What if Mark's tumor never returned??? Elizabeth never would have asked, "Am I just supposed to go home and watch him die?" so I'm assuming she would never have gone home and Mark would never have died. But I'm going to start this alternative universe when Ella is hospitalized, overdosing on Rachel's pills.
"You look tired," Susan opened her locker getting ready to leave. Mark sat in a chair a couple of meters away.
"You're very observant." He replied bitterly.
"Sorry." She shut her locker.
"No." he sighed, "I'm sorry. You didn't deserve that."
"It's okay." She sat beside him, "I've known you long enough to know when you're angry from when you're angry at me."
He smiled at her – he actually smiled.
"You okay?" she ventured redundantly.
"What version do you want?"
"The truth."
"Oh, that. Good question. Philosophical debate in fact…"
"Mark…"
He shook his head and sighed.
She wanted to reach out and touch him – she just wanted to comfort him. But she couldn't. Not now. She could hardly trust herself. It wasn't her actions she doubted, she would never do anything to threaten what remained of their friendship. But she knew where her heart lay on the matter and her eyes might give her away.
"So, you finished?" he tried to change the subject.
"Yep."
"I dunno what they do in Arizona but in Chicago we've been known to escape this place as soon as we can."
"I'm just waiting for you to answer my question." She smiled. "Are you going to be okay?"
"Oh, yeah. Sure." He met her eyes confidently but the clear disbelief he found there threw him off. "How's that saying go? Oh, yeah, I made my bed now I've got to lie in it."
"Mark…" she almost reached out to take her hand.
He knew it. "You should go." Elizabeth didn't trust him as it was. He knew Susan would never jeopardize anything on purpose but he couldn't trust himself right now. Too little sleep, too much coffee, fear, miscommunication, disagreement, heartbreak…
"Yeah." She got up and got to the door before she turned around. "It's not your fault."
"Yeah." He offered no agreement.
She couldn't reach him and maybe it was for the best. But maybe she could help. Another way. Without allowing herself the luxury of consideration she made her way up to NICU.
When she knocked softly on the door Elizabeth looked up and emotionlessly waved her in.
"Hi," Susan whispered.
Elizabeth didn't speak.
"How is she?"
"Bout the same."
Susan took a breath, "I don't mean to interfere…"
"Then don't."
Susan took another deliberate breath, "Please – just let me say it, then I'll leave and you can take what you like."
Elizabeth was too exhausted to argue.
"I thought you should know that Mark's downstairs in the lounge."
"He should be here."
"Maybe." She looked over at Ella sleeping. She looked peaceful. "There's no answers y'know? No matter what he does he's doing wrong by someone… he's so broken – I've never seen him like that," she breathed trying to stay objective, "the thing is," she tried to pull herself together, "the thing is, if you walk away from him you'll regret it."
"He's the one walking away… to you, I might add."
"No." Susan shook her head, "We never… it's all talk. We were only EVER friends. And then I went away for five years and a lot changed. I never stopped loving him but nothing ever happened. The point is, if you let him go, you're a fool." She looked at Elizabeth pleading her to listen, "Trust me."
Elizabeth showed no sign of hearing her so Susan left.
"You look tired," Susan opened her locker getting ready to leave. Mark sat in a chair a couple of meters away.
"You're very observant." He replied bitterly.
"Sorry." She shut her locker.
"No." he sighed, "I'm sorry. You didn't deserve that."
"It's okay." She sat beside him, "I've known you long enough to know when you're angry from when you're angry at me."
He smiled at her – he actually smiled.
"You okay?" she ventured redundantly.
"What version do you want?"
"The truth."
"Oh, that. Good question. Philosophical debate in fact…"
"Mark…"
He shook his head and sighed.
She wanted to reach out and touch him – she just wanted to comfort him. But she couldn't. Not now. She could hardly trust herself. It wasn't her actions she doubted, she would never do anything to threaten what remained of their friendship. But she knew where her heart lay on the matter and her eyes might give her away.
"So, you finished?" he tried to change the subject.
"Yep."
"I dunno what they do in Arizona but in Chicago we've been known to escape this place as soon as we can."
"I'm just waiting for you to answer my question." She smiled. "Are you going to be okay?"
"Oh, yeah. Sure." He met her eyes confidently but the clear disbelief he found there threw him off. "How's that saying go? Oh, yeah, I made my bed now I've got to lie in it."
"Mark…" she almost reached out to take her hand.
He knew it. "You should go." Elizabeth didn't trust him as it was. He knew Susan would never jeopardize anything on purpose but he couldn't trust himself right now. Too little sleep, too much coffee, fear, miscommunication, disagreement, heartbreak…
"Yeah." She got up and got to the door before she turned around. "It's not your fault."
"Yeah." He offered no agreement.
She couldn't reach him and maybe it was for the best. But maybe she could help. Another way. Without allowing herself the luxury of consideration she made her way up to NICU.
When she knocked softly on the door Elizabeth looked up and emotionlessly waved her in.
"Hi," Susan whispered.
Elizabeth didn't speak.
"How is she?"
"Bout the same."
Susan took a breath, "I don't mean to interfere…"
"Then don't."
Susan took another deliberate breath, "Please – just let me say it, then I'll leave and you can take what you like."
Elizabeth was too exhausted to argue.
"I thought you should know that Mark's downstairs in the lounge."
"He should be here."
"Maybe." She looked over at Ella sleeping. She looked peaceful. "There's no answers y'know? No matter what he does he's doing wrong by someone… he's so broken – I've never seen him like that," she breathed trying to stay objective, "the thing is," she tried to pull herself together, "the thing is, if you walk away from him you'll regret it."
"He's the one walking away… to you, I might add."
"No." Susan shook her head, "We never… it's all talk. We were only EVER friends. And then I went away for five years and a lot changed. I never stopped loving him but nothing ever happened. The point is, if you let him go, you're a fool." She looked at Elizabeth pleading her to listen, "Trust me."
Elizabeth showed no sign of hearing her so Susan left.