Back in his quarters, Tyr sat on the edge of his bed, his head in his
hands. He was dreading this upcoming visit to Soku. Not because he didn't
want to associate with Nietzcheans who had Human mates, as he was certain
all the crew thought, but because he wanted a Human woman who would never
take him as her mate. He didn't want to be reminded of that every time he
saw a Nietzschean male and a Human woman together on that planet. Tyr's
head sunk lower towards his chest as he sighed. When he had first
discovered his feelings for Beka he had struggled to repress them. He had
heard every thing he was ever taught shouting against it.
Genetic perfection. Breed. Excellent DNA. Breed with excellent DNA, achieve genetic perfection. Emotions are unnecessary. Achieve genetic perfection.
He had known that any offspring he and Beka would produce would be genetically inferior and so he had tried to ignore his feelings. They prevailed however. After weeks of sleepless nights trying to purge her smile, her scent, her laughter from his thoughts, and days spent trying not to fall deeper into her during their lessons that no matter how close he came he could never put an end to; he finally admitted it to himself. He had finally allowed himself to love Captain Rebeka Valentine. Thinking back on that decisive day Tyr stood angrily. Everything was supposed to be better now. But it was not. Beka was strong, resourceful, and intelligent; everything he had always looked for in a mate. Any offspring they had together would not be the genetic infallibility that all Nietzcheans strove for but neither would they be inferior to any Human, or some Nietzcheans for that matter.
Tyr growled softly and started pacing then. Everything was supposed to be better now. Easier now that he had admitted it. It was supposed not to hurt. But it did. My own Nietzschean arrogance, he thought. That's what Beka would call it. Beka. He had never thought that she would not be interested. Only once he had overcome his inbred reservations and started to live his life loving Beka had he noticed it. Tyr had been in numerous sparring matches and battles, he had even been tortured a few times but nothing had ever caused him as much pain as realizing that Beka was only interested in his friendship. Everyday, every moment they were together, every genetically heightened sense he had was tuned on Beka, trying to see, hear, touch, smell any sign that she wanted more from him. But always nothing. Nothing. And so nothing was better, he was in more anguish now than he had ever been before. It would be easier if he could leave her but in his heart and in his mind he knew that he could never do that. She will never be mine, he thought, but I will always be hers.
Genetic perfection. Breed. Excellent DNA. Breed with excellent DNA, achieve genetic perfection. Emotions are unnecessary. Achieve genetic perfection.
He had known that any offspring he and Beka would produce would be genetically inferior and so he had tried to ignore his feelings. They prevailed however. After weeks of sleepless nights trying to purge her smile, her scent, her laughter from his thoughts, and days spent trying not to fall deeper into her during their lessons that no matter how close he came he could never put an end to; he finally admitted it to himself. He had finally allowed himself to love Captain Rebeka Valentine. Thinking back on that decisive day Tyr stood angrily. Everything was supposed to be better now. But it was not. Beka was strong, resourceful, and intelligent; everything he had always looked for in a mate. Any offspring they had together would not be the genetic infallibility that all Nietzcheans strove for but neither would they be inferior to any Human, or some Nietzcheans for that matter.
Tyr growled softly and started pacing then. Everything was supposed to be better now. Easier now that he had admitted it. It was supposed not to hurt. But it did. My own Nietzschean arrogance, he thought. That's what Beka would call it. Beka. He had never thought that she would not be interested. Only once he had overcome his inbred reservations and started to live his life loving Beka had he noticed it. Tyr had been in numerous sparring matches and battles, he had even been tortured a few times but nothing had ever caused him as much pain as realizing that Beka was only interested in his friendship. Everyday, every moment they were together, every genetically heightened sense he had was tuned on Beka, trying to see, hear, touch, smell any sign that she wanted more from him. But always nothing. Nothing. And so nothing was better, he was in more anguish now than he had ever been before. It would be easier if he could leave her but in his heart and in his mind he knew that he could never do that. She will never be mine, he thought, but I will always be hers.