"I'm so hungry." Mark sat down opposite her.
"Me too. But then I missed lunch." She'd just finished work.
"I had lunch. I just had an active afternoon. I had Ella today."
"How is she?"
"She's good. Great in fact. She was so adorable this afternoon. I was on the couch doing some reading and she was watching some video Elizabeth put in her bag." He laughed at the memory. "She was singing her little lungs out along with… well, I think it was a sponge and some sort of jellyfish. She can hardly speak but she was sitting there bobbing up and down and singing her heart out. I had to try so hard not to crack up laughing, and then," he was laughing, "she lost her balance from bobbing and fell over… I laughed so hard my stomach hurt."
Susan was smiling, almost laughing.
"I guess you had to be there." He covered himself.
"No… no…" she shook her head.
"Are you ready to order?" A waiter interrupted.
They gave their orders and sunk into a slightly nervous silence.
"So, how was work?" Mark tried.
"You asked me that already." Susan smiled.
"Oh, sorry."
"Don't apologize. Plus, I like hearing about Ella. Something about kids is so… um, hopeful? I don't know if that's the right word."
"Yeah, I know what you mean." He nodded. "They have so much life to live, so many opportunities and unknowns…"
"I guess we're more wary of opportunities and unknowns as adults."
He nodded. "Once burned, twice shy."
"Yeah."
"Well, you know what I haven't asked you about… well, not recently?"
"What?"
"Oh, actually, oh, I dunno… you might not want to talk about it."
"What, Suzie?"
"I was going to say Phoenix, but I guess that she's a significant part of the story."
"Oh, right. Phoenix." She considered what to say. "What do you want to know?"
"I dunno. You were there for five years. Most of which I don't know."
"Okay… well. Um… work? The job was…" gosh this was boring, he didn't want to know this… "actually work was pretty much the same as it is here. I think I mentioned most of this on the back of the photo but I wrote it when I was half-asleep and I honestly can't really remember what I wrote."
He smiled, asking her to keep talking.
"Well, I saw Suzie lots at first. She needed me, but I think it was partly to convince myself I'd done the right thing in leaving." She paused, thinking how much she wanted to say. No holding back now. "That's why I never called you. I wanted to come back too much and my pride wouldn't let me. Anyway, I got to see things get better then worse then better then worse – you know what Chloe was like. Then things got really bad and Joe brought Suzie over and left her with me for a month. It was like when Suzie was born all over again – only I was slightly better prepared. Anyway, when they came back Chloe was clean. She'd been in rehab and she promised she was clean for real and good. I didn't believe her at first but I had to give Suzie back. It was pretty… you know… it was pretty hard but then I saw that Chloe really had got her act together. Took me a while. I guess I'm pretty stubborn when I want to be."
Mark smiled. "So where are they now?"
"Still in Phoenix. There was talk of moving but I haven't heard anything about it for a while. For ages I was only living for Suzie. When things got better I'd been there for eighteen months and I hadn't put any roots down – I'd managed to stay aloof with everyone at work and everything. So then I started making an effort, only they'd all given up on me. Then I got an offer to work here and I turned it down."
"When was this?"
"A couple of years ago."
"What?"
"Yeah. But I couldn't come back. Or maybe I would have, I dunno. That's when I met Dan. He was my salvation."
Mark raised his eyebrows.
"At least I thought so. But anyway, you know that story." She felt like she was talking too much.
"It's okay, I like listening to you talk."
The waiter brought their meals and they ate in a slightly more comfortable silence than before. But the ice wasn't all gone yet.
"What about you? What did you get up to in the last five years?"
"The divorce papers and baby don't give it away?"
She cocked her head to the side unimpressed.
"Um, oh, you know. Work. I kind of did the same as you. Threw myself into my work. Finally figured I wasn't about to beat Kerry at anything, met Elizabeth and she kept me busy for the last year or so."
"Oh come on, there's more to it than that."
He looked at her as if to say, 'you really want to know?'
She nodded.
"That first year was the worst. Everything seemed to fall to pieces at once, you know?" he played with his fork, drawing lines in the sauce left on his plate. "There was this patient… well, long story short I got attacked by this guy who wasn't too happy at my treatment of his mate."
Susan looked confused, "What do you mean attacked?"
"You know, fists, bathroom walls, all that."
"Oh my gosh."
"I'm okay." He shook his head not wanting her concern. "But it shook me up for a while and then Jenn moved away and took Rachel with her."
The look on Susan's face showed that she knew how that had broken his heart.
"I see her occasionally, but it's not the same. It's like she's someone else's daughter. I wish I could do something different but Jenn won't let me. And on top of everything else that year I couldn't fight it."
Susan swallowed. There was nothing to say.
"Anyway, as you know Doug moved away as well. Then Carol."
"Yeah, quite a few people left."
"You started a trend." He said but it didn't come out as lightly as he meant it. The silence that ensued was painful. But the next bit in his story wasn't so comfy either. "There's one bit I didn't tell you." She waited for him to continue, dreading a description of meeting Elizabeth, or marrying her, or something. She wasn't expecting what she got instead, "Last year I was diagnosed with cancer."
Susan's mouth dropped open. "No…" she shook her head.
"It's okay." He reassured her, "I'm fine now. At least I'm in remission."
She allowed herself a breath. "What happened? What… what type of cancer?"
"I had a brain tumor." He explained simply. "But they got rid of it and my last check-up was completely clear."
"I should have called you."
He shook his head. "Phones go both ways. It's not your fault we lost touch. I gave up when you got on that train. I hated you for it, but the worst bit was that I couldn't hate you at all."
She smiled wryly – the irony of love eh?
"Should we walk?" he asked her. She nodded and he motioned the waiter for their bill.
"Me too. But then I missed lunch." She'd just finished work.
"I had lunch. I just had an active afternoon. I had Ella today."
"How is she?"
"She's good. Great in fact. She was so adorable this afternoon. I was on the couch doing some reading and she was watching some video Elizabeth put in her bag." He laughed at the memory. "She was singing her little lungs out along with… well, I think it was a sponge and some sort of jellyfish. She can hardly speak but she was sitting there bobbing up and down and singing her heart out. I had to try so hard not to crack up laughing, and then," he was laughing, "she lost her balance from bobbing and fell over… I laughed so hard my stomach hurt."
Susan was smiling, almost laughing.
"I guess you had to be there." He covered himself.
"No… no…" she shook her head.
"Are you ready to order?" A waiter interrupted.
They gave their orders and sunk into a slightly nervous silence.
"So, how was work?" Mark tried.
"You asked me that already." Susan smiled.
"Oh, sorry."
"Don't apologize. Plus, I like hearing about Ella. Something about kids is so… um, hopeful? I don't know if that's the right word."
"Yeah, I know what you mean." He nodded. "They have so much life to live, so many opportunities and unknowns…"
"I guess we're more wary of opportunities and unknowns as adults."
He nodded. "Once burned, twice shy."
"Yeah."
"Well, you know what I haven't asked you about… well, not recently?"
"What?"
"Oh, actually, oh, I dunno… you might not want to talk about it."
"What, Suzie?"
"I was going to say Phoenix, but I guess that she's a significant part of the story."
"Oh, right. Phoenix." She considered what to say. "What do you want to know?"
"I dunno. You were there for five years. Most of which I don't know."
"Okay… well. Um… work? The job was…" gosh this was boring, he didn't want to know this… "actually work was pretty much the same as it is here. I think I mentioned most of this on the back of the photo but I wrote it when I was half-asleep and I honestly can't really remember what I wrote."
He smiled, asking her to keep talking.
"Well, I saw Suzie lots at first. She needed me, but I think it was partly to convince myself I'd done the right thing in leaving." She paused, thinking how much she wanted to say. No holding back now. "That's why I never called you. I wanted to come back too much and my pride wouldn't let me. Anyway, I got to see things get better then worse then better then worse – you know what Chloe was like. Then things got really bad and Joe brought Suzie over and left her with me for a month. It was like when Suzie was born all over again – only I was slightly better prepared. Anyway, when they came back Chloe was clean. She'd been in rehab and she promised she was clean for real and good. I didn't believe her at first but I had to give Suzie back. It was pretty… you know… it was pretty hard but then I saw that Chloe really had got her act together. Took me a while. I guess I'm pretty stubborn when I want to be."
Mark smiled. "So where are they now?"
"Still in Phoenix. There was talk of moving but I haven't heard anything about it for a while. For ages I was only living for Suzie. When things got better I'd been there for eighteen months and I hadn't put any roots down – I'd managed to stay aloof with everyone at work and everything. So then I started making an effort, only they'd all given up on me. Then I got an offer to work here and I turned it down."
"When was this?"
"A couple of years ago."
"What?"
"Yeah. But I couldn't come back. Or maybe I would have, I dunno. That's when I met Dan. He was my salvation."
Mark raised his eyebrows.
"At least I thought so. But anyway, you know that story." She felt like she was talking too much.
"It's okay, I like listening to you talk."
The waiter brought their meals and they ate in a slightly more comfortable silence than before. But the ice wasn't all gone yet.
"What about you? What did you get up to in the last five years?"
"The divorce papers and baby don't give it away?"
She cocked her head to the side unimpressed.
"Um, oh, you know. Work. I kind of did the same as you. Threw myself into my work. Finally figured I wasn't about to beat Kerry at anything, met Elizabeth and she kept me busy for the last year or so."
"Oh come on, there's more to it than that."
He looked at her as if to say, 'you really want to know?'
She nodded.
"That first year was the worst. Everything seemed to fall to pieces at once, you know?" he played with his fork, drawing lines in the sauce left on his plate. "There was this patient… well, long story short I got attacked by this guy who wasn't too happy at my treatment of his mate."
Susan looked confused, "What do you mean attacked?"
"You know, fists, bathroom walls, all that."
"Oh my gosh."
"I'm okay." He shook his head not wanting her concern. "But it shook me up for a while and then Jenn moved away and took Rachel with her."
The look on Susan's face showed that she knew how that had broken his heart.
"I see her occasionally, but it's not the same. It's like she's someone else's daughter. I wish I could do something different but Jenn won't let me. And on top of everything else that year I couldn't fight it."
Susan swallowed. There was nothing to say.
"Anyway, as you know Doug moved away as well. Then Carol."
"Yeah, quite a few people left."
"You started a trend." He said but it didn't come out as lightly as he meant it. The silence that ensued was painful. But the next bit in his story wasn't so comfy either. "There's one bit I didn't tell you." She waited for him to continue, dreading a description of meeting Elizabeth, or marrying her, or something. She wasn't expecting what she got instead, "Last year I was diagnosed with cancer."
Susan's mouth dropped open. "No…" she shook her head.
"It's okay." He reassured her, "I'm fine now. At least I'm in remission."
She allowed herself a breath. "What happened? What… what type of cancer?"
"I had a brain tumor." He explained simply. "But they got rid of it and my last check-up was completely clear."
"I should have called you."
He shook his head. "Phones go both ways. It's not your fault we lost touch. I gave up when you got on that train. I hated you for it, but the worst bit was that I couldn't hate you at all."
She smiled wryly – the irony of love eh?
"Should we walk?" he asked her. She nodded and he motioned the waiter for their bill.