acting like a young woman. What a laugh--I was not acting ladylike, I was acting coquettishly.
It was late, well into the night. The temperature had dropped drastically from the daytime, but the heat had me in its grasp, and I was acting crazy because of it. Legolas, my brothers, and I sat by the hearth-fire in the library. Elladan was upset that night about a woman he had been trying to court for the past six or seven months. She had led him on, until at last, just that day, telling him that he was "sweet, but just a little boy" and she had no such interest in him. Elladan was hurt and angry, and had the language to support these both. "Like I was some. . .some. . .puppy or something," he ranted that night. "She has no right, no right to treat me that way!" Elrohir put his arm around Elladan's shoulders protectively.
"No, she does not," Elrohir agreed. "Do not let it affect you, Elladan. No one should treat anyone like that, she is obviously not worth your time."
"Every second spent with or thinking on that woman is a second wasted," Legolas agreed. "She is not worth your time."
"Are you calling me a fool?" asked Elladan.
Legolas shrugged. "Yes, I think I am. Most lovers are fools."
Elladan snorted. "Thanks, Legolas."
"Any time, for a friend," Legolas replied with a grin. Elladan wiped his eyes on the back of his hand and sniffed, but he was still too upset to stop crying.
"The stupid whore!" Elladan wailed after a moment. Some thoughts had been chasing each other in his head, and he was ready to release them. Perhaps he could not keep them inside of him.
"Elladan, hush," Elrohir said with a meaningful look in my direction. "Come on, I think you should go to bed, Elladan." Elrohir stood and hauled Elladan to his feet, saying to Legolas and I, "Good night to the both of you," as he led Elladan out of the room.
"Poor Elladan. She has destroyed him," Legolas lamented.
"He will recover," I said with a shrug.
I could see in the flickering firelight that Legolas was disappointed with this reply, but he said nothing to that effect. "I think I shall also be going to bed now," Legolas said, and he strode out into the hall. I sat a few moments in the library, then got to my feet and headed after him.
"Legolas, wait," I said, grabbing his arm as I came behind him in the corridor. "Wait, please, I should not have said that about my brother, I am sorry. It was unfeeling."
"At least you realize it was wrong," Legolas told me.
"Can we. . .might this stay between us?" I asked. "Elladan need not know."
"No, he is upset enough without that hurt from you," Legolas agreed, "I will not tell him."
"Thank you, Legolas. You are so kind to me." I was vaguely aware of the fact that I was flirting, and of the uncomfortable look on Legolas's face, but before he said anything I leaned forward, raising myself to the tips of my toes, and I kissed him.
"Arwen!" he exclaimed, pushing me away. "What do you think you are doing?" I had no reply, and he went on, "Why are you acting like this? You have been so different, such a different girl from the one I used to know. She was a good person, but you. . .what are you?" Disgust was heavy in his voice.
"Do not deny me," I said, and I kissed him again. Again he shoved me away, this time with such force I fell to the ground. I deserved that. Looking up at him, I sneered. "Grow up, Legolas. I am reality, this is what the real world is like. You can kid yourself as much as you like, but sooner or later you will have to face facts."
"Arwen--" he started again, but a sound down the hall interrupted us.
"What's going on?" Elrohir asked, coming towards us.
"Nothing," I replied. "I just tripped. . .nothing is going on." With that I shoved past him and to my room, slamming the door.
"Legolas?"
I could not face Legolas again after that. He left the next day. Autumn passed and winter came, snow dusting the ground. I had changed again, wearing conservative clothing and keeping my face as it was naturally. I did not play in the snow that year, but sat in my room staring out the window. Sometimes I cried. I had been wrong, I realized. I had ruined the only friendship I had ever had, and it was completely my fault. That ate away at me so much that I could not enjoy the season.
I do not know if Legolas had truly forgiven me or not, but he came to Imladris with an injured friend in dire need of attention. When I saw him standing outside the Halls of Healing, agitated, I left my room and raced out into the snow. Relief flooded me, and I tramped across the snow-covered ground. "Legolas!" I said, stopping in front of him. At once I realized I should have considered how I would look to him. As it was, I was wearing a loose tunic and trousers, as I had taken to over the past months. He looked at me, remnants of anger flickering in his eyes. "I. . .I. . .please forgive me. I was so stupid, I do not know why I. . .I did that. . .please."
I was looking up at him then, pleading, and Legolas could have destroyed me in that moment, telling me that he did not forgive me and never would. Instead he said, "Of course I forgive you, Arwen." But things were never the same between us.
*****
To be continued
Chit is a more polite term for a whore
I don't yet have another chapter written, so no sneak-peak this time. I'm going on vacation tomorrow, so may be able to post early then or in another week or so. (Sorry, believe me, I'd rather stay home)
*****
I must have been six, perhaps seven, years old when Elrohir told me I was ugly. True, at that time in my life I had been quite vain. Who would not have been? I was a child, and so often told of my superior appearance that it was to me a fact: I was beautiful. Then one day, when I was waiting with the twins my brothers for our friend--for I did think of him as "our" friend--Legolas to arrive, Elrohir tried to shoo me away. "Arwen, why do you not go and play with your doll?" he suggested.
"I want to greet Legolas when he arrives," I replied. "He is my friend, too."
"Arwen, I do not think he wishes to greet you," Elrohir replied, not trying to sound cruel but certainly achieving it. The idea that Legolas did not enjoy my company was new to me. Though he was far closer in age to my brothers, he was always very kind to me and spoke to me as though I were an adult, which at the time I quite considered myself to be. I had known him for all of my years, and for all of my years he had behaved in the same manner towards me. The idea of this as a falsity appalled me. "He is our friend, Elladan's and mine, not yours."
"He is so!" I shouted at my brother. "He wants to greet me because he is my friend! He is not your friend. Who would want to be friends with a smelly goblin like you?" Do not think that I am as I was then--my fit of temper ashamed me for many years until I accepted that the person I was then had gone. At my remark, Elrohir looked startled, then returned, "Who would want to be friends with a stupid, ugly chit like you?" In hardly three minutes, my brother had forced me to consider two things I had never even thought of before: that Legolas disliked me, and that I was ugly. Things might have gone differently if I had responded equally, by insulting Elrohir or denying his accusation, but instead I burst into tears and ran away.
"Elrohir!" exclaimed Elladan, turning angrily to his twin. "Why did you do that? She is only a child, Elrohir. You were far too harsh, that was certainly not necessary."
"I only want the best of happiness for our little sister," Elrohir replied, "but Elladan, I could not stand to have her here so constantly. Do you not tire of her? And besides that, a lesson in humility will not do her badly." Elladan was displeased with this answer, but said nothing.
I ran out of the house and to the gardens, my stubby legs moving as fast as they could as I made my way to the pond in the gardens. Once there, I knelt on the rocks that entered the water at a diagonal, sniffling, and watched the ripples grow in the water as my tears fell. My pond was the lower pond, hidden behind a larger one, and because of the abrupt end of the two upper shelves the water entered my pond via two small waterfalls. Lilies were in abundance on the water, floating on their waxy leaf-like lilypads. The blooming flowers were white, sometimes hued with purples, quite blissful little things. Frogs would hide among the lilies and croak, and koi swam about, flashing gobs of red, orange, black, white, and grey. The pond was most magical at night--but that is unrelated, for the time being.
I sat on the rock and cried. At one point, because I had to know, I leaned over the edge and saw my reflection in the water. My eyes were Elrohir was right; I was hideous! With a sob I hid my face in my hands, thinking that because I was ugly my life would be lonely, and would end when I died of heartbreak, because no one wanted me at all.
As I was hiding I heard a sound of footsteps, as though one had hopped, then some splashing, and I knew someone was looking for me. The splashing was a giveaway--my little refuge could only be accessed by crossing a trickling little stream. I drew closer to the rocks, as if this would make me invisible. I did not want to go back to the house and act "like a lady". For the first time, I did not want to sit up straight and quiet and be seen but not heard, and I was willing to fight against those regulations. If I was an ugly, stupid, annoying little girl, well, the prospect made me a different person. To my surprise and near disappointment, I did not hear any command or scolding. I heard the sounds of a person settling down and I felt a warm hand on my back.
"Hello there, Little Evenstar." Even as a youth, people called me "Evenstar". It always made me feel as though something great was expected of me, something above average, something undeliverable. Coming from Legolas, it made me feel like I was special. "I was hoping you would be waiting for me, and when I saw that you were not, I sought you out. Hopefully I do not invade your privacy too much?"
"Go away!" I told him. "Leave me alone!"
"But why, Little Star? What did I do?"
"Nothing. You are Elladan and Elrohir's friend, not my friend! Go be with them."
"I am your friend, Arwen," he said, his voice tinged with slight insult.
"No one wants to be friends with a stupid, ugly little twerp," I said sadly, because I truly wanted Legolas to be my friend. "And do not say that is untrue, because it is true, Elrohir told me so. I am stupid and ugly and everyone hates me, and no one will ever want to be around me or marry me and I will spend all of forever all alone!"
"He said all of that?" asked Legolas, lifting me onto his lap and hugging me. "Well, may it be that Elrohir is a rotten liar? We all say things we do not mean, Arwen. Elrohir said something he did not mean. You are not going to spend all eternity alone, why, you have a family right here that loves you very much. You have your ada, and your naneth, and both of your brothers, and all of them love you--even Elrohir."
"But I will still never find an Elf to marry," I replied, not yet ready to stop sniveling.
"Even easier," said Legolas. "Some day, Arwen, I am going to marry you."
To be honest, I never thought he would. But I did not exactly think that he was bluffing, either. While I did not expect Legolas to marry me, or even to love me in that sense, I never expected him to abandon me, and he never did. He was infinitely patient, someone who would always listen, but also playful. He was a third brother to me, but one I never fought with because he was hardly ever in Imladris, and I never at all in Mirkwood--Greenwood, as it was known then. Actually, that is not true. The reason I knew the value of my friendship was Legolas was that I lost it once. But before you can understand that story, you must understand about what happened the year I turned eleven.
Legolas came to visit us shortly after the incident at the lake. He had not sent any word ahead, and would later explain that he had left in a hurry after a stupid fight with his father, for which he would apologize when his anger cooled. Into Imladris he rode, looking a bit the worse for wear. Naneth and I were out in the garden, weeding the flower garden. She called it "flowering the weed garden", because when I was young I would love the flowers so much I would pluck them all from the ground, leaving nothing but weeds. Just as Legolas jumped to the ground I spotted him, and hurried to my feet, shouting, "Legolas, Legolas!" as I bolted over to him.
"Good to see you too, my Little Star," he said, twirling me in the air and smiling. "Have you been well?"
"Yes, and have you?" I answered politely.
"Yes."
Just then Naneth approached us, saying, "Good morrow to you, Legolas. I must apologize, but I was not aware you would be coming to visit us!"
"For that I am at fault," replied Legolas. "I sent no word ahead. Might I speak to Lord Elrond about it?"
"Of course, come, we will find him. Arwen, please go and clean yourself up," Naneth said, first to Legolas and then to me. I was quite dirty at the time, and so it was a reasonable request, and I acquiesced. But curiosity got the better of me. Yes, I went to my room and splashed some water on my face, but I did not actually wash up. Just a splash of water, a quick rub with a towel to dry off, and I was off again, skidding to a halt outside of my father's study. The door had been left open, but I did not peek in. I flattened myself against the wall to listen.
". . .understand that my showing up here is a complete breach of decorum, it is just that I have been in the wild for a time, without even my bow, and I sought refuge for a day or two. I could have gone to Lothlorien, but I was on the wrong side of the Mountains," Legolas was saying.
"That is quite all right, Legolas, you are always welcome here," Ada replied.
"But, I do not understand. You said there was something that it was important to discuss," Legolas half-asked.
"Aye, there is, but it is not your staying here. That is, as always, both acceptable and welcome. However, I must confront you on your manner of action towards my daughter." This was a surprise not only to Legolas, but also to me. He had always been so kind to me, so like a brother. What could it be that my father was upset about? Obviously he had the same thought, because he asked. "For many years now you have maintained that you will, one day, marry her. It was one thing when she was a child, but Arwen is growing into womanhood. Your previous behaviour has been fine, but I must ask that it cease. Definitions of acceptable behaviour change as the participants grow."
"I understand," Legolas replied. "It will not happen again, you have my word."
'Growing into womanhood?' I made a face. In my opinion, I was very much a child. Why was Ada acting this way? I was still a little girl! Just then Legolas and Ada left the study, and I had to run not to be caught eavesdropping. For the rest of his visit, which was indeed brief, Legolas called me Arwen. No one called me Little Star ever again.
Now, with all this prodding from Ada, I soon did grow to womanhood. My mien changed from one of childhood to one of a womanhood I had yet to grasp. By the time I was twelve I was painting my face and costuming myself to appear something I wished to be. It was because of this that Legolas and I fought one day in late autumn.
The weather was freak that day. It was nearly winter, but the heat was just within the borders of bearable. That year, I slept perfectly through the night. I never tossed and turned, never swam at midnight--I did not swim at all. I was a budding young woman, my body beginning to curve and grow in places I had never thought about before. Many say that this stage is awful, bodies acting so oddly, but I found it wonderful. As when I was young, I was aware once more of my beauty, and not at all afraid to flaunt it. Naneth seemed a bit disappointed, and would frown when she thought I could not see, but Ada was happy enough about it. He wanted me to be a young woman, and I was acting like a young woman. What a laugh--I was not acting ladylike, I was acting coquettishly.
It was late, well into the night. The temperature had dropped drastically from the daytime, but the heat had me in its grasp, and I was acting crazy because of it. Legolas, my brothers, and I sat by the hearth-fire in the library. Elladan was upset that night about a woman he had been trying to court for the past six or seven months. She had led him on, until at last, just that day, telling him that he was "sweet, but just a little boy" and she had no such interest in him. Elladan was hurt and angry, and had the language to support these both. "Like I was some. . .some. . .puppy or something," he ranted that night. "She has no right, no right to treat me that way!" Elrohir put his arm around Elladan's shoulders protectively.
"No, she does not," Elrohir agreed. "Do not let it affect you, Elladan. No one should treat anyone like that, she is obviously not worth your time."
"Every second spent with or thinking on that woman is a second wasted," Legolas agreed. "She is not worth your time."
"Are you calling me a fool?" asked Elladan.
Legolas shrugged. "Yes, I think I am. Most lovers are fools."
Elladan snorted. "Thanks, Legolas."
"Any time, for a friend," Legolas replied with a grin. Elladan wiped his eyes on the back of his hand and sniffed, but he was still too upset to stop crying.
"The stupid whore!" Elladan wailed after a moment. Some thoughts had been chasing each other in his head, and he was ready to release them. Perhaps he could not keep them inside of him.
"Elladan, hush," Elrohir said with a meaningful look in my direction. "Come on, I think you should go to bed, Elladan." Elrohir stood and hauled Elladan to his feet, saying to Legolas and I, "Good night to the both of you," as he led Elladan out of the room.
"Poor Elladan. She has destroyed him," Legolas lamented.
"He will recover," I said with a shrug.
I could see in the flickering firelight that Legolas was disappointed with this reply, but he said nothing to that effect. "I think I shall also be going to bed now," Legolas said, and he strode out into the hall. I sat a few moments in the library, then got to my feet and headed after him.
"Legolas, wait," I said, grabbing his arm as I came behind him in the corridor. "Wait, please, I should not have said that about my brother, I am sorry. It was unfeeling."
"At least you realize it was wrong," Legolas told me.
"Can we. . .might this stay between us?" I asked. "Elladan need not know."
"No, he is upset enough without that hurt from you," Legolas agreed, "I will not tell him."
"Thank you, Legolas. You are so kind to me." I was vaguely aware of the fact that I was flirting, and of the uncomfortable look on Legolas's face, but before he said anything I leaned forward, raising myself to the tips of my toes, and I kissed him.
"Arwen!" he exclaimed, pushing me away. "What do you think you are doing?" I had no reply, and he went on, "Why are you acting like this? You have been so different, such a different girl from the one I used to know. She was a good person, but you. . .what are you?" Disgust was heavy in his voice.
"Do not deny me," I said, and I kissed him again. Again he shoved me away, this time with such force I fell to the ground. I deserved that. Looking up at him, I sneered. "Grow up, Legolas. I am reality, this is what the real world is like. You can kid yourself as much as you like, but sooner or later you will have to face facts."
"Arwen--" he started again, but a sound down the hall interrupted us.
"What's going on?" Elrohir asked, coming towards us.
"Nothing," I replied. "I just tripped. . .nothing is going on." With that I shoved past him and to my room, slamming the door.
"Legolas?"
I could not face Legolas again after that. He left the next day. Autumn passed and winter came, snow dusting the ground. I had changed again, wearing conservative clothing and keeping my face as it was naturally. I did not play in the snow that year, but sat in my room staring out the window. Sometimes I cried. I had been wrong, I realized. I had ruined the only friendship I had ever had, and it was completely my fault. That ate away at me so much that I could not enjoy the season.
I do not know if Legolas had truly forgiven me or not, but he came to Imladris with an injured friend in dire need of attention. When I saw him standing outside the Halls of Healing, agitated, I left my room and raced out into the snow. Relief flooded me, and I tramped across the snow-covered ground. "Legolas!" I said, stopping in front of him. At once I realized I should have considered how I would look to him. As it was, I was wearing a loose tunic and trousers, as I had taken to over the past months. He looked at me, remnants of anger flickering in his eyes. "I. . .I. . .please forgive me. I was so stupid, I do not know why I. . .I did that. . .please."
I was looking up at him then, pleading, and Legolas could have destroyed me in that moment, telling me that he did not forgive me and never would. Instead he said, "Of course I forgive you, Arwen." But things were never the same between us.
*****
To be continued
Chit is a more polite term for a whore
I don't yet have another chapter written, so no sneak-peak this time. I'm going on vacation tomorrow, so may be able to post early then or in another week or so. (Sorry, believe me, I'd rather stay home)