"No, I'm working this weekend. Elizabeth's taking Ella to the beach for a holiday. It's good for some eh?"

"A holiday would be great." Susan smiled.

"Yeah, but I used most of my annual leave when I was sick so I'm waiting till next year."

"Oh, man…" she met his eyes with sympathy

"Na, I'll be right. What doesn't kill me makes me stronger right?"

She wasn't appreciating his jokes about his own death.

"So, where would you go on holiday?" He asked.

"Somewhere warm." She pulled her coat around her.

The gentleman in Mark kicked into action, pulling off his jacket, "Here you go." He went to put it on her shoulders.

She winced at his touch. He saw it and pulled his hands away, leaving the jacket hanging loosely over her. "Sorry." He whispered.

"No, it's not you." She forced a smile. "I should go home, I'm tired. But I'll see you round." She went to the curb looking for a taxi but none were coming.

"Maybe we shouldn't do this." Mark joined her. "I don't want to hurt you."

Susan didn't reply. He was right, this was killing her.

"You said that I'd always done what was best for you and I don't think that's quite true but I want it to be. I mean, we know we work great as friends and maybe we both need that but I can't bear to hurt you."

A taxi stopped and Susan turned to him. She looked so sad. "It's up to you. And don't worry about me. I'll be fine."

He watched her get into the cab and drive away.

He wanted to fast-forward time until he was ready for a relationship. No, he really wanted to rewind and follow her to Phoenix. Or tell her he loved her long before she left and make sure she never left. Or maybe, if he'd never confessed all at Union station she'd have been able to move on with her life like she wanted. He might be missing out on her completely in this scenario, but at least she wouldn't be hurting.



Susan let her eyes wander over the notice board as she walked into the ER. The usual stuff – silly photos, ridiculously long memoranda, a couple of ads. One of them caught her eye. An exchange program. Germany, Switzerland, France, Norway, Italy, Spain… she could escape. County was familiar and somewhat comfortable. Seeing Mark was addictive but not exactly helping things. Maybe she could just pack up and leave. She'd done that before but now she knew she had nothing to come back for. If she left this time it was for good. She pulled one of the phone numbers off the bottom and stuck it in her pocket.

"Lewis, I need you in exam one." Kerry called.

"Yeah, I'll be right there." Susan disappeared into the lounge.



He ran, "Susan! Wait!"

"You came to say goodbye?"

"No. Stay. I want you to stay." He knew he was dreaming but he couldn't help wishing the dream ending might be better than the reality. It faded just before she kissed him. He lay back; eyes wide open, desperately wanting her. He sighed. Why did it have to be so complicated? Why couldn't he do what any man in his right mind would have done when she stood in his kitchen and told him she'd always loved him? He should have kissed her and never let her leave. But no… he had to be rational about it. Rational about love… smart one Mark. He sat up frustrated and flicked on the light. He pulled a tracksuit over his shorts, planning to run until he stopped thinking about her.

The cold air filled his lungs and they ached. This was better. He didn't need her so much when he was warm and active and moving. Unfortunately, while he ran his mind cleared and rather than thinking less about her, those thoughts were just less fuzzy. And when he stopped running, knowing exactly what he had to do, he realized he was only two blocks from her apartment.

He knocked on the door, still puffing from taking the stairs two at a time. Why was it suddenly so difficult to breath? Susan opened the door and it was fairly clear he was the last person she'd expected to find. In fact she'd been expecting that the knock had been entirely in her imagination.

"Mark?"

"Yeah." He puffed

"Are you okay?" she asked and then yawned, desperately trying to cover it. "What are you doing?"

"I'm fine. I was running and…"

"It's two o'clock in the morning."

"Oh. Sorry. I'll see you at work." He turned and walked down the stairs. It shouldn't be like that. There was enough confusion and misunderstanding between them. How could he get through this and not make it worse.

"That was weird." Susan shut the door. Part of her desperately wanted to run after him and make sure he was all right. But she ignored that part of her in favour of the part that knew he hadn't come with any grand declaration. He'd probably come to talk about the confusing mess that had become of their relationship. She didn't need that tonight.