Squall was suffering severe mental illness. Here Zell stood, holding his hand while he lay at death's door, only surviving by tubes and machines connected to his body. His white medical shift revealing the centle curves and sharper inclines of his skeletal structure as the drugs he'd been secretly using for the past three years had eaten away at his body. Were still eating away at his body.
Zell stroked Squall's knuckles gently as he sat there on the stool beside the bed. He wasnt thinking about the doctors telling him how long Squall had let to 'live' in this state, when he already knew their lifelong leader's mind had gone with whatever possessed him to stick a needle in his arm. He wasnt thinking about the bills someone was going to have to pay since the garden had decided to get politcal about things and deny Squall's vegtable body any rights now that he was of no use to them.
He wasnt thinking about the papers defacing his herosim in light of his insanity, how children passing the building he was housed in spat in the parking lots as they passed every day on their way to their precious school. He wasnt thinking about the countless wars they'd been through in effort to keep all the cities and nations of their world at peace with eachother, to prevent genocide of any one people or creature. Even the monsters werent so terrifying any more compared to what the people they had striven to protect had become.
He gripped Squall's hand tightly in both of his own and leaned his forehead against his thin callused fingers. He remembered their first war at seventeen. He remembered holding his hand and letting him cry when he was eighteen. He remembered saying goodbye to Rinoa once her city was free at twenty. He remembered long walks in the moonlight, and playing games on spotless prisine beaches only the SeeD's really knew how to find.
As he held the hand of his fifty year lover, he refused to acknowledge the sorrow they'd shared or the thoughts from other people. They were not HIS thoughts, nor were they Squalls. Try as they might to put words in the living corpse of a legend, he refused to take any word that had been different form their own whispered words of love under the comforters. Of the courage he'd seen in those eyes as the doubt of his younger years receeded into experince and knowledge of his peers.
And he remembered how Squall had never wanted to be alone. Zell remained on his vigil, like he had for the last thirteen days since he'd recived the news from a plump Selphie, her hair having taken on an aubern silver shine in her older age. He'd remembered Ivine's hands on his shoulders as he'd shed his tears over the form in this cold hospital bed.
He'd passed the 'If only I hadn't left' phase and the motions of 'this cant happen, you have to save him' and even the week of sobbing, for he was without tears now. Even if he wanted to cry, there was no more grief to be shared, only rememberance.
He remembered their first night of love. He remembered Squall's young, hesitant touch. "I've never touched another man before, Zell." Squall had said. Zell smiled at that now, as he had smiled then. He had taken the young general into his arms and comforted him. Lead him away from the teenage beleifes and let their hormones slip free into a night of exploration and play. Their shyness and curiosity had made both of them beutiful to the other, and there was nothing that could take away that memory.
He remembered the years of secrecy between eachother. Not just to those of the garden, but secrets of pasts long lost that had been left untold until many fights and arguments later. Little moments theyd told eachother of the orphanage slipped out one by one, and soon Zell had mentioned what he'd remembered of life before the wars had killed off all their parents. True, they had only been colors or sounds and smells, but they had bonded then.
It was much longer before their suspected engagement had finally been revealed to the garden, and then the world. Not because of the love between two men, but because it was improper for an officer of the force to have any form of relations with a superior officer, lest bias be involved for one or the other. But Squall had never been one to simply give in to anyone. There had been occassion where Zell asked for a moment of special treatment and Squall had refused, evenwhen they were young. His General seeing to save and protect as many as he could yet never showed his full hand.
They'd had two wedding services. The first was of a small staff and close friends and relitives. The offical marrige where papers were signed and rings exchanged. The two of them in dark navy suits with the blazing garden gold embroidered over their sholders and lapels. None had objected and many had cheered when they shared their fist kiss under their new titles and names. Zell had taken Squall's name, at Ma's insistance. She had said she'd be proud to have any son in his family.
He laughed softly against his lover's fingers, a glint of humor brought to his blue eyes and his wrinckles of joy at the corners of his eyes became apparrent as he smiled. The second wedding had been just for fun. Getting squall to loosen up a week later, put on a white suit and make fun of everything they had held sacred. It had been the first time the children they were raising had seen Squall slap a cream pie in someone else's face. And recived one back for that matter. The food fight, the gifts, Squall's makeshift puppet show with Zell. The staff running around in oversized Tonberry costumes and dressing Quistis and her children up like a family of Marbolo. Having all of Balamb arrive with a show of their towns colors and spreading songs and stories they'd been telling eachother for countless generations.
"Who knew you could be such a goof." He'd remembered telling him.
"I learned fromt he best." He'd replied, and they'd stolen away from the party to finally celebrate on their own.
He remembered all the while, their shared dedecation to keep the gardens alive and a positive force upon the world in which they truely held and beheld all forms of power. To give homes and lives to those who sought them, and a new hope for those who had given up. The countless graduates they had both shaken hands with, every year knowing a little better how to teach and how to play. A few more grey hairs and few more wrinkles as they passed into their fifties this way.
They had never stopped fighting. There wasnt a single day Squall had not lifted his gunblade, from a little thing as polishing the metal or sharpening the blade, or greater things for ceremony and combat. Nor had Zell stopped using his fists. While Squall balenced the world on his shoulders as if it were nothing more than a dove on his shoulders, Zell had shown people diffrent ways of dealing with eachother, broken up fights, gotten into fits fights and taken his fair share of bruises and broken bones on occassion.
He also remembered the calm nights, looking out over the ocean, sipping hot coca as they nestled together and watched the stars reflect on the water. Squall talking of dreams he had. Of vacations they rarely saw and fantasy creatures his tired mind had shown him when his eyes closed and his breathing slowed.
As Zell looked to his pale face now, he remembered the chocolate locks that fell in his passionate eyes and the lightly rosy color on his cheeks whenever he spoke strongly about something. Or the calm, drifting expression he had when describing something diffrent.
"I think we were placed here for a reason," Squall had said one night, a few days before Zell had left to one of the smaller towns trying to gain rights to become a city. "When fulfilled, our days of remaining in these edens will end."
"Like what kind of reason?" Zell had asked him, brows raising slightly as Squall's beleifs werent precicly a common equtation in their conversations.
"Now, if I said the reason, the world would come crashing down around all of us."
"Is that why you keep dissappearing into your own head?"
Squall had just smiled and spent the rest of the night chasing Zell around and horsing around, Pinning him down and tickling him until they'd both been out of breath.
Zell had been thinking about this strange little exchange of words whil he'd been gone, and forgotten them untill now as the devestation of the news had left him thoughtless and rash for some time.
The more he thought about it, withdrawing into his mind, the less the world around him seemed to have any importance at all. The thought that one simple reason could be upholding an entire superstructure of all the living animals, monsters and all peoples of their world. Something that could possibly be said to destroy everything as they knew of it.
To the point where he almosed screamed as he felt a hand in his hair, gently petting him as if he was the last precious thing in all the universe.
Looking up at the source, he gasped, finding Squall's eyes open and looking tirectly at him. Blind with drugs and the torture of his wrecked body, but knowing where Zell was by touch and sensation. When his lips moved, Zell shot upright, so fast his stool clattered to the floor as he leaned over to hear what were clearly his final words. Words that would leave him forever remembered throughout time and space.
Words he was asked to repeat.
Words that when said back to Squall, made him smile and relax back against his bed. The smile remained on his face as he breathed his last and died, the bittersweet tone of a flatline sounding on the machines and the last of Zell's tears falling to the pristine white sheets.
Before the windows rattled, machines began to glitch and jump, and the lights went out as the building was shaken with such force that the very walls began to crumble. Zell reached down and pulled his dead lover against him, his eyes wide as darkness decended upon him, along with the ceiling, and the planet all over began a rapid decay. The scream of his soul as it was ripped messily from his body, along with those of thousands if not millions of others met their ends.
"Dont leave me alone!" Zell's voice echoed out into the darkness of nothingess until there was nothing left. The reason for their existance having dispersed, their missions in life having ended, sucessfully ending their lives in the process.
...
And from that darkness, came a voice.
"So, Theres this kid with a tail, right?"
Zell stroked Squall's knuckles gently as he sat there on the stool beside the bed. He wasnt thinking about the doctors telling him how long Squall had let to 'live' in this state, when he already knew their lifelong leader's mind had gone with whatever possessed him to stick a needle in his arm. He wasnt thinking about the bills someone was going to have to pay since the garden had decided to get politcal about things and deny Squall's vegtable body any rights now that he was of no use to them.
He wasnt thinking about the papers defacing his herosim in light of his insanity, how children passing the building he was housed in spat in the parking lots as they passed every day on their way to their precious school. He wasnt thinking about the countless wars they'd been through in effort to keep all the cities and nations of their world at peace with eachother, to prevent genocide of any one people or creature. Even the monsters werent so terrifying any more compared to what the people they had striven to protect had become.
He gripped Squall's hand tightly in both of his own and leaned his forehead against his thin callused fingers. He remembered their first war at seventeen. He remembered holding his hand and letting him cry when he was eighteen. He remembered saying goodbye to Rinoa once her city was free at twenty. He remembered long walks in the moonlight, and playing games on spotless prisine beaches only the SeeD's really knew how to find.
As he held the hand of his fifty year lover, he refused to acknowledge the sorrow they'd shared or the thoughts from other people. They were not HIS thoughts, nor were they Squalls. Try as they might to put words in the living corpse of a legend, he refused to take any word that had been different form their own whispered words of love under the comforters. Of the courage he'd seen in those eyes as the doubt of his younger years receeded into experince and knowledge of his peers.
And he remembered how Squall had never wanted to be alone. Zell remained on his vigil, like he had for the last thirteen days since he'd recived the news from a plump Selphie, her hair having taken on an aubern silver shine in her older age. He'd remembered Ivine's hands on his shoulders as he'd shed his tears over the form in this cold hospital bed.
He'd passed the 'If only I hadn't left' phase and the motions of 'this cant happen, you have to save him' and even the week of sobbing, for he was without tears now. Even if he wanted to cry, there was no more grief to be shared, only rememberance.
He remembered their first night of love. He remembered Squall's young, hesitant touch. "I've never touched another man before, Zell." Squall had said. Zell smiled at that now, as he had smiled then. He had taken the young general into his arms and comforted him. Lead him away from the teenage beleifes and let their hormones slip free into a night of exploration and play. Their shyness and curiosity had made both of them beutiful to the other, and there was nothing that could take away that memory.
He remembered the years of secrecy between eachother. Not just to those of the garden, but secrets of pasts long lost that had been left untold until many fights and arguments later. Little moments theyd told eachother of the orphanage slipped out one by one, and soon Zell had mentioned what he'd remembered of life before the wars had killed off all their parents. True, they had only been colors or sounds and smells, but they had bonded then.
It was much longer before their suspected engagement had finally been revealed to the garden, and then the world. Not because of the love between two men, but because it was improper for an officer of the force to have any form of relations with a superior officer, lest bias be involved for one or the other. But Squall had never been one to simply give in to anyone. There had been occassion where Zell asked for a moment of special treatment and Squall had refused, evenwhen they were young. His General seeing to save and protect as many as he could yet never showed his full hand.
They'd had two wedding services. The first was of a small staff and close friends and relitives. The offical marrige where papers were signed and rings exchanged. The two of them in dark navy suits with the blazing garden gold embroidered over their sholders and lapels. None had objected and many had cheered when they shared their fist kiss under their new titles and names. Zell had taken Squall's name, at Ma's insistance. She had said she'd be proud to have any son in his family.
He laughed softly against his lover's fingers, a glint of humor brought to his blue eyes and his wrinckles of joy at the corners of his eyes became apparrent as he smiled. The second wedding had been just for fun. Getting squall to loosen up a week later, put on a white suit and make fun of everything they had held sacred. It had been the first time the children they were raising had seen Squall slap a cream pie in someone else's face. And recived one back for that matter. The food fight, the gifts, Squall's makeshift puppet show with Zell. The staff running around in oversized Tonberry costumes and dressing Quistis and her children up like a family of Marbolo. Having all of Balamb arrive with a show of their towns colors and spreading songs and stories they'd been telling eachother for countless generations.
"Who knew you could be such a goof." He'd remembered telling him.
"I learned fromt he best." He'd replied, and they'd stolen away from the party to finally celebrate on their own.
He remembered all the while, their shared dedecation to keep the gardens alive and a positive force upon the world in which they truely held and beheld all forms of power. To give homes and lives to those who sought them, and a new hope for those who had given up. The countless graduates they had both shaken hands with, every year knowing a little better how to teach and how to play. A few more grey hairs and few more wrinkles as they passed into their fifties this way.
They had never stopped fighting. There wasnt a single day Squall had not lifted his gunblade, from a little thing as polishing the metal or sharpening the blade, or greater things for ceremony and combat. Nor had Zell stopped using his fists. While Squall balenced the world on his shoulders as if it were nothing more than a dove on his shoulders, Zell had shown people diffrent ways of dealing with eachother, broken up fights, gotten into fits fights and taken his fair share of bruises and broken bones on occassion.
He also remembered the calm nights, looking out over the ocean, sipping hot coca as they nestled together and watched the stars reflect on the water. Squall talking of dreams he had. Of vacations they rarely saw and fantasy creatures his tired mind had shown him when his eyes closed and his breathing slowed.
As Zell looked to his pale face now, he remembered the chocolate locks that fell in his passionate eyes and the lightly rosy color on his cheeks whenever he spoke strongly about something. Or the calm, drifting expression he had when describing something diffrent.
"I think we were placed here for a reason," Squall had said one night, a few days before Zell had left to one of the smaller towns trying to gain rights to become a city. "When fulfilled, our days of remaining in these edens will end."
"Like what kind of reason?" Zell had asked him, brows raising slightly as Squall's beleifs werent precicly a common equtation in their conversations.
"Now, if I said the reason, the world would come crashing down around all of us."
"Is that why you keep dissappearing into your own head?"
Squall had just smiled and spent the rest of the night chasing Zell around and horsing around, Pinning him down and tickling him until they'd both been out of breath.
Zell had been thinking about this strange little exchange of words whil he'd been gone, and forgotten them untill now as the devestation of the news had left him thoughtless and rash for some time.
The more he thought about it, withdrawing into his mind, the less the world around him seemed to have any importance at all. The thought that one simple reason could be upholding an entire superstructure of all the living animals, monsters and all peoples of their world. Something that could possibly be said to destroy everything as they knew of it.
To the point where he almosed screamed as he felt a hand in his hair, gently petting him as if he was the last precious thing in all the universe.
Looking up at the source, he gasped, finding Squall's eyes open and looking tirectly at him. Blind with drugs and the torture of his wrecked body, but knowing where Zell was by touch and sensation. When his lips moved, Zell shot upright, so fast his stool clattered to the floor as he leaned over to hear what were clearly his final words. Words that would leave him forever remembered throughout time and space.
Words he was asked to repeat.
Words that when said back to Squall, made him smile and relax back against his bed. The smile remained on his face as he breathed his last and died, the bittersweet tone of a flatline sounding on the machines and the last of Zell's tears falling to the pristine white sheets.
Before the windows rattled, machines began to glitch and jump, and the lights went out as the building was shaken with such force that the very walls began to crumble. Zell reached down and pulled his dead lover against him, his eyes wide as darkness decended upon him, along with the ceiling, and the planet all over began a rapid decay. The scream of his soul as it was ripped messily from his body, along with those of thousands if not millions of others met their ends.
"Dont leave me alone!" Zell's voice echoed out into the darkness of nothingess until there was nothing left. The reason for their existance having dispersed, their missions in life having ended, sucessfully ending their lives in the process.
...
And from that darkness, came a voice.
"So, Theres this kid with a tail, right?"