Shadow Knight
Alone
Disclaimer: I don't own X-Men Evolution alright?!
Alone. It's funny how such a solitary word can mean so much. Or I guess that's just for me. Turning my head, I feel a deep hollow spot begin to grow in my chest. How can being alone hurt so much? It's like I've been dead for so long. I stare across my covers at my roommate. She's sleeping so content, a smile plastered on her face while she mumbles something in her sleep about her "Handsome Lance". I can't help but grin at her smile and the small dribble of drool on her lip. Holding my breath for a moment, I listen to the sounds around me. I can't hear anything except for the light snore from Kitty. Lifting my sheets off my legs, I swing my legs in one quick motion and silently set them on the floor.
Feeling the cold floor sting my feet, I creep as quietly as I can over to my dresser. Pulling slowly on the handle, I drag out a drawer and let my fingers pick deftly through my scattered belongings. I don't own much. I never really have, even when I lived with Irene. I was never a kid who wanted to spend my parent's money, even though I didn't really have any. Irene provided me with the stuff I needed. It's funny. Even when I was there, she seemed to avoid touching me. Sure, she'd hug me, but whenever I tried to give her a kiss or give her a hug, she'd seem to flinch away from me. It was like she knew that I would hurt her.
Shaking my head roughly, my hair swinging around me, I force myself to stop bringing back those memories. I don't want to remember that anymore. It's only like pouring salt over my scars, reopening them. I have a new life now. Or at least that's what everyone is trying to make me see. Yet, there seems to be a blindfold over my eyes, hiding me from this new grand life. All I can see is a repeat of what used to be. Only this time, I can't touch. Not without hurting someone.
They tell me that I'm normal here. That everyone accepts me. But I know better. I can see the fear in their eyes when I reach out for their hand. I can feel them shudder from my touch. I know that smile on their face is just fake, a façade to make me feel better. Yet, I know better. I put up my own fake, hesitant smile, innocent and young. I want to believe that they care. That they want to make me feel honestly good about myself. But I know that I'm just lying to myself. There's no love in their words, their smiles, their gifts. No, I can see it all in their eyes, even Scott's. They almost seem to glaze over, leaving me the impression of a painted doll. I feel their hands, their body jump away from me at the first chance they get. I know that I may be poison to them, a deadly monster, waiting to snare them in my trap. But….can't they at least be nice to me? Stop being fake? The only person who truly treats me like who I am is probably those jerks in school. The one's who will call me names, scoot away from me and sneer. At least they don't try to act, to pretend.
Even the professor, the one man I really trusted…I know he just wants to use me. None of them, the X-Men or the Brotherhood, they don't want me because of my personality, my many talents. No, I'm just a tool, a prize for who can contain and use for the longest in a bitter rivalry. I can't take it anymore. I've been a pawn for too long and I'm tired of it. Finally pulling out what I'm searching for, I find a wad of money, carefully concealed under a small flap of the drawer's bottom. Placing it carefully on the dresser top, I quickly change into the clothes I had set out that morning. I bought something I never thought I'd have the guts to do: I bought something other than gothic clothes. Pulling the white t- shirt over my head, I carefully slipped my jeans on. I grabbed a ponytail and twisted my hair into a short ponytail, my white bangs left out to frame my face. Grabbing my coat, I gather the wad of money and stuff it in my pocket. Grabbing my bag and stuffing my possessions in it, I carefully shut my drawer. As the drawer clicked shut, I jumped slightly when I heard the shuffling from the bed Kitty slept in. Standing frozen, I stood, trying my best to be one with the shadows.
Hearing another "Oh, Lance…" I sighed and crept to the door. Slipping my gloved hand over it, I opened it and slipped into the hall. Hearing the door click quietly behind me, I sighed with relief and slumped slightly against the door. Looking down at my black combat boots, I took a second thought over this. Can I really do this? Do I really want to leave what family I have now? Can I-
Suddenly I heard a shuffle of feet from down the hall. I jumped up quickly and sped down the stairs, as I silent as I could. Reaching the front door, I reached into my pocket and grabbed the hairpin I had placed in there just for this purpose. I dug it into the lock of the door with desperation. I had to get out of here before someone saw me. I knew that I couldn't just open the door and walk out. No, the professor had made it much harder than that. It was locked both ways.
The pin nearly slipped from my hand when I heard a hollow footstep reach the end of the hall, just steps away from seeing me. I felt a bead of sweat run down my forehead as I tried to concentrate on the task at hand. Just when I thought that I was a goner, I heard the pleasant click of the lock, unlocking. Curving my fingers around the doorknob, I jerk it open and without looking back, shut it quietly behind me. I sweat as I can almost feel the eyes of one of the adults stare hardly at the door, almost as if they can see me. Breathing in a deep, shuddering breath, I let my hand fall from its place on my heart to the bag straps beside me. I feel a sudden weight lift off my heart as climb over the mansion gates. Yet, as I land on the other side, I also feel a deep gloom in my heart. I know they wont miss me. None of them will. They'll just believe the Brotherhood stole me away. Once they find out that I'm not there, they will probably look around for me for a little while, not finding me. Then Xavier will probably give some kind of consoling speech about how they lost a promising young recruit. Then they'll forget, they'll forget me and think nothing of it, simply that I thought I was too good for the X- Men. That's what they'll think. Then, I'll be alone again.
~
Okay, I know that was really crappy, but give me a break! That was my first one ^_^. Please review and tell me what you think! I really would like to know. Should I continue it? Or just stop it there and give myself a pat on the back for a halfway decent job done? Oh well….. -_-
Alone
Disclaimer: I don't own X-Men Evolution alright?!
Alone. It's funny how such a solitary word can mean so much. Or I guess that's just for me. Turning my head, I feel a deep hollow spot begin to grow in my chest. How can being alone hurt so much? It's like I've been dead for so long. I stare across my covers at my roommate. She's sleeping so content, a smile plastered on her face while she mumbles something in her sleep about her "Handsome Lance". I can't help but grin at her smile and the small dribble of drool on her lip. Holding my breath for a moment, I listen to the sounds around me. I can't hear anything except for the light snore from Kitty. Lifting my sheets off my legs, I swing my legs in one quick motion and silently set them on the floor.
Feeling the cold floor sting my feet, I creep as quietly as I can over to my dresser. Pulling slowly on the handle, I drag out a drawer and let my fingers pick deftly through my scattered belongings. I don't own much. I never really have, even when I lived with Irene. I was never a kid who wanted to spend my parent's money, even though I didn't really have any. Irene provided me with the stuff I needed. It's funny. Even when I was there, she seemed to avoid touching me. Sure, she'd hug me, but whenever I tried to give her a kiss or give her a hug, she'd seem to flinch away from me. It was like she knew that I would hurt her.
Shaking my head roughly, my hair swinging around me, I force myself to stop bringing back those memories. I don't want to remember that anymore. It's only like pouring salt over my scars, reopening them. I have a new life now. Or at least that's what everyone is trying to make me see. Yet, there seems to be a blindfold over my eyes, hiding me from this new grand life. All I can see is a repeat of what used to be. Only this time, I can't touch. Not without hurting someone.
They tell me that I'm normal here. That everyone accepts me. But I know better. I can see the fear in their eyes when I reach out for their hand. I can feel them shudder from my touch. I know that smile on their face is just fake, a façade to make me feel better. Yet, I know better. I put up my own fake, hesitant smile, innocent and young. I want to believe that they care. That they want to make me feel honestly good about myself. But I know that I'm just lying to myself. There's no love in their words, their smiles, their gifts. No, I can see it all in their eyes, even Scott's. They almost seem to glaze over, leaving me the impression of a painted doll. I feel their hands, their body jump away from me at the first chance they get. I know that I may be poison to them, a deadly monster, waiting to snare them in my trap. But….can't they at least be nice to me? Stop being fake? The only person who truly treats me like who I am is probably those jerks in school. The one's who will call me names, scoot away from me and sneer. At least they don't try to act, to pretend.
Even the professor, the one man I really trusted…I know he just wants to use me. None of them, the X-Men or the Brotherhood, they don't want me because of my personality, my many talents. No, I'm just a tool, a prize for who can contain and use for the longest in a bitter rivalry. I can't take it anymore. I've been a pawn for too long and I'm tired of it. Finally pulling out what I'm searching for, I find a wad of money, carefully concealed under a small flap of the drawer's bottom. Placing it carefully on the dresser top, I quickly change into the clothes I had set out that morning. I bought something I never thought I'd have the guts to do: I bought something other than gothic clothes. Pulling the white t- shirt over my head, I carefully slipped my jeans on. I grabbed a ponytail and twisted my hair into a short ponytail, my white bangs left out to frame my face. Grabbing my coat, I gather the wad of money and stuff it in my pocket. Grabbing my bag and stuffing my possessions in it, I carefully shut my drawer. As the drawer clicked shut, I jumped slightly when I heard the shuffling from the bed Kitty slept in. Standing frozen, I stood, trying my best to be one with the shadows.
Hearing another "Oh, Lance…" I sighed and crept to the door. Slipping my gloved hand over it, I opened it and slipped into the hall. Hearing the door click quietly behind me, I sighed with relief and slumped slightly against the door. Looking down at my black combat boots, I took a second thought over this. Can I really do this? Do I really want to leave what family I have now? Can I-
Suddenly I heard a shuffle of feet from down the hall. I jumped up quickly and sped down the stairs, as I silent as I could. Reaching the front door, I reached into my pocket and grabbed the hairpin I had placed in there just for this purpose. I dug it into the lock of the door with desperation. I had to get out of here before someone saw me. I knew that I couldn't just open the door and walk out. No, the professor had made it much harder than that. It was locked both ways.
The pin nearly slipped from my hand when I heard a hollow footstep reach the end of the hall, just steps away from seeing me. I felt a bead of sweat run down my forehead as I tried to concentrate on the task at hand. Just when I thought that I was a goner, I heard the pleasant click of the lock, unlocking. Curving my fingers around the doorknob, I jerk it open and without looking back, shut it quietly behind me. I sweat as I can almost feel the eyes of one of the adults stare hardly at the door, almost as if they can see me. Breathing in a deep, shuddering breath, I let my hand fall from its place on my heart to the bag straps beside me. I feel a sudden weight lift off my heart as climb over the mansion gates. Yet, as I land on the other side, I also feel a deep gloom in my heart. I know they wont miss me. None of them will. They'll just believe the Brotherhood stole me away. Once they find out that I'm not there, they will probably look around for me for a little while, not finding me. Then Xavier will probably give some kind of consoling speech about how they lost a promising young recruit. Then they'll forget, they'll forget me and think nothing of it, simply that I thought I was too good for the X- Men. That's what they'll think. Then, I'll be alone again.
~
Okay, I know that was really crappy, but give me a break! That was my first one ^_^. Please review and tell me what you think! I really would like to know. Should I continue it? Or just stop it there and give myself a pat on the back for a halfway decent job done? Oh well….. -_-