"I'm a faerie, yes I am…la la la la laa la…" Amiboshi skipped happily back to Faerie Headquarters, singing the Happy Faerie Song, which he was rather fond of. He perched on a privet bush, careful not to get un-glittered.
A single spangle of glitter fluttered to the ground.
"NOOOOO!!!" Suboshi dove out of nowhere, tackling his brother, who fell unceremoniously off of the privet bush, spilling even more glitter. Suboshi, meanwhile, carefully picked up the lone bit of shiny mystery substance (does anyone really know that glitter isn't reconstituted fish bits?) and deposited it onto Amiboshi's head. "I will not shirk my duties as Royal Glitter-Keeper!!!"
"Uh-huh." Amiboshi pulled out his memorandum-book and a pencil. He wrote, 'The 'Keep Out of Reach of Children' warnings on my happy drugs DO apply to Shun-chan.' On the next page of the memorandum book, his royal shopping list, he listed, 'Ritalin'.
"Aniki, I'm bo-ored…" Suboshi sat despondently on the ground, and after a moment's pause, decided he liked it better under the privet bush. "Ooh! Fun! Lookit all the pretty colors…"
Amiboshi sighed. Suddenly, his pointed ears perked up at the sound of the King and Queen working themselves up into yet another catfight.
"Bitch!"
"Asshole!"
Nakago and Soi glowered at each other. Nakago's eyes narrowed menacingly. He was out of insults.
"Hmm…"
"Pansy!"
"Hmmm…"
"Jackass!"
It was his turn. He sighed imperceptibly. It was hard when you didn't know that many good curse words.
"Bitch." He'd used that one, hadn't he? Oh, well. He straightened the elaborate gold lamé gown he was wearing. It set off his eyes well. "I will never surrender to the likes of you." Ooh, good one. Very imposing. He congratulated himself.
"Sire, you're wearing a dress. I don't think you have a chance in this argument." Amiboshi warily attempted to break things up. "Can't we all just get along?"
"Not until he gives me my dress back!" Soi screeched, slapping Nakago across the face.
Amiboshi sighed. "Give peace a chance, your highnesses…your highnesses?"
Too late. They were both slapping each other without sign of letup for the next hour or two.
Tamahome and Miaka had continued their nauseating little dialogue until they had dropped off to sleep from exhaustion. Miaka snored loudly, scaring small woodland creatures.
Amiboshi, happening to walk by, stopped to gawk at the scene. "Huh. Scary." He moved on, but some of his drugs didn't, a small vial hitting Tamahome on the head.
"Owieee…" he muttered. He blinked groggily at the vial of blue liquid for a moment, and then jumped ecstatically to his feet. "I'll make a fortune selling this stuff! Whatever it is…" He gave the bottle a hug, and then looked at it al little more closely. "Huh. Maybe I'd better try a little just in case it's poison or something…" Unfortunately, there was only a very little liquid in the bottle, and Tamahome had soon finished it. It tasted rather like peppermint-flavored squirrel meat, which isn't very nice-tasting at all.
At that moment, the emperor strolled by, Nuriko still attached to his leg. Nuriko's braid snagged on a bush, and, for fear of losing his beautiful locks, he was forced to let go and fall to the ground with a plop. Hotohori did not notice. Tamahome, unfortunately, did.
"Gosh, you're sure pretty…" Tamahome's eyes went big and sparkly, Amiboshi's love-drug taking its effect on his tiny brain.
"Mm-hmm…I get that all the time, hon." Nuriko continued to attempt to unsnag his hair from the bush. "Now be a love and help me out here, would you?"
"Really, really pretty…" Tamahome's one-track mind was still stuck where he'd started. "I love you, Nuriko!" He darted forward and hugged Nuriko, whose hair caught even more helplessly on the bush. Nuriko yelped.
"I even wrote a poem for you! Listen!" Tamahome, not worrying about why the bit of parchment had 'To Miaka' written across the top and outlined in little hearts, proceeded to read, albeit jerkily and screwing up often.
It looks like…an orange.
Spornge."
"Uh…great, hon…I'll just be leaving now…" Nuriko, having finally become unstuck, ran off as fast as he could into the forest.
"Waaiiiit! I love yoouu!" Tamahome screamed, and ran after him.
Suboshi felt surprisingly normal. This was not a good sign. He went off into the forest to cause some faerie mischief.
Voices sounded from the clearing ahead, and Suboshi crept up on delicate faerie feet, peering over a well-placed bush. Tomo, four schoolchildren, and Ashitare were rehearsing a rather shabby school play. A crazed glint came into Suboshi's eyes, and he chuckled sadistically.
Tomo growled. That was the fifth line Shunkei had forgotten, and Yuiren had missed her entrance. To top it all off, Ashitare's set was less than functional. "No, no, no! Stop it! Stop everything! And Seiryuu said, 'Where the hell is Yuiren'?"
Yuiren sidled in.
"And there the hell was Yuiren! And Seiryuu said, 'Let there be rice paper panels that open when they open and close when they close!' And--"
"Most High and Wonderful Sensei, Without Whom I Would Never Survive?" Chuei stuttered.
"What is it, Beppo?"
"I'M Beppo!" shouted Shunkei.
"Oh. Well, what is it?"
"There's- there's a scary monster behind you!!!!" All the children and Ashitare screamed and ran.
"Oh, very funny--" Tomo turned around.
"BOOGA BOOGA!" Suboshi screamed, covered in leaves and glitter, and looking quite scary. Tomo screamed and ran after his students into the forest.
Tomo panted for dear life as he kept running, feathers flapping wildly. He couldn't go back after that last humiliation. The thing he'd let out a particularly girly scream about was probably only a bird. He sighed. Guys like him just couldn't win.
As Tomo sprinted, Amiboshi wandered towards him along the path. At the sound of pattering feet, he glanced up, just in time to be smacked into by the terrified painted man.
Several of Amiboshi's drugs that should never have been mixed did so, and set off an explosion in a blast of multicolored smoke and light. A purple haze could be observed hanging around that particular place for weeks afterward.
Amiboshi stood up, shook his head (causing a cloud of glitter) and moved on.
Tomo lay inert for several minutes. He groaned eventually, and twitched awake. His head reeled as he stood up, and his clothing reeked with the scent of pineapple. Tomo is allergic to pineapple.
The painted professor of pygmy pupils staggered slightly, suddenly getting that not-so-fresh feeling. Weaving into a nearby clearing, he let out one piteous moan and collapsed.
END OF ACT TWO