Darwinism
Author's Note: This was originally here under my account of StaceS and it was a song fic PWP. Now it's neither of those things. To see that version you can just go to my website which is linked in my profile. The version here, though revised, is a bit different and in the end I actually think I like it better. ;;
"What's the point of havin' all this power if there's no fun in it all?" The German whined aloud as he sat in the empty hotel room alongside the leader of Schwarz. Nagi, being the most qualified for the task, was sharing his room with Farfarello, certainly a job that no one envied him.
"I thought that you enjoyed scarring people for life?" The American murmured up from a book that he had been casually reading.
"It gets tiresome after a while. . . It ain't fulfilling you know?" Schuldig yawned widely with his words. Knowing everything all the time got boring, being nothing more than a slave to an unwanted talent was even worse.
"Are you missing something?"
"Hn. . . They say you can't miss something you've never had. . . "There were lots of things that he had never known that he certainly missed a great deal. "What a load of bullshit." Like normalcy, for one.
"Why are you telling me this? Isn't self pitying whining usually reserved for inner monologues?" Surprisingly Crawford's generally blank features seemed much more introspectively amused, however vaguely, as opposed to the usual irritation such a lament would earn him.
"Ain't got one, that's what everyone else's thoughts are for. If I don't say mine how do I know that they don't belong to just some passerby?"
"Hn."
"What about you?" The auburnette focused blue eyes up at the Oracle. "It must be pretty boring being Brad Crawford. What keeps you going?. . . Coffee?"
"Hn. Survival of the fittest. Its nature's way to fight for dominance and hold it for as long as you can. Then you die."
With an indignant snort came the reply. ". . .Not if you're a lemming."
"That's nature's way of keeping the population balanced. Just like with predators who prey upon the weaker, more numerous animals." Ever efficient, and ever stoic was the black haired man.
"We have no enemies besides ourselves. Perhaps humans are meant to kill themselves off too?" Schuldig murmured against the hand that his chin was currently propped up upon.
"No. Not us, at any rate. We are the predators, we control the masses of inferior creatures. It's nature."
"Bull."
"Denial?" Crawford's lips twitched upwards at Schuldig's protest.
"That's bull. Humans aren't like animals. We need more than dominance, there's got to be something more to human life. Humans are above weak little creatures." The younger assassin was perversely philosophical this evening.
"Are we? You enjoy making your victims feel inferior and helpless, like a lion toying with its prey before it's about to die. . . You're feral Schuldig. We all are. . . Deep down inside, though repressed by society, it's there."
"That may be enough for an animal but not me, not for humans. That's what separates us. I need something more." Crawford was a little perplexed at the somewhat mournful look that had currently possessed the German's generally devilish features.
"Hn, I never thought I'd hear you admit something of that nature." Years together had shown the American that Schuldig was indeed human, but in past few very little had ever served to break the exterior that the German had set for himself. The look in his blue eyes tonight reminded him of a younger, more confused and scared telepath; one who was nothing like that sadistic man juxtaposed to him.
"You do to, you won't admit it aloud but I know that you do," his cold blue orbs bore deeply into Crawford's coffee ones, a stare that would me more than a little unsettling to the average man. Honestly, it sometimes unnerved the Oracle as well, though he hid it with much more skill than most.
"Believe what you like but I know that you are incapable of reading my mind."
"It doesn't take a mind reader to see that. . . I'm not blind Crawford." The auburnette held the invading stare against honey colored eyes. Indeed, he'd been the focus of those eyes many times when the American had figured no one was watching. Or at the rare times when he just decided not to care and openly admired the unconventional beauty before him.
Turning his head to the side and averting his gaze the man stoically replied. ". . . That's just another part of nature. It can't be helped."
"I didn't know that it was natural to be attracted to your own gender? Infact I thought that it was supposed to be very unnatural." Being around Farfarello too long had taught Schuldig every tiny little thing that the Bible said was wrong, for those were all of the things that the Irishman took the most pleasure in doing.
"There have been instances when animals have copulated within their own sex out of necessity." How pristine of him. Copulation. Not fucking, screwing, or even making love. Copulation. The German just gave him his crooked grin.
"But only with their own gender, Brad?"
Tiring of this conversation and realizing that there was nothing to do to change the younger assassin's opinion Crawford just conceded with a sigh. "I'm not an expert on animals, Schuldig."
"But apparently you know enough to accuse me of being one?" He breathed softly in that way that could grate on the older man's nerves more quickly than anything else. That condescending 'I know I'm right but have it your way' tone.
"Name one thing that you need that an animal does not?"
Connecting their gaze once again and holding it, Schuldig blatantly answered. ". . . Love." Moreover, not any particular kind of love. The kind of love that only two people who have endured endless suffering could share together. The kind of love that could bring the silence that he'd longed for during his entire life. . . Was it the man he loved or was it the silence?
"Hn, emotions."
"Admitting something? Ah yes, we do have needs that the animals don't." The German gave a victorious grin, it was winning to have even one point to your tally when going against a man like the American.
"I have done quite well to suppress my emotions and am doing an impeccable job," with that Crawford raised the novel in his hands once again, making it obvious that he no longer wished to carry on this conversation.
Triumph! Grinning the German viciously continued, "repress, so you do still have them! Having them at all makes you different."
"It is more efficient to think in terms of survival." Life was not about enjoyment. Truth be told, the American wasn't even quite sure what that word meant anymore. Happiness was not something intended for people like him. Those with gifts must suffer for their art.
With growing frustration Schuldig decided to claim back the fun that Crawford's depressing speech has robbed him of. "Efficiency has little to do with fun. . . By the way here's a spot for that impeccable record of yours. . ." With that unexplainable lighting speed of his, the German swiftly moved to Crawford and seated himself half over the man's lap. Quickly discarding the novel, he leaned against the older man, pulling him into a tight embrace as their lips crushed together. Schuldig hungrily fed upon his older teammate's mouth whilst Crawford just sat their stunned, neither denying or complying with the expert embrace of mouths.
After a moment or two the telepath grew bored of his unresponsive partner and pulled away with a grin on saliva slick lips. "Think whatever the hell you like Brad, but whether you like it or not you're indirectly making me more human than animal. . ." The smirk was feral and a little angry, like a predator.
Fighting his body's unwanted and unconscious reactions, the older man finally managed to reply, "oh, and how is that?"
"You make me feel something that I'd forgotten how to feel, and I make you feel something you never even knew that you could. . . We're the only things keeping each other from being what you claim we are." For the first time in a long time, Brad Crawford saw the younger man's smile reach his cold sapphire eyes. "You'll come around though. . .I foresee it."