TAUNT MY CHAINS
A/N: Hi everyone! Guess what? School is out!!! weeeee! I'm so excited. I'm going to hibernate for three months lol. Ok well... this chapter was really hard to write... I don't know why... it just was. It's the longest chapter too! Its 22 pages on Word... wow, huh? Well I just couldn't stop at any good places. Oh well I hope you all don't mind the length. So... I got one review last chapter... yep, feeling pretty good about myself. Lol jk. Ok well as long as I get at least one review.. I guess there is still someone reading it. You know what would be great? What if everyone who reads this chapter would just leave me a quick review? Like tell me what you think about it, or what you think will happen, anything... just spare the moment it will take and leave one for me? That would make me feel so good! Thank you all for reading! I hope you like this chapter....
P.S. I just fixed and reposted this chapter... I figured out that Sarah acted all surprised when Sirius said he ran away...but in reality he told her already that he ran away lol... so I fixed it up...no biggie... ok READ ON! And please LEAVE A REVIEW!!!
XxX
CHAPTER 5
Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and with a breath of kindness blow the rest away.
Dinah Craik
XxX
Sirius woke up the next morning with a slight headache and a lot of disorientation. He raised his head off the hard surface it had been resting on and blinked his eyes heavily. It took him minutes to realize that he was not in his bed anymore but somehow, during the night, he had rolled off. Slowly he remembered what happened last night and raised his head up even higher to see over the edge of the bed. Sarah was curled up on the bare bed with a peaceful look on her face.
He sat up and eventually de-tangled out of the comforter wrapped around his body. Standing up unsteadily, he shook out the cover and hauled it back onto the bed. Sarah rolled over in her sleep, her back now to him. Sirius started to throw the covers over her and crawl back into bed but was stopped by something that caught his eye.
A deep blue black mark that stood out violently against Sarah's pale skin. He froze. His hand moved slowly towards her and slid her shirt up higher over her side. Sarah's side was marred by a big angry bruise. His gaze moved from her side to her half exposed back... there he saw a half healed, deep gash that ran from the small of her back and disappeared into her shirt. Sirius was floored.
"Sarah" He whispered in a state of shock.
She rolled over onto her back and Sirius drew back his hand as if it had been burnt. She was still asleep. The neck of her shirt was pulled to the side and he saw the bit of another bruise. His jaw had dropped and he pulled the neck back further, the bruise went on across her shoulder. He let go of her shirt and stood frozen, hunched over her.
"Sarah, wake up" Sirius went on, his voice, his mouth moving of it's own accord. She groaned and rolled back onto her side.
"Sarah"
"Just five more minutes, please Siri" Her groggy voice slurred and she pulled the comforter up to her chin.
"Okay" He replied in a kind of daze. What were those injuries from? They looked... abusive... and painful. Sirius blinked. His mind was moving a mile a minute but he could not process a thing. It was as if he was not standing here at all but instead watching himself standing here. He watched Sarah sleeping for nearly five more minutes until he let go of the corner of blanket he had clenched in his fist and walked through the hallway and down the stairs.
Faintly, as if in the distance he heard the noises of an inhabitant in the kitchen. Remus was making breakfast again.
"Good morning, Sirius" Remus said cheerfully in greeting. Sirius mumbled something but Remus took it as him being his usual tired self.
"I saw Sarah in your room when I walked by, another nightmare?" Remus was genuinely concerned. Sirius took a sip of the scalding tea Remus had set in front of him. It cleared his mind slightly.
"Err, yeah... yeah but it was a vision... about Voldemort... her scar hurt" It was all he could do to string words together. Remus snapped around to stare at Sirius.
"A vision...? you mean... Are they starting already?"
Sirius simply nodded. They both, of course, had learned of the prophecy when Lily and James had and Dumbledore had briefly described to Sirius and Remus recently that Sarah might start to have these kind of dreams, but Sirius had more immediate things to worry about.
"You don't seem all that tiffed, Sirius" he accused lightly.
He did not respond.
"Sirius!"
'What?!" He shouted back.
Remus raised his eyebrows and took the seat across from Sirius.
"Padfoot... is something wrong?" now that he looked at him closer Sirius look detached and upset.
"Yes." he blunted.
"Is it the dream? I'm sure Dumbledore will have something to do to help." Remus reassured Sirius the best he could.
"No... that's not it."
"It's...." Sirius went on slowly, he didn't know how to say it. He looked to Remus' face.
"I saw these... bruises on Sarah"
"Oh, well, that's no big deal, James used to be one big bruise after Quidditch season..." Remus face had broke into a half smile.
"No, Sarah didn't play Quidditch this season, they canceled it for the triwizard tournament..."
"Oh well there you go... probably from the maze... or the run-in with the death eaters..." Remus voice dropped at the end of the statement.
"No. They are much more recent than all that... and there's this gash on her back." Sirius leaned over the table pressing his fist to his mouth.
"What are you saying? You think..." Remus did not finish the sentence.
"It looks abusive" Sirius whispered, their eyes met and held before Remus spoke up.
"Well...-"
Enter Sarah.
XxX
I walked into the kitchen where I knew Sirius and Remus were by their undinguishable voices echoing down the hall.
"Hi" I smiled when they looked up at me with a strange look on their faces.
"Did you try to wake me up or was that a dream?" I looked at Sirius, I wasn't sure whether it had really happened or if I imagined it.
Sirius cleared his voice and smiled at me. "No, it wasn't"
"Oh, heh sorry I didn't get up, I was kind of tired." I apologized.
"Oh, no it's fine... I didn't mean to wake you up." Sirius insisted.
"Okay, so... is that breakfast burning?" I turned to Remus when the smell of burnt eggs reached my nose.
"Damn" Remus whispered and jumped up. He dropped the skillet into the sink and turned on the water it sizzled and steam rose in puffs to the ceiling.
He sighed and shook his head. "Oh well", he magicked breakfast onto the table.
XxX
Sirius and I were scaling the stairs of Grimmauld place, on our way to find Remus. While we had been checking closets, nooks and crannies for dark creatures that might have taken refuge in the house over the years. All we found were a lot of mice, so we decided to join Remus who was working on the creatures we knew were in some of the highest rooms. I stopped abruptly in front of a door I hadn't even seen before, it was the first door in the hall on the highest landing.
"What's in here?" I questioned Sirius.
He didn't respond and I tapped his shoulder. He turned around slowly. Sirius had been acting a little strange today. He was kind of detached, but whenever I asked him what was wrong he would just shake it off. He looked at the ornately carved wooden door before us.
"That's the library."
"Oh, wicked. I didn't know you had a library! Are there books in there?" I smiled excitedly. I'll admit that I was a bit of a bookworm but not for school texts like Hermione but books on defense spells and novels, classics, anything interesting, I just loved reading.
"Yeah it's still filled with books." He smiled at my enthusiasm and pushed the heavy door open. It was amazing.
The books were lined from floor to vaulted ceiling on every wall. There was a huge desk in front of the big window looking out into the garden. Behind it was a green high backed chair, looking very formal. In the middle of the room was a seating area. A black leather couch with gold rivets littering the back, a coffee table to match the desk and two green chairs with a high table between them all over a plush rug. The huge fireplace had two matching chairs in front of it as well as several chairs scattered about the room. I looked on in awe at all the millions of books.
"Wow" was all I mustered. Sirius laughed at my reaction.
"I've always liked it in here to tell you the truth... no one else came in here, I think it was simply for looks. I used to come in here to do my homework so no one bothered me." Sirius was walking around the room that the order had cleaned yesterday.
I was scanning the shelves when my eye caught an interesting title.
"Advanced Defense: from patronuses to invisible shields."
I reached up on tiptoe to pull the book from the shelf. I almost had my grip on the spine when Sirius grabbed my arm from behind and gently pulled it away from the books. I turned and looked at him quizzically.
"Sarah, you can't touch the books, some of them are dangerous." He explained.
"But.." I turned and looked up at the book, wondering why it was even in this library. "It's a defense book"
He smiled. "I know, I had a copy of it that helped me through Auror training. But even dark wizards need to know defense spells"
I had always known he was an Auror but something hit me when he actually said it.
"I want to be an Auror." I told him, completely off subject.
"I know, someone told me that. You'll be great." I smiled at his compliment.
"Thanks." my eyes traveled back to the book... filled with a new longing to read it. "But, then don't you think I should read it? I already know how to do a patronus."
" Remus told me you could. That's amazing. I had trouble with patronuses even after school." He smiled proudly and ruffled my hair.
"Can't I read it please? I can learn new spells." I begged him with my eyes.
"Don't give me that, I'm the master of puppy dog eyes." He chuckled.
And I laughed too. "Oh, well, you're right, you have much better dog eyes."
"You mean I can't read any of the books?' I whined. I had found this gold mine and now was being cut off.
"Not now, We'll need to check them all. I'm not doing it to be mean, I don't want you to get hurt." he rubbed my shoulder.
"I know..." I sighed.
"Well, let's go find Moony." he mocked my sigh and I glared at him with a smile before continuing down the hall to the next room and opening the door. Before Sirius left the room, he pulled the thick book off the high shelf and set it on the desk. It would be the first they checked in the library full of books.
XxX
Sirius found Sarah standing in the middle of the drawing room. It was practically empty now. All of the items filling it being dark and noxious, therefore removed by the order yesterday. He smelled a distinct odor in the room, but couldn't place it. Sarah walked toward the large tapestry and stared at it in interest. Sirius immediately got a sinking feeling in his stomach seeing that horrid thing for the first time in years. He walked up behind Sarah and startled her with his announced disdain.
"I was wondering if this was still here."
XxX
I spun around at the sound of Sirius' voice.
"What is it?" I asked cautiously, noticing the look on Sirius' face.
"It's a family tree of the Black family."
"But... you're not on here!" I protested searching the bottom lines.
"I was here." He pointed out a small round burn "they blasted my name off after I ran away."
"Oh yeah..." I whispered, remembering our conversation the night I arrived.
"I was so tired of their pureblood mania, and their obsession with the dark arts." His face showed the dark memories I had inadvertently dug up. I absorbed his words carefully.
"I wish I could run away from the Dursley's..." I whispered.
XxX
Sirius caught it and stared at Sarah. Her comment had reminded him of the bruises, but he had already decided he would talk to her later... after he talked with Remus. He was almost afraid to ask her about them, truthfully, for it might confirm his fears. He would bring it up later, so he let it slide.
XxX
I broke myself out of my reverie.
" Yeah, I camped out at your dad's place on school holidays and then got my own place when I was seventeen. My Uncle Alphard left me a decent bit of gold... yeah, see, he's not on here either, that's probably why." He pointed out another burn in the tapestry and went on about his overwhelming genealogy, even telling me about his brother, that I never knew he had.
My eye caught the other familiar surnames on the tree and when I pointed it out, Sirius explained how pureblood families were interrelated. It was when we got to Lestrange, I wondered why it sounded so familiar. Sirius told me that she was brought to trial with Barty Crouch Jr. And I instantly remembered her from Dumbledore's pensieve.
"You never told me she was you're.." I started in surprise. That was the straw that broke Sirius' back.
"Does it matter if she's my cousin?" Sirius snapped. "As far as I'm concerned, they're not family. I haven't even seen her since I was your age. Do you think I'm proud of having relatives like her?"
I had seen Sirius get mad before, but never so angry towards me. I unconsciously shrunk away, startled.
"N-no, of course not. I'm sorry, I didn't mean...I mean, I was just surprised-" I sputtered, trying to right what I had said.
Sirius felt immediately contrite for snapping and shook his head.
"No, no, don't apologize. It doesn't matter. I'm sorry I got so defensive." Sirius draped his arm over my shoulders. "I just...hate being here. I never thought I'd have to come back."
"I know what you mean... I'd hate to think I was rid of 4 Privet Drive and then have to be back there. I'd much rather be here anyway."
"It must be horrible there, if you'd rather be here." Sirius said darkly.
"It is." I insisted.
XxX
Sirius heard a sort of anguished undertone in her words that he thought he may not have noticed, had he not suspected her to be haunted by deeper horrors.
"Let's go find Moony" Sirius said quietly, leading Sarah out of the room.
XxX
And find him they did, In the small study next door. The distinctive odor was in this room as well, but Sirius recognized it now as doxicide. Remus had a black handkerchief tied around his nose and mouth and held a squirt bottle in one hand, he looked like an outlaw from a western movie. He turned towards us the nozzle of the bottle pointing in our direction.
I put my hands in the air. "You can have our money, just don't hurt us!" I pleaded jokingly.
Remus pulled the handkerchief down and smirked. "I do look conspiring don't I? I'm getting rid of Doxies, want to help?"
"No, Not really" Sirius smiled. Remus brushed his response off with a small shake of his head.
Remus was about to say something when they heard footsteps on the stairs. The Order members weren't due for hours and hours. Sirius grabbed my arm and moved in front of me carefully, his wand at the ready. Remus moved towards the door with his wand.
"Hello?" he called out the door.
The footsteps came closer.
"Oh, there you are!"
It was Dumbledore. He made his way through the doorway as Sirius let out a breath and lowered his wand.
"What are you doing here, Headmaster?" Remus questioned in a mild state of shock.
"Oh, well, after I received your letter this morning. I decided to come and talk about a few things."
Sirius and I had written a letter to Dumbledore, explaining the dream and scar pain earlier this morning.
XxX
Dumbledore tried carefully not to let his eyes catch Sarah's, he had decided a while ago how to take care of this situation when it arose. But now, so early on into this debacle, he was wondering if he could simply test Voldemort's hold on her. He leveled his gaze to Sarah. She gave him a smile and in her eyes was nothing but quizzical interest. He smiled back.
XxX
"Well, why don't we go to the kitchen?" Remus said with a voice full of hospitality.
"That would be lovely." Dumbledore bowed shortly for Remus to lead the way. Remus untied his handkerchief and set it with the spray bottle on the small desk before doing just that.
XxX
Settled around the kitchen table Remus offered tea to everyone. We all accepted hoping it would calm our separate nerves.
He set the tea cups down in front of us and I took a nervous sip before Remus sat down.
"So, Sarah, could you tell me about this dream?" Dumbledore asked pleasantly.
"Well..." I started with hesitance.
My eyes shifted to Sirius, he smiled at me reassuringly. I took a deep breath and told the little information I knew while stealing glances towards Sirius and Remus.
"Is that the whole dream?" Dumbledore spoke up after I had finished.
"Well, no, I just don't quite remember the rest, actually." I replied, finally looking up at him.
"Okay." he nodded with a smile.
"But...what does it mean?" I asked leaning forward.
"In due time, Sarah." His inviting smile turned fake in my eyes.
"What do you mean...'in due time'?" I asked slowly.
"I mean, that you will know in due time."
"Why not now?" I asked quizzically.
"Because, you don't need to know now." His smile stayed firmly in place.
"You know?... and you're not going to tell me??" I asked, with the beginnings of anger forming at the tips of my words.
"It's not important that you know"
"Says you?" I asked raising my eyebrows.
"Sarah" Remus warned, but I didn't take my eyes off of Dumbledore.
"I knew this would upset you, Sarah-"
"And that's your goal in life then? Upsetting me? If it's not, it should be. You've got a real knack for it." My voice became sarcastic and biting.
"Sarah, don't-" Remus started.
"It's Okay, Remus, let her say what she wants to." Dumbledore turned to look at me properly.
I put on a calm facade. "No, actually I wanna hear what you have to say. I have a right to know."
"Yes, you do. But you don't need to hear it now, Sarah, trust me. I came here to discuss something about your dream... You need to start taking Occlumency lessons as soon as possible." Dumbledore became serious and his stare bored into me.
I smiled and shook my head. "No" I said firmly. "I refuse" I stood up.
His smile returned. "Sarah, I know you hate to be left in the dark, but this is necessary. Just go with this for now. You will know when the time is right."
"Why do you get to decide?" I asked. "Why can't I? There's no time like the present."
"I get to decide because, believe it or not, I know how to handle this, I know what's best."
I took a deep breath. "I have the right to know."
"Sarah-" Remus just didn't know when to quit.
"I wasn't talking to you, Remus" though the words weren't said with anger and spite evident in my voice, it was apparent why I said them.
"I have the right to know" I repeated. Dumbledore didn't twitch.
"Sirius..." I turned to him looking for back-up, instead I met his apologetic face.
"I'm sorry, Sarah, but he's right. It's really not important." he was siding with them, they were all ganging up on me. My face contorted with the acknowledged betrayal. I snorted in disgust and turned on me heel. I was out of the room before anyone could say a word.
Fuming, I climbed the stairs. I climbed calmly...I would rather have stomped and shouted my way up them, but I wouldn't give them the satisfaction. I was at the topper most landing and I pushed the library door open. I felt my rage wanting to slam the door as hard as I could but instead I shut it with care. I had crossed the room in seconds and was looking out of the window, not really seeing. I sighed, taking deep breaths and turned around. I saw the book on the desk and reached out hesitantly. I ran my hand over the leather bound cover. My hand shook as I reached for the edge, to pull it open.
"I'm not doing it to be mean. I just don't want you to get hurt."
His words echoed in my head. I pulled my hand away, it would be wrong anyway. I walked around the desk and to the chairs in front of the fire. I curled up in one and set the side of my face on my knees. And closed my eyes.
XxX
"That was genius" Sirius sighed, running his hands through his hair. "Genius..." he whispered.
"You're just sore because you don't like reprimanding Sarah and you think she hates you now." Remus said this is a haughty, dismissal kind of voice.
Sirius looked at him incredulously. "What the hell is wrong with you, Moony?"
Remus turned his head away from Sirius to stare at the wall, Sirius narrowed his eyes, and Dumbledore cleared his throat.
"I must be leaving soon, but we important things to discuss before I go." Dumbledore's tone demanded attention.
"The first is what we have just encountered. Sarah does not need to know what's going on. It is for her own good, Sirius."
"I don't want her to have to deal with it either, but I also don't want to keep things from her... things that are important. " he shook his head. "I'll try to make her understand."
Dumbledore nodded. "Thank you. Now, the matter of this house... it looks marvelous." he complimented with a smile.
"Oh, yeah, it's great" Sirius said half-heartedly.
"I'm glad you like it, Sirius, then you won't mind moving in."
Sirius' head snapped up and stared at Dumbledore...wanting nothing more than to slap that smile off his face.
'What?" Sirius asked in a dangerously calm voice.
"Moving in...back here."
"There is no way in hell I'm moving back here!" Sirius stood up. "It's bad enough having to even come here for meetings. I'm not moving in."
"You have to." Dumbledore said gently.
"I don't HAVE to do anything!" Sirius' voice was near shouting.
"You're right. You don't. But Sarah has to and I'm sure Remus will move in here with her. You can stay at Remus' house." Dumbledore went on pleasantly.
"What...why does Sarah have to?"
Dumbledore became decreasingly calm."The dream's are starting, Voldemort's becoming active, she needs the best protection available. And this house is the best protection that can be provided! Don't you care about her safety?"
Sirius face hardened. His eyes narrowed. "You know I do!"
"Good then you will not stop her from residing here, you can stay at Remus' but she must stay here."
"No, I'll stay." Sirius was still glaring.
"Good, I'm sure that will make her feel better about this." Dumbledore nodded.
"I can't thank you enough for your cooperation, both of you." he went on.
"It's nothing." Remus insisted politely.
"One last thing" Dumbledore put his index finger up in emphasis. "The Occlumency lessons will need to start as soon as possible."
"Okay" Sirius nodded.
"She will need to come to Hogwarts... the floo will be open and blocked so that no one can travel here except from Hogwarts, and no one can go anywhere from this floo except Hogwarts."
Sirius nodded again in understanding.
"She will need to report to Professor Snape's classroom 7:00 pm on Wednesday."
"Snape!" Sirius shouted. "Why with Snape? Why not you?"
"Because I can not open Sarah's mind to my own. When Voldemort finds this connection and starts to test it, he will realize the contact Sarah has with me. He will try to use her to get to me. That cannot happen." Dumbledore explained this slowly.
Sirius shook his head. "Not with Snape! He's going to use this as an excuse to give her a hard time!"
Dumbledore shook his head. "Severus is extremely skilled in the art of occlumency. If you know of anyone who is just as skilled..."
Sirius was horrible at occlumency. So was Remus. He just glared at Dumbledore.
"If I find out he's been roughing her up..."
Dumbledore nodded. "Enough said, I will have a chat with Severus. Now, if you'll excuse me... I will be back this evening, you will be settled in here by then?"
"Yes, sir, But we better hurry and finish the first of your orders before we move in." Sirius said this with sarcasm.
"Thank you, Sirius." Dumbledore's eyes twinkled as he stood up.
"No I can find my own way out thank you, Remus" Dumbledore insisted as Remus stood up.
He took his leave with a simple. "I'll be back as soon as I can, Gentlemen."
"He makes me so mad" Sirius whispered after they heard the door close.
"He knows what he's doing" Remus insisted.
"Oh you just kiss his ass because he let you go to Hogwarts way back when." Sirius said bitterly.
His words hit Remus like a fist. He stood up.
"Yeah, I appreciate what he did for me, Sirius! I wasn't going to be able to go to school, to do anything normal, because of what I was... he was sympathetic. He risked a lot for me!" Remus' voice was almost spiteful.
"We became animaguses for you, Moony! We risked a lot too! But we did it because we cared about you! We didn't expect anything from you, how can you pretend like he was the only one who made your life livable? How can you take his side over mine just because you feel some kind of unjustified loyalty to him?" Sirius was practically shouting now as well.
Remus anger fell off his face like it was a mask, ripped from his face by Sirius' words.
"I know you risked a lot for me, and I'm grateful! Don't you know that? You were the only people I could count on... I was always loyal to you." Remus voice held a quiet sadness that made Sirius' anger slip away.
"I know. I know. You just...you do whatever Dumbledore says because he did you a favor once."
"I don't think so..." Remus trailed off. "Aren't you loyal to him?" he looked up into Sirius' eyes.
"I'm loyal to our side" he replied. "I'm loyal to our cause. And if Dumbledore leads us through it then I am loyal to him. But if he stops helping us... then I give him the loyalty that he deserves... but you, sometimes I think you'd follow him into Voldemort's lair."
"No I wouldn't" Remus said quietly. "Merlin...I'm sorry I've been acting like I have, and saying the things I've been saying. This is all just getting...heavy." Remus ran a hand over his weary face.
Sirius sighed. "I know... It's not your fault, Moony. I'm sorry I said the things I did, too. I know you do what you have to."
Remus shook his head in silent brush-off of Sirius' apology. The silence swallowed them.
"Let's go find Sarah" Sirius suggested waiting for Remus before starting up the stairs.
XxX
Sirius had a feeling he knew where Sarah was hiding. The same place he would have hidden.
He knocked on the library door before stepping in, Remus shut the door behind them.
XxX
I turned my head to the door. Sirius and Remus walked in and stopped in front of me.
"I thought you'd be in here" Sirius smiled.
"I didn't touch anything" I answered sedately.
"I believe you."
The room was quiet. I had reflected while in the library and realized my disrespect.
"I'm sorry" I said looking up at Sirius.
"For what?" he asked in confusion.
"For being so rude to you."
"Oh, don't worry about it. I would have been the same." Sirius insisted.
"No, you would have been worse." I gave him a half smile.
He snorted and nodded. "Yeah, you're right."
"Remus, I'm sorry I shouted at you" I looked around Sirius.
"It's all right, Sarah, I know how frustrating this is."
"Everyone knows but no one cares." I smiled wryly. "How disgustingly typical."
"Sarah." Sirius sat down in the chair next to mine. I sighed, ready for a lecture.
"You know we all care for you, and we want to do what's best for you. That's what we have to do even if you don't like it" I could feel his eyes on me.
"I know" I whispered. He leaned forward so he could see my face. "I know" I repeated looking straight at him.
"Ok so you just have to trust us for now... Do you trust me?" he asked.
"Yes" I said firmly.
He smiled. "Ok, so can you try to bend with us a little? To make it easier? Even if you don't understand? I promise if it's something you have to know, I'll tell you."
I looked into his eyes. "You promise?"
"I promise." he repeated.
I nodded. "Ok, I'll go with it." I whispered.
"Good, I bet you want to know what Dumbledore said." He raised his eyebrows.
I contemplated the question slowly before shaking my head with a smile.
"No." I insisted. "No, I don't want to know. If no one wants to tell me, then I don't want to know... I don't care anymore"
Sirius smiled in disbelief and nodded. "Okay. But I do have some bad news"
"What?" I asked quickly.
"The occlumency lessons.."
"Oh... those... what is occlum..ency?" I asked.
"It's like.... uh..." Sirius started. Remus jumped in.
"It's the art of closing off your mind... so no one can see your thoughts... it will stop the weird dreams like the one you had with the death eaters..."
"Oh" I nodded.
"Yes but the worst part is Snape is teaching it to you." Sirius told me slowly.
I stared. "...are you kidding me?"
"I wish I was."
"Oh, great...when I thought my life couldn't get any better, something like this comes along and instills my belief that miracles do happen" my voice was incredibly sarcastic.
Sirius smiled. "I talked to Dumbledore, I told him that if Snape gives you a bad time he'll have to answer to me. So if he trys anything you just tell him that."
I laughed. "Okay, when he's mean to me, as he inevitably will be, I'll tell him to stop or else I'm going to tell my Godfather on him. Good plan, Sirius."
He smiled. "Okay, okay, don't say anything, but when you get home you tell me what he did."
I shook my head with a good-natured smile. "Whatever you want." I mumbled.
"Oh, one more thing." Sirius mentioned. "We're moving in."
"Moving in....in here?" I asked incredulously... looking at Sirius.
He nodded calmly.
"Why?" why would Sirius want to move into this house he despised?
"Because it's much safer here, of course." Sirius commented, not looking half as happy as he pretended.
"But...you hate it here." I said as if it was the most obvious thing.
"No, I don't" He said dismissively. I looked at him with a raised eyebrow.
"Okay, I do...but it's not that big of a deal." He wasn't convincing. I looked at him skeptically.
"Don't question me." Sirius smiled.
"Okay...when do we move in?"
"Today" Remus supplied. "Before the meeting tonight."
I nodded. "Okay" I agreed. " Do you need any help with whatever you were doing?" I asked Remus, hoping we would finish everything by the meeting.
"Well, actually why don't you go check for doxies in the dining room curtains, we overlooked that earlier. Take the spray and make sure you tie the handkerchief over your mouth." Remus smiled with gratitude.
"No problem" I jumped up. "I'll be back up when I'm done!" I went down the hall to find the supplies.
XxX
Sirius sighed as Remus sat in the chair Sarah had occupied.
"I'm worried about Sarah" Sirius said setting his head in his hand.
"What? about her dreams? The occlumency will take care of that." Remus offered.
"No- well, yeah I am worried about her dreams. But I meant her...injuries." Sirius said quietly.
"Oh, yeah... but... are you sure they are what you think they are?"
"Yes, What else would it be Moony?" Sirius whispered soulfully.
"I dunno." Remus muttered. There was a moment of silence, shattered by Sirius next words.
"THAT SON OF A BITCH HIT HER! I KNOW HE DID!" Sirius shouted, jumping up from his seat and pacing the floor with anger.
Remus was not phased by his outburst but made Shushing noises anyway. "Sarah will hear you!" He warned him, but it seemed Sirius wasn't listening.
"I can't believe he'd hit his own niece. I can't believe it." Sirius shook his head in disgust.
"I can't say I'm surprised." Remus finally said watching Sirius pace frantically.
But when this comment reached his ears, Sirius balked. He turned his angry face to Remus.
"What do you mean? You knew-?"
"NO! No, I mean I knew they treated her horribly... They were horrible, Sirius, you know how bad Lily's sister was...I never saw any signs of abuse...she must have hid it well...but now that I hear this...I can see where it might happen." Remus' words were stilted but they held deep emotion. Remus couldn't really grasp the fact that this was true... maybe because he hadn't actually seen the bruises, but he couldn't believe that James's daughter was being abused... he just couldn't believe it.
" I didn't know they were that bad." Sirius said in hushed words. His pacing had stopped and he sank into the chair, his face buried in his hands.
Remus put his hand on Sirius' shoulder.
"Sirius, it's not your fault." he said firmly.
"Not my fault?" Sirius sat up. "Of course it's my fault! I didn't even notice! I'm her godfather and I can't even protect her from her own relatives!" Sirius words were full of anger and shame.
"This might have been happening her whole life!" Sirius took a deep breath. "I've completely failed Lily and James." Sirius whispered in despair. "..again."
Remus squeezed his shoulder tightly. "No you didn't, you did not fail Lily and James...there is no way you could have known! No one would expect them to do something like this... to Sarah." He tried to reassure Sirius. Then Sirius' emotions turned to fury again. He stood up quickly and started pacing again.
"I'm gonna kill that Dursley for ever laying a hand on her!" Sirius was seething.
Remus sighed and rubbed a hand over his face.
"I have to go talk to Sarah." Sirius said abruptly, more to himself than anything.
"No, Sirius. If you go in there upset... I know how mad you are... how do you think Sarah's going to feel? If she really has been abused...you're going to scare her, Sirius. You have to calm down." Remus was firm.
Sirius stopped to stare into the bare fireplace. "She must be terrified." he whispered.
XxX
Sirius had finished packing his possessions and was now dragging a trunk and a valise down the hall.
"Sarah are you ready yet?" He called into her open door.
Sarah was throwing things into a trunk. "No, I'm sorry, not quite." She replied in an apologetic voice.
"Hey, it's okay. I'm just checking." Sirius replied pulling his things down the stairs and into the family room.
He dropped down onto the couch and ran a hand threw his unkempt hair.
What was he going to do about Sarah? He supposed Moony was right... he was always right. He really needed to calm down. That was a hard thing for Sirius to do. To not let his emotions control him. He would have to do it though, for Sarah. He tried to play the things he wanted to say to her in his head. The first thing to do was to make sure he was right in his assumptions...
"Ok, Siri, I'm ready. Sorry I took so long." Sarah dragged her trunk in and let it drop, it fell to the floor with a thump.
"It's Okay." He smiled. "Where's Moony?"
"Um....still packing? I think." She answered settling down on the couch.
"MOONY!" Sirius shouted up the stairs.
"Hold your hippogriffs!" Remus shouted back down.
"Geez" Sirius whispered. A thick silence fell over the room. Sirius spent the time plucking up the courage to start the dreaded conversation, now was as good a time as any.
"So, Sarah-"
"All right, Sirius, I'm ready." Remus came in dragging his trunk.
Sirius let out a relieved sigh for getting cut off and jumped up. "All right, let's go"
Sarah stood up and looked at Sirius inquisitively. "What were you going to say?" She asked.
"Oh, nothing." He insisted.
"Well, does everyone have everything?" Remus asked.
Sarah and Sirius both nodded. "Well, let's go." Remus smiled.
Everyone grabbed their cases and Sarah sidled up to Sirius so they could apparate, but his arms were full with his baggage.
"Er..."
"Here, Sarah, I'll take you" Remus offered his empty hand. She stepped closer to him and he wrapped his arm around her.
"Remember to concentrate." Sirius put in before him and Remus apparated to number 12 grimmauld place.
The trunk in Sarah's grasp felt like it was about to be ripped from her hand. The landed in the street a little ways off from the house. Sarah lost her grip as her feet slammed into the ground and she dropped her trunk. The momentum cast her forward and she fell straight over her trunk and onto the ground.
"Are you OK?" Sirius asked looking down at her.
Sarah burst out laughing.
XxX
Grimmauld place had several landings on the stairs. Walking up the steps, each landing had a single door on the right side. Some had only that, others had a whole hallway off the left side. The topper most landing had the library on the right, straight in front of the steps, was a door leading to stairs to the attic, and on the left was a hallway. The hallway had six doors, the three on the right were a study and two bedrooms. The three on the left were now occupied by Sarah (The last from the stairs), Sirius (in the middle), and Remus (closest to the stairs).
Sarah was currently unpacking into her new room. Remus had just finished and when he realized Sirius wasn't in his room, started down the long stairwell.
It seemed to take forever to reach the ground floor. The door leading down to the kitchen was closed and Remus pulled it open. Sirius was sitting at the kitchen table, staring at the wood.
"Sirius?" Remus called as he made his way down the stairs and sat before his old friend.
Sirius looked up. "Hey, Moony." he replied dully.
"What's wrong now?" Remus asked.
Sirius stiffened at the tone Remus said this, almost exasperated. He took a deep breath.
"Nothing, I'm just... tired" He said dejectedly.
"Tired...?" Remus questioned.
"Sick and tired... of everything. Why can't life just give us all a break for once?" Sirius sighed.
"Because life is trying to make you miserable and if you just sit here and sulk, well, then you're letting life win aren't you?" Remus smiled.
"I need a drink." was Sirius answer.
"Well, lucky for you..." Remus stood up and kneeled down in front of the sink. He pulled a bottle of Odgen's firewhisky from under the sink and showed it to Sirius.
"Moony, you've been holding out on me." Sirius accused with a small smile.
"Nah, I just saw it the other day, I knew you'd find it sooner or later anyway, like when you started to go mad and turned over the whole house looking for something that resembles a stiff drink." Remus smiled and set two glasses on the table along with the bottle.
"You know me so well." Sirius with a wry smile.
Remus poured two short glasses. Sirius took his and threw half of it's contents down his throat. Remus sniffed his glass and then sipped from it slowly.
" Ah, Remus, I can't believe I'm back in this...place." Sirius sighed swirling his glass.
Remus looked up from his own drink and stared at Sirius sadly. "Yeah, I know... but it's better now, I mean your uh, family isn't here anymore..."
Sirius looked up with a half smile. "Yeah they are." Remus smiled back.
"Well, you know what I mean, and all the... dark things are gone."
"Yeah, I know", Sirius conceeded. "But, it's just the bad memories." He downed the rest of his glass and poured another.
"I know, but it is safer for Sarah, and you... everyone actually." Remus nodded.
"Yeah, thanks for coming...and living here with us, you didn't have to."
"Hey, it's no problem, I get lonesome all alone anyway...besides I'll be closer for order crap." Remus insisted.
Sirius snorted and took a sip from his glass.
Sarah, who had decided to take a break from upstairs, came down the kitchen stairs.
"Hey" She smiled. "What's going on?"
"Nothing" Remus smiled. Sirius said nothing.
Then she took in the sight of the bottle of alcohol and glasses.
XxX
I saw the bottle of whisky on the table and took in a short breath. I tried not to let it get to me and just kept my eye on the half full glass in Sirius' hand.
"Are you done unpacking?' Remus asked.
"No" I smiled. "But, I got bored so I came to see if there was anything left to be done around the house?"
"No, nothing, well, there is what I believe to be a boggart in the writing desk but I think mad-eye better take a look at that before we open it." Remus turned his conversation to Sirius halfway through.
"Yeah, good idea" Sirius nodded.
The smell of alcohol reached my nostrils and triggered something in my brain. The feeling of fear I felt when my uncle had tried to hit me took over my senses. The memories of him looming in front of me flickered through my mind. Sirius was bringing his glass up to his lips and panic gripped my heart. I didn't want Sirius to get drunk...to get angry at me. I couldn't control myself, my hand did it of it's own accord. It smacked the glass out of Sirius' hand. The glass flew from his hand and hit the table with a clunk, the amber liquid spilled across the wood and the glass rolled through it, finally stopping halfway down as the liquid reached the edge and started leaking onto the floor.
There was a shocked silence and Sirius turned to me.
"Is something wrong?" He asked a little stunned.
"No" I said quietly.
"No?" He asked flatly.
"I'm sorry... I just don't like people drinking....in front of me...sorry, I didn't mean to..." I stumbled over my words wishing I could go hide, instead I righted the glass in front of Sirius and grabbed the dishtowel from the stove, wiping down the table and floor quickly. Remus and Sirius exchanged glances as I dropped the rag back on the counter and avoided their eyes.
"It's okay... you could have just said something, I won't drink in front of you if it really bothers you." Sirius nodded with his eyebrows raised as if to ask if this was a plausible solution.
"Yes, Thank you... sorry again, I better go finish unpacking." I nodded and backed up a couple of steps before turning and quickly making my way up the stairs and running up to my room.
I was so stupid! They would know something was going on now. I threw myself onto my bed. God, I was so stupid...
XxX
Sirius watched Sarah leave and then stared at Remus.
"What the hell just happened?" he asked.
"I'm not sure" Remus answered. He was met with silence.
"Well...I better go talk to her... about everything." Sirius looked at his empty glass.
"Yeah... I guess the sooner the better. Remember, Sirius, be calm." Remus emphasized the last bit.
"I will, Moony." he sighed. "God, I'm gonna screw this up. "
"No, you won't... just don't go ballistic and be sensitive to her, don't let your anger for Dursley upset her." he warned.
Sirius nodded as he poured a bit more firewhiskey into his glass and downed it. He took a deep breath and set down the glass.
"Moony, come with me."
"No, I can't" he protested, "She trusts you much more than I, she'll be much more comfortable with just you. You'll do fine." Remus reassured.
Sirius nodded in acceptance and then started up the stairs.
"Good luck." Remus called after him.
Sirius raised his hand in acknowlegement and squared his shoulders, readying himself for the inevitable.
TBC
XxX
A/N: So.... how was it??? huh huh huh??? good?...bad?...horrible?? What do you think is gunna happen next??? How is the talk gunna go?? Please review and tell me how you liked it!!! I'll be forever grateful!!!! The more reviews I get the faster this next chapter will be up!!! Remember that as you sit in anticipation of my next installment!!! lol
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Lory In Love: lol yeah my number of reviews are pretty low... hehe I think we all like reading reviews! Some just more than others... I'm one of those freaks who like live off of them... lol Thanks! I'm glad you liked my last chapter... the story line will get really good the more we go on... I promise! Just stay with me... lol And try to recruit more readers if you can lol or at least more reviewers! Lol like just be talking to someone and randomly be like "hey I've got a story for you to read..." lol Well How did you like this chapter??? Was it good? How is it going you think?? Well thanks again for reading... I really appreciate your input!
Until next time my friends!