Pop Fly
Casey had suffered through about eight weeks of a badly chosen relationship with Pixley when he figured it out. There was a perfectly good reason that things never seemed to work out with the women he dated – Pixley, Dana, the various dating plan women. He was obviously in love with Danny. Loyal, funny, supportive Danny, who thought Casey would have been great on Conan's show. Now he just had to explain this to him.
It was more difficult than Casey anticipated. Whenever the time was right to talk to Dan about his new understanding, somehow the mood would change and there was no easy way to mention it. Every potentially serious moment seemed to be interrupted by a joke from Danny, a discussion about hockey, or a long ant-soccer rant. Finally, one night after a good show that was the result of a long, long, day of chasing down sources, they were sitting on the couch in their office attempting to find the energy to go home. Casey opened his mouth to try to talk, couldn't face it, and leaned over to kiss Dan instead.
Who didn't kiss back, not one bit. Who leaned back, away from Casey a little, and said "Casey, Casey, Casey. What are you doing?"
"I was kissing you."
"Why?"
"You kiss guys." It wasn't what Casey wanted to say, and it somehow came out sounding petulant.
"Yes, I do kiss guys from time to time. For that matter, I suck dick. But, in case it had escaped your notice, I don't kiss you."
"You're attracted to me. You could have sex with me." This still wasn't what he wanted to say. He had to mention the love. Why didn't he mention the love? He supposed he should just be grateful he hadn't said, "You could suck my dick."
"Of course I'm attracted to you. You've got charisma and great cheekbones. But I can't have sex with everyone who's got charisma and cheekbones. It would be exhausting. When would I have time to write my scripts?"
Casey ignored the remark, went for the big gun. This would work. Danny was a romantic. "Danny, I love you."
"And I love you. You know that."
"You are being deliberately obtuse. I am in love with you."
Dan's tone was affectionate. "No, you're not."
"How can you say that? Shouldn't I know?"
"Casey, I have known you for over ten years, right? I helped you move out of the house when you got divorced. You slept on my couch when the new apartment was too lonely for you to face. Your mother calls me to check in when she's worried about you and I have been to approximately one hundred and eight seven thousand sporting events with you and/or Charlie. Since you're not the most self-aware person in the world, trust me when I tell you this – you are not in love with me."
"I suppose now you're going to tell me I'm in love with Dana?"
"No, you're not in love with Dana. You've known her forever. Even you possess enough self-awareness to have acted on it by now if you were in love with Dana."
"I really feel like I'm in love with you."
"You really feel like you want to be with someone who you like and trust and understand, someone safe. And you're attracted to me because, hey, I'm a good-looking guy. But you're not in love with me. For one thing, I remember how you were with Lisa when things were good, and I would have noticed if you were pointing that my way."
"You're sure?"
"All you're aiming at me is lust and insecurity, Case. Which, you know, I take as a compliment. But you have to admit we've got too much history between us to go for the buddy fuck." Dan leaned over and kissed Casey, hard but quick, with plenty of tongue. "You know it's not an attraction thing, it's just a bad idea."
"Yeah, I know."
They sat quiet and in the dark until Casey spoke again.
"So if I'm not in love with you, and I'm not in love with Dana, what do I do now?"
"What you're doing. What I'm doing. Get out there, meet some women. Go on dates and compliment their shoes. I guess you could try dating men, but I don't really think that's what you want. I think you want to get married again, maybe make Charlie a sibling. So keep on meeting women, and eventually you'll find one to love."
"I hate this, Danny."
"I know you do, but there's no other way. You only find love by looking for it. Going for the safe choice never works."
Casey sighed and stood up, located his coat.
"Do you always have to be right?"
"I do indeed, my friend. For I am Dan." He was smiling as he stood up to follow.
Casey grinned back at him. "Yes, you are."
They left for the elevators, walking in step, as usual.
Casey had suffered through about eight weeks of a badly chosen relationship with Pixley when he figured it out. There was a perfectly good reason that things never seemed to work out with the women he dated – Pixley, Dana, the various dating plan women. He was obviously in love with Danny. Loyal, funny, supportive Danny, who thought Casey would have been great on Conan's show. Now he just had to explain this to him.
It was more difficult than Casey anticipated. Whenever the time was right to talk to Dan about his new understanding, somehow the mood would change and there was no easy way to mention it. Every potentially serious moment seemed to be interrupted by a joke from Danny, a discussion about hockey, or a long ant-soccer rant. Finally, one night after a good show that was the result of a long, long, day of chasing down sources, they were sitting on the couch in their office attempting to find the energy to go home. Casey opened his mouth to try to talk, couldn't face it, and leaned over to kiss Dan instead.
Who didn't kiss back, not one bit. Who leaned back, away from Casey a little, and said "Casey, Casey, Casey. What are you doing?"
"I was kissing you."
"Why?"
"You kiss guys." It wasn't what Casey wanted to say, and it somehow came out sounding petulant.
"Yes, I do kiss guys from time to time. For that matter, I suck dick. But, in case it had escaped your notice, I don't kiss you."
"You're attracted to me. You could have sex with me." This still wasn't what he wanted to say. He had to mention the love. Why didn't he mention the love? He supposed he should just be grateful he hadn't said, "You could suck my dick."
"Of course I'm attracted to you. You've got charisma and great cheekbones. But I can't have sex with everyone who's got charisma and cheekbones. It would be exhausting. When would I have time to write my scripts?"
Casey ignored the remark, went for the big gun. This would work. Danny was a romantic. "Danny, I love you."
"And I love you. You know that."
"You are being deliberately obtuse. I am in love with you."
Dan's tone was affectionate. "No, you're not."
"How can you say that? Shouldn't I know?"
"Casey, I have known you for over ten years, right? I helped you move out of the house when you got divorced. You slept on my couch when the new apartment was too lonely for you to face. Your mother calls me to check in when she's worried about you and I have been to approximately one hundred and eight seven thousand sporting events with you and/or Charlie. Since you're not the most self-aware person in the world, trust me when I tell you this – you are not in love with me."
"I suppose now you're going to tell me I'm in love with Dana?"
"No, you're not in love with Dana. You've known her forever. Even you possess enough self-awareness to have acted on it by now if you were in love with Dana."
"I really feel like I'm in love with you."
"You really feel like you want to be with someone who you like and trust and understand, someone safe. And you're attracted to me because, hey, I'm a good-looking guy. But you're not in love with me. For one thing, I remember how you were with Lisa when things were good, and I would have noticed if you were pointing that my way."
"You're sure?"
"All you're aiming at me is lust and insecurity, Case. Which, you know, I take as a compliment. But you have to admit we've got too much history between us to go for the buddy fuck." Dan leaned over and kissed Casey, hard but quick, with plenty of tongue. "You know it's not an attraction thing, it's just a bad idea."
"Yeah, I know."
They sat quiet and in the dark until Casey spoke again.
"So if I'm not in love with you, and I'm not in love with Dana, what do I do now?"
"What you're doing. What I'm doing. Get out there, meet some women. Go on dates and compliment their shoes. I guess you could try dating men, but I don't really think that's what you want. I think you want to get married again, maybe make Charlie a sibling. So keep on meeting women, and eventually you'll find one to love."
"I hate this, Danny."
"I know you do, but there's no other way. You only find love by looking for it. Going for the safe choice never works."
Casey sighed and stood up, located his coat.
"Do you always have to be right?"
"I do indeed, my friend. For I am Dan." He was smiling as he stood up to follow.
Casey grinned back at him. "Yes, you are."
They left for the elevators, walking in step, as usual.