Disclaimer: I ain't owning no Harry Potter in tube socks rolling down a hill on Saint Patrick's Day!
Where I so rudely left you off at:
The impregnated people plus Hermione and Snape were at a class for expecting mother's, and Neville decided that he didn't want to have Kipper anymore. Let's continue.
[Since it is raining like hell outside at this moment in real life, I shall make it that way in the story as well.]
It was a very rainy day. Thunder boomed outside and practically shook the school, and Neville, who was suicidal, was seen running around naked carrying a plugged-in toaster.
Hermione, Harry, a young girl named Julie, Christie, and Ron were all in the common room. All the power was out, so they were huddled around the fireplace. Ron was roasting marshmallows, and Christie was making smores.
RON: It's too bad about Neville, Hermione.
HERMIONE: Shut the fuck up, tickle-dick mama.
RON: My smore tastes funny.
CHRISTIE: [snickers]
RON: And what is "[snickers]" supposed to mean?
CHRISTIE: They are Snickers Candy bar smores. [lies]
RON: Oh okay.
HARRY: Wanna tell campfire stories?
[THUNDER BOoOoOMS]
ALL: [scream]
HERMIONE: Yes! I love telling scary tales!
HARRY: Then you start, sugar.
HERMIONE: Aight! [They all huddle round to hear her story]
There once was a haunted house on a hill.
In it lived a deadly ghost guy named Phil.
The town's people left him alone,
They kept far from his home.
And Phil was a pimp and liked chrome.
Then one day two children came along,
Singing the "My Heart Will Go On" Celion Dion song.
It woke up poor Phil,
He raced out to kill,
But the two children were gone.
Where could they be?
Wondered ole' Philly.
Possibly under my ass,
Or in a tall tree?
And time quickly passed.
Little did Phil know,
Since his brain was quite slow,
That the kiddies were in his bed.
And as he tucked himself in,
Someone carressed his shin,
And phil's penis it did grow.
From his sudden erection,
The kids cut off a section,
And ran from the house, sharing their meal.
Now when people hear,
Of the dead Phil dear,
They call him headless Phil.
[Hermione ends in a flourish, and takes a bite of her smore]
ALL: [scream]
RON: Headless Phil? What a bunch of fooey.
HERMIONE: You're thinking of the wrong kind of head, my dear.
RON: [clutches his crotch] Ow!
HARRY: That was quite a frightening story, Hermione. Now it's my turn.
[He clears his throat]
One day while a young boy was humpin a tree,
Along came a dead guy, queer as can be.
To the young boy he said, "May I spank your fine ass?"
To the dead guys he answered "Of course! At last!"
And he spanked him until he couldn't spank no more.
I know what Christie put in our smores.
Finally the dead guy thanked him for a grand time,
And he left the young boy alone with a mime.
The mime was miming naughty things,
And the boy was pissing in his jeans.
To the boy the mime said "Show me your stick."
So out of his pants the boy pulled his dick.
The mime laughed and poked it until it began to bleed,
And then they took turns smoking some weed.
When they were through, the mime went away,
And the boy had had quite a sexual day.
Then he died the end.
[Harry bows]
RON: Boo! That wasn't scary at all!
HARRY: I know, but it got us all quite aroused, right?
EVERYONE: [agrees]
RON: Yes.
JULIE: My turn for a story! [stands up, her face lit by the flames of the fireplace and giving her a spooky glow]
CHRISTIE: And I'm helping! [stands up as well]
JULIE: Once apon a time in a small white town,
CHRISTIE: A little girl's smile was upside down.
[raps like two mutha effin gangstas]
JULIE: She was always poppin' pills for depression
CHRISTIE: And her suicidal daddy gave her quite an impression.
JULIE: The girl thought about how she hated to exist,
CHRISTIE: She was feelin kinda down.
JULIE: Feeling kinda pissed!
CHRISTIE AND JULIE: Yo yo yo, dawh! Feelin kinda pissed!
JULIE: She was ganna put her self outta misery,
CHRISTIE: So she went to the flea market and bout a weapon that was free.
JULIE: It was a blowup sword filled with air.
CHRISTIE: She tried to stab herself,
JULIE: Right, uh,... there! [points at Christie's boob, and Christie nods]
CHRISTIE: She figured out it wasn't workin
JULIE: And in the shadows lurkin
CHRISTIE: Was her dead suicidal faja.
JULIE: It tweren't no, mirajah!
CHRISTIE: He was real!
JULIE: His name was Neal!
CHRISTIE: And he was there to save his daughter.
JULIE: I'm in love with Harry Potter!
CHRISTIE: Me too! God he's a sexy beast!
JULIE: Let's smooch on his face,
CHRISTIE: And massage his feet!
[They stop abruptly and start getting their groove on with Harry.]
RON: Is that the story?
HERMIONE: Oh shut up Ron, and help me get Harry's pants off.
RON: Okay.
CHRISTIE: Harry's sexy like a grown-up Nigarian wolf-man who works at Bi-Lo!
ALL: [agrees]
Where I so rudely left you off at:
The impregnated people plus Hermione and Snape were at a class for expecting mother's, and Neville decided that he didn't want to have Kipper anymore. Let's continue.
[Since it is raining like hell outside at this moment in real life, I shall make it that way in the story as well.]
It was a very rainy day. Thunder boomed outside and practically shook the school, and Neville, who was suicidal, was seen running around naked carrying a plugged-in toaster.
Hermione, Harry, a young girl named Julie, Christie, and Ron were all in the common room. All the power was out, so they were huddled around the fireplace. Ron was roasting marshmallows, and Christie was making smores.
RON: It's too bad about Neville, Hermione.
HERMIONE: Shut the fuck up, tickle-dick mama.
RON: My smore tastes funny.
CHRISTIE: [snickers]
RON: And what is "[snickers]" supposed to mean?
CHRISTIE: They are Snickers Candy bar smores. [lies]
RON: Oh okay.
HARRY: Wanna tell campfire stories?
[THUNDER BOoOoOMS]
ALL: [scream]
HERMIONE: Yes! I love telling scary tales!
HARRY: Then you start, sugar.
HERMIONE: Aight! [They all huddle round to hear her story]
There once was a haunted house on a hill.
In it lived a deadly ghost guy named Phil.
The town's people left him alone,
They kept far from his home.
And Phil was a pimp and liked chrome.
Then one day two children came along,
Singing the "My Heart Will Go On" Celion Dion song.
It woke up poor Phil,
He raced out to kill,
But the two children were gone.
Where could they be?
Wondered ole' Philly.
Possibly under my ass,
Or in a tall tree?
And time quickly passed.
Little did Phil know,
Since his brain was quite slow,
That the kiddies were in his bed.
And as he tucked himself in,
Someone carressed his shin,
And phil's penis it did grow.
From his sudden erection,
The kids cut off a section,
And ran from the house, sharing their meal.
Now when people hear,
Of the dead Phil dear,
They call him headless Phil.
[Hermione ends in a flourish, and takes a bite of her smore]
ALL: [scream]
RON: Headless Phil? What a bunch of fooey.
HERMIONE: You're thinking of the wrong kind of head, my dear.
RON: [clutches his crotch] Ow!
HARRY: That was quite a frightening story, Hermione. Now it's my turn.
[He clears his throat]
One day while a young boy was humpin a tree,
Along came a dead guy, queer as can be.
To the young boy he said, "May I spank your fine ass?"
To the dead guys he answered "Of course! At last!"
And he spanked him until he couldn't spank no more.
I know what Christie put in our smores.
Finally the dead guy thanked him for a grand time,
And he left the young boy alone with a mime.
The mime was miming naughty things,
And the boy was pissing in his jeans.
To the boy the mime said "Show me your stick."
So out of his pants the boy pulled his dick.
The mime laughed and poked it until it began to bleed,
And then they took turns smoking some weed.
When they were through, the mime went away,
And the boy had had quite a sexual day.
Then he died the end.
[Harry bows]
RON: Boo! That wasn't scary at all!
HARRY: I know, but it got us all quite aroused, right?
EVERYONE: [agrees]
RON: Yes.
JULIE: My turn for a story! [stands up, her face lit by the flames of the fireplace and giving her a spooky glow]
CHRISTIE: And I'm helping! [stands up as well]
JULIE: Once apon a time in a small white town,
CHRISTIE: A little girl's smile was upside down.
[raps like two mutha effin gangstas]
JULIE: She was always poppin' pills for depression
CHRISTIE: And her suicidal daddy gave her quite an impression.
JULIE: The girl thought about how she hated to exist,
CHRISTIE: She was feelin kinda down.
JULIE: Feeling kinda pissed!
CHRISTIE AND JULIE: Yo yo yo, dawh! Feelin kinda pissed!
JULIE: She was ganna put her self outta misery,
CHRISTIE: So she went to the flea market and bout a weapon that was free.
JULIE: It was a blowup sword filled with air.
CHRISTIE: She tried to stab herself,
JULIE: Right, uh,... there! [points at Christie's boob, and Christie nods]
CHRISTIE: She figured out it wasn't workin
JULIE: And in the shadows lurkin
CHRISTIE: Was her dead suicidal faja.
JULIE: It tweren't no, mirajah!
CHRISTIE: He was real!
JULIE: His name was Neal!
CHRISTIE: And he was there to save his daughter.
JULIE: I'm in love with Harry Potter!
CHRISTIE: Me too! God he's a sexy beast!
JULIE: Let's smooch on his face,
CHRISTIE: And massage his feet!
[They stop abruptly and start getting their groove on with Harry.]
RON: Is that the story?
HERMIONE: Oh shut up Ron, and help me get Harry's pants off.
RON: Okay.
CHRISTIE: Harry's sexy like a grown-up Nigarian wolf-man who works at Bi-Lo!
ALL: [agrees]