The board was cleared. It had been a long shift and it wasn't over yet but the board was cleared. Remarkable.
Mark sat down in admin, relieved to get the weight off his feet.
Susan was leaning on the counter filling in the blanks on a couple of forms. When she finished she sighed and filed them, giving Mark a tired smile.
"Feels like we're waiting for something to go wrong." He looked at the closed sliding doors. It was dark and still outside.
"Yeah." She agreed sitting down.
"You okay?" he leant back on his chair.
She nodded emotionless, "Just tired."
He looked at her like she hadn't answered him, "You seem sad."
She half-laughed, almost scoffing, before she realized he was serious. "Really, I'm fine." She looked him in the eye and lied to him.
He knew. And before she looked away she saw it in his eyes. She hated lying to him but the truth was worse. And if she tried to share even a part of her pain with him she knew she'd be setting herself up to be hurt. And maybe she'd hurt him too. It wasn't worth the risk. She loved him and that was that. But it was her burden, her battle. Mark had enough on his plate.
"Want some coffee?" he stood.
"Yeah." She followed him to the lounge before realizing privacy would only encourage his questions and his terrifying honesty.
Inside the lounge he didn't even touch the coffee pot. "What's wrong?" the heart felt concern almost broke her.
"I'm fine." She tried.
He let out a gutless breath, shocked. "Can you really do that? Can you just lie to me like a polite stranger? After everything… can't you trust me to care?"
"Mark, I know you care." She tried to appease him. "But I'll be fine."
Mark sat down heavily, a frustrated sigh escaping his lips.
'Leave,' Susan told herself. 'Escape. Right now. What are you waiting for? You want to tell him but you CAN'T. You need to leave.'
"I miss you." Mark admitted
"I'm right here." She wasn't even trying to understand
"No you're not. I miss my best friend."
"I'm trying. I'm here for you if you need me – I'd do anything for you." It escaped her lips before she heard it.
"I know. And you have no idea what that means to me. But it works both ways. You have to let me be there for you too."
He had a point. Damn it. 'How are you going to get out of this one?" she sighed
"Is it a guy? Back in Phoenix or something?"
She laughed, "No."
"Well, you were there for five years…" he tried to defend his assumption.
"Almost, but no…" she shook her head, "that's not it."
Mark realized he wasn't getting anywhere. "I just want to be there for you like you've always been for me. Like we used to be."
"A lot has changed." He looked at her as if to say, 'do you really believe that?'
She looked away.
"Well, if you change your mind you know where to find me." He got up and left.
Susan sighed. The last thing she wanted was to push him away. But maybe that was for the best. She might be able to save herself some pain. If only he wasn't so honest about his own pain and his need for her. There was no point denying it. She couldn't walk away from him – not forever. She'd tried for years. Why should anything be different now?
Mark sat down in admin, relieved to get the weight off his feet.
Susan was leaning on the counter filling in the blanks on a couple of forms. When she finished she sighed and filed them, giving Mark a tired smile.
"Feels like we're waiting for something to go wrong." He looked at the closed sliding doors. It was dark and still outside.
"Yeah." She agreed sitting down.
"You okay?" he leant back on his chair.
She nodded emotionless, "Just tired."
He looked at her like she hadn't answered him, "You seem sad."
She half-laughed, almost scoffing, before she realized he was serious. "Really, I'm fine." She looked him in the eye and lied to him.
He knew. And before she looked away she saw it in his eyes. She hated lying to him but the truth was worse. And if she tried to share even a part of her pain with him she knew she'd be setting herself up to be hurt. And maybe she'd hurt him too. It wasn't worth the risk. She loved him and that was that. But it was her burden, her battle. Mark had enough on his plate.
"Want some coffee?" he stood.
"Yeah." She followed him to the lounge before realizing privacy would only encourage his questions and his terrifying honesty.
Inside the lounge he didn't even touch the coffee pot. "What's wrong?" the heart felt concern almost broke her.
"I'm fine." She tried.
He let out a gutless breath, shocked. "Can you really do that? Can you just lie to me like a polite stranger? After everything… can't you trust me to care?"
"Mark, I know you care." She tried to appease him. "But I'll be fine."
Mark sat down heavily, a frustrated sigh escaping his lips.
'Leave,' Susan told herself. 'Escape. Right now. What are you waiting for? You want to tell him but you CAN'T. You need to leave.'
"I miss you." Mark admitted
"I'm right here." She wasn't even trying to understand
"No you're not. I miss my best friend."
"I'm trying. I'm here for you if you need me – I'd do anything for you." It escaped her lips before she heard it.
"I know. And you have no idea what that means to me. But it works both ways. You have to let me be there for you too."
He had a point. Damn it. 'How are you going to get out of this one?" she sighed
"Is it a guy? Back in Phoenix or something?"
She laughed, "No."
"Well, you were there for five years…" he tried to defend his assumption.
"Almost, but no…" she shook her head, "that's not it."
Mark realized he wasn't getting anywhere. "I just want to be there for you like you've always been for me. Like we used to be."
"A lot has changed." He looked at her as if to say, 'do you really believe that?'
She looked away.
"Well, if you change your mind you know where to find me." He got up and left.
Susan sighed. The last thing she wanted was to push him away. But maybe that was for the best. She might be able to save herself some pain. If only he wasn't so honest about his own pain and his need for her. There was no point denying it. She couldn't walk away from him – not forever. She'd tried for years. Why should anything be different now?