A/N: I have nothing to say…but BWAHAHAHAHA!
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, I don't even
own a Klondike Bar!
Lord Voldemort paced the floor of the mansion, his forehead damp with sweat and his breathing. He was waiting for Wormtail to return from the market…When the front door slammed shut, Wormtail walked in.
"WHERE ARE THEY?!" Voldemort hissed, steam practically blowing from his nostrils.
"M-m-master, the-they didn't have them in Diagon Alley!" Wormtail whimpered.
"They must have found out my need for them….My need for the delectable, delicious, scrumptious," He said the next two words as if he were savoring them, "Klondike Bar. I shall go and find it if you cannot, Wormtail." He walked over to a coat rack and took out a long, black cloak. He slung it over his shoulders and put the hood up. "And God HELP you, Wormtail, if I come home and find Nagini hanging upside on the coat rack down once more, God HELP you." And with that, Voldemort slammed the door behind him.
Voldemort apparated to the busy streets of London, looking a bit conspicuous in his cloak. "One of these muggles must know where to find the tasty Klondike Bars. Now to find the right one." He stopped a squat, balding man. "Um excuse me," He began, looking down at him, "Where do they sell the Klondike Bars?"
"Anywhere! Get out of my way!" the short man shoved past Voldemort, enraging the Dark Lord. He raised his wand from the fold of his cloak.
"CRUCIO!" The man fell to the ground, screaming. "WHERE DO THEY SELL KLONDIKE BARS?! ANSWER ME, MUGGLE!" Voldemort howled. Everyone along the street stopped and stared at the cloaked man torturing the short bald man.
"You there!" Yelled a nearby policeman, "Halt and desist!" He ran towards the Dark Lord with his night stick out.
"Whu-oah." The Dark Lord stopped the Crucio curse and took flight, haphazardly shooting spells behind him. Several people were run over in the process, but Voldemort eluded the policeman by apparating to the next street over. He breathed a sigh of relief and leaned up against the wall, wiping sweat off of his forehead. He looked across the street and spotted a deli. "Maybe they know where to get Klondike Bars…" He thought. He started across the street, but hurriedly ran back to the side of the street he had been on to avoid traffic. "Puny cars!" he thought. "They will not stop me from getting my…Klondike bars!!" He put a freezing charm on the cars and calmly walked across the road before un-freezing the traffic. He calmly walked into the deli. There was a man behind the counter. "What can I get for ya?"
"Nothing. I need directions to the nearest seller for Klondike Bars." Voldemort replied icily.
"I'll give you directions if you buy something." The man replied.
Voldemort cursed. "Fine…Anything for a Klondike Bar. Give me some ham."
"How much?" the man asked.
"JUST GIVE ME HAM." The man took out some ham, wrapped it, and weighed it, before telling Voldemort the price. Voldemort, holding the ham, took out a Galleon and plunked it down on the counter.
"What's this?"
"A Galleon. Keep the change. Now, where are the Klondike Bars?"
"I can't take this! It's not even real money!" The man objected. Voldemort snatched the Galleon up.
"I'll be going then!" He turned on his heel and exited, still carrying the ham. "Wait!" he heard the man yell. "You didn't pay!" Voldemort ignored him. "I'm calling the cops!"
Voldemort quickly apparated to the next street. He was muttering to himself as he ran into a dirty, smelly, bum. "Any spare change?" the bum asked.
"No." The Dark Lord sneered. He looked down at the ham still in his arms. "But I will give you this ham if you show me where Klondike Bars are sold."
"Follow me!" the bum said eagerly. Voldemort followed him through several streets before the bum led him into a grocery store. The bum took him over to a cooler and pointed inside at the Klondike Bars. "Thank you, you dirty Muggle!" Voldemort said. "I could kiss you!"
"I'll settle for the ham." Voldemort handed the bum the ham, and the bum left. Voldemort opened the cooler, a maniacal grin on his face. He emptied the cooler of Klondike Bars and dumped them into a basket nearby. He grinned and with a POP, he disapparated.
Voldemort returned to the manor, finding it all in order. He hung his cloak up and took his basket of Klondike Bars to his study. He sighed and sat in his chair before taking out a Klondike Bar. Voldemort slowly unwrapped the ice cream bar before taking a bite.
"Mmmm!" He said, his mouth full, "Oh God, this is better than my daydreams of killing Potter!"
A/N: And what's the lesson in this kiddies? Being an insomniac is bad.