Disclaimer: Canada! O.o
Where I so evilly left your sorry ass behind at:
Ron gave birth and died of complications, and there are a few more pregnant bois who are yet to go into labor. Read read read!!! [slaps yo mutha effin mama]
Scene One: Ron's SECOND funeral.
HERMIONE: [sits in the bleachers at the Quidditch Field, just like last time, and she is holding Butch in a blanket.] Fuck your mama, butch. He done died and gone to hell.
BUTCH: Shut the fuck up bout my mama, Granger.
HERMIONE: [coos and pinches Butch's cheeks] You damn sho is cute, niggah!
BUTCH: [craps in her diaper]
HARRY: Look! It's Dumbledore! The funeral is begun!
DUMBLEDORE: [steps up to the podium] Last time when I sang a song at his funeral, it was a big success. So I shall sing again. [clears his throat]
HARRY: Yes! He is ganna sing for us, Butch! [says to the baby]
HERMIONE: [covers Butch's ears] Harry, if you had ONLY come to Ron's funeral last time, you wouldn't be so happy about this.
DUMBLEDORE: Ah hem. [Takes the mic of the stand like an angry rocker]
SHALACKA DOOLA,
BITCHAKA BOOLA,
BIBBITY BOBBITY BOO!
Put em together and what have you got?
Ron's dead and rotting and smells of piss!
[insert yodeling here]
Poor little Ronny Weasley!
He died again!
Maybe he'll stay dead this time!
The mutha fuckin bitch!
[more yodeling]
HARRY: My ears! I'm going blind! [sobs]
HERMIONE: Pull yourself together, man!
JULIE: [races onto the field and knocks Dumbly over, sending him rolling down the hill] [picks up the mic] Er, thank you for coming everyone. Sorry for that inconvenience. We shall have a few people come up here to toast Ron, and speak a few last words.
CHRISTIE: [walks up and takes the mic from Julie] Yes, hullo. Ron was a rather pasty white bitch. He smelled strongly of cat nip and ate too much, thus I gave him the nickname Fat-Paste-Boi.
JULIE: [takes the mic from Christie, who is dabbing at her eyes with a hanky] That was great, Chris. Anyone else like to speak?
BUTCH: [appears at the podium. She is so small, only the tip of her head is visible]
Ron was mah gangsta mutha. He underfed me, and abandoned me when I was born, thus leaving me wit no mamma to raise meh. I think mah momma deserves to burn to ashes. [takes a match from her diaper and tosses it into the casket] BURN, MAMA, BURN!
HARRY: Great Scott! How did Butch get down there?
HERMIONE: She was with me a second ago! Oh, how could I take my hideous eyes off of her for one second? [sobs]
CHRISTIE: Butch, as always, you is da smoothest gangsta baby in da hood.
BUTCH: I da shit. [humps Christie's legs]
JULIE: [takes the mic away from Butch] Thanks. Now, any other person like to give a toast?
RON: I'm on fire, yo!
HERMIONE: [heads down to the Quidditch Field] I WILL! [trips and falls down thirty flights of stairs]
JULIE: Ha ha! Look at Hermione go!
HERMIONE: [dusts herself off as she hits the bottom, and races to the podium] Ron was a special man. He was always there for me, and always there to brighten my day. My last memory of him, is when he died giving birth. He died brave, and strong, and he will never be forgotten.
CHRISTIE: Boo! [kicks hermione in the shin] Get outta here, niggah! You suck!
HERMIONE: [pouts, and goes back up to her seat in the bleachers]
HARRY: My turn! [walks to the podium] Ron was my bestest friend in the world.
JULIE: So beautiful. Harry is a true poet.
BUTCH: He da shit! [is still humping Christie's leg]
ADAM SANDLER: Ron was, I guess you could say he was a male porn artist who had five titties and a large birthmark on his penis.
CHRISTIE: Thank you all, for showing your highest condolences. You may now all come down here and look upon Ron's ugly pasty, burnt face, which is still melting in the flames.
HERMIONE: [carries Butch to see her mama's dead body in the coffin]
BUTCH: [leans over and spits in it] Take that, bastard.
HERMIONE: [walks away, Butch on her back]
HARRY: [approaches the coffin] I'll always love you.
DUMBLEDORE: [breaks into "I will always love you" by Whitney Houston, and Harry joins him]
JULIE: Let's have barbecued wings! [lights Kerosene to the flaming coffin, and starts roasting some ribs and wings in the fire]
CHRISTIE: Great idea, Jewels! [makes smores]
RON: Save some fo me, niggahs!
A/N: Review, review! [whacks you all with brooms]..Julie
Where I so evilly left your sorry ass behind at:
Ron gave birth and died of complications, and there are a few more pregnant bois who are yet to go into labor. Read read read!!! [slaps yo mutha effin mama]
Scene One: Ron's SECOND funeral.
HERMIONE: [sits in the bleachers at the Quidditch Field, just like last time, and she is holding Butch in a blanket.] Fuck your mama, butch. He done died and gone to hell.
BUTCH: Shut the fuck up bout my mama, Granger.
HERMIONE: [coos and pinches Butch's cheeks] You damn sho is cute, niggah!
BUTCH: [craps in her diaper]
HARRY: Look! It's Dumbledore! The funeral is begun!
DUMBLEDORE: [steps up to the podium] Last time when I sang a song at his funeral, it was a big success. So I shall sing again. [clears his throat]
HARRY: Yes! He is ganna sing for us, Butch! [says to the baby]
HERMIONE: [covers Butch's ears] Harry, if you had ONLY come to Ron's funeral last time, you wouldn't be so happy about this.
DUMBLEDORE: Ah hem. [Takes the mic of the stand like an angry rocker]
SHALACKA DOOLA,
BITCHAKA BOOLA,
BIBBITY BOBBITY BOO!
Put em together and what have you got?
Ron's dead and rotting and smells of piss!
[insert yodeling here]
Poor little Ronny Weasley!
He died again!
Maybe he'll stay dead this time!
The mutha fuckin bitch!
[more yodeling]
HARRY: My ears! I'm going blind! [sobs]
HERMIONE: Pull yourself together, man!
JULIE: [races onto the field and knocks Dumbly over, sending him rolling down the hill] [picks up the mic] Er, thank you for coming everyone. Sorry for that inconvenience. We shall have a few people come up here to toast Ron, and speak a few last words.
CHRISTIE: [walks up and takes the mic from Julie] Yes, hullo. Ron was a rather pasty white bitch. He smelled strongly of cat nip and ate too much, thus I gave him the nickname Fat-Paste-Boi.
JULIE: [takes the mic from Christie, who is dabbing at her eyes with a hanky] That was great, Chris. Anyone else like to speak?
BUTCH: [appears at the podium. She is so small, only the tip of her head is visible]
Ron was mah gangsta mutha. He underfed me, and abandoned me when I was born, thus leaving me wit no mamma to raise meh. I think mah momma deserves to burn to ashes. [takes a match from her diaper and tosses it into the casket] BURN, MAMA, BURN!
HARRY: Great Scott! How did Butch get down there?
HERMIONE: She was with me a second ago! Oh, how could I take my hideous eyes off of her for one second? [sobs]
CHRISTIE: Butch, as always, you is da smoothest gangsta baby in da hood.
BUTCH: I da shit. [humps Christie's legs]
JULIE: [takes the mic away from Butch] Thanks. Now, any other person like to give a toast?
RON: I'm on fire, yo!
HERMIONE: [heads down to the Quidditch Field] I WILL! [trips and falls down thirty flights of stairs]
JULIE: Ha ha! Look at Hermione go!
HERMIONE: [dusts herself off as she hits the bottom, and races to the podium] Ron was a special man. He was always there for me, and always there to brighten my day. My last memory of him, is when he died giving birth. He died brave, and strong, and he will never be forgotten.
CHRISTIE: Boo! [kicks hermione in the shin] Get outta here, niggah! You suck!
HERMIONE: [pouts, and goes back up to her seat in the bleachers]
HARRY: My turn! [walks to the podium] Ron was my bestest friend in the world.
JULIE: So beautiful. Harry is a true poet.
BUTCH: He da shit! [is still humping Christie's leg]
ADAM SANDLER: Ron was, I guess you could say he was a male porn artist who had five titties and a large birthmark on his penis.
CHRISTIE: Thank you all, for showing your highest condolences. You may now all come down here and look upon Ron's ugly pasty, burnt face, which is still melting in the flames.
HERMIONE: [carries Butch to see her mama's dead body in the coffin]
BUTCH: [leans over and spits in it] Take that, bastard.
HERMIONE: [walks away, Butch on her back]
HARRY: [approaches the coffin] I'll always love you.
DUMBLEDORE: [breaks into "I will always love you" by Whitney Houston, and Harry joins him]
JULIE: Let's have barbecued wings! [lights Kerosene to the flaming coffin, and starts roasting some ribs and wings in the fire]
CHRISTIE: Great idea, Jewels! [makes smores]
RON: Save some fo me, niggahs!
A/N: Review, review! [whacks you all with brooms]..Julie