The instrument, in my hands, so cold, so sharp, so bare against my pale skin. Against my pale skin? No, no, against yours, I can see it, I can see it here. Burning, twisting, agonizingly bright, vivid, commited to my memory for eternity. Why, why is it so hard to forget? To forget your face, your pretty, cold face. No, no, it hurts... the face, the coldness, the sharp, dead laughter, the death... it hurts, agonizing... I've waited, waited so long. And you finally showed.
shibire wo kirashiteru boku wa mado no chi wo hiki sado no kimi wo matsu
dekireba doku no baiser de
I wait. You show. The tool, against my... your... pale skin, reflecting the moonlight streaming in through tall windows. And you stop, stop, watching. What is that on your cold face...? Fear? Is that it, fear? You knew this day would come... The person, the only person, that understood me. You.
hitan yue ni bitoku miezu kimi wa saigo no mama de
kioku umete kizukarenu you ni saigo no mama
tokei wa hidarimawari demo okashita tsumi wa kaerezu
saisho de saigo no rikaisha yakitsukete
I... don't think I can. Cold metal pressed against cold flesh. The cold flesh I envision to be yours. But it isn't, is it? It's mine. My neck... my flesh, my coldness. All mine. Not yours. MINE... you know that, don't you? Who are you scared for? Me? Don't be, dead one...
Can I...?
iyagaru boku wo mite tsuyoku soshite yasashiku muriyari no tetsudan
keshite kimi ni wa ienai
kawa no kishimu oto ga itai kizu wo fukamete yukou
shittobukai kimi wa itsudemo reiketsu na no?
osanai koro no gyakutai ga ne ima demo wasurezu ni itai
naze mama wa inai no oshiete yo
It's my fault. Your fault. All yours! All yours! Not mine, yours! Yours! It presses deeper, harder... oh, but it feels so good. So good.
itsu ka wa yasashisa ni kizuite haha naru "yurikago" no naka de
hitsuu yue ni mae ga miezu boku no saigo no mama de
semete kimi ni kizukarenu you ni saisho no mama
tokei wa hidarimawari demo okashita tsumi wa kaerezu
saisho de saigo no rikaisha kowashita
And I press. Into my skin, into my life, my blood. And I take my dying breath, shuddering, shaking, and I watch your face, the horror, and laugh. Laugh, coldly, the laugh I picked up from you. Why are you so surprised, brother? Why...? It's all my fault that you're cold, all my fault. We wouldn't be here, you wouldn't be like this, if it weren't for me... and with my last breath... I sing...
"boku ni wa yasashisugita no ka naa? mukashi no torauma wo utsushi
saigo no kimi made kowashita boku wa sado?"
And you cry, and I die. Farewell, dearest brother. Farewell.
I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh. The lyrics used in this are from Dir en grey's song "Cage". Translations at the bottom.
I wrote this while I was listening to the song. This is the first thing I've edited. Sorry to all the people reading my other fic, Kidnapping an Angel. I had a mental breakdown (literally) that lasted about a month. I'm still really, really depressed and shaky (mentally). I'm like, on the edge of a knife (sorry for the stupid LoTR quotage stuff), and I'm wavering on the tip. Either I calm down and make myself comfy (and have my butt impaled by the knife XP) or I fall off the edge. Again. By the way, if you hadn't realized, Mokuba commited suicide in this. I've been feeling like such a burden to my family and can't bring myself to write the story without thinking the whole thing through (which I don't want to do). I think this is progress, for me, though, to be writing at least SOMETHING. I know, it's uber short, but I didn't feel like making it long. Besides, the song is pretty short. I love the song, though. My favorite song by Dir en grey. Kyo = -heart-
Anyway, translations.
"impatient the masochist's blood runs in my veins I wait for you, the sadist
if I can do it with a poisonous kiss
because of sorrow I cannot see virtue you are the last mother
the memory buried so that you won't realise the first mother
even though the clock turns backwards the sin I've committed can't be changed
the first and last person who understood me is burned into my memory
see me resisting strongly and then kindly forcing a decision
I can never tell you
the creaking sound of leather hurts me let's make the wound even deeper
you, deeply jealous are you always so cold-hearted?
even now I don't want to forget the abuse of my childhood
why don't I have a mother? tell me...
someday I'll realise kindness inside the mother-like "cradle"...
because of anguish I cannot see before me my last mother
at least, so that you won't realise the first mother
even though the clock turns backwards the sin I've committed can't be changed
the first and last person who understood me is destroyed
were you too kind to me? the reflection of a trauma from long ago
I destroyed you, the last one am I a sadist?"
There ya go. -hugs you all- Thankies for reading. It sucks, but hey.