As beautiful as she looked it still terrified me to see Jamie lying
there in that hospital bed. All of the machines, wires, and tubes scared me
to this day. They always had- ever since I had gone with my dad to work one
day and saw a woman die in the operating room. That's why it terrified me
to the day to go to the hospital.
She was sleeping and I didn't want to wake her. She looked so calm, so peaceful, so angelic lying in that bed. Her hair was fanned out around her, and her father had obviously folded her jumper and placed it on the chair next to her bed. And, the thing that surprised me the most was seeing the small pillow that my mother had made grasped in Jamie's left hand.
My mother had never been very good at crafty things, so for our wedding she decided to learn as the ultimate gift to us. She had learned so sew and helped Jamie with her dress, and had made Jamie and me a set of pillows for our new bedroom. Jamie has one favorite pillow, a small one that was embroidered with roses and babies breath. It was a white and on it, stitched in blue thread, was: "Number 42- Befriend someone I don't like". Every time Jamie looked at it she laughed. She said it reminded her of our first real meeting, our first real interaction after all those years of silence between us. I liked it too. I thought it was a touching gift from my mom, considering everything that had happened between me and her in the past.
I decided not to wake Jamie. After all, the doctor had said that she needed her rest and I knew that if I woke her up and asked her why she hadn't told me about the twins, the only thing that would come of it was a lot of yelling and probably tears. So I went back through the waiting room, back out in to the chilly May evening, and got in my car and drove back to the house.
The house was so alone and so empty that it hit me like a feeling in my gut. I walked through the cold empty house and tried my best to carry on like nothing happened. I went in to the kitchen and had a quick dinner consisting of coffee and toast and then went up stairs and went to bed. I didn't even bother to change out of the suit that I had been in all day. And, for the few seconds I was still awake, I felt so alone and so empty that I was afraid that the house, that the lonely feeling inside me was too much to handle. In the back of my mind I finally began to realize the truth: that one day, this is what it was going to be like: me, alone, without Jamie.
She was sleeping and I didn't want to wake her. She looked so calm, so peaceful, so angelic lying in that bed. Her hair was fanned out around her, and her father had obviously folded her jumper and placed it on the chair next to her bed. And, the thing that surprised me the most was seeing the small pillow that my mother had made grasped in Jamie's left hand.
My mother had never been very good at crafty things, so for our wedding she decided to learn as the ultimate gift to us. She had learned so sew and helped Jamie with her dress, and had made Jamie and me a set of pillows for our new bedroom. Jamie has one favorite pillow, a small one that was embroidered with roses and babies breath. It was a white and on it, stitched in blue thread, was: "Number 42- Befriend someone I don't like". Every time Jamie looked at it she laughed. She said it reminded her of our first real meeting, our first real interaction after all those years of silence between us. I liked it too. I thought it was a touching gift from my mom, considering everything that had happened between me and her in the past.
I decided not to wake Jamie. After all, the doctor had said that she needed her rest and I knew that if I woke her up and asked her why she hadn't told me about the twins, the only thing that would come of it was a lot of yelling and probably tears. So I went back through the waiting room, back out in to the chilly May evening, and got in my car and drove back to the house.
The house was so alone and so empty that it hit me like a feeling in my gut. I walked through the cold empty house and tried my best to carry on like nothing happened. I went in to the kitchen and had a quick dinner consisting of coffee and toast and then went up stairs and went to bed. I didn't even bother to change out of the suit that I had been in all day. And, for the few seconds I was still awake, I felt so alone and so empty that I was afraid that the house, that the lonely feeling inside me was too much to handle. In the back of my mind I finally began to realize the truth: that one day, this is what it was going to be like: me, alone, without Jamie.