2 December 1951
Ever think that nothing can go wrong? You know, when everything is perfect so what could possibly go wrong? Well, that's what I thought. But no, I received a message this afternoon after I returned to the Plaza after dance class. I was hoping to see Billy tonight, but I can tell that nothing will ever be the same for us.
The note said:

Clarisse darling, go to the Veteran's Hospital immediately! Edward has been saved! The American's have brought him to
the States by mistake. Please go see him...we're sure he could use a friendly face.

I considered pretending I never saw the note, and to continue on to the subway to Billy's house, but I had duties to the royal family.

I had a cab take me to the hospital.

I saw Eddie lying in his bed, so alone. He looked out the window. "What do you want?" he snapped.

"Eddie?" I said softly.
He turned and looked at me. "CC?"

I smiled, "It's me," I said with a laugh.

His face exploded into a wide grin, "I can't believe it!"

-C

15 December 1951

It has been a while since I have written, I am terribly sorry. I have been busy visiting with Eddie in the hospital. "This will be a great way to avoid marrying Maria!" he said excitedly to me.
I hadn't told him about Billy, or my engagement. But I didn't need to. Billy did. He followed me after school one day to see where I
was going. He listened to the whole conversation between me and Eddie.

I found him sitting outside Eddie's room, crying. "I'm sorry I never told you...I never thought he'd come back," I explained.

I expected him to be mad at me, but he wasn't. "It's okay Clarisse. I understand. I just want you to be happy."
He hugged me for the last time and kissed my cheek. I told him that I was still going to marry him, that I had to go along with Eddie for now...until he got better. Then I would explain to him that I had fallen in love with another. But he refused to listen.
"No, I understand it all too well, sweetheart. Go ahead. You are too good for me. I love you though, always will."

And then he left.
But Eddie had heard the whole conversation. "You found someone else while I was possibly dead?" he snapped at me.
"Eddie, it's not like that. You must understand me. I thought you and Maria..."
"I told you I would get out of the engagement, CC. I told you that."

"Eddie-"

"Don't Eddie me."
"I love you too."
I had never really said those words before to him, so he stopped being mad at me.

But the truth of it is....I didn't mean it. Those words were meant only for my Billy. They will always only be for Billy...even if I do become the dowager princess of a small principality.

-C

20 December 1951

I never returned to school after that afternoon. Eddie was released yesterday and we are now on a plane returning to Genovia for the Holiday Ball; where Eddie says he fell in love with me last year...

I know he really does love me, and that is why I am going to forget about college. He explained to me that he could lose his right to the throne if he breaks it off with Maria, but he is willing to do it so he can be with me. I think I shall try to fall in love with him once more.

I know I am being selfish and shouldn't be complaining that the crown prince of my country is in love with me. I should be thrilled beyond belief. In fact, if this was last year I would have gone crazy. But the fact is, being in New York changed me. It made me discover parts of myself (oh, and of men...hehe, just kidding) that I didn't even know. BUt I'll grow up.

And being with Eddie will be a far better experience for me than I would ever have at some silly college. I love him, and he loves me. I
know that Billy will always love me, and I will love him as well, but...well, I have to go on.

I must go on...

C

 I started to cry as I read her last entry of that year. She had given up so much to be with Grandpere. And he took a chance so he could be
with her. I am sure Michael would never do that for me, would he?

I ut the books down and went to sleep. Crying.

MICHAEL:
Perfect. Mia hated me now, all because of one night with some woman I thought I'd never see again. She was already in Genovia, planning out her dance card probably for her father's coronation.
"There's another song I want on the album," I announced a week later at a meeting. "It's different from the others. A cover."
"No way Michael. We do our own things, remember?" Nolan said, taking charge.
"No, Nolan. I think we should do this cover song."
"It isn't anything like our style-"
"I think it could be nice acoustic," Tony piped up.
Our manager looked at all of us, "We have to decide right now so we can get you in the studio."
"I think Michael should do it alone," Tony said, elbowing Larry.
"Yeah, me too."
"Okay, the studio is open right now so we can lay down the vocals."

I stayed home, a lot. I sent her e-mails, but she had blocked me so it was pointless.
I got a phone call in late April though, but not from the one I wanted to have call me. "Hello?" I said hopefully into the phone.
"Michael?" a familiar female voice asked. "It's me, Vicky."
Why the hell is she calling me? Then I got my answer when I looked at the cover of Rolling Stone on my dresser. "What do you want?"
"Can't a girl call her old boyfriend?" she asked sweetly.
"Sure she can, but not after he becomes somewhat famous."
"Michael, come on, don't be like that. Will you meet me for drinks tonight?" I looked at the clock.
"Sorry Vick-"
"As friends," she interrupted.
I bit my lip, "Fine. Just as friends though."

I met her at a quiet dive bar not far from my apartment. We sat in the back and in silence had our drinks. "So, how's life? Who were you with again, Nick Carter or something?"
She nodded. "Yeah, but that's over. Been over for awhile. How about you? Seeing anyone?"
"Yes," I lied.
She looked surprised. "I know the article you read said I was single, but I'm not."
"What article?" she asked, avoiding my eyes.
"The Rolling Stone one. The one that said we were the next big thing. The reason you called me," I explained.
She sighed, "Who is she?"
"You don't know her."
"I might surprise you."
"You could, but I'm not telling you. It's private," I lied.
"Fine," she said shortly. We sat in silence for a little longer.
"I miss you, you know," she said softly.
I looked at her. "Yeah, I'm sure you do."
"No, remember when we use to make those pancakes on Sunday mornings? You used to throw M&M's in them? I still can't look at pancakes..."
"That's too bad, I love them."
"Michael, don't you miss me, even a little bit?"
I wouldn't ever admit to that. The only thing I missed from her was the fact that I thought she had gotten me over Mia. Now she just reminded me of why I loved Mia so damn much. "Not really. I mean, it's been four years. I've moved on."
"Michael, we have a long history. I mean, we lost our virginity to one another. Doesn't that mean anything to you?"

"Not really. I'm sorry if I sound cold-"

"Michael, who ever this girl is...come one, she couldn't possibly know more about you than I do. We were together for four years...we loved one another for four years."

She kept emphasizing the four years we spent together. In the back of my mind I realized that in the three months Mia and I had a 'non-relationship-relationship', I loved her more. We had a better relationship. I cared more about her while she was in Genovia hating me, than I ever cared about Vicky.

"Like I can tell what you are thinking right now..." Vicky said, stirring her drink.

"Oh?"

"Why don't we head back to your place? You know...the place we were going to live together in..."

"Not what I was thinking at all. I was thinking about the moment I got over you."

She stared at me for a minute...hard. "You are honestly over me?"

"Yes."
She inched closer to me, "Then this won't mean a thing," she said kissing me. A flash went off nearby. "Pesky paparazzi," she said with a laugh. "It was nice seeing you again, Michael."

Mia's birthday was coming up so I decided to send her an advanced copy of the album. I knew she read the liner notes.

MIA:
The ceremony for my father's coronation was incrediably long. I stood by his side, feeling like the First Daughter or something. As a bunch of politicians spoke I saw that Carrie and Dad were holding hands. She was whispering little jokes to him to calm his fears.

I couldn't help but think about when I would be coronated. It'd be terrible because A) Dad woudl be dead, and B) I wouldn't have someone I loved by my side cracking jokes to calm me down.

My father's coronation was rather uneventful for me. Carrie introduced me to several celebrities that she knew (Ben Affleck showed up, can you believe it?) On most occasions I'd be psyched, but not anymore. I wished Michael had been there with me.
I took that back immediately. He was living his own life. He was sleeping with different women, I had never given him the impression I
cared before so I can't now.

I was the one who rejected the offer of a relationship. He wanted me to be his girlfriend and I said I wanted fun. These feelings weren't so fun. Lord did I miss him.
I woke up early on my twenty fifth birthday. I silently got dressed for a horse ride and quietly stole out to the barn. I decided to ride Duke that day...he missed Joshua just as much as I did. I remembered my last birthday.
We were in Ireland. A bed and breakfast was our home for the weekend, and no one recognized us. It was terribly romantic. Joshua had told me that the trip to Iceland was my present, but instead we ended up in Ireland because the airline had to stop for a maintence check. We had looked at the scenery and decided that we would stay.
We would have plenty of time in the future to see Iceland. Or so we thought.
The morning of my birthday he woke me up with twenty four kisses on my forehead, and one on the lips for good luck. "Ready for a crazy day?" he asked. It was more of a statement though. He pulled me out of bed and threw some clothes at me. "Get dressed..."
I showered and put on the long flowy skirt he picked out for me. He loved when I wore skirts because they were so feminine. I threw my hair up in a soft bun and went out to the lobby where he waited for me.
"I'm ready for my adventure!"

We walked along some beautiful nearby fields. I doubted I had ever felt more peaceful in my entire life. Being with Joshua made the
scene perfect for me.
He laid the blanket out later on in the afternoon.
"Pass the peanut butter," he asked after he pulled out two pieces of bread. "Sure," I said, reaching into the basket. There was no peanut butter though. I felt a velvet box and pulled it out.
"Joshua?" I asked.
He grinned his famous grin and took the box from me. He told me to stand up, so I did. He was down on one knee. "Joshua, that is your bad knee," I reminded him. He had surgery only months before after the rugby season.
"I'll be okay," he said with a laugh. "Let me do this, okay?"
I smiled nervously.
He opened the box, "Mia, will you make me the happiest man alive, and be my wife?"
I started crying. I couldn't answer him, but he knew I meant to say yes. "I love you," I said as he lifted me up off the ground.

Duke woke me up from my reverie with some neighing. I rubbed his face and thought of Joshua once more. I looked over at the palace and
thought of where I would be today if Joshua hadn't died. Would I be happy? I am sure I would be. I'd be a different person though.
I wouldn't be as open with my thoughts. I'd still be holding back, feeling old. But that was who I was when I was with Joshua, and I enjoyed it. But I was different after Michael. He was different.
I don't know how Joshua knew Michael and I would get together, but I'm sure it wasn't the way he was talking about. He would never imagine me having pre-marital sex like I have. I was his angel, the virginal bride he had claimed to have wanted (although, there were a few occassions in the beginning of our relationship that would say otherwise). But would he be happy for me? Am I
supposed to let him go? Am I-
"Mia!" a voice called out, interrupting my thoughts. I saw Dad running up to me. My Dad, the new official leader of Genovia (well, technically he always was the leader, but since his dad died when Dad was really young the powers were given to Grandmere, and no one really bothered switching it over to my dad until now. When it was like, totally necessary.)
"Hey Dad!" I yelled out, waving.
He reached me a few minutes later. "Happy birthday darling," he said as he kissed my forehead.
"Thanks Dad. Come on, your breakfast is ready."

I got so many presents that year from the people of Genovia. Turning twenty five is a big deal here. Also, I think they felt bad because of everything I had lost in the past year.
I kept some of the presents, some drawings the little kids drew, but donated the major gifts to charity. "There are some more that came a few days ago," Dad told me.
"Dad, I am sick of looking at gifts! I'll look at them later on. What do we have planned today?"
"Well, Carrie was thinking about bringing you for lunch."
"That'll be fun," I said with a smile. I could tell that Dad was happy I liked his girlfriend. "Things are serious, huh?"
He nodded cheerfully. I had never seen him like this before. Maybe in the old videos of him and my mom when they were in college.
"I, I was thinking about proposing, maybe within the week."
"You should! I love her, Dad! She's perfect for you!" I said cheerfully.
"I was hoping you would say that."
"Well, you got your wish," I said with a laugh.
"Think you could handle one more gift?" he asked.
"Oh, Dad, I don't-"
"It's from Joshua."
I gave him a look. "Huh?"
"Before he...before he died," he started, "He asked me to write down something for you. And to give you this on your birthday."
He handed me a long box and an envelope. "Happy birthday darling..." he left me alone in the garden.
I stared at the envelope. I opened it slowly. I could smell his cologne on the card. I waited a minute before I looked at the writing.
I started crying.
Mia,
Please, I know what you are doing, stop it. Don't cry. I want you to have a happy birthday! It has been nearly a year now since my death and I understand that this must be rather...creepy to hear from me from beyond the grave. Please smile for me, please?
I hope by now you have discovered your love for Michael. I have a sixth sense about this kind of thing. You need him. He needs you.
I've been talking to him lately, er, well, not lately according to you, but in respect to when this is being written. He is wonderful.
Mia, the only man I would want to see you with rather than me. He'll take care of you like no one else could. I love you enough to give you to someone else.
Open your gift now....do not read this until you have, that's an order.

I opened the box and found a simple chain with a locket. Inside was a picture of us from the mission, and on the other side our engagement photo (well, the un official one. This had us standing by an old Irish castle only moments after he proposed...the official one was a stuffy one in Genovia)
This is to remember me by, darling girl. You will always be that to me...and to you I will always be young. Don't remember me like I am
right now, all swollen and blistery. Think of me as I was the day I proposed. Forever young...
Love Eternal,
Joshua

I stopped crying by the time I finished the letter. He wanted me to move on, grow up. I walked slowly up to my bedroom. My assistant,
Javier had left my mail on my desk. I saw a lot of birthday cards, but
I ignored them. I grabbed my magazine, US and plopped down on my bed.
The cover had a picture of Nick Carter and his now ex-girlfriend, Victoria. I opened up to the cover story and started reading about it.
There was a box that said what the ex was now doing. I saw a picture of her and...Michael. My heart stopped. They were kissing. But I noticed something about him. When he kissed me he always had his hands on me; on my face or holding my hands or something. He looked like he was surprised by this kiss, like he was only the kissee, not the kisser.
But it didn't matter. We, whatever we were, was over. I had no right to be mad at him. I never did have a reason.
My phone rang. "Hello?" I asked. Only people I was close to knew
my private number. I secretly hoped it would be Michael. "HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR MIA! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!"
"Thank you Rocky," I said, laughing.
"Did you get my present?" he asked.
"Oh, no, not yet."
"It's really cool."
"I'm sure it is. How is New York?"
"Fine. Michael came over the other day and brought the drummer of his band. That guy is even BETTER than Michael!"
I smiled painfully, staring at the picture of him and Victoria- wait. Victoria. Vicky. Victoria is Vicky! "Oh," I said simply.
"Anything planned for tonight?" he asked.
"No, not really..."
"Good. Look out your door!"
"Huh?"
"Open your bedroom door silly!"
I did and there stood my little brother, my mom and little sister. Frank was still in school so he couldn't come, I'd guess.
"OH MY GOD!" I screamed, dropping the phone. I grabbed Rocky and swung him around.
Mom handed me Cassy. "Hey there little girl..." I cooed. I sat down on my couch. Rocky started jumping on my bed. Mom sat down with
me.
"She looks like you did when you were her age," Mom said, breaking our silence.
I stared at my little sister for a while. I could have been her mother, I was old enough. This time last year I was thinking about how much I wanted to be pregnant within the year with Joshua's baby. Now that would never be.
"Michael says happy birthday," Rocky said coming up next to me.
"That's nice," I said softly.
Mom took Cassy into another room so she could change her. "He misses you," Rocky said after I hugged him.
I shrugged, "Well, what's done is done."
"Are you mad about that picture in the magazine?" he asked, pointing to my US.
"N-no," I stammered.
"Because I asked him about that. I told him that he can't be going around and doing that because my big sister loves him!"
I laughed, "And what did he say to that?"
"He told me that he didn't really kiss her. She kissed him. He said he never would want to do something to hurt you..."
I nodded, "Well, hey, you want to go see the horses?"
He smiled, "Yeah, do I get to ride Duke?"