Millennium Dungeon
Chapter 4
The sun rose, and our heroes eventually had to do the same.
A beam of light from the window near the bed that Yugi and Tea shared fell across Yugi's face uncomfortably. He yawned, and rubbed his eyes. Yugi rolled over and saw, to his surprise, that Tea was firmly attached to one of his arms. He let out a shriek and fell off the bed, and Tea fell off on top of him, still latched to his arm. Just then, the door to their room was flung open, by someone wearing only a sheet.
"Yugi! Err...did I come a bad time?" Yami said, as he looked from Tea to Yugi. "Wait a minute! What happened to me last night? Why am I wearing a sheet?" A voice was heard from across the hall.
"Yami! Bring back that sheet! It's the only one!" Kaiba yelled as he stumbled out into the hall, wearing a pillowcase wrapped around his waist.
"No! I'm wearing it, so I get to keep it!"
"Well, I found your pants, but I can't find mine, so I get the damn sheet!"
"I'm not short anymore, put my damn pants on then!"
"No! I want my pants, dammit! Your pants are too tight for me!"
"Oh, my virgin ears." Yugi said from the floor, as he tried to rearrange Tea, as she was still asleep and draped over him in a compromising position. Yami gave him a once over.
"Your virgin ears? That probably the last part off you that's virgin."
"Oh yeah, well how about you and Kaiba? That's just gross!" Yugi glanced at Tea, and shoved her off. "And we didn't do anything!" Tea woke up as she hit the ground with a loud thump.
"Yami? Why are you in here wearing a sheet?" Yami, stuttered, and was saved when Kaiba, who was still wearing the pillowcase, slammed open the door.
"You're coming with me!" Kaiba grabbed the sheet, and dragged it off, with Yami still in it. As the two were in the hall, a third door slammed open and Bakura fell out into the hall.
"Will you all shut up? It's too early in the morning for it to be this loud. I do bloody well have the most atrocious hangover." He paused. "Yami and Kaiba dressed in assorted bed coverings is not something I wanted this early either." Malik stuck his head out of the room.
"What? Where?" A pause. "Oh my." Malik dragged Bakura back into their room by his ankles and slammed the door. "Lunatics!"
Suddenly, at the end of the hall, a door slammed open. The innkeeper stuck his head out. "Will you stop slamming doors?" With that, he went back inside and slammed the door.
Yami and Kaiba had nearly made their way across the hall when Mokuba threw open his door. "Big broth- oh, dear." With that, he hid himself back in his room. Kaiba panicked, and ran over to the door, only to find that it was locked.
"No, Mokuba! It's not what you think!"
"Oh, so you're ashamed of me now, are you?"
"Why do you care?"
"Well, I don't," Yami's gaze shifted from side to side, before returning to Kaiba. "And I'm wearing your damn sheet!" Yami stomped off into his room and slammed and locked the door. Which left Kaiba standing in the middle of the hallway, wearing only his pillowcase. And who should come walking up the stairs whistling, wearing a certain pair of pants on his head, but Joey Wheeler.
"Hey guys, I slept great last night, even though you took all the rooms and made me sleep outside, and-" He broke off when he saw Kaiba, who was still standing in the middle of the hallway, glaring at Yami's door. "Oh. My. God. I guess these are yours, then?" Joey took the pants off his head, and held them out to Kaiba, who was just noticing Joey. Kaiba glared at Joey, before grabbing the pants out of his hand.
"Thank you, mutt. Now get out. I need to change."
"What's the matter? Yami kick you out?" Joey taunted.
"I'll make you regret you ever mentioned that, you stupid Chihuahua."
"Awww, what's the matter? Big bad Kaiba get dumped by his boy- friend?" The door to Yami's room slammed open, and Yami stood there, half- dressed, glaring at Joey.
"Joey..." Yami said, in a voice he usually reserved for yelling at Kaiba. Joey took the hint and fled for his life. Seizing the opportunity to change, Kaiba dived past Yami into the room. Yami attempted to slam the door before Kaiba got in the room, but failed, and closed the door behind himself, leaving an empty hallway.
Later
Tea stepped out of her room, fully dressed, and was followed by Yugi, also fully dressed.
"What an interesting morning." Tea commented. Another door opened and Tristan stepped out.
"I can't believe I missed all the action." He moaned.
"Believe me, you wouldn't want to see it. They aren't still out here, are they?" Mokuba came out with his eyes closed.
"No, Mokuba. They're in their room," Yugi replied, before turning to their door and shouting. "Hopefully getting dressed!"
The four trouped down to bar to order some coffee and some breakfast. They found Mai was already down there, nursing a very large cup of coffee, and Joey was cowering under a near-by table. He was rocking back and forth, muttering something about the voice and the pillowcase.
Yugi, being short enough, looked Joey in the eye and asked him if he was ok.
"No....the voice....the voice.....he used the voice....and Kaiba was wearing a pillowcase....the horror." Tea rolled her eyes, and asked if she could sit next to Mai. Mai didn't say anything, and Tea sat down next to Mai. A sparkly blue number appeared over Tea's head, a 15.
"I love my diplomacy check." Tea grinned to herself. Mai, once again, failed her will save, and got a miserable seven.
"Damn your diplomacy."
"Now, now, it's not my fault. You should have made a character with a higher will. So, are you going to tell me everything?"
"I hate you."
"You shouldn't drink coffee, it makes you irritable." Just then, a door slammed upstairs, and Kaiba and Yami walked towards the staircase, glaring at each other. Yami didn't remember the stairs, as he had been carried up them last night, so he continued to glare at Kaiba and didn't notice the stairs. As he fell, he grabbed Kaiba's arm for balance, but Kaiba fell too, and the two of them rolled down the stairs and landed in a rather indecent position.
"Yami, get off of me." A pause, then Yami sighed.
"No, I'm comfortable."
"I thought you were mad at me."
"I am."
"Then get off of me."
"No."
"Fine." Kaiba sighed. Just then, Kaiba realized that the entire tavern was staring at him and Yami. The latter of whom had closed his eyes and was nuzzling into Kaiba's chest.
"What cologne do you use? You smell good."
"Yami, I've never worn cologne."
"Then you smell good naturally."
"Yami, the entire tavern is staring at us."
"Oh, are they?" Yami said, as he let out a loud sigh, finally getting comfortable.
"Including Yugi."
"Get off me!"
"You're on me."
"Heh, heh, right." The two jumped up, sweat dropping.
"Oh god," Tea moaned, "can we just eat breakfast so we can get out of this town and away from that awful apothecary and its love potions!"
"But we can't leave Ryou in Marik's clutches!" Yugi told her.
"She seems to like it there." Bakura said from the top of the stairs.
"Yeah it's all her fault that those two got messed up any ways." Tristan said, gesturing to Yami and Seto, who had just sat down.
"Messed up? What do you mean, messed up?" Yami demanded.
"Well, errr you know last night," Yugi replied sheepishly pushing his index fingers together.
"What exactly happened last night?" Kaiba broke in.
"Well, whatever it was-" Joey was cut off by a loud thump behind the group, and everyone turned to see Malik falling down the stairs. Bakura strutted gracefully down the stairs, stepped on Malik and headed towards the bar.
"I want a drink," he gestured at the barkeeper. Malik stood up and brushed himself off.
"I thought you 'bloody well had an atrocious hangover.' "
"If you ever say that again I will cut out your tongue." Bakura threatened him.
"Can we stop changing the subject?" Yami questioned, slamming his fist on the table.
"What happened?" Kaiba persisted. "WellRyougaveusalltea.AndyoutwodrankthedruggedteathatwasmeantforRyouandMarik .Andthenyoutwostartedactingallloveydoveyandlockedyourselvesinthecloset.Thenw ecamehereandyoutwosharedaroomandwedon'tknowwhathappenedbutwhenIwokeupYamiwas inmyroomwearingasheetandKaibawaswearingapillowcaseandJoeyhadKaiba'spantsonhi shead." Yugi said all in one breath. Yami stared at him.
"Could you repeat that, slowly?"
"Well Ryou gave us all tea. And you two drank the drugged tea that was meant for Ryou and Marik. And then you two started acting all lovey-dovey and locked yourselves in the closet. Then we came here and you two shared a room and we don't know what happened, but when I woke up, Yami was in my room wearing a sheet and Kaiba was wearing a pillow case and Joey had Kaiba's pants on his head. How's that?"
"Mortifying, thank you." Yami said.
"I'm going to sic my dragon on Ryou." Kaiba said, then he paused.
"Where is Ulharsaurivaussirdarastix?"
"Who?" Tristan asked.
"My dragon, you half-orc." Kaiba snapped.
"What do you want for breakfast?" The innkeeper asked.
"Anything but tea," Tea said.
"What's cheapest?" Mokuba asked.
"I'll be right back," the innkeeper grinned. He returned a few minutes later with a large loaf of stale bread covered in day old gravy. It was decided unanimously and on the spot that Ryou could cook something better than this, and they headed off to the apothecary. Mai, however, stayed at the inn and ate a breakfast that They walked across the town to the apothecary, and when they arrived, Bakura shoved his way to the front of the group.
"Out of my way, I need some weed!" With that, he threw open the door, and promptly slammed it shut again. "Kaiba, I found your dragon. I'm going to go retch now." With that, the renowned thief disappeared into the bushes. From inside the apothecary the voice of Ulharsaurivaussirdarastix was heard.
"Oh Vorel, I think I need to get dressed. Last night was wonderful, but I really must go find Master now." Kaiba's eyes went wide.
"And I'm supposed to ride her-" he broke off. "Oh God, that sounds nasty." Malik covered his eyes with one of his hands.
"Thank Ra we have separate bodies." Mokuba and Yugi covered their ears and wailed together.
"Our virgin ears!"
"It's sad," Tristan commented. "Marik gets more action than I do." Tea pushed him over.
"That should be long enough for Ulha – Ulho – Kaiba's dragon to get dressed. Come on, I'm starving." Tea shoved open the door. Ulharsaurivaussirdarastix threw her half-dressed self on Kaiba.
"Master! I missed you!" Yami glared at the dragon, who continued to chatter on happily. "I told Marik that I had a tattoo, and he really wanted to see it, and then I wanted to see his and...." The back door opened, and Ryou walked in the room, wearing only a sheet. Kaiba and Yami buried their head in their hands.
"It's the deja-vu from hell." Kaiba moaned.
"Marik, where are my clothes?"
"Oh, you mean these?" Ulharsaurivaussirdarastix said, "I'm sorry, they were just so cute I had to borrow them."
"Did you? Well, can I have them back?" Ryou asked.
"Nope."
"Please?"
"No."
"Marik, make her give them back to me!"
"You can wear that."
"It's a sheet, Marik."
"I know."
"My God, I'm surrounded by perverts." Ryou moaned.
"Anyway Ryou, we came because we were hoping you could make us breakfast." Tea interrupted.
"I'm sorry, Tea, I don't have that skill, but Marik does."
"You mean we're going to be eating food prepared that psycho with bad hair?" Joey said, pointing accusingly at Marik.
"Now, now little Joey, you can either eat my cooking or eat the bread and gravy at the inn." Marik chirped.
"I'll eat your cooking, but just barely." Joey grumbled. A vein popped on Marik's face as he smirked evilly.
"I'll go catch breakfast."
"Um, I-I think I'll go make the tea." Ryou stuttered, before dashing off into the kitchen. Marik was heard from the back yard.
"Die Floppsy! Die, die!" A huge drop of blood hit the window and dripped down. Ryou entered again, after having put the water on to boil. "That blood's going to take forever to get off the wall."
"A little salt and vinegar will make it come off just fine." Bakura drawled from near the door.
"I never want to know how you know that." Ryou said. As Bakura smirked, she emphasized. "Never." Marik entered, holding the dead rabbit by its ear in one hand and a bloody butcher knife in the other. He was wearing a frilly pink apron that said 'kiss the cook' which was also covered in blood.
"Breakfast will be ready in a moment....heh heh heh..." he left, still giggling madly.
"I have to say Ryou, what ever stuff you put in the tea wears off awfully fast." Malik said.
"Thank God." Kaiba said as Yami glared at him.
"About that, I'm really sorry you two ended up with that tea...especially since I'm running rather low..." Ryou worried, turning to go and check on Marik. Ulharsaurivaussirdarastix had tears streaming from her eyes.
"How could he do that? That poor, innocent bunny!" She sobbed into Kaiba's shirt. Marik emerged from the kitchen, cackling.
"Breakfast is served." Ryou came bounding out behind him. "And the tea is ready!" She turned to Marik.
"Drink this."
"No."
"Drink it!"
"No!" Ryou grabbed to pressure points on Marik's cheeks, forcing him to open his mouth, and she shoved the tea down his throat. Marik closed his mouth with a silly grin and sat down humming.
"Let's go eat, shall we?" Bakura said, as he led the way to the smoking kitchen. As they entered the kitchen, Marik stopped dead in his tracks, causing the people who were behind him to collide.
"My bunny!" Marik wailed, pointing to the table. In the center of said table sat Floppsy # 829, who had been shaved, cooked, marinated and had an apple in its mouth. Unfortunately, it was still in one piece and retained its fluffy, white tail. Marik sank down on the floor, sobbing. Ulharsaurivaussirdarastix sat down next to him in an attempt to calm him, but only ended up crying herself. Everyone else was eating the rabbit, except for Bakura, who was mixing up the herbs, and Kaiba, who was looking for seasonings to put on his part of the rabbit. Bakura was digging in the perfectly neat and organized shelves, and rearranging everything so nothing was labeled correctly anymore. He paused for a moment, and held up a jar triumphantly.
"I found it!" He cried. Kaiba looked up from his own search to look at the thief.
"Found what?"
"Can't you read?" Bakura shoved the jar under his nose, and Kaiba could see 'Marik's Tea' scrawled across the front of the jar in curly-Q cursive. Kaiba snatched the jar from Bakura's hands.
"Give me that!" Kaiba snapped, cradling the jar that was already in his possession.
"Why do you want it so badly?"
"None of your damn business."
"Aww...the billionaire's sweet on the pharaoh." Bakura mocked in a singsong voice.
"Shut up."
"And if I don't want to?"
"I'll cut your tongue out."
"That's my threat."
"Well, it works in the situation."
"Fine I'll let you have your happy little romance. It will be...amusing."
"Don't tell anyone."
"Don't worry, I won't." Bakura smirked. The two went back to the table, and Kaiba sat down next to Yami.
"Look, Yami! What's that over there?" Kaiba pointed. Yami's head whipped around to look in that direction. Kaiba took a pinch of the herb and dropped it into Yami's cup.
"What? Where?" Yami asked.
"Oh, you must have missed it."
"Missed what?"
"I have no idea." Yami stared at Kaiba, but returned to his dinner, and to his tea. No one else at the table seemed to notice anything, except for Mokuba who had watched Kaiba's every move. So when Kaiba went to put the rest of the herb into his own tea, Mokuba's foot 'accidentally' hit the table, causing Kaiba's tea to go everywhere. Kaiba cursed under his breath and Mokuba shrugged a silent apology. Meanwhile, it appeared that Yami had been ravenously hungry, as all his tea and rabbit were gone. Yami was clutching, Kaiba's arm possessively, and glaring and everyone as if to say 'He's mine dammit, get your own.'
"You did it again, didn't you, Ryou?" Yugi asked.
"It wasn't me, I swear!" Ryou defended herself, and Bakura burst out laughing. Ryou turning to her dark side, looking uncharacteristically angry.
"It was you, wasn't it!" she accused.
"I had absolutely nothing to do with this! Well, maybe a little bit, but that's beside the point!" Joey, ignoring Bakura's comment spoke up.
"Well, at least Kaiba didn't have any this time."
"How can you tell?" Tea asked him.
"'Cause he's acting normal! Look at him, all cold-hearted, not returning Yami's hug."
"Well, would you want to hug him?" Kaiba snapped. "I mean, it's not like I gave him the potion!" Mokuba face-faulted, and Bakura's drink came out of his nose. Yami's eyes became huge, more reminiscent of Yugi than of himself, and he started to cry.
"You don't love me!" He wailed.
"O-of course not!" Kaiba stuttered, while trying to shove Yami off of his arm.
"Bakura? Mokuba? What are you two laughing at?" Tea asked.
"I wasn't laughing! I choked on my-er-rabbit."
"You're eating my bunny!" Marik wailed.
"Oh! The inhumanity!" Ulharsaurivaussirdarastix cried.
"For Ra's sake this is going nowhere! Forget the stupid potion, it will wear off eventually! Let's just all get out of here before Marik returns to normal and kills everybody!" Malik shouted, slamming his fist onto the table.
"You're going to leave me here with him?" Ryou cried.
"You could come with us, you know." Malik said.
"Wearing this?" Ryou said, reminding everyone that she was just wearing a sheet.
"You know, Ryou, you really are starting to act like a girl. And because of that stupid tea of yours, Kaiba went out it public wearing only a pillowcase. I'm sure you can manage with a sheet." Bakura said, having recovered from his laughing fit.
"Yeah, a sheet's a lot bigger than a pillow case." Joey spoke up.
"Thank you Joey, that was so helpful." Ryou snapped.
"You're welcome." He said, completely missing the sarcasm.
"Don't worry, Ryou, we can go clothes shopping!" Tea chirped happily.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGaspOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOooo!!!!!!!!" Ryou grabbed the table leg and hung onto it for dear life.
After breakfast, Tea went out and bought Ryou an entertainer's outfit at the local 'Adventurer's Mart' for 10GP. The group decided that it was about time they got out of this village and actually did some adventuring. Ryou remembered that she had the class feature 'Bardic Knowledge,' being a bard, and decided to use that to decide what they should go quest for.
"Now that I'm thinking about it, I seem to remember a book that recorded all my Bardic Knowledge." Ryou said, before she went to the back room to fetch it. She returned with a book entitled 'Beginning Adventurer's Guide to Items to Quest for.'
"What are we going to quest for?" Tea asked.
"Well, according to this, the hot new item to quest for is the....well, it doesn't actually say, because we're not supposed to know yet, but it gives a description of its properties."
"Well, what are its 'properties?'" Bakura drawled.
"Well, according to this book, this item was created by Duke Devlin for a tournament, and who ever find this item wins the tournament!"
"Devlin, why does that name sound familiar?" Tea asked.
"Because he's the guy who created the tournament that got us stuck here in the first place!" Tristan cried.
"I remember him! But why couldn't I remember him before?" Tea said, looking frightened.
"I have a theory." Malik ventured.
"Spit it out." Kaiba snapped, walking over to the group, and dragging Yami, who was clinging to his ankle.
"Well, when I first arrived, Bakura was a completely different person, one who went by the name of Akifia. I think that was his D&D character, and the longer we stay in this place, the more like our D&D characters we will become."
"So that's why I'm acting more girly!" Ryou said.
"Not only that, Bakura wasn't always a drug addict. And, despite the fact he's still a killer, Marik's acting a lot better than normal, even without his tea. Marik was here for a long time, and would naturally start to change before us. Ryou was also here longer than we were, as Bakura had the body for a day or so before the tournament. The reason Bakura's changing as well may be his link to his hikari, which means that I'll be the next to change." Stunned silence followed.
"Wow, Malik has a brain in his head after all!" Joey said.
"He's not just a dumb blond!" Tristan agreed. Joey glared at his friend.
"It's platinum!" Malik defended, clutching a fist full of his hair.
"I believe the phrase is platinum blond." Kaiba said. Yugi ignored their bickering.
"We should split up into groups, so we can find the item faster. Once we do, we have a better shot at getting out of here."
"Great idea, but how are we going to sort the groups?" Tea asked.
"Well, I'm going with my big brother." Mokuba said, hanging on to Kaiba's arm
"Well, I'm...going with your big brother too!" Yami said, still clutching Kaiba's leg.
"My Kaiba, you sure are popular." Joey said.
"I don't see anyone jumping to be in your party, you mutt."
"Tristan's going with me. Aren't you, buddy?"
"Yeah, sure I am."
"Lord knows your group need someone responsible," Tea said, indicating Kaiba's group.
"Ok, I'll go with them!" Yugi piped up.
'Dammit.' Tea thought, before turning to the remaining people. "I'm either stuck with the psychopaths or the smelly people. Thank God they make nose plugs. They do make nose plugs, don't they?"
"Actually, Tea, I don't think nose plugs have been invented yet." Ryou said, trying to be helpful.
"Dude! I could invent nose plugs!" Joey shouted.
"Which leaves the rest of us to be in a group." Malik said, happily slinging an arm around his comrades.
"The rest of you are screwed." Bakura said. "You're trying to do dungeon hunting without a thief...I mean a rogue."
"Well, when faced with decision of facing traps or stuck with you I'll take the traps." Joey snapped.
"Oh, you wound me." Bakura placed his hands over his heart. "I'm bleeding," he held out his hands. "don't you see I'm – Dude, I'm bleeding!"
"Bakura? I think you're stoned." Malik said.
"I'm bleeding!" Ryou ignored him, and went to the wall to pull down a map.
"If we're here," she said, pointing to a spot on the map, "then one of out parties should go to the capitol, Leukish, and try and find information. Another group can go to this port town, Oldred, and try to find information about shipments overseas. The last group can go to Oldred as well, and catch a boat to the ruins of Chathold and do basic dungeoning. Any questions?"
"Just one, where are we now?" Tristan asked.
"Why, Beetu, silly."
"Of course, silly me." Tristan rolled his eyes.
"Now, which group goes where?" Ryou asked.
"I say our group goes to the capitol." Bakura said, sneaking a wink at Malik.
"We should go to Oldred, but leave the dungeoning to our smashup group." Yugi said.
"Is that fine with everyone?" Ryou asked. General agreement was heard.
"You're leaving me!" Marik cried, suddenly getting to his feet, "First you eat my bunny, now you're leaving me all alone!"
"Now, Now, I'll never leave you alone!" Ulharsaurivaussirdarastix said.
"Oh yes you will, I need a ride. You don't expect me to walk, do you?" Kaiba said.
"You could share my horse." Yami offered. Kaiba almost took him up on the offer before Yugi and Mokuba broke in.
"What about us?" Yugi and Mokuba said at the same time.
"Right, well, Ulharsaurivaussirdarastix, you'll just have to come. Mokuba will ride with me, and Yugi can ride with Yami."
"But I want to ride the dragon!" Yugi said, "No offense, Yami."
"None taken, but does this mean I'll be alone?" Yami began to sniffle. Before anyone knew when had happened, Marik and Yami were hugging each other, wailing: "We're all alone!" It took them a moment, but then they realized exactly who they were latched onto and they shoved each other away.
"I think it's time we set off." Joey said, and everyone else nodded.
And so it was with light hearts and heavy gear that our adventurers set off on their journey at last.
Author # 1: First, this is our longest chapter ever, second, I'm rather proud of our excuse for people to be out of character, third, those towns were actually all there on the D&D map we have of the Flanaess, fourthly, we were trying to set a record for the most times the word pillowcase was used in a single chapter of a fic, fifthly, Ulharsaurivaussirdarastix looks almost exactly like Kisara does, sixthly, I'm trying to go for the longest single sentence author's note, and seventhly, I don't think I left anything for author number two to say.
Author # 2: She lies. I have a random tidbit of information for you all. Duke's Japanese first name, Ryuuji mean fashion/style and Otogi mean fairy tale. Thus, Duke Devlin's Japanese name means fashionable fairy tale.
Chapter 4
The sun rose, and our heroes eventually had to do the same.
A beam of light from the window near the bed that Yugi and Tea shared fell across Yugi's face uncomfortably. He yawned, and rubbed his eyes. Yugi rolled over and saw, to his surprise, that Tea was firmly attached to one of his arms. He let out a shriek and fell off the bed, and Tea fell off on top of him, still latched to his arm. Just then, the door to their room was flung open, by someone wearing only a sheet.
"Yugi! Err...did I come a bad time?" Yami said, as he looked from Tea to Yugi. "Wait a minute! What happened to me last night? Why am I wearing a sheet?" A voice was heard from across the hall.
"Yami! Bring back that sheet! It's the only one!" Kaiba yelled as he stumbled out into the hall, wearing a pillowcase wrapped around his waist.
"No! I'm wearing it, so I get to keep it!"
"Well, I found your pants, but I can't find mine, so I get the damn sheet!"
"I'm not short anymore, put my damn pants on then!"
"No! I want my pants, dammit! Your pants are too tight for me!"
"Oh, my virgin ears." Yugi said from the floor, as he tried to rearrange Tea, as she was still asleep and draped over him in a compromising position. Yami gave him a once over.
"Your virgin ears? That probably the last part off you that's virgin."
"Oh yeah, well how about you and Kaiba? That's just gross!" Yugi glanced at Tea, and shoved her off. "And we didn't do anything!" Tea woke up as she hit the ground with a loud thump.
"Yami? Why are you in here wearing a sheet?" Yami, stuttered, and was saved when Kaiba, who was still wearing the pillowcase, slammed open the door.
"You're coming with me!" Kaiba grabbed the sheet, and dragged it off, with Yami still in it. As the two were in the hall, a third door slammed open and Bakura fell out into the hall.
"Will you all shut up? It's too early in the morning for it to be this loud. I do bloody well have the most atrocious hangover." He paused. "Yami and Kaiba dressed in assorted bed coverings is not something I wanted this early either." Malik stuck his head out of the room.
"What? Where?" A pause. "Oh my." Malik dragged Bakura back into their room by his ankles and slammed the door. "Lunatics!"
Suddenly, at the end of the hall, a door slammed open. The innkeeper stuck his head out. "Will you stop slamming doors?" With that, he went back inside and slammed the door.
Yami and Kaiba had nearly made their way across the hall when Mokuba threw open his door. "Big broth- oh, dear." With that, he hid himself back in his room. Kaiba panicked, and ran over to the door, only to find that it was locked.
"No, Mokuba! It's not what you think!"
"Oh, so you're ashamed of me now, are you?"
"Why do you care?"
"Well, I don't," Yami's gaze shifted from side to side, before returning to Kaiba. "And I'm wearing your damn sheet!" Yami stomped off into his room and slammed and locked the door. Which left Kaiba standing in the middle of the hallway, wearing only his pillowcase. And who should come walking up the stairs whistling, wearing a certain pair of pants on his head, but Joey Wheeler.
"Hey guys, I slept great last night, even though you took all the rooms and made me sleep outside, and-" He broke off when he saw Kaiba, who was still standing in the middle of the hallway, glaring at Yami's door. "Oh. My. God. I guess these are yours, then?" Joey took the pants off his head, and held them out to Kaiba, who was just noticing Joey. Kaiba glared at Joey, before grabbing the pants out of his hand.
"Thank you, mutt. Now get out. I need to change."
"What's the matter? Yami kick you out?" Joey taunted.
"I'll make you regret you ever mentioned that, you stupid Chihuahua."
"Awww, what's the matter? Big bad Kaiba get dumped by his boy- friend?" The door to Yami's room slammed open, and Yami stood there, half- dressed, glaring at Joey.
"Joey..." Yami said, in a voice he usually reserved for yelling at Kaiba. Joey took the hint and fled for his life. Seizing the opportunity to change, Kaiba dived past Yami into the room. Yami attempted to slam the door before Kaiba got in the room, but failed, and closed the door behind himself, leaving an empty hallway.
Later
Tea stepped out of her room, fully dressed, and was followed by Yugi, also fully dressed.
"What an interesting morning." Tea commented. Another door opened and Tristan stepped out.
"I can't believe I missed all the action." He moaned.
"Believe me, you wouldn't want to see it. They aren't still out here, are they?" Mokuba came out with his eyes closed.
"No, Mokuba. They're in their room," Yugi replied, before turning to their door and shouting. "Hopefully getting dressed!"
The four trouped down to bar to order some coffee and some breakfast. They found Mai was already down there, nursing a very large cup of coffee, and Joey was cowering under a near-by table. He was rocking back and forth, muttering something about the voice and the pillowcase.
Yugi, being short enough, looked Joey in the eye and asked him if he was ok.
"No....the voice....the voice.....he used the voice....and Kaiba was wearing a pillowcase....the horror." Tea rolled her eyes, and asked if she could sit next to Mai. Mai didn't say anything, and Tea sat down next to Mai. A sparkly blue number appeared over Tea's head, a 15.
"I love my diplomacy check." Tea grinned to herself. Mai, once again, failed her will save, and got a miserable seven.
"Damn your diplomacy."
"Now, now, it's not my fault. You should have made a character with a higher will. So, are you going to tell me everything?"
"I hate you."
"You shouldn't drink coffee, it makes you irritable." Just then, a door slammed upstairs, and Kaiba and Yami walked towards the staircase, glaring at each other. Yami didn't remember the stairs, as he had been carried up them last night, so he continued to glare at Kaiba and didn't notice the stairs. As he fell, he grabbed Kaiba's arm for balance, but Kaiba fell too, and the two of them rolled down the stairs and landed in a rather indecent position.
"Yami, get off of me." A pause, then Yami sighed.
"No, I'm comfortable."
"I thought you were mad at me."
"I am."
"Then get off of me."
"No."
"Fine." Kaiba sighed. Just then, Kaiba realized that the entire tavern was staring at him and Yami. The latter of whom had closed his eyes and was nuzzling into Kaiba's chest.
"What cologne do you use? You smell good."
"Yami, I've never worn cologne."
"Then you smell good naturally."
"Yami, the entire tavern is staring at us."
"Oh, are they?" Yami said, as he let out a loud sigh, finally getting comfortable.
"Including Yugi."
"Get off me!"
"You're on me."
"Heh, heh, right." The two jumped up, sweat dropping.
"Oh god," Tea moaned, "can we just eat breakfast so we can get out of this town and away from that awful apothecary and its love potions!"
"But we can't leave Ryou in Marik's clutches!" Yugi told her.
"She seems to like it there." Bakura said from the top of the stairs.
"Yeah it's all her fault that those two got messed up any ways." Tristan said, gesturing to Yami and Seto, who had just sat down.
"Messed up? What do you mean, messed up?" Yami demanded.
"Well, errr you know last night," Yugi replied sheepishly pushing his index fingers together.
"What exactly happened last night?" Kaiba broke in.
"Well, whatever it was-" Joey was cut off by a loud thump behind the group, and everyone turned to see Malik falling down the stairs. Bakura strutted gracefully down the stairs, stepped on Malik and headed towards the bar.
"I want a drink," he gestured at the barkeeper. Malik stood up and brushed himself off.
"I thought you 'bloody well had an atrocious hangover.' "
"If you ever say that again I will cut out your tongue." Bakura threatened him.
"Can we stop changing the subject?" Yami questioned, slamming his fist on the table.
"What happened?" Kaiba persisted. "WellRyougaveusalltea.AndyoutwodrankthedruggedteathatwasmeantforRyouandMarik .Andthenyoutwostartedactingallloveydoveyandlockedyourselvesinthecloset.Thenw ecamehereandyoutwosharedaroomandwedon'tknowwhathappenedbutwhenIwokeupYamiwas inmyroomwearingasheetandKaibawaswearingapillowcaseandJoeyhadKaiba'spantsonhi shead." Yugi said all in one breath. Yami stared at him.
"Could you repeat that, slowly?"
"Well Ryou gave us all tea. And you two drank the drugged tea that was meant for Ryou and Marik. And then you two started acting all lovey-dovey and locked yourselves in the closet. Then we came here and you two shared a room and we don't know what happened, but when I woke up, Yami was in my room wearing a sheet and Kaiba was wearing a pillow case and Joey had Kaiba's pants on his head. How's that?"
"Mortifying, thank you." Yami said.
"I'm going to sic my dragon on Ryou." Kaiba said, then he paused.
"Where is Ulharsaurivaussirdarastix?"
"Who?" Tristan asked.
"My dragon, you half-orc." Kaiba snapped.
"What do you want for breakfast?" The innkeeper asked.
"Anything but tea," Tea said.
"What's cheapest?" Mokuba asked.
"I'll be right back," the innkeeper grinned. He returned a few minutes later with a large loaf of stale bread covered in day old gravy. It was decided unanimously and on the spot that Ryou could cook something better than this, and they headed off to the apothecary. Mai, however, stayed at the inn and ate a breakfast that They walked across the town to the apothecary, and when they arrived, Bakura shoved his way to the front of the group.
"Out of my way, I need some weed!" With that, he threw open the door, and promptly slammed it shut again. "Kaiba, I found your dragon. I'm going to go retch now." With that, the renowned thief disappeared into the bushes. From inside the apothecary the voice of Ulharsaurivaussirdarastix was heard.
"Oh Vorel, I think I need to get dressed. Last night was wonderful, but I really must go find Master now." Kaiba's eyes went wide.
"And I'm supposed to ride her-" he broke off. "Oh God, that sounds nasty." Malik covered his eyes with one of his hands.
"Thank Ra we have separate bodies." Mokuba and Yugi covered their ears and wailed together.
"Our virgin ears!"
"It's sad," Tristan commented. "Marik gets more action than I do." Tea pushed him over.
"That should be long enough for Ulha – Ulho – Kaiba's dragon to get dressed. Come on, I'm starving." Tea shoved open the door. Ulharsaurivaussirdarastix threw her half-dressed self on Kaiba.
"Master! I missed you!" Yami glared at the dragon, who continued to chatter on happily. "I told Marik that I had a tattoo, and he really wanted to see it, and then I wanted to see his and...." The back door opened, and Ryou walked in the room, wearing only a sheet. Kaiba and Yami buried their head in their hands.
"It's the deja-vu from hell." Kaiba moaned.
"Marik, where are my clothes?"
"Oh, you mean these?" Ulharsaurivaussirdarastix said, "I'm sorry, they were just so cute I had to borrow them."
"Did you? Well, can I have them back?" Ryou asked.
"Nope."
"Please?"
"No."
"Marik, make her give them back to me!"
"You can wear that."
"It's a sheet, Marik."
"I know."
"My God, I'm surrounded by perverts." Ryou moaned.
"Anyway Ryou, we came because we were hoping you could make us breakfast." Tea interrupted.
"I'm sorry, Tea, I don't have that skill, but Marik does."
"You mean we're going to be eating food prepared that psycho with bad hair?" Joey said, pointing accusingly at Marik.
"Now, now little Joey, you can either eat my cooking or eat the bread and gravy at the inn." Marik chirped.
"I'll eat your cooking, but just barely." Joey grumbled. A vein popped on Marik's face as he smirked evilly.
"I'll go catch breakfast."
"Um, I-I think I'll go make the tea." Ryou stuttered, before dashing off into the kitchen. Marik was heard from the back yard.
"Die Floppsy! Die, die!" A huge drop of blood hit the window and dripped down. Ryou entered again, after having put the water on to boil. "That blood's going to take forever to get off the wall."
"A little salt and vinegar will make it come off just fine." Bakura drawled from near the door.
"I never want to know how you know that." Ryou said. As Bakura smirked, she emphasized. "Never." Marik entered, holding the dead rabbit by its ear in one hand and a bloody butcher knife in the other. He was wearing a frilly pink apron that said 'kiss the cook' which was also covered in blood.
"Breakfast will be ready in a moment....heh heh heh..." he left, still giggling madly.
"I have to say Ryou, what ever stuff you put in the tea wears off awfully fast." Malik said.
"Thank God." Kaiba said as Yami glared at him.
"About that, I'm really sorry you two ended up with that tea...especially since I'm running rather low..." Ryou worried, turning to go and check on Marik. Ulharsaurivaussirdarastix had tears streaming from her eyes.
"How could he do that? That poor, innocent bunny!" She sobbed into Kaiba's shirt. Marik emerged from the kitchen, cackling.
"Breakfast is served." Ryou came bounding out behind him. "And the tea is ready!" She turned to Marik.
"Drink this."
"No."
"Drink it!"
"No!" Ryou grabbed to pressure points on Marik's cheeks, forcing him to open his mouth, and she shoved the tea down his throat. Marik closed his mouth with a silly grin and sat down humming.
"Let's go eat, shall we?" Bakura said, as he led the way to the smoking kitchen. As they entered the kitchen, Marik stopped dead in his tracks, causing the people who were behind him to collide.
"My bunny!" Marik wailed, pointing to the table. In the center of said table sat Floppsy # 829, who had been shaved, cooked, marinated and had an apple in its mouth. Unfortunately, it was still in one piece and retained its fluffy, white tail. Marik sank down on the floor, sobbing. Ulharsaurivaussirdarastix sat down next to him in an attempt to calm him, but only ended up crying herself. Everyone else was eating the rabbit, except for Bakura, who was mixing up the herbs, and Kaiba, who was looking for seasonings to put on his part of the rabbit. Bakura was digging in the perfectly neat and organized shelves, and rearranging everything so nothing was labeled correctly anymore. He paused for a moment, and held up a jar triumphantly.
"I found it!" He cried. Kaiba looked up from his own search to look at the thief.
"Found what?"
"Can't you read?" Bakura shoved the jar under his nose, and Kaiba could see 'Marik's Tea' scrawled across the front of the jar in curly-Q cursive. Kaiba snatched the jar from Bakura's hands.
"Give me that!" Kaiba snapped, cradling the jar that was already in his possession.
"Why do you want it so badly?"
"None of your damn business."
"Aww...the billionaire's sweet on the pharaoh." Bakura mocked in a singsong voice.
"Shut up."
"And if I don't want to?"
"I'll cut your tongue out."
"That's my threat."
"Well, it works in the situation."
"Fine I'll let you have your happy little romance. It will be...amusing."
"Don't tell anyone."
"Don't worry, I won't." Bakura smirked. The two went back to the table, and Kaiba sat down next to Yami.
"Look, Yami! What's that over there?" Kaiba pointed. Yami's head whipped around to look in that direction. Kaiba took a pinch of the herb and dropped it into Yami's cup.
"What? Where?" Yami asked.
"Oh, you must have missed it."
"Missed what?"
"I have no idea." Yami stared at Kaiba, but returned to his dinner, and to his tea. No one else at the table seemed to notice anything, except for Mokuba who had watched Kaiba's every move. So when Kaiba went to put the rest of the herb into his own tea, Mokuba's foot 'accidentally' hit the table, causing Kaiba's tea to go everywhere. Kaiba cursed under his breath and Mokuba shrugged a silent apology. Meanwhile, it appeared that Yami had been ravenously hungry, as all his tea and rabbit were gone. Yami was clutching, Kaiba's arm possessively, and glaring and everyone as if to say 'He's mine dammit, get your own.'
"You did it again, didn't you, Ryou?" Yugi asked.
"It wasn't me, I swear!" Ryou defended herself, and Bakura burst out laughing. Ryou turning to her dark side, looking uncharacteristically angry.
"It was you, wasn't it!" she accused.
"I had absolutely nothing to do with this! Well, maybe a little bit, but that's beside the point!" Joey, ignoring Bakura's comment spoke up.
"Well, at least Kaiba didn't have any this time."
"How can you tell?" Tea asked him.
"'Cause he's acting normal! Look at him, all cold-hearted, not returning Yami's hug."
"Well, would you want to hug him?" Kaiba snapped. "I mean, it's not like I gave him the potion!" Mokuba face-faulted, and Bakura's drink came out of his nose. Yami's eyes became huge, more reminiscent of Yugi than of himself, and he started to cry.
"You don't love me!" He wailed.
"O-of course not!" Kaiba stuttered, while trying to shove Yami off of his arm.
"Bakura? Mokuba? What are you two laughing at?" Tea asked.
"I wasn't laughing! I choked on my-er-rabbit."
"You're eating my bunny!" Marik wailed.
"Oh! The inhumanity!" Ulharsaurivaussirdarastix cried.
"For Ra's sake this is going nowhere! Forget the stupid potion, it will wear off eventually! Let's just all get out of here before Marik returns to normal and kills everybody!" Malik shouted, slamming his fist onto the table.
"You're going to leave me here with him?" Ryou cried.
"You could come with us, you know." Malik said.
"Wearing this?" Ryou said, reminding everyone that she was just wearing a sheet.
"You know, Ryou, you really are starting to act like a girl. And because of that stupid tea of yours, Kaiba went out it public wearing only a pillowcase. I'm sure you can manage with a sheet." Bakura said, having recovered from his laughing fit.
"Yeah, a sheet's a lot bigger than a pillow case." Joey spoke up.
"Thank you Joey, that was so helpful." Ryou snapped.
"You're welcome." He said, completely missing the sarcasm.
"Don't worry, Ryou, we can go clothes shopping!" Tea chirped happily.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGaspOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOooo!!!!!!!!" Ryou grabbed the table leg and hung onto it for dear life.
After breakfast, Tea went out and bought Ryou an entertainer's outfit at the local 'Adventurer's Mart' for 10GP. The group decided that it was about time they got out of this village and actually did some adventuring. Ryou remembered that she had the class feature 'Bardic Knowledge,' being a bard, and decided to use that to decide what they should go quest for.
"Now that I'm thinking about it, I seem to remember a book that recorded all my Bardic Knowledge." Ryou said, before she went to the back room to fetch it. She returned with a book entitled 'Beginning Adventurer's Guide to Items to Quest for.'
"What are we going to quest for?" Tea asked.
"Well, according to this, the hot new item to quest for is the....well, it doesn't actually say, because we're not supposed to know yet, but it gives a description of its properties."
"Well, what are its 'properties?'" Bakura drawled.
"Well, according to this book, this item was created by Duke Devlin for a tournament, and who ever find this item wins the tournament!"
"Devlin, why does that name sound familiar?" Tea asked.
"Because he's the guy who created the tournament that got us stuck here in the first place!" Tristan cried.
"I remember him! But why couldn't I remember him before?" Tea said, looking frightened.
"I have a theory." Malik ventured.
"Spit it out." Kaiba snapped, walking over to the group, and dragging Yami, who was clinging to his ankle.
"Well, when I first arrived, Bakura was a completely different person, one who went by the name of Akifia. I think that was his D&D character, and the longer we stay in this place, the more like our D&D characters we will become."
"So that's why I'm acting more girly!" Ryou said.
"Not only that, Bakura wasn't always a drug addict. And, despite the fact he's still a killer, Marik's acting a lot better than normal, even without his tea. Marik was here for a long time, and would naturally start to change before us. Ryou was also here longer than we were, as Bakura had the body for a day or so before the tournament. The reason Bakura's changing as well may be his link to his hikari, which means that I'll be the next to change." Stunned silence followed.
"Wow, Malik has a brain in his head after all!" Joey said.
"He's not just a dumb blond!" Tristan agreed. Joey glared at his friend.
"It's platinum!" Malik defended, clutching a fist full of his hair.
"I believe the phrase is platinum blond." Kaiba said. Yugi ignored their bickering.
"We should split up into groups, so we can find the item faster. Once we do, we have a better shot at getting out of here."
"Great idea, but how are we going to sort the groups?" Tea asked.
"Well, I'm going with my big brother." Mokuba said, hanging on to Kaiba's arm
"Well, I'm...going with your big brother too!" Yami said, still clutching Kaiba's leg.
"My Kaiba, you sure are popular." Joey said.
"I don't see anyone jumping to be in your party, you mutt."
"Tristan's going with me. Aren't you, buddy?"
"Yeah, sure I am."
"Lord knows your group need someone responsible," Tea said, indicating Kaiba's group.
"Ok, I'll go with them!" Yugi piped up.
'Dammit.' Tea thought, before turning to the remaining people. "I'm either stuck with the psychopaths or the smelly people. Thank God they make nose plugs. They do make nose plugs, don't they?"
"Actually, Tea, I don't think nose plugs have been invented yet." Ryou said, trying to be helpful.
"Dude! I could invent nose plugs!" Joey shouted.
"Which leaves the rest of us to be in a group." Malik said, happily slinging an arm around his comrades.
"The rest of you are screwed." Bakura said. "You're trying to do dungeon hunting without a thief...I mean a rogue."
"Well, when faced with decision of facing traps or stuck with you I'll take the traps." Joey snapped.
"Oh, you wound me." Bakura placed his hands over his heart. "I'm bleeding," he held out his hands. "don't you see I'm – Dude, I'm bleeding!"
"Bakura? I think you're stoned." Malik said.
"I'm bleeding!" Ryou ignored him, and went to the wall to pull down a map.
"If we're here," she said, pointing to a spot on the map, "then one of out parties should go to the capitol, Leukish, and try and find information. Another group can go to this port town, Oldred, and try to find information about shipments overseas. The last group can go to Oldred as well, and catch a boat to the ruins of Chathold and do basic dungeoning. Any questions?"
"Just one, where are we now?" Tristan asked.
"Why, Beetu, silly."
"Of course, silly me." Tristan rolled his eyes.
"Now, which group goes where?" Ryou asked.
"I say our group goes to the capitol." Bakura said, sneaking a wink at Malik.
"We should go to Oldred, but leave the dungeoning to our smashup group." Yugi said.
"Is that fine with everyone?" Ryou asked. General agreement was heard.
"You're leaving me!" Marik cried, suddenly getting to his feet, "First you eat my bunny, now you're leaving me all alone!"
"Now, Now, I'll never leave you alone!" Ulharsaurivaussirdarastix said.
"Oh yes you will, I need a ride. You don't expect me to walk, do you?" Kaiba said.
"You could share my horse." Yami offered. Kaiba almost took him up on the offer before Yugi and Mokuba broke in.
"What about us?" Yugi and Mokuba said at the same time.
"Right, well, Ulharsaurivaussirdarastix, you'll just have to come. Mokuba will ride with me, and Yugi can ride with Yami."
"But I want to ride the dragon!" Yugi said, "No offense, Yami."
"None taken, but does this mean I'll be alone?" Yami began to sniffle. Before anyone knew when had happened, Marik and Yami were hugging each other, wailing: "We're all alone!" It took them a moment, but then they realized exactly who they were latched onto and they shoved each other away.
"I think it's time we set off." Joey said, and everyone else nodded.
And so it was with light hearts and heavy gear that our adventurers set off on their journey at last.
Author # 1: First, this is our longest chapter ever, second, I'm rather proud of our excuse for people to be out of character, third, those towns were actually all there on the D&D map we have of the Flanaess, fourthly, we were trying to set a record for the most times the word pillowcase was used in a single chapter of a fic, fifthly, Ulharsaurivaussirdarastix looks almost exactly like Kisara does, sixthly, I'm trying to go for the longest single sentence author's note, and seventhly, I don't think I left anything for author number two to say.
Author # 2: She lies. I have a random tidbit of information for you all. Duke's Japanese first name, Ryuuji mean fashion/style and Otogi mean fairy tale. Thus, Duke Devlin's Japanese name means fashionable fairy tale.