A nurse with a clipboard moved around a white-sheeted hospital bed on silent feet. She looked at the monitors; recording their output in the appropriate boxes on the form she carried. A kindly woman, she paused at the head of the bed before leaving the room.
She laid a gentle hand on the head of the attractive blond in the bed. "It'll be all right, dear. You'll wake up soon," she whispered sweetly.
The door closed behind the white-clad woman, leaving the room silent and still. In the sky, a wind gust blew the last clouds away from the sun, allowing the sun's rays to penetrate the glass and light up the motionless figure. She lay, bathed in light, an ethereal princess, Sleeping Beauty.
In a deep well of darkness, a tiny spark flared. It spun, sending tiny, multi-coloured flares into the gloom. Formless, ever changing, somehow it was identifiable as human. Whether simple consciousness, ego, personality or something even more indefinable and precious, it didn't really matter. As long as the little fire burned, the girl in the bed was still reachable, alive in the way that means more than simple breath.
It started small; a mere sparkle in the dark. The primary colour was a murky red, the colour of fear, confusion and warning, and it spun in ever- tighter circles. Suddenly it stopped. Extending tendrils, it tentatively explored the darkness. Like every beginning, the dark stretched on forever. Hastily pulling the curious fingers back, the intensifying blaze darted through the murk. As it passed, the dimness lifted slightly. Shapes could be seen moving through the greyness beyond the immediate area lit by the spark of life.
The bright spot stopped suddenly. The colour moved through the spectrum from red to yellow. Despite the lack of appendages or any hominid features, an outside observer might have compared the entity to the statue entitled "The Thinker". It was puzzling out the information it had collected, and trying to come to a working theory.
The soul snapped into an attentive posture as if suddenly coming to a conclusion. With a curious twist, it attempted something. In the bed, Sleeping Beauty twitched a finger, then a leg. The spark flared, obviously pleased with itself. This time, the flare didn't just brighten the darkness, it crackled in the silence as well. Stunned, the fire fell back, timid and fearful. It burned silently and passively for a moment before it visibly gathered all it's strength and courage. Another crackle was heard, then an odd sound, like a person clearing her throat. Finally a human voice split the silence and the shadows.
"Dawn? Giles? Where is everybody?"
It seemed like Dawn had been crying for hours. She was completely inconsolable, not even aware of the attempts everyone made to pull her from the depths of her grief. Spike finally pulled a desperate and teary Willow away from the girl.
"She just needs to cry herself out, Red. Then you can reason with her." Everyone saw the wisdom and truth of Spike's words, but it was hard to ignore the broken-hearted innocent in their midst. Not knowing where to look or what to do, the group just sat around silently, absorbed in their own thoughts.
Finally, Giles heaved a sigh. Obviously, no one wanted to take control of the much needed planning session. Sometimes it made him so tired, having to always be the voice of reason and wisdom. However, it was expected of him after so many years in that role. He cleared his throat, and everyone looked at him expectantly.
"I assume we all want to take some time to see Buffy for ourselves today?" he questioned. Furious nods greeted him. "Dr. Kriegel told us to go two at a time, so I guess we'd better figure out some kind of schedule." Giles thought a moment, looking at Dawn. Hesitantly, he called her name and got no response. Unsure of himself and how to deal with this, he turned beseeching eyes on Spike. Everyone could see that the vampire had a special bond with the Slayer's little sister.
"Spike, is she...?" Giles trailed off.
Spike looked at Dawn with a considering look on his face. "I think she'll cry herself out in a minute." Once Spike said it, everyone could hear that Dawn's sobs were softer, less heart-rending. "I also think the Slayer would be furious if 'bit wasn't the first person to come and see her."
Giles sighed again, agreeing with the vampire's assessment, but desperate to see his Slayer for himself. About to send Spike and Dawn for the first visit, resigning himself to the second round of visits, he was surprised when Spike continued speaking. "You and the Little Bit head up as soon as Dawn feels up to it."
Giles sent a look of surprised gratitude to the vampire. Spike scoffed. "Buffy would want you there just as much as Dawn. She loves you like a father." He finished on a whisper.
Giles felt tears welling in his eyes. The feelings between the Watcher and Slayer were something that neither had spoken about since the Cruciamentum test on her 18th birthday. Hearing from someone else that Buffy's familial love for him was so obvious was heart wrenching, especially while she lay trapped in a coma. He pulled his glasses off and wiped his eyes. Finally clear gazed again, he looked around at everyone else. They all nodded, agreeing with Spike's assessment of the relationship between Slayer and Watcher, and with the fact that Giles and Dawn should go first.
Giles took control of the planning session again. "Okay, how about Willow and Tara, you head down after we get back. Willow, do you have the strength to push Tara's wheelchair?"
Tara piped up in her small, shy voice. "I'm really feeling much better now, I can walk down myself." Willow started to shake her head, but then looked her in the eyes. The look of resolve in her lover's eyes told her that Tara was bound and determined to do this, to make up for feeling like a burden. Willow nodded her agreement with that plan.
"Okay, and Xander and Anya next," Willow said.
"I would like to be pushed in a wheelchair. Or you could carry me again, Xander. That was very romantic." Everyone hid small grins at that.
"I guess I'll go down myself after you are done, then?" Spike asked.
The Scoobies exchanged uncomfortable looks. Spike had proven himself in battle, had shown a caring and compassion beyond any they had expected from the vampire, and was obviously concerned about Buffy. Still, they couldn't get over the mental image of leaving a dangerous vampire along with the defenceless, comatose Slayer.
Spike read the problem on their faces and started to get very angry. About to harangue the group for their distrust, he was interrupted by Dawn. "Yeah, that's fine, Spike. Come on Giles."
Dawn grabbed Giles' wheelchair and headed out the door, leaving Spike alone with four very ashamed Scoobies.
"I, uhn, I think I'll go for a smoke," Spike said, fleeing the uncomfortable atmosphere.
Three floors above, Dawn pushed Giles down a hallway towards a pair of large swinging glass doors. She turned the wheelchair around to hold the door open with her back, the way they always did on TV.
Just inside the door a nurse stopped them. "May I help you?"
"We're here to see Buffy Summers," Dawn said.
"Oh, yes, Dr. Kriegel said she'd be having a number of visitors. Just this way." The nurse led them to a door. As she walked away, Dawn quietly called her back.
"Just to give you warning, there are five other people waiting to see her. Dr. Kriegel told us no more than two at a time, so we're coming in pairs."
The nurse smiled warmly. "Thank you for the head's up. I'll keep my eyes open."
Dawn took a deep breath and pushed the door open.
The room was bright and filled with sunlight. There were many monitors around the head of the bed, but Dawn and Giles only had eyes for Buffy. By unspoken agreement, each moved to a different side of the bed and clasped one of the motionless hands.
She looked completely relaxed and at peace, much younger than she looked while awake. Giles started when Dawn spoke.
"Hey, Buffy. Guess what? You saved the world again. Not that I ever thought you wouldn't. I was really happy to see you, Buffy. I was really scared without you. Glory told me... Glory said some pretty bad stuff," Dawn mumbled, eyes glistening. She sat, silent and shaking for a moment. "I'm just glad she was wrong." Dawn finished lamely.
Giles took that as his turn to speak. "Buffy, I'm so proud of you. We are all fine, a little banged up, but fine. We all miss you and are worried about you. Please wake up soon." Giles' voice cracked on a sob, and he fell silent, just holding Buffy's hand.
They all sat unmoving and unspeaking for several minutes. Dawn and Giles stared at Buffy, and she slept peacefully on.
After an exhausting half hour of alternately talking to the unresponsive girl, looking at her, and crying for her, Giles and Dawn got ready to return downstairs. Before they left, Dawn took one last look at her sister.
"I wonder if she knew we were here?"
Inside Buffy's mind, her essence screamed in frustration. As soon as Dawn and Giles entered the room, she'd started calling for them. She heard every word they said, finally remembering what happened the previous night and figuring out she was now in a coma. As her awareness increased, the gloom surrounding her flame lifted. Now she could see the space around her wasn't formless. She could see Dawn's and Giles' sparks, but between her and them was a shimmering wall. It hummed with life, thickening and thinning in unpredictable patterns. She tried to approach it, tried to batter it away, but it resisted all her efforts. By the time they turned to leave, she was crying with exhaustion and disappointment. Sorrowfully, she watched them go. It felt like abandonment.
Willow and Tara poked their heads' in the hospital room, sucking in a quick gasp at all the machines surround Buffy's bed. Slowly, the witches moved to the side of the bed. Willow grabbed Buffy's hand, while Tara hung back, even shy with the comatose.
"She looks so peaceful," Willow whispered, then laughed. "It's like she finally gets a chance to catch up on all the sleep she missed because of patrolling."
Silence filled the room. Willow sat with her eyes closed. After a few minutes, Willow cursed. "Goddess! I'm so tired I can't even get into a trance to try and find her," she cried.
Tara finally spoke. "May, maybe that's best, baby. Maybe she needs to be asleep to heal, to get strong again. Maybe you need to get strong again before you can reach her. You saved her life this morning. Isn't that enough for one day?"
"Tara, what are we going to do without her?"
"We won't have to find out, not really. She'll wake up soon, baby, I promise."
Willow leaned down and gave the silent figure a hug. "I'll help you wake up as soon as I can, Buffy. I promise. Just stay strong. I love you."
The witches trailed from the room, looking back for some sign that Buffy was wakening.
Head hanging in misery, Buffy felt more than saw the golden flames that represented Willow and Tara. Her own flame brightened a bit; surely Willow could pull her out of this coma like she did before. She saw Willow's spirit become still, then it started shooting silver sparks. The sparks seemed weak, and faded when they reached the wall encircling Buffy. Buffy dimmed, sorrowing again. Would she be trapped forever? She felt guilty when she realized that Willow had drained herself to save her life. As she heard Willow's whispered promise, she had some hope. Willow wouldn't give up until Buffy was awake. Buffy was determined to be strong for as long as it took.
Xander stood outside the closed door, fidgeting. He was really scared to go in. He didn't want to see Buffy weak and fragile. She was the strong one, the one who protected them.
"Honey, what are you doing?" Anya questioned from the wheelchair behind him.
"I... nothing," Xander sighed, opening the door, and pulling Anya in with him.
"Hello, Buffy," Anya said brightly.
"An, what are you doing?" Xander was scandalized. They were supposed to sombre and quiet. It was a hospital.
"I'm talking to Buffy, what does it look like I'm doing?"
"Why? I mean, she's in a coma. I just wanted to see that she was really still here, I didn't, I'm not going to talk to her. That's just stupid."
"No it's not. The doctor may not have any evidence that people in a coma are aware of what's going on around them, but I do. When I was a vengeance demon, I granted a wish for a girl in a coma."
"You mean, ... she can hear us? That's really creepy."
"Didn't you tell me it's very rude to talk about people as if they can't hear you?"
Xander was speechless. Finally, he walked up to the bed and said, "hello, Buffy. Sorry I was rude. Anya, I feel like an idiot!" he wailed.
Anya ignored him. So did Buffy. "Buffy, we have very good news. Xander and I are getting married! He gave me a very beautiful diamond ring, and said very romantic things. I hope you wake up soon so that you can be one of my bridesmaids, with Dawn and Willow and Hallie. Do you like peach taffeta? What am I saying, I don't care if you like peach taffeta. It is very flattering to my skin, and if you are my bridesmaid, you will wear what I want you to wear. That's settled, I'm glad. Oh and thank you for saving the world so I could get married."
Xander and Anya turned to leave, when Anya suddenly gasped. "Xander, close the blinds. Dawn made us promise to, remember."
Xander closed the blinds, grumbling the whole time.
Buffy was feeling much better after Xander and Anya left. Despite all of Anya's strangeness, or perhaps because of it, Anya could be very entertaining. As for Xander, he'd been making Buffy laugh ever since she met him. She was really happy for them, and determined to be awake for the wedding, if for nothing else, to convince Anya that the bridesmaid's shouldn't wear peach - especially the redheaded bridesmaid.
Spike had been hovering around near the entrance to the ICU since he'd left everyone else downstairs. He'd watched everyone come and go, tears marking their faces, but somehow lighter and happier than they had been. As Xander and Anya entered the elevator, he steeled himself to see Buffy.
He went through the swinging doors and was directed to the room by the helpful nurse. He hesitated again outside the door, then taking a deep, unnecessary breath he opened it and walked through.
The room was dim. He looked at the blinds, smiling when he saw how the sun lit them up from behind. If they'd been open, he wouldn't have been able to go past the door. The entire room would have been flooded with sunshine. He had to thank the Little Bit for remembering that.
He moved to the side of the bed, standing there and staring down at the helpless woman. Even in the gloom, even comatose, she somehow seemed more alive and vibrant than anyone else he'd ever seen. Carefully, keeping a cautious eye on her face, he grasped her hand, entwining his fingers with hers.
"You should be proud, pet. Even comatose, I'm afraid of offending you. You look, actually, you look kind of like you're sleeping. Not that I've ever seen you sleeping," he hastened to assure her. "Nope, I never did that. I wish I did, though," he mused. "Course, you'd probably sense me, wake up, and stake me. Besides, I get to look at you all I want now." Spike leered at the figure on the bed, and then his face fell. "You must be really deep under if that didn't wake you up."
Spike sat, silently watching her chest rise and fall for a few moments, then shook himself out of his reverie. "I just wanted you to know that everybody's okay. Not even a scratch on the Little Bit. Xander's a little bumped up, but he didn't need medical attention or anything. He's going to stay here overnight with Anya, though. She got a concussion. Tara got put back in the hospital because she re-broke her hand when she pulled the cast off. Willow's staying, too, to be treated for exhaustion. She wore herself out, trying to keep you alive. Giles ripped open his stitches and he's here overnight. Everybody's going to be just fine. Since everyone else is here, Dawnie will probably stay here too. There's an extra bed in the girls' room, and they you don't have to worry about her going home with the vampire."
Another few minutes of silence passed. "I don't know what to do until you wake up. I don't know if you ever thought about what would happen to Dawn, to everybody if you weren't here. I hope you did. I know it seemed like Giles was in charge, big Watcher man, but you were always the one with the plan. I hope you know what we're supposed to do now." Spike got up and paced the room. "I'm worried about 'bit, I'm worried about Giles, I'm worried about you, dammit! I'm a bloody vampire, I'm not supposed to worry. I'm supposed to be a perpetual teenager, lacking any and all impulse control. Now I'm all about responsibility and caring for others. I know you think it's the chip, but it's not. No one can invent a chip to make you an adult. The only thing that can do that is love. I love you, Buffy," he whispered. "You can't do anything about that. You can't now and you couldn't then. You just have to live with it, accept it. I'm not what you think I am. I'll prove it to you someday. Until you wake up, I'll prove it to the Scoobies. I'll help protect Sunnydale, and the Little Bit. Everybody will be waiting right here when you wake up, okay?"
With that, he leaned over, kissed her on the forehead, and headed back to the elevator without a backwards glance.
Buffy sat, trapped in her own mind, silent and in awe of the truths Spike had just told her. Unable to run, to disagree, to beat him senseless, she had no choice but to listen. His essence paced frantically around her prison walls, shot through with passionate reds and the cool blue of honesty. He truly did love her and Dawn. He really was willing to put his life on the line, not just to impress her, but also to keep everyone safe.
She felt so terrible for the way she'd treated him. She seemed unable to recognize change - she'd been surprised by Willow's love affair with Tara, by Xander's bond with Anya. She wondered what she'd never noticed about Dawn and Giles, what secrets her mother had taken to her grave.
The cool, gentle touch of Spike's lips on her forehead was her undoing. She yearned to hold him, to comfort him, to prove that this time, she'd heard him. Her essence dripped sparkling tears, but her body remained unchanged, unmoving, except for her chest, slowly rising and lowering as she breathed.
Authors Notes!
Hi Everybody! (Can you even read that without hearing Dr. Nick Riviera? I can't.)
Just another shout out to those of you who reviewed the last chapter. I got quite a few questions on that one – I'll try to answer them here.
kori hime – I love reviewers, so of course I acknowledge them! You asked about my comment that this was my first fic. It is my first Buffy fic. I've written X-Files fic for a few years (only published one though, over on Gossamer). As well, I've written a lot of original fiction, took an English degree at University of Waterloo (including a couple of creative writing courses), and I work as a Technical Writer, so I write for a living. I should hope that it's well-written, or at least, grammatically correct! I'm trying to maintain Buffy's character despite the coma, which is something that didn't happen for Cordy on Angel. Let me know how I do!
Harm Marie – thanks for reviewing again! I really appreciate that people are coming back as I update. AS for how long Buffy will be in the coma, I'm not sure. I don't think it'll last all summer. Probably a month – long enough that they get into a routine without her, not so long that they lose hope. I knew someone was going to point out that coma is kind of like death. As I said above, I'm trying to keep Buffy active even during coma. Let me know if you still think it's like death!
Thanks to everyone else who reviewed, especially Trick, whose been there from the beginning.
GarniGal (Ann)
She laid a gentle hand on the head of the attractive blond in the bed. "It'll be all right, dear. You'll wake up soon," she whispered sweetly.
The door closed behind the white-clad woman, leaving the room silent and still. In the sky, a wind gust blew the last clouds away from the sun, allowing the sun's rays to penetrate the glass and light up the motionless figure. She lay, bathed in light, an ethereal princess, Sleeping Beauty.
In a deep well of darkness, a tiny spark flared. It spun, sending tiny, multi-coloured flares into the gloom. Formless, ever changing, somehow it was identifiable as human. Whether simple consciousness, ego, personality or something even more indefinable and precious, it didn't really matter. As long as the little fire burned, the girl in the bed was still reachable, alive in the way that means more than simple breath.
It started small; a mere sparkle in the dark. The primary colour was a murky red, the colour of fear, confusion and warning, and it spun in ever- tighter circles. Suddenly it stopped. Extending tendrils, it tentatively explored the darkness. Like every beginning, the dark stretched on forever. Hastily pulling the curious fingers back, the intensifying blaze darted through the murk. As it passed, the dimness lifted slightly. Shapes could be seen moving through the greyness beyond the immediate area lit by the spark of life.
The bright spot stopped suddenly. The colour moved through the spectrum from red to yellow. Despite the lack of appendages or any hominid features, an outside observer might have compared the entity to the statue entitled "The Thinker". It was puzzling out the information it had collected, and trying to come to a working theory.
The soul snapped into an attentive posture as if suddenly coming to a conclusion. With a curious twist, it attempted something. In the bed, Sleeping Beauty twitched a finger, then a leg. The spark flared, obviously pleased with itself. This time, the flare didn't just brighten the darkness, it crackled in the silence as well. Stunned, the fire fell back, timid and fearful. It burned silently and passively for a moment before it visibly gathered all it's strength and courage. Another crackle was heard, then an odd sound, like a person clearing her throat. Finally a human voice split the silence and the shadows.
"Dawn? Giles? Where is everybody?"
It seemed like Dawn had been crying for hours. She was completely inconsolable, not even aware of the attempts everyone made to pull her from the depths of her grief. Spike finally pulled a desperate and teary Willow away from the girl.
"She just needs to cry herself out, Red. Then you can reason with her." Everyone saw the wisdom and truth of Spike's words, but it was hard to ignore the broken-hearted innocent in their midst. Not knowing where to look or what to do, the group just sat around silently, absorbed in their own thoughts.
Finally, Giles heaved a sigh. Obviously, no one wanted to take control of the much needed planning session. Sometimes it made him so tired, having to always be the voice of reason and wisdom. However, it was expected of him after so many years in that role. He cleared his throat, and everyone looked at him expectantly.
"I assume we all want to take some time to see Buffy for ourselves today?" he questioned. Furious nods greeted him. "Dr. Kriegel told us to go two at a time, so I guess we'd better figure out some kind of schedule." Giles thought a moment, looking at Dawn. Hesitantly, he called her name and got no response. Unsure of himself and how to deal with this, he turned beseeching eyes on Spike. Everyone could see that the vampire had a special bond with the Slayer's little sister.
"Spike, is she...?" Giles trailed off.
Spike looked at Dawn with a considering look on his face. "I think she'll cry herself out in a minute." Once Spike said it, everyone could hear that Dawn's sobs were softer, less heart-rending. "I also think the Slayer would be furious if 'bit wasn't the first person to come and see her."
Giles sighed again, agreeing with the vampire's assessment, but desperate to see his Slayer for himself. About to send Spike and Dawn for the first visit, resigning himself to the second round of visits, he was surprised when Spike continued speaking. "You and the Little Bit head up as soon as Dawn feels up to it."
Giles sent a look of surprised gratitude to the vampire. Spike scoffed. "Buffy would want you there just as much as Dawn. She loves you like a father." He finished on a whisper.
Giles felt tears welling in his eyes. The feelings between the Watcher and Slayer were something that neither had spoken about since the Cruciamentum test on her 18th birthday. Hearing from someone else that Buffy's familial love for him was so obvious was heart wrenching, especially while she lay trapped in a coma. He pulled his glasses off and wiped his eyes. Finally clear gazed again, he looked around at everyone else. They all nodded, agreeing with Spike's assessment of the relationship between Slayer and Watcher, and with the fact that Giles and Dawn should go first.
Giles took control of the planning session again. "Okay, how about Willow and Tara, you head down after we get back. Willow, do you have the strength to push Tara's wheelchair?"
Tara piped up in her small, shy voice. "I'm really feeling much better now, I can walk down myself." Willow started to shake her head, but then looked her in the eyes. The look of resolve in her lover's eyes told her that Tara was bound and determined to do this, to make up for feeling like a burden. Willow nodded her agreement with that plan.
"Okay, and Xander and Anya next," Willow said.
"I would like to be pushed in a wheelchair. Or you could carry me again, Xander. That was very romantic." Everyone hid small grins at that.
"I guess I'll go down myself after you are done, then?" Spike asked.
The Scoobies exchanged uncomfortable looks. Spike had proven himself in battle, had shown a caring and compassion beyond any they had expected from the vampire, and was obviously concerned about Buffy. Still, they couldn't get over the mental image of leaving a dangerous vampire along with the defenceless, comatose Slayer.
Spike read the problem on their faces and started to get very angry. About to harangue the group for their distrust, he was interrupted by Dawn. "Yeah, that's fine, Spike. Come on Giles."
Dawn grabbed Giles' wheelchair and headed out the door, leaving Spike alone with four very ashamed Scoobies.
"I, uhn, I think I'll go for a smoke," Spike said, fleeing the uncomfortable atmosphere.
Three floors above, Dawn pushed Giles down a hallway towards a pair of large swinging glass doors. She turned the wheelchair around to hold the door open with her back, the way they always did on TV.
Just inside the door a nurse stopped them. "May I help you?"
"We're here to see Buffy Summers," Dawn said.
"Oh, yes, Dr. Kriegel said she'd be having a number of visitors. Just this way." The nurse led them to a door. As she walked away, Dawn quietly called her back.
"Just to give you warning, there are five other people waiting to see her. Dr. Kriegel told us no more than two at a time, so we're coming in pairs."
The nurse smiled warmly. "Thank you for the head's up. I'll keep my eyes open."
Dawn took a deep breath and pushed the door open.
The room was bright and filled with sunlight. There were many monitors around the head of the bed, but Dawn and Giles only had eyes for Buffy. By unspoken agreement, each moved to a different side of the bed and clasped one of the motionless hands.
She looked completely relaxed and at peace, much younger than she looked while awake. Giles started when Dawn spoke.
"Hey, Buffy. Guess what? You saved the world again. Not that I ever thought you wouldn't. I was really happy to see you, Buffy. I was really scared without you. Glory told me... Glory said some pretty bad stuff," Dawn mumbled, eyes glistening. She sat, silent and shaking for a moment. "I'm just glad she was wrong." Dawn finished lamely.
Giles took that as his turn to speak. "Buffy, I'm so proud of you. We are all fine, a little banged up, but fine. We all miss you and are worried about you. Please wake up soon." Giles' voice cracked on a sob, and he fell silent, just holding Buffy's hand.
They all sat unmoving and unspeaking for several minutes. Dawn and Giles stared at Buffy, and she slept peacefully on.
After an exhausting half hour of alternately talking to the unresponsive girl, looking at her, and crying for her, Giles and Dawn got ready to return downstairs. Before they left, Dawn took one last look at her sister.
"I wonder if she knew we were here?"
Inside Buffy's mind, her essence screamed in frustration. As soon as Dawn and Giles entered the room, she'd started calling for them. She heard every word they said, finally remembering what happened the previous night and figuring out she was now in a coma. As her awareness increased, the gloom surrounding her flame lifted. Now she could see the space around her wasn't formless. She could see Dawn's and Giles' sparks, but between her and them was a shimmering wall. It hummed with life, thickening and thinning in unpredictable patterns. She tried to approach it, tried to batter it away, but it resisted all her efforts. By the time they turned to leave, she was crying with exhaustion and disappointment. Sorrowfully, she watched them go. It felt like abandonment.
Willow and Tara poked their heads' in the hospital room, sucking in a quick gasp at all the machines surround Buffy's bed. Slowly, the witches moved to the side of the bed. Willow grabbed Buffy's hand, while Tara hung back, even shy with the comatose.
"She looks so peaceful," Willow whispered, then laughed. "It's like she finally gets a chance to catch up on all the sleep she missed because of patrolling."
Silence filled the room. Willow sat with her eyes closed. After a few minutes, Willow cursed. "Goddess! I'm so tired I can't even get into a trance to try and find her," she cried.
Tara finally spoke. "May, maybe that's best, baby. Maybe she needs to be asleep to heal, to get strong again. Maybe you need to get strong again before you can reach her. You saved her life this morning. Isn't that enough for one day?"
"Tara, what are we going to do without her?"
"We won't have to find out, not really. She'll wake up soon, baby, I promise."
Willow leaned down and gave the silent figure a hug. "I'll help you wake up as soon as I can, Buffy. I promise. Just stay strong. I love you."
The witches trailed from the room, looking back for some sign that Buffy was wakening.
Head hanging in misery, Buffy felt more than saw the golden flames that represented Willow and Tara. Her own flame brightened a bit; surely Willow could pull her out of this coma like she did before. She saw Willow's spirit become still, then it started shooting silver sparks. The sparks seemed weak, and faded when they reached the wall encircling Buffy. Buffy dimmed, sorrowing again. Would she be trapped forever? She felt guilty when she realized that Willow had drained herself to save her life. As she heard Willow's whispered promise, she had some hope. Willow wouldn't give up until Buffy was awake. Buffy was determined to be strong for as long as it took.
Xander stood outside the closed door, fidgeting. He was really scared to go in. He didn't want to see Buffy weak and fragile. She was the strong one, the one who protected them.
"Honey, what are you doing?" Anya questioned from the wheelchair behind him.
"I... nothing," Xander sighed, opening the door, and pulling Anya in with him.
"Hello, Buffy," Anya said brightly.
"An, what are you doing?" Xander was scandalized. They were supposed to sombre and quiet. It was a hospital.
"I'm talking to Buffy, what does it look like I'm doing?"
"Why? I mean, she's in a coma. I just wanted to see that she was really still here, I didn't, I'm not going to talk to her. That's just stupid."
"No it's not. The doctor may not have any evidence that people in a coma are aware of what's going on around them, but I do. When I was a vengeance demon, I granted a wish for a girl in a coma."
"You mean, ... she can hear us? That's really creepy."
"Didn't you tell me it's very rude to talk about people as if they can't hear you?"
Xander was speechless. Finally, he walked up to the bed and said, "hello, Buffy. Sorry I was rude. Anya, I feel like an idiot!" he wailed.
Anya ignored him. So did Buffy. "Buffy, we have very good news. Xander and I are getting married! He gave me a very beautiful diamond ring, and said very romantic things. I hope you wake up soon so that you can be one of my bridesmaids, with Dawn and Willow and Hallie. Do you like peach taffeta? What am I saying, I don't care if you like peach taffeta. It is very flattering to my skin, and if you are my bridesmaid, you will wear what I want you to wear. That's settled, I'm glad. Oh and thank you for saving the world so I could get married."
Xander and Anya turned to leave, when Anya suddenly gasped. "Xander, close the blinds. Dawn made us promise to, remember."
Xander closed the blinds, grumbling the whole time.
Buffy was feeling much better after Xander and Anya left. Despite all of Anya's strangeness, or perhaps because of it, Anya could be very entertaining. As for Xander, he'd been making Buffy laugh ever since she met him. She was really happy for them, and determined to be awake for the wedding, if for nothing else, to convince Anya that the bridesmaid's shouldn't wear peach - especially the redheaded bridesmaid.
Spike had been hovering around near the entrance to the ICU since he'd left everyone else downstairs. He'd watched everyone come and go, tears marking their faces, but somehow lighter and happier than they had been. As Xander and Anya entered the elevator, he steeled himself to see Buffy.
He went through the swinging doors and was directed to the room by the helpful nurse. He hesitated again outside the door, then taking a deep, unnecessary breath he opened it and walked through.
The room was dim. He looked at the blinds, smiling when he saw how the sun lit them up from behind. If they'd been open, he wouldn't have been able to go past the door. The entire room would have been flooded with sunshine. He had to thank the Little Bit for remembering that.
He moved to the side of the bed, standing there and staring down at the helpless woman. Even in the gloom, even comatose, she somehow seemed more alive and vibrant than anyone else he'd ever seen. Carefully, keeping a cautious eye on her face, he grasped her hand, entwining his fingers with hers.
"You should be proud, pet. Even comatose, I'm afraid of offending you. You look, actually, you look kind of like you're sleeping. Not that I've ever seen you sleeping," he hastened to assure her. "Nope, I never did that. I wish I did, though," he mused. "Course, you'd probably sense me, wake up, and stake me. Besides, I get to look at you all I want now." Spike leered at the figure on the bed, and then his face fell. "You must be really deep under if that didn't wake you up."
Spike sat, silently watching her chest rise and fall for a few moments, then shook himself out of his reverie. "I just wanted you to know that everybody's okay. Not even a scratch on the Little Bit. Xander's a little bumped up, but he didn't need medical attention or anything. He's going to stay here overnight with Anya, though. She got a concussion. Tara got put back in the hospital because she re-broke her hand when she pulled the cast off. Willow's staying, too, to be treated for exhaustion. She wore herself out, trying to keep you alive. Giles ripped open his stitches and he's here overnight. Everybody's going to be just fine. Since everyone else is here, Dawnie will probably stay here too. There's an extra bed in the girls' room, and they you don't have to worry about her going home with the vampire."
Another few minutes of silence passed. "I don't know what to do until you wake up. I don't know if you ever thought about what would happen to Dawn, to everybody if you weren't here. I hope you did. I know it seemed like Giles was in charge, big Watcher man, but you were always the one with the plan. I hope you know what we're supposed to do now." Spike got up and paced the room. "I'm worried about 'bit, I'm worried about Giles, I'm worried about you, dammit! I'm a bloody vampire, I'm not supposed to worry. I'm supposed to be a perpetual teenager, lacking any and all impulse control. Now I'm all about responsibility and caring for others. I know you think it's the chip, but it's not. No one can invent a chip to make you an adult. The only thing that can do that is love. I love you, Buffy," he whispered. "You can't do anything about that. You can't now and you couldn't then. You just have to live with it, accept it. I'm not what you think I am. I'll prove it to you someday. Until you wake up, I'll prove it to the Scoobies. I'll help protect Sunnydale, and the Little Bit. Everybody will be waiting right here when you wake up, okay?"
With that, he leaned over, kissed her on the forehead, and headed back to the elevator without a backwards glance.
Buffy sat, trapped in her own mind, silent and in awe of the truths Spike had just told her. Unable to run, to disagree, to beat him senseless, she had no choice but to listen. His essence paced frantically around her prison walls, shot through with passionate reds and the cool blue of honesty. He truly did love her and Dawn. He really was willing to put his life on the line, not just to impress her, but also to keep everyone safe.
She felt so terrible for the way she'd treated him. She seemed unable to recognize change - she'd been surprised by Willow's love affair with Tara, by Xander's bond with Anya. She wondered what she'd never noticed about Dawn and Giles, what secrets her mother had taken to her grave.
The cool, gentle touch of Spike's lips on her forehead was her undoing. She yearned to hold him, to comfort him, to prove that this time, she'd heard him. Her essence dripped sparkling tears, but her body remained unchanged, unmoving, except for her chest, slowly rising and lowering as she breathed.
Authors Notes!
Hi Everybody! (Can you even read that without hearing Dr. Nick Riviera? I can't.)
Just another shout out to those of you who reviewed the last chapter. I got quite a few questions on that one – I'll try to answer them here.
kori hime – I love reviewers, so of course I acknowledge them! You asked about my comment that this was my first fic. It is my first Buffy fic. I've written X-Files fic for a few years (only published one though, over on Gossamer). As well, I've written a lot of original fiction, took an English degree at University of Waterloo (including a couple of creative writing courses), and I work as a Technical Writer, so I write for a living. I should hope that it's well-written, or at least, grammatically correct! I'm trying to maintain Buffy's character despite the coma, which is something that didn't happen for Cordy on Angel. Let me know how I do!
Harm Marie – thanks for reviewing again! I really appreciate that people are coming back as I update. AS for how long Buffy will be in the coma, I'm not sure. I don't think it'll last all summer. Probably a month – long enough that they get into a routine without her, not so long that they lose hope. I knew someone was going to point out that coma is kind of like death. As I said above, I'm trying to keep Buffy active even during coma. Let me know if you still think it's like death!
Thanks to everyone else who reviewed, especially Trick, whose been there from the beginning.
GarniGal (Ann)