A few weeks later…
Susan was reading up on a case, standing at admin, knowing she'd be called away any moment.
"Mark." Came Elizabeth's recognizable accent.
"Hey." He approached her, kissing her on the cheek familiarly.
"Ella's upstairs and I'm off, you still okay to take her?"
"Yeah, I'm off at six so she can stay over and…"
"I'll give you a call tomorrow to sort it out."
Susan wasn't watching but she knew Elizabeth had walked away.
"That went well." Mark said knowing Susan was listening.
She looked up and smiled at him, resolving to keep it light.
He sat down near her. He was waiting for her and she knew it. But she kept reading. Only she had no idea what it said when she got to the end of the page cause Mark was still sitting there. Then he sighed, got up and walked away.
All Susan could think of was how she'd said 'I'm here if you need me.' She hated that she'd lied to him about being 'fine' but if she couldn't keep her word she was no friend. And she couldn't do that to him. 'Damned if you do, damned if you don't.' she shook her head and rubbed her forehead before getting up and looking for him.
"I'm sorry Mark."
"Oh." He turned around guiltily
"What are you doing?"
"Oh, um, I just." He turned around and leaned against the counter, holding out a card for her to take.
She took it silently and saw it was an old photo.
It was her and Mark. From the photo booth. The edges were rough and the picture faded but she didn't notice. She turned it over nervously only to find his familiar scrawl across the back.
'Please remember. Have we really changed that much?'
She sighed and turned it over to look at the picture. They'd been laughing – so much it hurt, she remembered. It'd been a while since she'd laughed that much.
"I'm sorry." She began again, "I told you I was there if you needed me. And just now I wasn't."
"I'm fine. Me an Elizabeth will sort it out and honestly, the worst bit is I'm NOT heartbroken. We let it die. I still love her and I always will but it changed. I mean, of course love changes, but we let it change too much. I don't need your shoulder to cry on. I'm more concerned you might need mine and something's holding you back." He waited
She sat down, still looking at the photo.
He continued, "I had that picture in my locker and I realized it's been way too long since I've heard you laugh."
She looked up at him. "And that'd make you, what? Chuckles the Clown?"
"I'm trying." He pleaded.
She knew she'd hurt him. Again. "I'm sorry. I don't know what to say."
"Try the truth."
"Why? All I ever do is hurt you. I can see it in your eyes. Why do you bother with me?"
"That's not true. You only ever really hurt me once." He swallowed.
"Hey! Can I get some help?" an ambulance officer yelled down the hall. Another officer followed with a patient on a gurney. "There's two more coming."
Mark and Susan sprung into action, working together with the same connection they'd always maintained professionally regardless of their personal relationship. Neither could deny how effective they were on opposite sides of a gurney.
An hour later Susan was leaving.
"Wait." Mark ran around chairs, catching her as the doors opened. She turned, patient sadness in her eyes.
"I've never regretted what I said on the platform that day. But if you give up then I'll regret it. I just want to see you happy. If that means I have to leave you alone, then I don't understand it, but I'll do it."
How was she supposed to walk away from that. "I miss your friendship. I do. But I've gotta do this one alone. You can't fix everything."
"I can try." He challenged her, looking her in the eye.
She smiled slightly at that – very Mark.
"I saw a smile. There's hope. Give me a chance."
She wanted to say 'this isn't about you' but she'd had enough of lying. It was the hiding she was wrestling with now.
"I'm tired, I need to go home."
"And I need to pick up my daughter from daycare, but please. Just think about it. I only want to be your friend. Did I really screw it up that badly?" he threw his pride on the altar and she knew what it took for him to say that.
"Mark, you haven't done anything wrong. It's not you."
"I don't get it."
"Goodnight." She looked at him for a moment and backed out the doors. She turned around and walked away. Again.
Susan was reading up on a case, standing at admin, knowing she'd be called away any moment.
"Mark." Came Elizabeth's recognizable accent.
"Hey." He approached her, kissing her on the cheek familiarly.
"Ella's upstairs and I'm off, you still okay to take her?"
"Yeah, I'm off at six so she can stay over and…"
"I'll give you a call tomorrow to sort it out."
Susan wasn't watching but she knew Elizabeth had walked away.
"That went well." Mark said knowing Susan was listening.
She looked up and smiled at him, resolving to keep it light.
He sat down near her. He was waiting for her and she knew it. But she kept reading. Only she had no idea what it said when she got to the end of the page cause Mark was still sitting there. Then he sighed, got up and walked away.
All Susan could think of was how she'd said 'I'm here if you need me.' She hated that she'd lied to him about being 'fine' but if she couldn't keep her word she was no friend. And she couldn't do that to him. 'Damned if you do, damned if you don't.' she shook her head and rubbed her forehead before getting up and looking for him.
"I'm sorry Mark."
"Oh." He turned around guiltily
"What are you doing?"
"Oh, um, I just." He turned around and leaned against the counter, holding out a card for her to take.
She took it silently and saw it was an old photo.
It was her and Mark. From the photo booth. The edges were rough and the picture faded but she didn't notice. She turned it over nervously only to find his familiar scrawl across the back.
'Please remember. Have we really changed that much?'
She sighed and turned it over to look at the picture. They'd been laughing – so much it hurt, she remembered. It'd been a while since she'd laughed that much.
"I'm sorry." She began again, "I told you I was there if you needed me. And just now I wasn't."
"I'm fine. Me an Elizabeth will sort it out and honestly, the worst bit is I'm NOT heartbroken. We let it die. I still love her and I always will but it changed. I mean, of course love changes, but we let it change too much. I don't need your shoulder to cry on. I'm more concerned you might need mine and something's holding you back." He waited
She sat down, still looking at the photo.
He continued, "I had that picture in my locker and I realized it's been way too long since I've heard you laugh."
She looked up at him. "And that'd make you, what? Chuckles the Clown?"
"I'm trying." He pleaded.
She knew she'd hurt him. Again. "I'm sorry. I don't know what to say."
"Try the truth."
"Why? All I ever do is hurt you. I can see it in your eyes. Why do you bother with me?"
"That's not true. You only ever really hurt me once." He swallowed.
"Hey! Can I get some help?" an ambulance officer yelled down the hall. Another officer followed with a patient on a gurney. "There's two more coming."
Mark and Susan sprung into action, working together with the same connection they'd always maintained professionally regardless of their personal relationship. Neither could deny how effective they were on opposite sides of a gurney.
An hour later Susan was leaving.
"Wait." Mark ran around chairs, catching her as the doors opened. She turned, patient sadness in her eyes.
"I've never regretted what I said on the platform that day. But if you give up then I'll regret it. I just want to see you happy. If that means I have to leave you alone, then I don't understand it, but I'll do it."
How was she supposed to walk away from that. "I miss your friendship. I do. But I've gotta do this one alone. You can't fix everything."
"I can try." He challenged her, looking her in the eye.
She smiled slightly at that – very Mark.
"I saw a smile. There's hope. Give me a chance."
She wanted to say 'this isn't about you' but she'd had enough of lying. It was the hiding she was wrestling with now.
"I'm tired, I need to go home."
"And I need to pick up my daughter from daycare, but please. Just think about it. I only want to be your friend. Did I really screw it up that badly?" he threw his pride on the altar and she knew what it took for him to say that.
"Mark, you haven't done anything wrong. It's not you."
"I don't get it."
"Goodnight." She looked at him for a moment and backed out the doors. She turned around and walked away. Again.