AN-Thanks to everyone who reviewed. I am truly touched that so many of you responded to my, er, troll for reviews. I have written responses to them at the end of this chapter. And additional thanks to SC for being my sounding board:)
AN2-Dialoge that takes place in the past is italicized and indented.
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Duncan stood outside the glass, peering into the darkened room where once again only a few electronic gizmos were what were standing between Richie Ryan and his latent immortality. That is, of course, if serious illness constitutes a trigger for immortality. Duncan honestly didn't know the answer to that one, but his suspicions were leading him to believe that if Richie were to succumb, then he would never wake from it. He would be dead, permanently, and the game couldn't do anything to stop it.
Tessa was inside the ICU with him now, babbling on about something or other, slipping between French and English, praying that it will be the sound of her voice that brings him back to the light.
Neither of them wanted to face the fact that the steady, constant beeping machine could change its tune, taking Richie out of their lives forever. Or, perhaps even worse, that if that machine remains constant, that Richie may never wake again. That was the fault of the seizures, which was the fault of the high fevers that seemed to come and go with Richie for over a week now, which was the fault of the illness he was fighting now, which was the fault of those crates Duncan had had shipped in from Ontario, and the germs they carried with them.
Duncan remembered what the doctor had told them three days ago, after he had returned to the loft after an unfruitful search for the teen, when he discovered Tessa gone, a note saying where she'd be, and a frantic answering machine message left not long afterwards that made him drop all previous thoughts and drive like a bat out of hell to the hospital.
Upon arrival, Duncan simply barged passed the reception desk, dragging the poor security guards who tired to detain him along for the ride. He made it into the main emergency ward before stopping in his tracks, thus allowing the guards to finally subdue him. Vaguely he remembered one of them taking his legs out from underneath him, because it was from his knees that he witnessed the horrific show before him.
Richie was in the throws of a seizure, thrashing about and bucking off the gurney. The doctors were simultaneously trying to lower his body temperature and restrain his erratic body to prevent him from doing more harm to himself and to them. Duncan watched from his knees as the guards stood over him, also transfixed by the sight, as Richie flat-lined and the cart was brought forward.
The pre-immortal buzz had abruptly stopped.
Three attempts and they managed to restart Richie's heart, and thankfully the pre-immortal buzz had returned with it. Then Richie lay quiet on the gurney as they draped a cooling blanket over him and pumped him full of drugs from one needle and took specimens with another before wheeling him out of the ER and out of sight.
All the while, Duncan from his knees had watched Tessa watch these proceedings. She stood, remarkably stoic, as Richie died only to be brought back. From where he was, Duncan saw her face in profile. Tears had made tracks down her cheek, but her eyes were dry now, all emotion seemingly spent. Only when Richie was out of sight did she acknowledge Duncan's presence. The security guards had seen that look on women's faces often enough that they released their grip on MacLeod's shoulders and backed away, though not departing entirely. Even still, Duncan somehow didn't have it in him to stand as she made her way over to him. He was still reclined on his knees as though someone had just kicked the life out of him.
"He's done that three times now," Tessa had said, her voice bereft of emotion. Duncan just stared at her like she'd spoken a language that he didn't know.
"Are you the parents?" came a soft, tired voice from behind her, and Tessa turned from her lover to address the doctor. It was his presence that finally motivated Duncan to stand.
"Yes," Duncan had answered immediately without thinking. Tessa didn't correct nor acknowledge him.
Then the doctor told them both what had happened. About how Richie was brought in with a fever so high that others have died from it. About how those fevers had shut down his kidneys and caused his brain to swell, which brought about the seizures, and the three brushes with death. He said that from what Tessa had told the EMTs on the ambulance ride, they had a pretty good idea of what Richie was suffering from, but they had to run some tests first so if the concerned parents would kindly find one of the private waiting rooms and they'll be informed as soon as the hospital staff knows more…
An eternity later the doctor was back to see them. He told them that Richie was a very sick boy (not that they didn't know that already) and that he was very lucky to be alive. He told them that Richie had stabilized, but was still running a dangerously high fever, and thus he was still on a seizure watch. Another seizure could kill him, and there was no way to tell how much (if any) brain damage the three previous ones had caused until he wakes up. Of course, that was going on the assumption that he will wake up, but you understand that there are no certainties, don't you, Mr. and Mrs. MacLeod…
Richie has a disease called 'relapsing fever', though Duncan had heard of it under a different name. It was the 'famine fever,' where patients would get very sick, only to go into remission, only to have the fever return again. In hindsight, that explained to Duncan Richie's wildly shifting mood, which seemed dependent upon exactly how high his fever had spiked. It also explained Richie's earlier chills, his head and body aches, breathing difficulties (brought on by the tachycardia), and erratic behavior (brought on by the delirium of the fever).
Duncan nearly laughed at that. If only it were that easy, blaming everything on Richie's delirium!
There was nothing to do now but keep Richie alive and stable as his body goes through fever spike after fever spike until eventually he develops an immunity to the organism invading his system.
That was three days ago. Richie's fever spiked twice a day since then, and he's undergone one more seizure. Now, on the third day afterwards, Richie still hasn't shown any signs of waking, and his fever, though less than it has been, is still persistent. And Duncan could only watch through the glass while Tessa visited with the teen, only leaving his side when the nurses threatened to call security, because in his delirium, he had called her 'mamen', French for mother, but had killed the highlander, making his opinions painfully clear.
Duncan stood and watched, practically aching to be of some use in this situation, but resigning himself to the fact that he was not. Richie was hovering somewhere between life, death, and vegetative. Richie saw a mother in Tessa, and a threat in Duncan. Richie may never become immortal.
And all because of the ticks that had stowed away in the crates from Ontario, that had attached to Richie without his knowledge, and transmitted this dreadful disease that couldn't decide how much damage it wanted to cause before it was through. Duncan has already burned everything contained within those crates. Fifty thousand dollars up in smoke. But they were tainted, and now Richie was paying the price, all because they were trying to get the store ready to open.
Just then a nurse came by, giving Duncan a curt nod before heading inside to fiddle with Richie's gadgets and give him more medication. She and Tessa exchanged a terse glance before Tessa rose for her chair, bade farewell to Richie, and rejoined her lover in the hallway.
"Nothing," Tessa sadly answered the unspoken question. Duncan nodded.
"You look tired," he said. In truth, neither of them has gotten much in the way of sleep recently.
"So do you," Tessa answered softly. "I suppose we should go. They won't want us hanging around much longer today anyway." Duncan nodded again. "We'll come back tomorrow," Tessa reassured, and once again, Duncan only nodded. Her lover had been uncharacteristically quiet ever since he had arrived at the hospital three days ago. "Come on," said Tessa gently, taking her lover by the arm. Slowly she lead him out of the ICU, out of the hospital, to where the T-bird was waiting. Duncan automatically climbed in on the driver's side before he remembered that Tessa had driven that morning, and that the keys were in her purse.
"I can drive," he said with tired annoyance as his open hand for the keys was met with a questioning stare. Tessa finally acquiesced and handed him the keys, too tired to argue the point, and therefore really too tired to drive. Neither of them spoke again until they were back at the loft.
"I can't take much more of this," said Tessa, suddenly taking her frustrations out on her pillow as she fluffed it for the night.
"It's not up to us," Duncan answered with resignation. "Richie's fever has been decreasing steadily. He'll wake up when he's ready."
"And if his fever goes away completely and he still doesn't wake up?" Tessa asked, her voice sounding strangely devoid of emotion.
Duncan sighed. In truth, he had already thought much about the answer to that question. When Richie wakes, if indeed he wakes, he could be Richie again, or he could be… what is left over after the seizures have irreparably damaged his brain. The seemingly simple solution to this problem was simply to kill Richie—to let him die by violent means. That would trigger his latent immortality for sure, and if Richie was bound to wake, then indeed he would awaken upon reviving. Of course, Duncan would have to find a way of getting away with murder in a hospital in such a way that nothing the doctors could try would revive the teen before the immortality could take hold. The improbability of that happening alone was enough to discourage the thought.
However, if given serious consideration, Duncan would have dismissed the thought anyway. Richie could revive as an immortal and not awaken, if he is destined to spend the rest of his life in an irrecoverable coma. It is too cruel a thing to resign the lad to an eternity in a vegetative state. Duncan would be forced to take his head in that instance, and the highlander fervently believed that he could never withstand the emotional consequences of such an action.
Also, if Richie did in fact wake up immortal, there's still no guarantee that he'd be the same old Richie. The potential brain damage might not be enough to keep him in the coma forever, but it may (and mostly likely) is enough to change his personality in any number of ways. As much as having to take a permanently vegetative Richie's head would pain Duncan, having an immortal Richie who wasn't Richie alive and most likely completely dependant on another immortal for survival would almost be worse. Duncan would have to sequester the lad on holy ground somewhere and pray for the best.
Indeed, the prospect of visiting an immortal Richie who was not Richie in such an institution year after year was definitely the most heartbreaking outcome of all.
And how would he explain it all to Tessa?
No, Duncan would not do anything to interfere with Richie's natural progression towards the game. If Richie were to die now, it would be without any (additional) help from the highlander. All Duncan could do, all that he would allow himself to do, is sit back, watch, and pray.
"When Richie came to live with us," Duncan spoke at last, "we agreed that we would take care of him. And we will take care of him, no matter what." Tessa nodded swiftly, and tears shone in her eyes. Duncan drew her into a fierce embrace, and she spent what was left of her energy crying on his shoulder.
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Nothing changed in the next two days. Duncan and Tessa would drive to the hospital, Tessa would visit with Richie whenever visitors were allowed in the ICU, and Duncan would stand outside the glass walls and observe them. Tessa would speak a bizarre mixture of French and English to the teen, who would remain as unresponsive as ever, and Duncan would use the free time to let his mind wander over all the new ways he could possibly feel guilty over this situation.
First there was the guilt for putting his own needs ahead of those of his family's. For not bothering to ask Tessa and Richie if they even wanted to go back to the states, or even if they wanted to remain in the states after the business with Horton was concluded. No, it was just assumed that they would move back into the loft and reopen the antique store, mostly because he was the one that assumed it.
Then of course there was the guilt that maybe he hadn't tried hard enough to get Richie to open up about what he was really feeling. After all, the teen just blindly followed wherever he and Tessa lead, always putting their happiness above his own and not caring about the details so long as they didn't kick him out or renounce all they had said, or rather implied, about the concept of family. Richie was always very selfless about things like that, and Duncan had taken for granted that Richie wouldn't have a problem with the move. Duncan felt guilty about taking Richie's easy-going nature (or rather, fear of rocking the boat) for granted, and he felt guilty for not seeing that Richie was upset until it was too late, and for not trying hard enough to get the teen to open up… or perhaps for trying to hard and pushing him away. Either way, the guilt was the same.
There was also the guilt surrounding not taking Richie's illness seriously, for letting his belief that trying to baby Richie would only serve to push him further away, and for not recognizing the signs of an illness that has claimed his friends and loved ones in the past. Of course, he also felt guilty that it was the act of unpacking items for the store that brought Richie into contact with the illness (when Richie didn't even want to be back here in the first place), guilt for the fact that Richie was the one bitten and not himself (they had handled those crates and items equally), guilt for not spotting the parasites sooner (really, he should have checked…).
Finally, there was the guilt surround his anger at Richie for attacking him… if really you could call it anger. The act caught Duncan completely off his guard… and he was off guard because he trusted Richie implicitly, trusted him with his life. And Richie had betrayed that trust with a single act… though really, it must have been the delirium caused by the fever, but it still didn't sting any less. Betrayal was always the hardest part of dying.
However, Richie must have known that he couldn't have killed Duncan by stabbing him. Why did he do it then? Duncan desperately wanted to know. He needed to know. What had he done to so offend the teen (aside from what Richie had revealed to him in the moments before the killing)? Did Richie really hate him so much that he would so easily take advantage of his trust in such a way? Was the act itself a pointed statement about the state of affairs for their friendship? It must be so, otherwise Richie wouldn't have been so cold, so… deliberate, when he committed the act.
And what of his openly addressing Tessa in the French for 'mother'? He had never spoken thusly before, except when he was half asleep in Paris and not aware of what he was saying. Of course, he was delirious, and sitting beside Emily Ryan's grave at the time. But surely he had recognizes Tessa?
Everything was painfully clear to the highlander, as he watched Tessa feign a laugh at some joke in her one-sided conversation to the comatose Richie. He had accepted Tessa as the mother figure he hasn't known since Emily's death, but Duncan knew that his own selfishness in his dealings with the teen up to this point, from Darius's death until now, has sealed his fate as another in the long list of forgettable foster fathers. Of this fact Duncan was certain, as much as it pained him. It was his own fault of course, for he was the first to betray trust: Richie's trust that the highlander would look out for his health, happiness, and wellbeing. All three points Duncan has failed in, and he only has his guilt to keep him company as he watched from the window the machines keeping Richie alive, never daring to set foot across the threshold into the room.
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"You've been awfully quiet lately," said Tessa. She and Duncan were eating lunch in the hospital cafeteria after being kicked out of Richie's room again. For his answer, Duncan just shrugged. "I know you've been thinking about Richie," Tessa continued, "so you might as well share what it is." Of course, Duncan would never tell her the nature of his current thoughts, not in a million years.
"I'm just worried about him," he offered instead. Tessa nodded sympathetically.
"That's plain, Duncan," she said. "But I'd like to think I know you well enough to gauge when you are keeping things from me." Duncan laughed suddenly at that statement, and Tessa bit her lip and the unintended cruelty of that act. "Duncan, talk to me," she directed once she had regained the brief slip of her composure.
"And what would we talk about?" Duncan asked, his voice dejected. He already knew the answer.
"How about why you haven't been in to see Richie since you arrived here?" Tessa offered. Duncan sighed and dropped his head, breaking eye contact. "I don't understand," Tessa continued. "You're usually the one trying to monopolize the chair by Richie's bedside." Duncan offered a ghost of a smile at unwelcome memories. "Duncan?"
"Do you know what the last thing he said to me was?" Duncan asked, still fighting with his inherent disbelief of the entire situation. Tessa shook her head.
"He said that his 'family' taught him how to get bloodstains out of carpet." Tessa was unsure how to react to that statement, so she followed it up with another question.
"That's not all he said, is it," she asked, though the question was rhetorical. Duncan shook his head.
"He hates me, Tess," Duncan finally confessed, the words sounding strange to his own ears. This time Tessa shook her head.
"He doesn't hate you Duncan," she corrected softly but firmly.
"Doesn't he?" Duncan countered. "I followed Horton back here, and you followed me, and Richie just… tagged along for the ride. He didn't want to leave."
"Duncan, Richie would follow us to Hell and back if we asked him to, without a second thought," said Tessa. "He would not hate you for that so long as he was invited." The bitter truth in Tessa's words gave the highlander sudden pause.
"It was selfish of me to come back here," he said at length. "And I didn't even ask you—or him for that matter, if you wanted to." Tessa shook her head, banishing hurtful memories. We're either together, or we're not.
"And you think that's how Richie sees it?" She asked. Duncan nodded slightly.
"He said so," Duncan revealed quietly, his face downcast so that Tessa couldn't see his eyes.
"Duncan, need I remind you that Richie was delirious with fever at the time?" Tessa asked, forcing the incredulous tone to her voice to deal with this newfound predicament. Duncan laughed, or rather, scoffed.
"He trusted me to do what's best for him, and all I did was do what's best for myself," Duncan concluded with an unhealthy amount of self-loathing. "I betrayed his trust." This time Tessa was the one to break the eye contact. She couldn't wholly refute Duncan's conclusions, and that's what frightened her.
"Just as he betrayed yours?" She offered quietly, once again giving Duncan sudden pause.
"He killed me," was all Duncan managed to say. He couldn't tell her about the anger he'd felt upon awakening, or the hurt. He couldn't tell her about how confused he was by Richie's statements in the moments before he was slain. He couldn't tell her that he felt the one more deserving of outrage at what had transpired, for hadn't he always kept Richie safe, happy, and a part of their family? Wasn't it Richie who was being the selfish ingrate? No, he couldn't confess these thoughts to Tessa, because he ceased believing them himself, as soon as he saw Richie flat-line on the ER table and was suddenly faced with the prospect of losing him forever.
Richie nearly died, and indeed still might, or worse, because Duncan hadn't noticed the severity of the illness, because he had chalked it up to exhaustion and malnourishment, because he thought that Richie was just going through one of his normal teenage attitudes. And the rift that has grown between them, that was the cause of the breakdown in communications, which gave rise to those assumptions… was solely Duncan's fault, or so he believed. Because he threw any and all thoughts concerning his family onto the back burner in his haste, and bloodlust, to conclude matter of Darius's death.
And Duncan also sensed now, what he had been blinded to back then: Darius didn't want vengeance. The dead want nothing, the dead feel nothing, and nothing done in the living world will change any of that. Avenging Darius, killing Horton, while also a great service to immortals everywhere, was an entirely selfish act, committed by Duncan MacLeod, for the sake of Duncan MacLeod. And now Richie was paying the price. Richie, who Duncan had sensed, had known all along how Darius would have felt about the entire sordid affair.
"He killed me," Duncan reiterated, and I deserved it." Tessa's heart went out to her lover, but only briefly, before her anger took control.
"So you think you deserved to die?" She asked, her tone dismissive. Duncan looked up to her then, and saw the fire in her eyes. "Then do you think that he deserves to be ignored by you?"
"I'm not ignoring him," Duncan defended weakly. "I've been here every day, same as you."
"Yet you refuse to see him, to talk to him…" Tessa's voice trailed off as her anger was washed away by grief. "The doctors said that talking to him would help, and yet you refuse to."
"You're talking to him," he offered, but Tessa shook her head.
"How can he ever forgive you if you turn your back on him now?"
"How can he ever forgive me if the person he least wants to see is the one he wakes up to?" Tessa shook her head, unable to staunch the misplaced anger she was feeling.
"Let me put it to you this way, Duncan MacLeod," she said, and her tone told Duncan that he'd better listen closely. "If you abandon that boy now, when he needs you the most, because you can't get over that stubborn highland guilt complex of yours, you should be more worried over if I shall ever forgive you." With that the Frenchwoman stood and stalked away from the table and out of the cafeteria.
Duncan remained in the cafeteria a while longer to gather his thoughts. He just could not fathom how, after all that was said and done, Richie would want to wake up in his presence, when he still thought of Tessa as his mother figure. Surely she would be the more welcomed sight? But Tessa herself did not see it that way, and now she had delivered an ultimatum, which was quite unlike her and only served to prove how worried about Richie she truly was.
With a resigned sigh, Duncan realized that he couldn't stay lost in his morbid thoughts in the hospital cafeteria indefinitely, and so he stood, disposed of his lunch tray, and made his way back towards the ICU.
Much to his amazement, he discovered that Tessa wasn't there. In fact, he saw no traces of her. He momentarily debated what to do, but in the end he really could not allow Richie to go untended to. Someone really should be there for him at all times, though up to this point that person had been Tessa. With another resigned sigh, Duncan reclaimed the too-familiar post in the chair beside Richie's hospital bed, wondering to himself whether or not Tessa's prominent absence was deliberate.
"How many times have we done this now?" Duncan asked a comatose Richie, finding need to break the silence that only his guilt named uncomfortable. "Too many," he answered on a sigh. "In fact, I think you've had this room before." The silence stretched out as Duncan tried to decide how best to break it again, this one-sided conversation so much more appealing than the heavy silence punctuated by beeping and whirring machines.
"The doctors say that, if you're going to wake up, you'll be about that real soon," he continued. "I hope so," Duncan added. "It's not like you to be so silent for long." Once again the highlander's statements met with no reply. It amazed him how this time around, he felt the need to fill the silent moments, when before he had been perfectly contented to just sit with Richie and await his eventual awakening. Perhaps it was because this time around the doctors used the words 'will probably awaken.'
"Ach, laddie, what the Hell has happened here?" Duncan asked at last, the tumult of emotions eliciting his native Gaelic without his even realizing it. "Don't you know you're not supposed to die yet? You have centuries left to live! You're destined to enter the game, not… not waste away like this." Duncan put his head in one hand, sighing sadly to himself and fighting tears at the infuriating silence.
"You know, Tessa will never forgive either of us if you don't wake up," he said at length, still in Gaelic, for even now he was unaware of his transition. "Though, when you do wake up, she's going to baby you like never before, so I can understand why you're hesitant to come back to us." Duncan's voice nearly broke at the last, and only some remnant of highland willpower allowed him to keep it together.
"You can hate me all you want," he said at last, forcing his emotions back. "So long as you do it while you're awake." Duncan squinted his eyes into his fingers, pushing back tears. He refused to believe that it could end like this. It seemed so hollow, so… anticlimactic, for everything they have endured this past year. Only when Duncan forced his more depressed emotions back into the recesses of his mind, deciding for the moment to stick with stubborn highland pride that would NOT let it end like this, did he finally return his gaze to Richie.
He was shocked to discover two bright blue eyes now opened and regarding him intently.
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Medical source: The Merck Manual online
Reviewer Responses:
Lily: Thanks for the encouragement!
Mz. Lizzy: I agree with you completely. Unfortunately, the show never really delved into Richie's emotions, unless the point was to put him at odds with Duncan, in which case it was always Duncan who appeared justified, never Richie.
Yellowvalley: Indeed, character development was often sacrificed in the name of action in this series, unless of course it was another in-depth character study of the many levels of Duncan's ability to brood. And as you learn in this chapter, Richie is indeed VERY sick.
Kat: Thanks for the support! I also agree that Richie's seeming indifference towards his past is all bravado, and really there are emotions lurking below the surface, which makes Richie so wonderful to write. There is so much to explore with his character, and admittedly, so many different directions an author can take, which are only proven valid according to the character development skills of the author.
Richiefic: Indeed you are correct. Richie wasn't looking to kill Duncan permanently. He simply used Duncan's immortality against him as a means of escaping the situation. And the only reason it happened was because Mac trusted him with his life. Granted it was rather sloppy of him (Richie fondling a dagger when not in his right mind), but Duncan never was quick to detect falseness or betrayal from those around him, especially from those he cares about and/or trusts. I also personally feel that any personal reflection on Richie's part is more than he was ever granted in the show, so OOC could happen if strong evidence isn't used to defend how you perceive Richie's thoughts and emotions.
SC: Yeah I did get rather repetitive. It's one of the things I dislike about this chapter, and really, about this story. I was going for a layered effect, where each time the emotions are explored, a little more is revealed, and then a little more, so that by the end, we have a clear picture, based on the introspection and on the actual action of the story. I now believe that my execution of this writing tactic was a little remiss, and I apologize here to my readers for this fact.
Lamarquise: Wow you wrote a book, hence why I saved yours for last (no slight intended here by that fact). Ok, where to begin.
First, you said before that you were probably going to stop reading this fic because I had tried your patience a bit too much than is forgivable, yet by this review, I see that for some reason you decided to read another chapter, and so I thank you for not abandoning me completely. Indeed, these new comments are much more elaborate, and yes, much more constructive than your previous post. For clarification purposes, I have outlined what I perceive flames to be below, as well as the other two types of reviews.
Also, to your statement of 'prove me wrong if you can,' I feel that I must remind you that I am the author, and this is my story. I am in no way obligated to respond in any way to any of your statements. I don't have to prove you wrong if I don't wish to. The burden falls on you the reader to make the decision on whether or not you wish to pursue a fic. If you do not like what I (or anyone else) write(s), then that is your right, and thus your right to not read (and even to review/flame). However, I do not in any way have to answer to you if you do not like my fic (unless you are one of the moderators of this site coming here in disguise). I am only entertaining the thought now because going tet-a-tet with others familiar with the canon will help me to better my craft.
Now, to respond to your issues. I can understand your opinion of the fact that Richie doesn't dwell on things. That is because we never SEE him dwell on things. Recall, if you will, the episode Prodigal Son, when Richie tells Duncan that he wasn't sure that he'd be welcomed at the barge after their parting the last time. Personally, I feel that he reached that conclusion after giving the entire scenariomore than just a passing thought. The same can be said, too, for the ep End of Innocence. Richie's feelings in that episode, especially towards his teacher/student relationship with Mac, surely can't have just been decided on without some sort of in-depth thought on the matter.
I can also understand your opinions about how Richie deals with loss. However, if you recall, he was bound and determined to get to the bottom of Gary's 'mysterious' death, and to bring those responsible to justice. Also, we saw that he had a very strong interest in what happened to Nikki and Melinda, and Maria his old foster sister, and even Angie. While I can see your point about his fatalistic view of things that happen these people, I personally believe that this is merely a defense mechanism designed to prevent himself from getting hurt. If he didn't care about loss, would he have pursued Tessa's murderer the way he did? I believe that you are only seeing the surface of things, as presented to us in canon, and not realizing that these people have lives off screen, that we aren't privy too. Richie has to deal with loss the same as any other human being. Just because we don't see his emotional ups and downs doesn't mean that he doesn't have them.
I agree with you about Richie's constant worrying over family. However, I fail to believe that he never questioned their motives. Richie has known the street life, as you have said. All his life he has been the only one looking out for him, as he is bounced from foster home to foster home ("everyone, this is your new foster brother Richie. Treat him just like one of the family—NOT!") I personally feel that he would question everyone's motives, because he has no basis to assume that anything done to/for/about him was entirely for his own benefit. These are issues I explored in my fic Into the Fold, where basically I established the precedent for this universe of mine that Richie constantly tries to find hidden agendas as falsity with the people he comes into contact with. After all, being a product of the system, I fervently believe that he's been taken for rides more times than he would like to recall, and it is in his own best interests to be suspicious of everyone, even Mac and Tessa, though eventually he tries to lessen the knee-jerk reaction with them.
While there is no reason to suspect that he went back to Seacouver against his wishes, there is also no reason to believe that he wanted to go, either. The writers never dealt with the issue, so it is left up to speculation. I personally chose the route of him not wanting to leave Paris, because of the closeness of family that he found there (based on precedents that I established in my story Flight). While I agree that if Duncan gave him his blessings he could have easily decided to stay in Paris, didn't you just say that, "his main angst is over whether it's family at all and when his luck will run out"? It sounds like you are contradicting yourself here. Why would he choose to break up the family he cares so much about by remaining in Paris when Mac and Tessa are leaving? Wouldn't that be almost choosing to end the luck right there, as opposed to waiting for it to run out?
As for his killing Duncan, I explained above that it was an escape tactic, nothing more. There was no malice meant in it beyond his desire to get as far away from the highlander as possible. Had Richie been thinking clearly, maybe he would have talked his way out of it (and I agree that that is always his first choice), but I spent most of the fic establishing how he wasn't able to think clearly, and the problems it was causing him. Therefore, I had Richie see an option, and then take it, meaning only to escape, because he saw no other way. After all, he basically just ripped Duncan a new one, revealing thoughts and emotions that otherwise wouldn't have seen the light of day. Wanting to escape from that situation seems perfectly justified to me.
I also agree with you about how Duncan reacts to his trust being betrayed. However, I believe that he never truly trusted Felicia (Tessa said as much to Richie in the ep). And with Kenny, he did take him back into his home, at the insistence of Amanda. Also, Benny Carbasa was responsible for killing Mac in Vendetta, and he seemed to forgive him for that well enough by the end (at least, their relationship didn't appear to change much). And how many times has Amanda gotten him into trouble (flashback for Lady and the Tiger, for example). Also, Methos killed him in Forgive Us Our Trespasses, but that didn't seem to phase him by the next episode. Even in the episode Chivalry, when Methos turned Duncan's own sword against him to prove a point, it didn't really cause any serious injury to their friendship. Sure it won't be an easy thing to get over, but I don't believe that the damage done will be irreparable. Of course, that's because it's my fic and I can believe what I will about it.
There, that should answer the issues your review raised. Whether or not they 'prove you wrong' is another matter, and really I'm not intending to do so. I merely attempt to provide counterexamples to your theories, which I believe I have done. Thanks again for your continued interest in this story, and I look forward to our next encounter.
To everyone: just to clarify: I personally believe that there are three types of reviews- First there is the most beneficial, the constructive review. Whether saying good or bad things about a fic, these reviews actually contain statements that back up opinions, so that the author can really pause to examine the validity of what the reviewer has said. It's through this examination process that an author eventually learns how to better their craft, and it is why I have begun asking for such reviews at the end of all my fics.
Second, there is the non-constructive, flagrant ego gratification. It's the "I like your fic" review that doesn't state any reasons why. While these make me feel good about myself, they really don't help me to improve my writing.
Third, there is the flame, which is the opposite of the ego gratification review. It basically says "I don't like your fic" without providing any basis to back up their opinion unless it's with more opinion. It has all the validity of saying "I don't like roses because I don't like the smell." That's a review, which is an opinion, backed up by another opinion. I generally disregard these reviews as a rule, or rather as a principle, because up to now I have only received one of them.