A/N: Yeah, it's Sirius/Remus slash, probably the most over-done non-canon storyline I can think of... but I wanted to do it. So there. And, oh yeah, it's in second person, so every time I say something like, "You saw him," the YOU I'm referring to is Remus. God I love Remus. R&R, flames are welcome.
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There he is. Your best friend. Standing inside the hallway. You're standing on the doorstep of 12 Grimmauld Place, freezing your ass off in the rain. And you're just standing there, mouth slightly open, and so is he.
Finally, you manage to find your voice. You try to sound cheerful, but your attempt fails miserably. "Padfoot," you greet him, using the old nickname that was his back in school. "Moony," he replies, smiling, but you know it's not a real smile. It's just there to look pretty. "Come in," he says, opening the door a little wider, in order to admit you inside the headquarters of The Order of the Phoenix. You obey, and step inside the doorway, shaking the rain out of your too-long hair.
You don't know what to say. It's been a year at least since you last saw him. He hasn't really changed that much, you muse, filled out a bit maybe, but all in all, he's still the same Sirius Black you knew last year. He's not Padfoot though, that's just a name, a title, used in honor of your amazing years at school. "Wanna put your stuff down, Remus?" His voice breaks your reverie. Your voice still isn't working quite right. "S... Sure." He smiles again, still not a real smile. "Follow me," he says.
You follow him through the house, not bothering to listen to his explanation of the house history. It looks just the same as it did all those long years ago, when you practically lived here during the summers, along with Sirius, James, and Peter. The Marauders. He's led you to the bedroom you used to sleep in when you stayed over as kids. You're suddenly deeply immersed in all the countless memories that come from this room. Dropping your suitcase on the floor beside the bed, you just stand, lost in your thoughts. Once again, his voice interrupts you. "Dinner's at 6." Then he walks out of the room.
At ten till, you go softly down the stairs, jumping the creaky one out of habit. He picks that time to poke his head out of the kitchen. With a small chuckle, he says, "Well, well, well, Moony, old habits die hard I see... Don't worry. I did that myself for the first few months I was here." You swear you can see the old twinkle in his eye, back from the dead... but as fast as you've seen it, it goes away. You offer a meager smile in response, a smile that doesn't touch your eyes at all.
Dinner comes and goes, as do discussions of policy and safety and all other such things. You sit through them silently, your eyes fixed on Sirius. Finally, around 10 o'clock, you're allowed to retire to your room. He follows you. At first, it takes you by surprise, but you knew it was coming. He catches you by the wrist as you go to let yourself into your room. "Talk to me, Moony, please." His eyes, almost begging, make something warm twinge deep inside your cold heart. You sigh, flick on the lights, pull him into the room, and shut the door.
Outside, there's a terrible thunderstorm going. You walk silently over to the window, placing your hands on the sill, and watch the rain and wind lash against the glass. He follows you. He's always followed you. Now he's standing beside you, but he's not watching the rain. He's watching you. He looks at you again. You can feel his gaze boring into you, but you don't turn your head. He touches your hand, ever so lightly, as if too much pressure might cause you to break. "Remmy." His voice is low and gravelly, that special little whisper he used to use just for you. And that name... you haven't heard that name escape his lips for at least two decades, when you were still in school. A rogue tear forms in your eye, and the combination of the name and the voice create a pull so strong that it falls, tracking down your cheek. You mentally curse memory, and what it does to people, and still refuse to turn your head.
He tries again. "Remmy, please, talk to me." The voice... A great and terrible lump is forming in your throat, and you know that if you look into his chocolate eyes, you'll fall for him again. He moves closer to you, getting so close you can hear his heartbeat and feel his warm breath on the back of your neck. You just can't stand it anymore. Turning your head ever so slightly, you look into his eyes. "Siri," you say, eyed rimmed with tears. He turns his head to the right, raising both eyebrows a little, never breaking the coveted eye contact. He's always stood two or three inches above you, which is just the right height to look at him from, you think.
You regard your companion for a long minute, as he regards you in the same fashion, and then you break the silence. "Why, Siri, why?"
The ghost of a smile flits across his face before he gives you his answer. "Because."
You stand there, locked in his eyes. Then, suddenly, you break away; away from his eyes, away from the window, away from his breath, sweet and hot on your face. Your hands clench into fists, then unclench, then clench again. You breathe deeply, trying to control your anger and your sadness. Finally, you burst.
"Why do you always have to speak in riddles, hmmm Sirius?! Why is it that when I love you and I trust you, you ALWAYS go and do something so, so stupid, so out of character, that I can't tell WHO the hell you are anymore?! Why is THAT Sirius, and don't you dare give me some candy-ass answer like 'Because.' I want answers, and I think that, as your best friend, I deserve them! You're going to make me fall in love with you again, Sirius, and I don't want to, but I will, and we both know it too. And then you're gonna go off and DO SOMETHING STUPID and break my heart AGAIN and everything we rebuild will've been in vain. In VAIN Sirius, in VAIN. FOR NOTHING. I've spent almost my entire life waiting for you to GROW UP AND LOVE ME ALREADY, but you can't, and so I refuse to fall in love with you AGAIN until I know you MEAN IT!"
He just looks at you, stunned. "But... but Remmy..."
"Don't call me that," you interject angrily.
His expression hardens. "Fine, REMUS. What I was TRYING to say to you is that I HAVE ALWAYS LOVED YOU. ALWAYS. You don't think I mean it? Then you just think hard about what I told you that one time about how I stayed alive in Azkaban. It wasn't the thought of getting sweet, sweet revenge on Peter, oh no, that was NOT on the top of my priorities list and you know it too. I love you, Remus Lupin, and I shall continue to do so until I DIE."
He swirls around on his heel to face the window, gripping the sill angrily. The air prickles with electricity as your angry words resound in the room. Your anger is all but drained from your system now, but the sadness you felt earlier is amplified horribly. The edges of your eyes are teased by hot, angry tears as you sink to the bed. A long, silent, five minutes pass, nothing speaking but the rain outside. He's pacing the room, and you've long since left the bed for the window. Silent tears roll slowly down your cheeks, and he sees them, but says nothing. Finally, you decide that this is stupid. You break the silence.
"We're fighting like... an old married couple, Sirius," you say, choosing your words carefully. You'd remembered Snape's words back in the Shrieking Shack a couple years ago. "I'm sorry. I LOVE YOU, DAMMIT, more than anything, and I just..." You trail off, unable to finish. He moves over closer to you. Hot breath tickles the back of your neck again, but this time you don't mind it. You turn, looking straight up into his eyes. "Forgive me." Your voice is barely a whisper, gravelly, breaking, laced with sorrow and anger. "Please, Siri, forgive me." A long pause. "I love you."
The tears are coming faster than the rain now, down your face, onto the floor. And yet, you still aren't sobbing. Just crying in silence. His face is like stone, but you can see the turmoil and sorrow and anger swirling around in his eyes. Finally, he appears to have made up his mind. A whisper, that's all that comes. "Remmy." You turn your face up to his expectantly, hoping to be forgiven. He lowers his head and kisses the tears away from your face. You close your eyes, losing yourself in the touch. You'd almost forgotten what a wonderful sensation it is to feel the chills that accompany the touch of his lips. His lips are mere centimeters from yours, his breath and yours are mingling, and he forgives you in a whisper. "Don't cry."
The tears come harder, and he runs a hand through your hair, resting it on the back of your head. His other hand slips easily around your waist. Pulling you into him gently, yet firmly, he kisses you chastely on the lips. "Please Remmy, please don't cry, I love you, it's ok, don't cry."
You put both hands around his neck, clasping them together. You're still crying, but you're smiling too. "Mean it?" you ask. "Of course I mean it," comes his reply, "have I ever really lied to you?" Both of you are smiling now as you shake your head. His smile widening, you just catch a glimpse of his white, oversized canines. "Well we're good then," is his self-assured answer.
He dips his head to kiss you again. The kiss starts off slow and sweet, but his tongue presses ever so gently against your lips, seeking entrance. You gladly provide it. Your tongues duel for the longest time, and you only stop when he pulls away for air. This time, you're the one who moves in, kissing your companion hotly. He rubs his thumb behind your ear, eliciting a moan. You marvel at how, after all this time, he can still remember just where to touch you. But, if he can remember, so can you. You move your hand till it's resting on the side of his neck, then you softly stroke his chin. He jumps at the sensation. You giggle.
Suddenly breaking away, you say, "We can't make love Siri, we're on---" A kiss from him cuts you off. Pulling away, he finishes your thought. "We're on business, yes, I thought you'd say that." You smile and absentmindedly play with his hair. "Well, we are, y'know." He stimulates that spot right behind your ear again, grinning. "Oh, I know. I'll... I'll play nice, don't worry, Remmy." He winks at you.
You playfully kiss the tip of his nose. "And, besides the fact that we're on business, I thought---" You're cut off again by a hot, urgent kiss. Gasping for air, you finish your sentence. "I thought... that we might get to know each other again, before we have sex." He looks at you with a devilish twinkle in his eye. "You mean you want to snog me like this all night." You grin widely. "Exactly."
"Well then," he says, kissing you once more, "what are we waiting for?"
-FIN-
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There he is. Your best friend. Standing inside the hallway. You're standing on the doorstep of 12 Grimmauld Place, freezing your ass off in the rain. And you're just standing there, mouth slightly open, and so is he.
Finally, you manage to find your voice. You try to sound cheerful, but your attempt fails miserably. "Padfoot," you greet him, using the old nickname that was his back in school. "Moony," he replies, smiling, but you know it's not a real smile. It's just there to look pretty. "Come in," he says, opening the door a little wider, in order to admit you inside the headquarters of The Order of the Phoenix. You obey, and step inside the doorway, shaking the rain out of your too-long hair.
You don't know what to say. It's been a year at least since you last saw him. He hasn't really changed that much, you muse, filled out a bit maybe, but all in all, he's still the same Sirius Black you knew last year. He's not Padfoot though, that's just a name, a title, used in honor of your amazing years at school. "Wanna put your stuff down, Remus?" His voice breaks your reverie. Your voice still isn't working quite right. "S... Sure." He smiles again, still not a real smile. "Follow me," he says.
You follow him through the house, not bothering to listen to his explanation of the house history. It looks just the same as it did all those long years ago, when you practically lived here during the summers, along with Sirius, James, and Peter. The Marauders. He's led you to the bedroom you used to sleep in when you stayed over as kids. You're suddenly deeply immersed in all the countless memories that come from this room. Dropping your suitcase on the floor beside the bed, you just stand, lost in your thoughts. Once again, his voice interrupts you. "Dinner's at 6." Then he walks out of the room.
At ten till, you go softly down the stairs, jumping the creaky one out of habit. He picks that time to poke his head out of the kitchen. With a small chuckle, he says, "Well, well, well, Moony, old habits die hard I see... Don't worry. I did that myself for the first few months I was here." You swear you can see the old twinkle in his eye, back from the dead... but as fast as you've seen it, it goes away. You offer a meager smile in response, a smile that doesn't touch your eyes at all.
Dinner comes and goes, as do discussions of policy and safety and all other such things. You sit through them silently, your eyes fixed on Sirius. Finally, around 10 o'clock, you're allowed to retire to your room. He follows you. At first, it takes you by surprise, but you knew it was coming. He catches you by the wrist as you go to let yourself into your room. "Talk to me, Moony, please." His eyes, almost begging, make something warm twinge deep inside your cold heart. You sigh, flick on the lights, pull him into the room, and shut the door.
Outside, there's a terrible thunderstorm going. You walk silently over to the window, placing your hands on the sill, and watch the rain and wind lash against the glass. He follows you. He's always followed you. Now he's standing beside you, but he's not watching the rain. He's watching you. He looks at you again. You can feel his gaze boring into you, but you don't turn your head. He touches your hand, ever so lightly, as if too much pressure might cause you to break. "Remmy." His voice is low and gravelly, that special little whisper he used to use just for you. And that name... you haven't heard that name escape his lips for at least two decades, when you were still in school. A rogue tear forms in your eye, and the combination of the name and the voice create a pull so strong that it falls, tracking down your cheek. You mentally curse memory, and what it does to people, and still refuse to turn your head.
He tries again. "Remmy, please, talk to me." The voice... A great and terrible lump is forming in your throat, and you know that if you look into his chocolate eyes, you'll fall for him again. He moves closer to you, getting so close you can hear his heartbeat and feel his warm breath on the back of your neck. You just can't stand it anymore. Turning your head ever so slightly, you look into his eyes. "Siri," you say, eyed rimmed with tears. He turns his head to the right, raising both eyebrows a little, never breaking the coveted eye contact. He's always stood two or three inches above you, which is just the right height to look at him from, you think.
You regard your companion for a long minute, as he regards you in the same fashion, and then you break the silence. "Why, Siri, why?"
The ghost of a smile flits across his face before he gives you his answer. "Because."
You stand there, locked in his eyes. Then, suddenly, you break away; away from his eyes, away from the window, away from his breath, sweet and hot on your face. Your hands clench into fists, then unclench, then clench again. You breathe deeply, trying to control your anger and your sadness. Finally, you burst.
"Why do you always have to speak in riddles, hmmm Sirius?! Why is it that when I love you and I trust you, you ALWAYS go and do something so, so stupid, so out of character, that I can't tell WHO the hell you are anymore?! Why is THAT Sirius, and don't you dare give me some candy-ass answer like 'Because.' I want answers, and I think that, as your best friend, I deserve them! You're going to make me fall in love with you again, Sirius, and I don't want to, but I will, and we both know it too. And then you're gonna go off and DO SOMETHING STUPID and break my heart AGAIN and everything we rebuild will've been in vain. In VAIN Sirius, in VAIN. FOR NOTHING. I've spent almost my entire life waiting for you to GROW UP AND LOVE ME ALREADY, but you can't, and so I refuse to fall in love with you AGAIN until I know you MEAN IT!"
He just looks at you, stunned. "But... but Remmy..."
"Don't call me that," you interject angrily.
His expression hardens. "Fine, REMUS. What I was TRYING to say to you is that I HAVE ALWAYS LOVED YOU. ALWAYS. You don't think I mean it? Then you just think hard about what I told you that one time about how I stayed alive in Azkaban. It wasn't the thought of getting sweet, sweet revenge on Peter, oh no, that was NOT on the top of my priorities list and you know it too. I love you, Remus Lupin, and I shall continue to do so until I DIE."
He swirls around on his heel to face the window, gripping the sill angrily. The air prickles with electricity as your angry words resound in the room. Your anger is all but drained from your system now, but the sadness you felt earlier is amplified horribly. The edges of your eyes are teased by hot, angry tears as you sink to the bed. A long, silent, five minutes pass, nothing speaking but the rain outside. He's pacing the room, and you've long since left the bed for the window. Silent tears roll slowly down your cheeks, and he sees them, but says nothing. Finally, you decide that this is stupid. You break the silence.
"We're fighting like... an old married couple, Sirius," you say, choosing your words carefully. You'd remembered Snape's words back in the Shrieking Shack a couple years ago. "I'm sorry. I LOVE YOU, DAMMIT, more than anything, and I just..." You trail off, unable to finish. He moves over closer to you. Hot breath tickles the back of your neck again, but this time you don't mind it. You turn, looking straight up into his eyes. "Forgive me." Your voice is barely a whisper, gravelly, breaking, laced with sorrow and anger. "Please, Siri, forgive me." A long pause. "I love you."
The tears are coming faster than the rain now, down your face, onto the floor. And yet, you still aren't sobbing. Just crying in silence. His face is like stone, but you can see the turmoil and sorrow and anger swirling around in his eyes. Finally, he appears to have made up his mind. A whisper, that's all that comes. "Remmy." You turn your face up to his expectantly, hoping to be forgiven. He lowers his head and kisses the tears away from your face. You close your eyes, losing yourself in the touch. You'd almost forgotten what a wonderful sensation it is to feel the chills that accompany the touch of his lips. His lips are mere centimeters from yours, his breath and yours are mingling, and he forgives you in a whisper. "Don't cry."
The tears come harder, and he runs a hand through your hair, resting it on the back of your head. His other hand slips easily around your waist. Pulling you into him gently, yet firmly, he kisses you chastely on the lips. "Please Remmy, please don't cry, I love you, it's ok, don't cry."
You put both hands around his neck, clasping them together. You're still crying, but you're smiling too. "Mean it?" you ask. "Of course I mean it," comes his reply, "have I ever really lied to you?" Both of you are smiling now as you shake your head. His smile widening, you just catch a glimpse of his white, oversized canines. "Well we're good then," is his self-assured answer.
He dips his head to kiss you again. The kiss starts off slow and sweet, but his tongue presses ever so gently against your lips, seeking entrance. You gladly provide it. Your tongues duel for the longest time, and you only stop when he pulls away for air. This time, you're the one who moves in, kissing your companion hotly. He rubs his thumb behind your ear, eliciting a moan. You marvel at how, after all this time, he can still remember just where to touch you. But, if he can remember, so can you. You move your hand till it's resting on the side of his neck, then you softly stroke his chin. He jumps at the sensation. You giggle.
Suddenly breaking away, you say, "We can't make love Siri, we're on---" A kiss from him cuts you off. Pulling away, he finishes your thought. "We're on business, yes, I thought you'd say that." You smile and absentmindedly play with his hair. "Well, we are, y'know." He stimulates that spot right behind your ear again, grinning. "Oh, I know. I'll... I'll play nice, don't worry, Remmy." He winks at you.
You playfully kiss the tip of his nose. "And, besides the fact that we're on business, I thought---" You're cut off again by a hot, urgent kiss. Gasping for air, you finish your sentence. "I thought... that we might get to know each other again, before we have sex." He looks at you with a devilish twinkle in his eye. "You mean you want to snog me like this all night." You grin widely. "Exactly."
"Well then," he says, kissing you once more, "what are we waiting for?"
-FIN-