Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, but I DO own an agitated helicopter seed in New Hampshire where my Uncle Laura lives in a shack whilst being married to Jesus.
A/N: I have so much to tell you about this NEW a chorus line of leggy women sing the word new over and over chapter!
First off, I want to thank Weasley Wonders! You ALWAYS REVIEW MAH FIC! And I want to thank you, so I am doing something for you. YOU GET A SMALL PART IN THIS CHAPTER! Hoorah! Are you excited? [hands you a raspberry muffin]
I also want to holler at my bestest friend Christie! I am copying you and sticking you in this fic as well! And I might even show up along with you, but that comes later.
Also: I am going to type in chat form like my pal Christie does ever so often, for I am getting tired with all the paragraph nosense.
Also, be warned that this chapter IS GOING TO BE RANDOM! Things that don't make sense, random dialogue, chipmunks robbing gas stations, okay you get the point.
Anyway, here you go!
SCENE ONE OF CHAPTER EIGHT: The Dining Hall.
HARRY: I can't wait to go into glorious labor and birth my son or daughter of whom I shall name Midas or NaStephanie!
HERMIONE: Oh, shut your cake hole. I'm jealous. [does something that a jealous person would do]
RON: My baby shall have green eyes like Pansy, red hair like me, and broad shoulders like Dumbledore! Though I have no earthly idea how Dumbledore's genes could have made their way into my egg! [blushes]
HARRY: How do you know what your baby looks like?
RON: I took it out and snuck a peek at it last night.
HARRY: No fair! [stamps foot]
RON: [sits there, being unfair]
SNAPE: [appears out of nowhere] I have come to interrupt your engaging conversations, to spank Harry's sweet candy ass, and to see how the babies are coming along.
HARRY: [lets Snape spank his candy ass]
SNAPE: So how is YOUR baby coming along, Mr.Weasley?
RON: [turns even more pasty than usual and gulps] How would I know?
SNAPE: Answer me, you Caucasian Mermaid that rides Hover-Rounds like the old women in the commercials!
RON: My cousin Hemroid Jones enjoys stepping on cracks, breaking his brother's back, and smokin on crack, and he like to talk back, Mack! eats a pizza roll
HARRY: Geez, Snape, let Ron form his baby in peace! [shoos Snape away]
SNAPE: [pouts] [races up to the teachers table and tattles to Dumbledore about Harry.]
WEASLEY WONDERS: There's a hair in my soup! [screams from nowhere in particular]
HERMIONE: I'm a retarded leprechaun that watches Disney and sleeps on a bed of wooly blankets made from my bushy, ugly hair!
HARRY: Me too!
RON: Geez, people! Let me form my baby in quiet!
HARRY AND HERMIONE: [toss Belgian chimps at random school janitors, and tie Snape's high heels straps together]
SCENE TWO: Suicidal Wheat Farmers and The Pillsbury Dough Boy.
[Just to make this fic interesting, the author adds her friend Christie into the story]
Hermione, Harry, Ron, Draco, and Snape are at a Labor Class for Expectant Mother's. The instructor is a young girl named Christie, and Snape and Hermione are there for moral support.
CHRISTIE: You have to clench REAL hard, now! You gotta get that blood pumpin, get your heart beat racin, you gotta feel da BURN!
RON: [is on the floor, legs spread, practicing breathing] It's like she thinks she's in a freakin workout video!
HARRY: Yeah, I know! My pits are stinkin! I didn't know labor was such hard work!
SNAPE: Harry, I don't like your attitude about giving birth. Three-hundred points from Gryfinddor.
RON: [glare]
HERMIONE: Shit! I forgot to tell Neville about the training class! He isn't going to know how to birth, and it's all my fault!
SNAPE: Six hundred and a half point three million points from Gryfinddor.
HERMIONE: Snape, you jackass, there's no such thing.
SNAPE: [blushes]
NEVILLE: [appears from nowhere]
HERMIONE: Yay! My partner made it! [claps, and does the hokey pokey with a baby freshwater dolphin]
CHRISTIE: You're LATE! You freaking trembling anus!
NEVILLE: I'm sor-
CHRISTIE: Drop and give me a hundred!
NEVILLE: Crap. [turns to Hermione] Now I'm ganna have to do push-ups and lose weight, and it's all your fault. I hate you, and I don't wanna give birth to Kipper anymore! [runs out of the room bawling, disappears]
SNAPE: There went your whole grade, Granger.
HERMIONE: Now I'm mad, like a horny bull frog tap dancing on a picnic table while a whole crowd watches throwing jock-straps at me!
HARRY: Cramp! [clutches his private area in pain]
CHRISTIE: There will be NO CRAMPING IN THIS ROOM, POTTER! [shoves him into Ron]
RON: Harry loves me! [tries to french Harry]
HARRY: Agh! My womanly pelvis! Ron's humping it!
CHRISTIE: [cackles, and does several impressive toe-tucks with Satan, while screaming at a passerby named Tiffany]
A/N: So do yall like the chat form better? I do. It's MUCH MUCH easier to write! Please review, and tell me whatcha think bout this chappie! See ya!...Julie