Chapter 3: Whispers in Darkness

A/N: Ahem, Ladies and yes, ladies, it's Shinzon whispering into your ears.

Enterprise

After Allisa excused herself from the dinner, she began her search of the ship. One of the voices she heard was from Riker and the other was a Reman far away. Now the third was a male human and on this ship the Enterprise. Allisa roamed casually out of the dinner and into the vastness of the corridors before her. The voice on the ship that asked for the captain's help would be her first target. The captain was to indisposed with the message from Riker to respond, so she felt that she must seek out this voice herself.

She caught a hint of a presence radiating while on the turbolift, "Computer stop at the next level." She almost yelled with excitement. Words started filling the lift. They were words she remembered from her studies about Earth's Poetry Library of Ancient Earth:

"They say that Hope is happiness;
But genuine Love must prize that past, And Memory wakes the thoughts that bless:
They rose the first-they set the last;

And all that Memory loves the most
Was once our only Hope to be, And all that Hope adored and lost
Hath melted into Memory.

Alas! It is delusion all:
The future cheats us from afar, Nor can we be what we recall,
Nor dare we think on what we are."

The voice trailed off toward a set of doors. Allisa realized the voice was quoting the works of Lord Byron. She could feel pain and anguish in this quite seductive voice.

She realized she was near the captain's quarters and personal rooms. Allisa glanced down the empty lighted halls expecting at any instant for there to be a force moving toward her in the form of a man. She spoke out with her mind, "Where are you? Where are you at?" No answer…her hope started to fade as she lowered her head and her eyes gazed blankly at the nearest wall panel. The presence was lost to her. She hoped to catch another feeling of this voice in her head and started meandering down the hall again. Surely the voice was not from Picard, but the tone was similar.

As she passed the next bend in the hall she heard a voice behind her speaking her name and title very slowly and seductively. "Allisa Vendalla of Betazed…ships counselor." She turned around so hurriedly that she almost stumbled over her own feet. She flailed to the side and caught herself and leaned against the wall and took a deep breath into her lungs with a sigh. 'Oh my gosh, what was that? I've never felt such connection with any other mind before,' she started brushing long red strands of her hair off of her face.

A crewman was passing and witnessed her stumble and grabbed her arm to try and steady her, "Are you alright counselor? Can I be of any assistance to you?" He obviously knew who she was from the internal memo of the change of counselors from Deanna to a young lady who was her dear friend.

Allisa tried to regain her composure and looked reflectively into his eyes to find his thoughts knew nothing of what she was feeling. Only finding concerns, admiration and wonder at her abilities and mystery. She looked a little further and seen the fact that he was bisexual, but he preferred men. 'Nope can't be him.' She looked at the wall once again, "Oh yes. I just got a little wobbly on my feet that's all. One to many voices conversing on a ship at once… I am just adjusting to all these people aboard."

"My name is Sergio Silva. I work in main engineering and Geordi mentioned to keep a watch out for you if you need any assistance. If there is anything I can do." the handsome young engineer started to say to her. Allisa had to admit he was very kind and very handsome with his dark hair and a winning smile.

Allisa seen a pair of eyes glaring at her from an open door in the darkness, "I am just fine I can assure you. Please tell Geordi that I appreciate his sentiment. I will be all right. I just need to stand here alone for a few minutes and I will be just fine."

Sergio did not want to leave such a lovely lady obviously having some kind of difficulty here in the hall. In the end he obliged her request with sending her a striking smile. Allisa waited for Sergio to leave around the next bend in the corridor before looking back to the door that was one of Captain Picard's private rooms. The door was still open, but the figure with the dominating eyes she seen in the dark had vanished. Allisa heard words starting to flow into her mind once again, 'OH Love! In such a wilderness as this, Where transport and security entwine, Here is the empire of thy perfect bliss, And here thou are a god indeed divine."

She vigilantly moved one foot in front of the other testing the area with her mind. Every step she took in the direction of the poorly lit room made her heart bound faster. While pausing at the threshold, she became conscious of a human standing aligned with a wall on the far side of the room. There was an insinuation of dominant currents in her thoughts emanating from the chamber. Her response to this was to vault from the doorway had not the figure spoken to her mind.

His words were unhurried and calculatingly spoken in thought, "I did not call YOU to my presence. I called to Picard for assistance. And you show up stalking around my accommodations with such thoughts in your mind. Oh yes, are you looking for Don Juan?" He tipped his head in the direction of the wall and raised his left eyebrow.

In thought, 'Yes, she must be the one I have been sensing aboard this ship. Her mind is as lovely as her thoughts, but there is some hidden part of her mind I cannot reach directly. Picard's thoughts do not stray far from the truth. She does have the look of Troi.' A surge of the memory of Troi's delicate mind and resistant lips covered his being. He turned and looked at this young woman. His eyes gazed directly into her eyes for understanding of her reaction to him.

'A more restrained and open approach evidently works superior' he observed to himself. His entire chamber was darkened and the area he stood in was covered with a blanket of concealment. This partially hid his strikingly handsome face, and his treacherous mind from Allisa's grasp, "Why may I ask are you here?" He said while taking a step closer to her.

Allisa felt the alarm within her increase to intense anxiety. She conjectured the human man before her could not be telepathically examined without his direct bidding. She gasped in thought, 'How is that possible…Isn't he human?'

His thoughts invaded her mind more robustly this time, "Closer." He allowed her to sense his curiosity of her femininity as he spoke:

"This iron in my soul in vain-shall they not mourn? And thou, who never yet of human wrong left the unbalanced scale, great Nemesis! Here, where the ancient pain thee homage long-Thou who didst call the Furies from the abyss, and round Orestes bade them howl and hiss for that unnatural retribution-just, had it but been from hands less near-in this thy former realm, I call thee from the dust! Dost thou not hear my heart? Awake! Thou shalt, and must!"

"That is from Childe Harold's Pilgrimage. Strange is it not?" Shinzon glared at her from hooded eyes.

She impulsively took a few strides into the chamber with a questioning expression on her pale face. The door closed behind her as she seen him take another step closer to her trembling body. Allisa realized he could view directly into her thoughts without many setbacks. With his affirmation that he was the man that spoke to Picard's mind she began to mull over exactly who he really was. She understood at that moment that this man who was so close to Picard had also had resent sexual knowledge of her friend Troi. She could sense it from a few telepathic leaks of emotion and memory from the young man's mind.

She contemplated, 'How is that possible? He is so young and she never mentioned another lover?' An epiphany flowed over her. She spoke out loud breaching the silence, "You spoke my name…Allisa. You permitted me to perceive your thoughts to Picard or should I say to yourself."

She could make out a few features of this man that Troi had spoken to her about and she filled in the blanks with Picard's own thoughts and memories. He was standing and gazing deep into her eyes with his left eyebrow raised. 'Was this the clone of Picards?' Allias thought to herself, 'The conqueror of the Romulans' she remembered Geordi's thoughts. 'A cunning commanding officer without trepidation or forgiveness,' were Worf's. 'Potential,' Picard's unspoken thought. 'Simply sinfully sensuous like chocolate ice cream,' Troi's hidden thoughts.

Allisa thought to herself, 'I can't believe I am here with Shinzon. He is even more haunting in person. His ability to read me is uncanny. He has to be the most interesting person I have ever known. And his eyes…his eyes are all consuming with depths and emotions like the waves of the oceans. The very air in this room is charged with his captivating energy and charming mystery. With everything that has happened to him, could he ever open up and let his true self surface?' Allisa started thinking of the encounter Deanna had with Shinzon on the turbolift and wished one was near by.

He perceived that Allisa now understood exactly who he was. He could feel her excitement at knowing he was Shinzon…Picard's younger clone. He smiled at Allisa's mind racing over the events Troi described to her about their interactions telepathically. He could also feel inside of her was a replay of his events with Deanna. Had she actually telepathically recorded Deanna's memories of him for later use or personal pleasure? Shinzon felt his mind reach out then spoke audibly to the young woman with a stillness and affectionateness that displayed his human self, "You ARE welcome here. Would you like something to drink?"

Her mind frantically tried to resist his obvious charm and empathic powers, "Thank you and yes I would like something cold to drink." She settled herself at the adjacent couch from the food replication device, as best she could in the dimness. 'Might as well tell the truth. He can already search my mind even with my trying to stop him, but do I really want him to stop.'

Allisa telepathically asked him for more light very calmly. With his back to her, "Computer return the lighting to the previous level." Shinzon lowered his gaze as he prepared for the lights to illuminate their surrounding and to order the drink her mind came across she wanted. Shinzon mused, 'She seams to be attracted to my Shinzon of Remus side as well as my human Renee side. Does she fully understand the pull I feel to be both people…no, of course she cannot. But then again she can feel my emotions if I allow her. Then let her make up her mind if she will accept me the way I am now. Paulera only wanted the Renee side of me and was horrified of my past with the Remans. The thought of my Reman side interacting with her scared her and she was repulsed. Oh yes, the drink.'

He approached her with his eyes never straying from her exquisite frame. "Here you are my dear," he held out the goblet as he repeated the phrase he heard from another crewmember in thought earlier that day. 'I wonder how her eyes are green and not brown like most Betazed women. Maybe her eye color was changed in Sick Bay (the medical center of the ship) to make her look more human as to not alert the other ships we interact with. Oh yes, there are her thoughts cause she has other heritage…of what kind is hidden deeply and it scares her to think others know. She just recently allowed her eye color to be her natural color now she is in the Federation. No matter she is even lovelier to look upon than Troi if that is possible.'

Allisa's eyes slowly gazed up his muscular body with a gleam. He was wearing black silk night pants that tied at the waits that fit just right over his agile legs. Her eyes paused on his black matching shirt that was almost transparent and sleeveless. Allisa almost reached out to touch his powerfully sculpted arm instead of taking the goblet from his steady hand. 'He obviously keeps himself up. Oh, I love that scar on his lip. If he gets any closer, I will have to control myself lot to run my fingers over his full lips. He could have had that scar fixed in the Sick Bay, but he has decided to keep it…very interesting. Did he wear this type of clothing for my amusement or is this what he normally sleeps in? Wait! How is he still alive without Picard being dead?' Then she thought that he was the embodiment of every attribute she ever desired in a man…right down to the telepathic ability of mental perception and a commanding presence filled with endless enthusiasm and stamina.

He sensed her opinions/questions and tolerated his mind to unfasten a little more to her prying. He contemplated, 'the additional amounts of openness I give to her in my mind, the more she feels drawn to me and hungered. But this is functioning both ways now.' He severed the tie to her mind with the realization that their minds were preliminary starting to meld uncontrollably together on a different level then he was willing to have ever let himself exist safely. In thought he spoke another quote, 'My days of love are over; me no more the charms of maid…can make the fool of which they made before,-the credulous hope of mutual minds is o'er."

Allisa was filled with his boldness, "Permit me to see who you are without 'subterfuge'?" She desired to know why he had become a partial villain she seen in other's and his own thoughts. What had driven him to kill or murder for that matter? Was there something in his past from the Romulan's treatment that has brought out his self-defense mechanisms into the dominant positions of his reasoning? Could he ever just be himself and live at peace?

Shinzon turned away from her with reluctance in his eyes. He wanted to hide from her, "You want to know who I am?" He stated almost to himself knowing she meant it. "I don't even know that, but I can show you what I was." He walked over to a half table and retrieved a black cloak with a hood. Shinzon wrapped himself in order to prepare to exit the room in a covert manner…why Allisa was not sure. "Follow me." While walking to the turbolift and then the destination that only Shinzon knew. He catered to her desire of a continuation of the poetry for her benefit only:

'Ambition was my idol, which was broken before the shrines of Sorrow, and of Pleasure; and the two last have left me many a token o'er which reflection may be made at leisure; now, like Friar Bacon's brazen head, I've spoken, "Time is, Time was, Time's past:" -a chymic treasure is glittering youth, which I have spent betimes-my heart in passion, and my head on rhymes.'

He stepped into a near by turbolift and she followed with an amused expression on her face. Shinzon spoke a deck name for it to travel to then turned to her, "It amazes me how much you escape into certain thoughts." He knew she was thinking of him and Deanna in a turbolift and now she knew it to.

Her face turned crimson red and she found it difficult to breathe with him standing so close to her. She stood frozen unable to move facing the door. He took one step behind her then one closer to her. Shinzon leaned closer to her and inhaled close to her ear and she flinched as his lips brushed her ear. He then leaned to her other side and touched her neck lightly with his fingertips for only a moment. He closed his eyes and inhaled relishing the sweet sent of her auburn hair. "May I touch your hair?"

Her voice was caught in a gasp as she came close to choking as she said yes. She spoke into his mind, 'Are you real?'

Shinzon licked her ear slightly and allowed his lips to brush across her neck, "Do you feel my lips?"

She felt his left hand on the right side of her neck again slowly tracing back to her hair that spilled over her right shoulder. His other hand touched her cheek, "Do you feel my hands?" She moved slightly to allow his fingers to graze lightly over her lips as she let out a warm pleasurable sigh.

He gently caressed a few strands with his left hand while bringing it to his lips. He closed his eyes half way as she watched glancing at him sideways in obvious pleasure. He then allowed the strains of hair to caress the left side of his face with his eyes closed.

Allisa wanted to turn fully towards him. She searched his thoughts for a moment and heard his thoughts of self-restraint. Allisa remained, as she was still unable to breathe. She was not sure how much more tension she could take. She watched the amusement on Shinzon's face as he let her hair go. To her, every move he made was maddening her senses. She understood he was controlling his reactions for her sake. Such chivalry only made her desire to experience his passion in full even if such violent passion caused temporary pain. She had never received such attention from her other beloved whom she left and broke all ties with. Her heart was pounding with a new found strength from Shinzon's attention she did not think possible.

Shinzon became lost momentarily in the lushness of Allisa's hair and her desire for him. Forcing himself not to devour her was proving to be a much harder task than he thought. He was thankful she made little to no attempts to further their contact as he stepped behind her again. He wrapped his right arm around her waist and pulled her hair back with the other exposing her neck. Once again, he exercised control reminding himself not to bite her neck, as it might scare her. He continued sucking and licking her delicate neck as his grip on her hair intensified. When his searching hand pressed higher up from her waist on her shirt, she stiffened and pulled a step away. He let her go.

The reality of his past seeped into his mind causing him to step away from Allisa as well as he put his hood back over his face. His features transferred from sensual desire to stony ice within seconds. 'Its better this way. I must try not to get so attached physically and emotionally to her. She will probably run screaming from the holodeck in a few moments when she sees my true nature of the past. She will not desire my touch once she sees the things I have done…what I have been capable of doing. It is one thing to hear a tale and another to experience it.'

They arrived at a holodeck moments latter. Shinzon asked her telepathically while gazing at her from under his black hood, 'Why are you coming here with me, aren't you scared of me?' in order to get her to think of the subject. Allisa found herself thinking upon a conversation she heard in Picard's mind earlier. She said out loud, "I guess I am here cause you and I are 'Lonely'. Besides I once heard a voice in another's mind saying, 'Don't fear what you desire...' and I desire to know you."

Shinzon wildly started bringing up a program he had created the day before and entered. He could feel his Reman/Shinzon self pressing to the surface. "Stay close to me, and I will show you how my life unfolded. Tell anyone and I will kill you!" Allisa's face went pale and she gasped at the mines he grew up in as she entered the program and at his statement. She believed him. Shinzon became amused with himself then his human side took over. "How could I ever kill so lovely a lady as you Allisa? 'Deep secrets to her rolling light are told; the ocean' tides and mortals' brains she sways, and also hearts, if there be truth in lays.' I will not harm you."

Allisa started nervously laughing at the situation, "It would be easily to kill from what I observe of this Reman mine," as she continued to laugh. "I feel like Alice in Wonderland, but Allisa in Horror land…I guess I must follow you my white rabbit…" Allisa stared at the brief hologram portrayal of his life with his Romulan parents, of his life in the mines and of his conquest to free the Reman race from the Romulans. She followed by his side in fear of being lost knowing where it was going.

Shinzon called for another program that was of just his ship and he allowed her to witness the events up until his almost death. Allisa was shocked to watch the interactions. She could still see that little boy inside of the now grown Shinzon hiding in a dark place. His little hands over his eyes fighting away reality and keeping himself isolated from the world he was in. She must find a way to bring the little boy within to the exterior. 'So Shinzon said he will kill me if I tell anyone and his Renee side said he could not hurt me…he is of two minds about everything…the old ways and the new ways. Oh, I wonder if he will tell me about the Old Reman Ways?'

Shinzon found himself preoccupied with memories of his old viceroy helping a younger version of himself off the cold rocky floor. He then turned to a representation of himself sitting on the Scimitar command chair. Feelings of worry and regret at the thought of his death filled his being and he decided to focus on what Allisa was thinking as an alternative.

His Reman/Shinzon side did not repulse her as he first assumed. She was thinking if she lived here how would she be different. She reached out and touched the hand of the Shinzon on the bridge in the hologram. His hologram self in the reenactment of the Enterprise's battle with Shinzons's ship the Scimitar was sinister. Allisa tipped her head and a tear ran down her face as she heard the holographic Shinzon say, "Some ideals are worth dying for, aren't they, Jean-Luc?" He had pulled back into his command chair…back from the lighting in the room. The Holographic Shinzon, a step into the past, was shrouded in Reman darkness and preparing for the end.

Allisa and Shinzon followed his hologram to the antechamber above the staircase. Shinzon's eyes held firm to the expressions on her face as she watched his past. Allisa gasped and turned to Shinzon, "a flower of death to cover the universe…to grow and expand…consuming all within the garden…"

Shinzon looked into her emerald eyes watching the glowing green lights from his one time thalaron weapon. The lights from the weapon illuminated her eyes green color creating a ghostly aura that surrounded her. He seen her mental reactions to what he had been glowing all around her in the lights. She saw his pain and rage. He felt abandoned by humanity, used and hated from the Romulans, but the Remans in a sense saved him. He had wanted to destroy all those who may dare to control or hurt him in the future. His sense of longing for acceptance and freedom were found then twisted. She seen inside of him how the effects of being allowed time to explore his human side worked to straighten out his thoughts. He wanted to know more about Picard and humanity, but felt a primal drive to lead the Remans. She accepted him and Shinzon seen she did.

Shinzon broke from her mind and looked around, "Computer, end program. "

Shinzon looked into her mind again. With all his flaws and dreams, She desired to entwine their destinies. He then saw who this Alice was and started smiling despite himself. He tried to calm her by using her own thoughts. He forced himself to let out a chuckle while sliding his arm around her thin waist, "I wanted to satisfy your curiosities about my past and understand my experience as Renee has altered by perceptions on life. Does that satisfy you?"

Allisa walked to the door and slightly turned to him with a hand on her hip, "For now…I must admit, I have never been around a man so…primitive." She spoke in a new sexual manner she was unaccustomed to showing. "…it is late and I must get some sleep and digest all you have shown me…" Her memory of him saying he would kill her if she spoke about this to anyone floated to the surface, "…if that is ok with you?" She spoke the last part a little more sarcastically then she had intended.

Shinzon felt his Reman side surfacing in challenge to her words, "You may go…" He seen her eyes squint in response. He continued, "…out of my sight…"

Her eyes went wide and her mouth dropped open in surprise to how he was acting. She had to remind herself that he was very complicated. As she turned to leave he cleared his throat and she turned to him again. At that moment, she felt from him how annoyed and vulnerable he felt at opening up to her. She knew he had taken a step toward understating what it is to be human.

Shinzon met her eyes with a wickedly mischievous smile when he seen she did not intend to provoke him. He looked inside her to what she was trying to convey by the word primitive. He then knew she had always been around calm boring men. She meant to convey an animal quality to his passion. He seen then she was trying to make sense of every thing and trying to follow his lead. "As far as Alice goes, I'm not exactly a white rabbit am I? "

A/N: I have never liked Alice in Wonderland because no one would help her, lol. I do believe I like it now.

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