Disclaimer: All things and places that are associated with the Harry Potter books and movies do not belong to me. All rights and ownership belong to the brilliant mind of J.K. Rowling.

Chapter Sixteen – Starting Again

Dear Ginny,

I need your help. It seems that things have become more complicated since I last had a chance to write you. I feel like the events just keep happening and are beginning to spin out of control. I have no way to stop it, and I do not know how to deal with it. I really need your advice; you are the only one I trust to give me an unbiased opinion.

Severus and I have started to become closer. After I last wrote you about the difficulties we were having, Severus finally decided to let me in. He opened up to me in a way I feel he has never done before with anyone. I quickly realized how vulnerable he must feel in this new position. Yet, I am shaken to the core by his intense behavior and fragile demeanor. I know that he tries to hide behind his usual scowl and nonchalant act, but I feel that he is constantly waiting for me to make it okay for him to feel this way.

Dumbledore has just offered me a position at Hogwarts as the new Professor of Potions. If I agree to accept this position Severus will be given the Defense Against the Dark Arts position that he has coveted for so many years. When Dumbledore told me of his offer I was immediately looked at by Severus with wandering eyes. I have to decide my entire future in one step. If I take this position I would be free of the Ministry and its constant badgering to gain fame from my work. But I would also give Severus the idea that I want to be with him.

I am scared Ginny. I have never had to make this kind of decision before. Everything I ever did in the past only involved my future. But now I hold the future of two people in my hands. I do love him. I do not know how to explain it, but there is a connection to him that I have never felt with anyone before. When we talk about potions and ideas late into the night I feel like I am spending one of my nights with you, gabbing about anything and everything. And when we finally shared a moment that could be called intimate, I felt it all the down to my toes. But how can I make a lifelong decision so early in a new relationship (if that's even what we are starting).

Oh Ginny, please help. Tell me I am crazy, tell me I am perfectly normal, or just tell me that I need to get some help from a professional. I am willing to hear whatever you have to say.

Love always,

Hermione

Hermione finished the note she was writing to Ginny and quickly sent it off. She was nervous and undecided about everything in her life. When Dumbledore gave her his exciting news she asked to be excused. She told them both that she needed time to think about it and all of the possibilities that were still available to her.

Hermione was perched upon a window in the Astronomy tower looking into the night sky. She loved to look out over the forest and all that was stretching out of the windows at Hogwarts. She always imagined that all the answers to life were hidden in the land just outside these walls. If only she could find the answers that she longed to know.

Severus stood next to a cloud of smoke as it loomed over the cauldron that bubbled over with ruined Dreamless Sleep Draught. He fumed as hot as the ruined potion. It had been nearly 20 years since the last time he had exploded such a simple potion. Obviously his mind was elsewhere.

Ever since Hermione had asked to have some time alone, Severus tried to keep himself busy with potions and essays; anything to keep his mind off of her. When Dumbledore interrupted them earlier, Severus was fighting himself internally about the future of Hermione and his relationship.

He knew that he wanted to be near her, and that she had managed to open him up further than anyone had ever done before. The intensity that brewed between them was volatile. He knew if they had not been interrupted, they would have both jumped into something without thinking it through.

Severus took out his wand and cleaned up the ruined potion and placed the cauldron in a storage room. He decided to go back to his rooms and try to relax a little. If he continued at this rate he would surely hurt himself; or worse, someone else.

Once inside the safe confines of his quarters Severus found an old muggle contraption that he had acquired some many years ago. He placed the strange round disk on the item and started it with a flick of a switch (and his wand, since electricity was not easily come by in Hogwarts). A soft melody played out of the horn like contraption, and Severus leaned back in his favorite chair. He closed his eyes to concentrate on the sweet and soothing tunes that escaped from the simple machine. It never ceased to amaze him how a limited world, such as the muggles, could manage to trap the sound of an entire orchestra in this one simple apparatus.

Just as he was about to doze off into a much needed sleep, an owl came flying through his quarters and circled around his head to get his attention. Severus waved agitatedly at the owl and pointed to his desk for a place for him to land. The owl did as he was told and produced his leg to show him the scroll attached. Severus removed the scroll and shooed the bird out of his quarters with no reward. The owl flew around in a circle and nipped him lightly on the head as a sign of his dissatisfaction with his behavior.

When Severus looked at the outside of the scroll he immediately knew who the author of the letter was.

Severus,

I have been thinking a lot over the day and I have finally come to a decision. But first I need to talk to you. Please meet me in my quarters at nine tonight. It seems that we have many items to discuss.

Hermione

Severus stared at the note for some time before he finally jogged himself out of the daze. He looked over to the clock that was sitting elegantly on his mantle and saw that he only had an hour before their meeting. It seemed to be an important meeting. He knew that Hermione was thinking about everyone that was involved in her decision, and would want to make sure that he was okay with each choice she made.

Severus put the note on his desk and went to take a shower in order to prepare for the evening meeting with Hermione.

Hermione stood in her quarters preparing herself mentally for the evening that was to come. She had just sent Severus a note to ask him to meet her later that night. Her mind was in a whirlwind of emotions and thoughts as she chose the outfit to wear tonight.

Hermione opened the little music box that still sat on her nightstand and began to twirl around to the sweet and soothing sounds that played out from it. She danced into her living area and twirled over to her dining table. She looked down at the scroll that sat on it and fingered the letter that Ginny had so quickly sent to her that day.

Ginny was a good friend, and she had rushed a reply to Hermione to help her friend in need. Hermione read her words with vigor and knew what it was that she had to do. It was time to take her life into her own hands and do something about her own happiness. Ginny had given her the pep talk of the year, and told her that she was not crazy, just a little confused. But it took only a little reminder to get Hermione to think like she was a student again. That take charge attitude had served her well for so many years, and had always given her the answers. Even if they were not the right ones, they sure were a lot of fun to experience over the years.

As she continued to dance around her quarters with a new exuberance, Crookshanks came out from under her couch to greet her. He danced around her feet trying to get her attention and pawed at the edges of her robe.

"Crookshanks how are you? I haven't been paying much attention to you lately." Hermione bent down to his level and stroked his back lovingly. "I am sorry for ignoring you at times. But you know how I get. But don't worry about me any more. I have a new life and a new mindset. Everything is going to be better from now on." Crookshanks purred to her touch and flicked his tail around with satisfaction.

Hermione laughed at his simple joys in life. All he wanted was to be noticed and for someone to give him attention now and then.

Hermione swirled in place and took a long look around her rooms. Everything would change tonight for her. She was slightly nervous about the evening to come, but was more worried about getting ready in time. She made her way to her bathroom and began to get ready for a shower.

Severus paced around his quarters in a nervous state. He checked the time for the eighth time that night and decided too finally make that step towards Hermione's rooms.

Severus walked over to the adjoining door that separated their living quarters and took one final breath to calm his nerves before he knocked lightly on the old oak door.

"Come in" Severus heard the soft voice of Hermione waft over from the other side of her rooms. He opened the door to her place and peered around to see Hermione setting out a tray of tea and cookies. She looked up to see Severus in his usual black robes and smiled.

Hermione motioned for him to join her over by the couch with her hand and went back to her table to get a couple of mugs for the tea. "I hope you like chamomile. It was the only kind of tea I could find on such short notice."

"I enjoy all varieties of tea. I am sure this one will be as good as any other." Hermione smiled at his uncomfortable demeanor and noticed how he stood in such a stiff manor. It seems that he was on edge just as much as she was earlier that day.

"Well, please have a seat. I would hate to keep you standing uncomfortably all evening." Hermione gestured for him to make himself comfortable.

Severus moved in front of the couch and took a seat on the far end away from her current position. "I did not realize I would be here that long. What may I ask do you have planned to talk about?"

"Well I have to tell you my decision about the offer that Dumbledore made this afternoon, and there are a few personal things that I would like your opinion on." Hermione poured Severus a cup of tea and handed it to him black; knowing the way he took it.

"You certainly have my attention. Please do tell." Severus took the offered cup of tea and sat back as he watched her pour a cup for herself. Hermione seemed at ease in a way he had never seen her before. She was sure of herself and seemed to be content with her surroundings.

Hermione sat back on her side of the couch and sighed softly before she began. She looked down at her cup of tea and began to talk without making eye contact.

"I have decided to accept the position here at Hogwarts as the Professor of Potions. After thinking about the position and all that it would involve, I realized that it really was the perfect fit for me and my lifestyle. It would give me the opportunity to continue working on potion projects on the side, as well as help a new generation of eager students learn this exciting field."

Severus smirked at her last comment and looked over at her in hopes of gaining her attention. "I am happy to hear of your decision Hermione. Although it does favor me in many aspects, I still feel that you would become a great asset to Hogwarts."

Hermione smiled at his words and looked up from her tea to catch his gaze. He held her eyes with his in a friendly gaze, and her heart started to beat faster. She knew that she would have to hurry up and get to the rest of her conversation before she forgot what she was trying to say.

"Thank you." Hermione broke the gaze between the two of them and tried to focus on the fireplace that was directly in front of the couch. "Severus, I need to tell you something that you might not want to hear. But please let me get this out before I lose my strength to say anything." Hermione took a deep breathe and turned to face Severus. She looked up to meet his eyes and began. "I have been thinking about a lot of things today. Mainly about the job and what I should do, but also about you and what has happened between us. And I think I should tell that I am in love with you."

Severus looked down for a second as he took in her words and quickly moved to meet her eyes once again.

"I know it sounds crazy Severus. But I have been in love with you for a long time. I was just too stubborn and foolish to let myself realize it. It even took Ginny practically hitting me over the head to get me to admit how I truly felt. She always knew that we would make a great couple; but was afraid to tell me because she feared I would tell her she was insane."

Hermione stood up from her position on the couch and began to pace in front of the fireplace, looking up to see Severus from time to time. "I don't expect you to proclaim your undying love to me at this time. I only realized how I truly felt recently. But I needed for you to know. I plan on being at Hogwarts for some time now, and I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable if you do not have the same type of feelings for me in return. I guess the only thing I am really asking for tonight is an idea of how you feel about all of this." Hermione stopped pacing and stood in front of Severus. She looked at him with a question on her face and waited timidly for him to respond.

It was then that Severus realized how much he didn't want to lose her. He got up from the couch and stood right in front of her. Severus studied her face and saw her heart so plainly in written inside her eyes. He then pulled her closer to him with his hands and kissed her gently on the lips. Hermione was startled a little at first, but quickly melted into him as she kissed him in return.

Severus' mouth worked slowly over hers. He nibbled her neck as he hugged her tightly and worked his way up to her earlobe. Hermione shivered at his ministrations and closed her eyes to feel every sensation.

Severus then pulled back slightly to look into her eyes. "Hermione, I don't know how you so quickly made it into my life; but I know I would be lost without you. I am tired of living a lonely existence, and you have taught me how to trust another person."

Hermione smiled at his words and pecked at his lips with her own.

"I do love you Hermione. Please stay with me."

Hermione pulled him back into a long embrace. "So does this mean that I get to stay in these quarters?" Hermione smiled smugly at her own words as she poked Severus in the ribs.

"What are you doing to me?" Severus looked down at her little jabs and watched as she started to giggle and run away from his grasp. "Oh no you don't Hermione. You don't get away that easily."

"I would like to see you try and catch me?" Hermione ran around the room as Severus easily blocked her departure from the living area. Hermione then tried to escape by retreating into her bedroom. Severus grinned at her predicament and followed into the room.

"It seems that I now have you trapped." Severus pulled out his wand to ward the door and cast a simple silencing charm.

"What do you plan to do with me now that you have trapped me in such a helpless state?"

"I would hardly ever call you helpless, Hermione. You can be a dangerous witch."

"I promise to be bad if you come over her and show me how I really make you feel."

Severus smiled evilly and stalked slowly over to Hermione. "I can tell life will never be boring with you."

The End

Author's Note: Okay, so I finally finished it. Let me tell you it did not end the way I thought it would. I truly thought this would be a short little first try at writing with not much of a plot…but my mind ran away with me. I am truly sorry for the time it took to get this final chapter out. I kept rewriting scenes of this chapter…and some of it still never sounded right to me. But I hope you enjoy it. Next time I try something like this, I promise to make it shorter and finish it much quicker. Thank you for all your kind reviews, and for sticking with me throughout it all.