Yami Kitsune: WARNING there is some MAJOR OOC in this fic for all of the characters.
Rurouniagra: Disclaimer: We don't own Yu-Gi-Oh or it wouldn't be rated G and Anzu wouldn't exist, and we don't own Motivation Proclamation, it's by Good Charlotte.
Yami Kitsune: About the title….yea, we've just finished reading Charles Dickens' A Tale of Two Cities so that's where THAT cam from. The rest of it, even we're not sure of.
Recalled to Life
Bakura holds a corpse at night to chase away the
dreams of a dead man.
BAKURA'S POV
"Ryou?" I called to my lighter half. There was no answer. That was odd, he always answered me when I came home.
Home. That's what this place was to me now. Of course I'd never admit it, even to Ryou. But I am starting to enjoy my second existence. I know I'm turning soft, the other day I actually said THANKYOU! Ugh! Ryou's good habits are rubbing off on me.
"Light?" I called again. Damn the white-haired boy. If he weren't here I'd have to go looking. I worry about him. He's not as strong as I am and I have had trouble in this lifetime while I was on the streets.
Ryou? Light?I tried the mind link. Still nothing.
I grabbed my jacket from the stand and walked out the door. Hopefully he was at the Pharaoh's and not the Ishtar's. I know those two psychos want him and I'll be dammed if I let them have him. I made my way through the streets towards the Kame Game Shop. It was closed, but I knocked anyway hopping someone was here.
A figure moved inside coming towards the door. I couldn't see who it was but I guessed the Pharaoh for it was too tall to be Yugi or his grandfather. Sure enough when the door opened the one time ruler of Egypt stood before me. He wasn't wearing his normal leather but loose fitting sweatpants and no shirt.
Damn he's hot.
Where in the nine hells did that come from? I must be loosing it. I know I'm homosexual, I like Ryou, but I DO NOT like the Pharaoh; he's half of my trouble of this life.
The other half is the microwave. I just can't use that thing.
Nor the toaster…
"Do you need something, Bakura?" He sounded tired, maybe a little sad. And he'd called me Bakura! Not tomb robber or thief, he used my name. That was odd, maybe he wasn't feeling well.
Wait…what do I care? I'm here for my light. I am a cold, unfeeling bastard who only concerns himself with himself or his other half. I DO NOT CARE about anything or anyone else!
"Have you seen Ryou?"
If it were possible, he looked even more tired and even a little pale.
"I've seen more of Ryou then I ever really wished to," he said and turned away from me. He left the door open so I followed him. What the hell was he talking about?
I followed him into the house part of the shop. A fire was burning and he drew himself close to it, arms wrapped around his knees that were drawn up to his chest. He began to rock slightly. Suddenly he began singing. It was an ancient Egyptian love song about missing an opportunity or something. I knew Yami remembered very little of his past, but he sang the song, that I had heard a thousand times from drunk, brokenhearted men, in perfect tune and word for word. I totally forgot why I came in the first place while I listened to Yami sing. He seemed to have forgotten I was there, indeed I forgot I was there. His deep voice put me in a trance. There was so much emotion in his voice I felt tears form behind my eyes.
Shit, when did I get so fucking weak a fucking song could put me in a trance and make me cry?
"Yami?" I finally said when he'd finished. My voice was different, softer, almost like Ryou's, but a little deeper.
The tri-coloured-haired boy jumped and looked back at me.
"Sorry, I forgot you were there." Oddly he didn't seem embarrassed by being caught singing an ancient love song with a former enemy in the room.
Wait? Aren't I still his enemy?
No.
After seeing him like that I don't think I could ever hate him again. Dislike, sure, fight with, absolutely, but I would never be able to hate him again. He was no longer a pharaoh in my eyes but a person.
Damn but Ryou's rubbing off on me.
"It's ok. You said you saw Ryou. Where is he?"
Yami paled again. "Upstairs, second door on your left." He seemed as if he wanted to say something more, but after a full minute of silence with nothing said I turned to go.
"Thanks," I said. Yami turned back to stare at the fire. This wasn't what Yami did every day was it? He was acting strange.
So? I don't care. He might be a person but I only care about Ryou and myself.
I walked up the stairs and opened the door Yami had indicated.
I nearly died…again.
Ryou and Yugi were wrapped in each other's arms. From this disorder of the bed and their naked bodies I could tell what they'd been up to. I thought they were asleep but as I watched Ryou moved closer to Yami's light half and kissed him.
"I love you, Yugi."
"And I love you, Ryou."
They kissed again. I was frozen to the spot.
Suddenly I felt a hand on my shoulder. I don't know how but I managed to not to shout with surprise. I turned to see Yami behind me. Getting my first good look at his face that evening I saw his eyes were red. I mean, no shit they're normally red, but I'm talking about the eyes themselves not the irises. His eyes were bloodshot and puffy making him look younger. He'd been crying. By Ra, he'd been crying!
He signaled for me to follow him back downstairs. For the first time I noticed how unsteady he was on his feet, nothing like his normal, graceful, confident strides. He was really shaken up. He never lost his cool.
We went back into the living room in front of the fire. We both stared at it for a long time and now I saw why Yami had been so entranced with it. The flames danced in an unfathomable pattern that drew the watcher in and allowed them to forget, even if it were only a short time, their problems. The heat helped too.
"I didn't even know he was gay," I said breaking the silence.
Yami looked over at me. "Oh he is, and from what I saw earlier he didn't just now figure that out."
I stared at him. He'd walked in on them while they were doing THAT?
Yami actually grinned a little at me when he caught me staring. "Yes I did, and let's just say our lights are not as innocent as they look. It looked…and sounded… like they'd both done it before, but not with each other."
"Ryou" I mumbled, "why didn't you tell me?"
"At least you aren't in love with your light. I nearly died…. again." He turned back to the fire and again became entranced with it. As I watched a tear slid down him cheek.
"But I do love him," I said before I even realized I'd opened my mouth, "At least…I thought I did."
I did think I loved Ryou, but if I did, why wasn't I more upset like Yami. It occurred to me then, how young Yami was. I know he's officially over 5000 years old, but he was really still a boy, not a man at all. If I remember correctly he inherited the throne young. He was no older the perhaps Ryou was now.
Still a child in this lifetime.
And at this instant he looked young. With all he had done it was easy to forget that, not only was he a person, but he was truly still a child. And he'd just had his heart broken. Probably for the first time.
My body was not my own. I sat beside him and pulled him onto my lap and hugged him. Yami struggled little. When I finally got him situated in what I hoped was a comfortable position I began to sing. Ryou often teased me about my singing, but I didn't care.
I felt me shirt getting damp. Yami was crying again. He clutched onto my shirt and just let the tears come. Slowly the tears stopped and the ancient Pharaoh fell asleep in my arms.
It all began that night. One lousy incident that didn't even really affect me when it happened but now it's driving me nuts. I can't get him out of my head! Whenever I think about him my mind brings up the picture of him crying in my arms. Ryou says he still hasn't left his room.
I DON'T CARE.
At least, I shouldn't. Ugh! Stupid Pharaoh! I can't get him out of my head!
Spend your lazy, endless, crazy,
Days inside my head,
Finally I couldn't take it anymore. When Ryou announced he was going over to see Yugi I told him I was coming with him. He seemed a little taken aback. Neither had said anything about being together and I assumed they didn't know we knew and therefore had no idea why Yami was depressed. When we got to the shop, Yugi greeted us. I grunted a hello and pushed past them. I could tell they were staring at me. I ignored them and went directly to Yami's room. Yami was there, sitting on his bed, a knife in his had. He'd slit both his wrist. He sat there, starring as his blood ran down his arms.
I was horrified.
He looked over at me. "You know we can't even kill ourselves?" He just sat there and said it in the most natural voice. As if we were conversing about the weather. He sat there and looked at what should have been his life bleeding away. But he was already dead inside; he didn't care about the physical manifestation of his death. The blood was just a symbol. A false one, but still a symbol of the death he'd already suffered. He giggled and repeated himself and continued to laugh until he couldn't say it any longer for he was laughing too hard to string coherent words together.
He was right about not being able to kill ourselves. I knew Marik had tried and failed. That was how the two blonde Egyptians had gotten together. [1]
"Maybe I can just destroy the Puzzle?" he giggled as if he we high on something. At least he had stopped laughing hysterically.
That would work, he wouldn't die, per say, but he would cease to live. Depends on how one looks at it. Wait, what the hell am I talking about?
He was talking about killing himself! He'd already tired! Something inside me snapped. I grabbed the knife from him and threw it so it landed buried to the hilt in the wall. Yami just stared at me.
"Are you ok Bakura?"
Was I ok? He'd just fucking slit his wrist and he was asking ME if I was OK?
"What the hell are you doing, Yami? I know you can't kill yourself, but why are you even trying?"
"Yugi doesn't need me, doesn't love me. I have no use here anymore." He was still giggling.
"You FUCKING BASTARD you are needed here. You're not the only one who lost a loved one. I feel the same way about Ryou."
You're so selfish,
You're not the only,
One who thinks he's dead,
"You don't see me trying to kill myself! Try and be happy for them!
I'm paid to smile,
"Yami?" asked a timid voice from the door. Both Ryou and Yugi stood there, gaze torn between Yami's bleeding wrist and Bakura's yelling figure.
"Did you do this because of me, Yami?" asked Yugi on the verge of tears. Stood at the door and starred at him. "Yami, Yami, Yami," he cried over and over again gazing at the Pharaohs bleeding arms. "Yami I'm sorry, I didn't know you felt that way. I thought you only saw me as a little brother or a son or something. I can't loose you yami, I need you."
Yami walked to him. He hugged his light and grinned sadly. And after a short silence chose to respond. "I'm not old enough to be your father," he chided. Yugi giggled through his tears.
"True," Yugi said grinning up at his darker half. Then he frowned, "You're not mad at Ryou are you? I started it."
Now I'm on trial,
For what you think I said:
Yami looked over at the younger white-haired boy, then to Bakura. "Bakura is right. I need to just be happy for you and …and move on." He said the words, but he didn't mean them. His eyes were still dead. He was still dead. But he'd do anything for Yugi. Anything. He really loved him.
I saw that Yami was going to start crying again. I told Ryou to get Yugi out of the room. As soon as the door shut tears began falling from Yami's already red eyes. "Thank you Bakura."
"For what?" I asked out of reflex.
"For getting Yugi out of the room. I know he knows I've been crying but I don't want him to see it. And for the other night."
"Nothing to it. Just don't expect that every time you get upset."
But I never said that everything would be okay,
And I never said that we would live to see another day,
"Hold me?" he asked. He'd curled up into the fetal position and was now lying on the blood soaked sheets rocking back and forth slightly. "Please, I need someone to hold me just now."
How could I say no?
I picked him up – he was very light and obviously hadn't eaten in a couple of days- and removed the sheet. Then I pulled him to me. He'd stopped crying, and bleeding, and lay silent in my arms.
It was like hugging a corps.
Don't ask how I know what that feels like.
Weeks passed. Ryou and Yugi made their relationship known to the group. To celebrate, Seto took everyone out to dinner. It was the first time I'd seen Yugi's other half since the night he slept like the dead in my arms. I had awoken to find him gone and, unable to find him, I had left.
He was dressed nicely just as everyone else was because of the fancy restaurant, but even without his normal clothes to compare him with, I could tell he lost weight. He hadn't had much too loose either. Ryou had mentioned Yami's absence in the Mouto household as of late. Most of time he didn't come home till morning. Never with an excuse.
His eyes were no longer red, but they were just as dead and empty as the night he'd slit his wrist. He went through the motions of the party. Acting happy and even laughing. But it was a hollow, fake laugh that held no real emotion in it.
Motivate me,
I wanna get myself out of this bed,
After dinner I followed him. He left telling Yugi he wanted to walk home. That he needed some fresh air.
The idiot bought it.
Refusing a ride home from the Ishtars (for Ryou was going home with Yugi) I stalked after the Pharaoh.
Half way down the block he entered what appeared to be an empty warehouse. I entered in after him and after following him down a hallway he entered another door. I was shocked that when that door opened, music, if that's what you want to call it, and light blast out.
Opening the door for myself, I entered into what was obviously a rave. Drugs were being passed around in open sight; alcohol was everywhere even though it was apparent that most of the people were underage. Pacifiers hung from almost every neck and the dance floor was completely packed with dances who were obviously drunk, high, or both.
I found it decidedly hard to find my tri-haired prey for the coloured lights threw everything into distortion. More then once I though I'd found him only to come upon some other spiky haired moron.
Where is the damned Pharaoh?
I felt a hand on my hip. I was already discussed by this place. I defiantly did not want to be touched by these people. I turned long enough to register that the hand belonged to a voluptuous female with too much makeup on. Then I sent her to the Shadow Realm.
Ryou would yell at me later, probably make me bring her back and… ehk…apologize. But I didn't really care at the moment. I'd just spotted unmistakable tri-coloured hair enter another room.
I pushed the door open and walked down a long hallway. Moans and grunts were coming from the rooms around me leaving no doubt in my mind what was going on in them.
What the hell was Yami doing here?
I caught a glimpse of one of the doors closing at the far end. This being my only lead to where the ancient ruler might have gone, I followed it.
I was having trouble concentrating now. Not only were the moans, pants, grunts, and screams beginning to get to me, but the place smelled of sex, blood, and sin.
Reminded me of my former home…
…. that or the Ishtar residence…
I opened the door slowly. Yami was naked, spread eagle on a bed. Another man, much larger then him, indeed larger then Marik, was on top of him.
"Yami, you know I love you, right?" said the unknown man. However, he didn't sound as if he really loved Yami. It was quite obvious he was playing the Pharaoh. Yami would never let him do that. If this was all about sex, Yami would tell him so.
"Yes," Yami said, "You love me."
…WHAT…
"You love me like no one else does, no one else WOULD love me, no one else COULD love me. Only you."
"Show me you love me," said the unknown sleaze bastard. "Show me you love me, and ride my cock!" He flipped the smaller boy on top and entered him, no preparation or warning.
Blood flowed from Yami covering the unknown mans hips. Screams erupted from the smaller's throat. Not hearing them, the larger ripped into Yami again and again.
"…why…" was all I could think.
I shut the door and slumped against it, listening to his screams. The agony and pleasure they portrayed. I heard the grunts of his unknown lover and finally a shout, the only vocalization through the whole thing. Yami came not long after by the sound of it.
Then I distinctly heard the snoring of what could only be a very large human male.
That or Joey. You wouldn't believe it, but he makes just as much noise asleep as he does awake!
So the big man had fallen asleep. I heard movement and stood up. I turned to face the door just as it opened and Yami stepped out.
He looked fucked up.
For obvious reasons.
He stared at me, no emotion on his face, but his eyes portrayed something different. They went from shock to embarrassment, to anger, to shame, to confusion.
I didn't know what to say. So I asked him what I had been asking myself the whole time I listened to him with the unknown man.
"Why…"
I couldn't even finish the question. However, Yami seemed to know what I meant.
"It helps," he said in a dead voice, "I helps me forget, and it makes me feel needed, loved."
Captivate me,
I want good thoughts inside of my head,
Then he left, and I stood outside the room with the big man snoring, all by myself, wondering why I cared. Why I felt the urge to run after him and hold him in my arms once again, and tell him he was needed, that he was loved, but not here. Here he was not loved.
And wondering how I had come to love that which I'd hated.
I continued to follow Yami. During the day he wandered the streets. Walking aimlessly everywhere he knew no one he knew would ever be. He gave a three-block radius around the gang's popular hangouts, the arcade, school, and the Kame game shop. At night he went back to the rave that seemed to never end and fucked the same guy. Around five he would return to the game shop, only to be up in time to fix his light breakfast, pack his lunch, and leave for another day of wandering.
If I fall down,
Would you come around,
And pick me right up off the ground,
His clothes hung looser on him everyday and his walk slowed and his steps faltered. He was beat up almost daily by the gangs that roamed the streets. He never ate nor slept more the two hours.
I'd approached him more then once trying to convince him to stop and to return to the life he had. I'd offered him refuge at my place if didn't want to go home, I'd bought him more then one lunch which he always gave away to the same blind man on the corner of 5th and Main. I tried everything to show him that people still cared about him.
That I cared about him.
If I fall down,
Would you come around,
And pick me right up off the ground,
But every night, no matter what progress we'd made during the day, he'd return to that oversized lover of his.
He was fading away. He couldn't die but he could become permanently comatose if he didn't take care of himself.
Finally I could take it no more. I told Ryou to clear out for a couple of days. He agreed to stay with Yugi for a week.
I was going to make Yami realize what he was doing to himself be wrong.
YAMI'S POV
Bakura was waiting for me outside the rave. He has been following me for a while now. I couldn't tell you how long, I've lost track of time.
Time, ha, time doesn't pass. I'm doomed to live forever. Forever unwanted and unloved.
But apparently not alone.
He refused to enter the rave anymore. I think Ryou caught on that he was sending whoever touched him to the shadow realm. I should stop him; it's my job to protect the world from people like him.
He looks tired. Ha, he doesn't know what it is to be tired; I get a maximum two hours of sleep a day. I can't sleep. I always picture Yugi. I can't stand to look upon the thing I love. It burns like hot knives being pressed to my eyes and my heart. As if I were an ancient Aztec sacrifice with my heart being torn, still beating, from my chest and offered to the sun and Ra came down and took it in his hands.
But my heart is not worthy of Ra. He would cast it aside and demand the heart of someone worth something, not the muscle of a worthless whore who lived only for the few hours of sex he got each night. Who lived for those few hours when Yugi's face didn't burn in his minds eye because pain and pleasure left no room for anything else.
"What do you want?" I asked him. Perhaps he would take me out to dinner again. He'd figured out that if he brought it to me I'd give it away, so lately he's been taking me to eat and watching me till I forced it down.
I felt bad when he did that. The blind man on 5th and Main and the batty old woman up on 12th deserved the food. I didn't deserve it, didn't need it. I couldn't die, why should I eat food that other so obviously deserved before me?
"You're coming home with me."
We'd been through this. He knew I wouldn't come. He'd have to physically carry me.
"No."
He chuckled. Even chuckling he had that maniac quality he was so known for. Then he picked me up and quite literally through me over his shoulder. At first I kicked and struggled, but my lack of sleep and of food were catching up with me. Bakura squashed my weak protest quickly and carried me towards Ryou's house.
Now I might be a worthless piece of shit, but I can walk on my own.
"Put me down, Bakura! If you're so desperate to have my company at your house, FINE! But let me walk. I have SOME dignity."
He continued walking and didn't answer for a long time. I still couldn't struggle.
"Do you?" he asked quietly, almost whispering the question.
"Do I what?" I asked heatedly.
"Do you? Do you have any dignity left?"
I wasn't sure how to answer that.
Of course I had dignity! I was a Pharaoh of Egypt! I am a descendant of the gods themselves! I hold the powers of the Millennium puzzle! I am the King of Games, the best duelist in the world!
Unrealistic, and narcissistic, [2]
So what? I was also a whore, a druggie, and a drunk. I spent my days wandering the streets and night getting pounded into by a man three or four times my size. I can barely walk from exhaustion, lack of nutrients, and the pain in my ass. I haven't looked at my deck in…. well, in a long time. I was the Pharaoh of Egypt…a long time ago. I can't even remember my life then. Descendent of the gods…well I'm sure they're proud of that fact now. The puzzle…I haven't seen it, I think Yugi is hiding it from me so I can't lock myself in the corridors of my mind never to be seen again, alone, but away, hopelessly, graciously, from the one I love, never to meet again, for better of worse.
Do I have any dignity left?
….
no
…..
"No" I said, not even caring if he heard me or not.
"Good" mumbled Bakura, "at least you realize it"
Good? That was all he had to say? That it was good that I no longer had any dignity? That I am what I am?
Eh, and here I though I might have found a friend in the ancient tomb robber. He probably wants sex. I'm not blind, I saw the way he looked at me that day this all started. When I answered the door I saw his eyes wander my chest and hips. Now that he knows he can't have Ryou he's probably been going crazy. He already knows I'm too weak to fight him.
Yea, that's probably why he's been stalking me.
Oh well, after all I am just a whore with no dignity left which is apparently a GOOD thing.
You say I'm selfish and absurd,We arrived at his house. Yes it is his house as much as it is Ryou's now. I know he lives in the basement that he set up like a little apartment for himself. He told me this while taking me to lunch the other day. It was the first time I'd eaten in a week. I ended up throwing most of it up anyway, my stomach no longer use to digesting what I gave it. It had only had cum in so long it didn't know what to do with food.
He carried me down to the basement and all but tucked me into the bed.
"You will sleep," It was a command, not an invitation, "Then you will eat," again a command.
I couldn't. I had to be home to make Yugi his breakfast in and hour or two and pack his lunch. I am so little a part of his life now, but I need to be there.
Seeing him was like throwing salt on a wound. However, I find myself to be a bit of a masochist. The few moments of pleasure in the presence was worth the agony it cost me later. I lived for those few minutes of being in his presence. Like a crack addict, that little rush was enough to give me will to live.
And even though I am unworthy of his presence, it is a guilty pleasure I find I cannot deny myself, and not even my love of him can over come my bodies need to be near him.
Perhaps Bakura read my thoughts on my face, perhaps he is a mind reader, perhaps his stalking me provided the information, but no matter how, he knew exactly what I was thinking.
"You WILL be staying here, Yugi and Ryou were told not to worry about you for a whole week, that I am taking care of you."
He paused and I was about to tell him that I wasn't worried about aibou missing me, I was worried because I needed to be with him - not him with me- but he cut me off,
"And NO you no NOT need him. What you need is some food and some sleep."
I wasn't going to see Yugi? I didn't need to see Yugi? Was he insane?
Well THAT'S a stupid question.
But he doesn't understand! I love Yugi, and even though he doesn't love me, doesn't need me, I love HIM, I need HIM.
"Sleep," said Bakura, and after you are fed and rested, the hard part will begin.
Try change me,
Try to phase me, [3]
I tried to sleep, honestly, I did. But to no avail. Every time I shut my eyes pictures of Yugi and Ryou flooded my vision. Perhaps I did sleep, only to have nightmares. I tried to get up more then once but Bakura pushed me back down repeating his order to rest. Finally I couldn't take it anymore. When he pushed me back down for what must have been at least the sixth or seventh time I launched at him, fist flying. I beat upon his chest for what seemed like forever until I realized two things.
One, my punches weren't effecting him in the slightest. And two, I was crying and shaking so hard that if Bakura weren't holding me up I'd have fallen to the floor.
I stopped pounding his chest and instead through my arms around his neck and just cried.
"I will help you fight your demons," I heard him whisper before everything went dark and silent for the first time in forever. He said something else, but I never heard it…
"I love you too much to loose you to them."
I must have fallen asleep standing there in his arms for the next thing I knew I was waking up to the smell of chicken soup. I sat up and winced at the sunlight coming though one of those half underground windows that people always have in they're basements. Bakura sat next to the bed. A table had been brought up next to it and the chicken soup smell was coming from none other then a bowl of chicken soup placed there.
"Good afternoon, sleeping beauty," he said looking over the top of his novel. Placing it down on another table that held a lamp next to the bed he turned his full attention to me.
Part of me wanted to ask him how he knew about the Disney Princess, Sleeping Beauty, part of me wanted to get my hand on a beer to make the headache go away, and part of me was telling me that I should be somewhere between Prospect Ave and Maple by this time of the day. I attempted to rise and obey the third half of myself. Bakura placed a hand on my shoulder and guided me back the bed.
"You will eat," he said. It wasn't quite a command, merely a statement leaving no room for questions. I thought of disobeying. Of throwing the bowl in his face and running out of here as fast as I could, but my stomach gave a hungry quench like it does every time I see good. Normally I tell myself that I don't deserve it and my stomach grumbles in agreement and leave me alone till I see more food and then we start all over again. And when I do eat, like when Bakura took me to dinner sometime last week, I eat too much for it and it rebels. Can't make up its mind, that one.
I took the bowl and began to eat. Almost immediately Bakura stopped me. I looked at him like he was crazy. Didn't he WANT me to eat it.
Again he seemed to read my mind.
"You're stomach is not use to eating. Take smaller sips, smaller bites."
I grunted in rely. Whatever, I just want to eat.
After I'd finish the small bowl I looked around for more. Bakura shook his head when I asked for more. He informed me that if I did eat anymore I would get sick.
He's probably right.
I hate it when he's probably right.
You say I'm gonna learn,
We sat in idle chitchat for a while, talking about the people and places we both knew from my wandering around the city. At one point Bakura left and brought more soup. Since I'd managed to keep down the bit I had earlier, he allowed me a little more. I ate it hungrily.
"You surprise me, Pharaoh, you take orders and except my command without question rather well."
I wasn't going to rise to his bait.
"You offered me food, you are my host. Why would I question what you give me?"
We'd both chosen our words carefully. He was trying to get me to show my anger once again at being bossed around by a mere tomb-robber. He called me Pharaoh just to point out that difference. I used the word host for a reason. For a long time Bakura referred to Ryou as his host, something to be used, to be manipulated. Something he had complete control of.
"Well at least your tongue has not dulled as your senses have."
"What's that suppose to mean?"
"You fail to see what's around you, and you are slowly killing yourself because of it."
I'm so blind,
"You idiot, we can't kill ourselves, haven't I proven that already?"
I'm out of time,
"Don't be calling me an idiot. You are the wretched little whore who can't get over loosing something he never had and is taking the weak way out. Using drugs, drinking, fucking some oversized moron, and trying to kill himself. Instead of being strong and pushing through the pain and heartache you gave into it, you weak little fuck."
You're so unkind sometimes,I was shocked, to say the least. Every time he'd taken me to eat he'd offered to help me. Bakura offered to help me get off my many addictions, to help me get over Yugi. But I didn't want to get over Yugi. I can't get over Yugi. I need him, just like I need my crack, my smoke, my alcohol…
…my sex…
I felt betrayed. I had actually started to trust the bastard and now look what he was doing. Making fun of me, pulling out my heart and cutting it out to hand to Ra whose fingers burn.
"I thought you said you were going to help me?"
Bakura's POV (Bold is Yami.)
"You said you would help me!"
I never lied,
"You said you'd help me kill the addictions!"
I never lied,
"You said you'd help me get over Yugi!"
I never lied,
"I never said it would be easy."
'Cause I never said,
That everything would be okay,
"And I never said I would be nice about it."
And I never said,That we would live to see another day, yeah,
"Then please….help me, I need your help. No matter how harsh"
Motivate me,
I wanna get myself out of this bed,
Well then, lets get started…
Third Person POVYami had been scratching aimlessly at different parts of his body. Originally he had accused Bakura of having bed bugs or some kind of lice in his bed, but Bakura assured him that was not the problem. Scratching at his arm that was already red and irritated, Yami reached into his large jacket that sat by the bed. He was looking for his heroine, but it wasn't in his sleeve. He'd screamed at Bakura, who had obviously taken it, and launch another one of his feeble attacks at the white haired mans chest.
Bakura moved forward and shoved Yami back on the bed. He tied the Pharaoh's limbs to their respective bedposts. Yami continued to scream until Bakura could not longer take it. Gagging him, Bakura left to get some much needed sleep that he hadn't gotten earlier because he was keeping a close watch on Yami while he slept.
Captivate me,
I want good thoughts inside of my head,
After a long while the screaming stopped and Bakura awoke with the silence.
Hoping the Pharaoh was asleep, Bakura descended into the basement. Yami was asleep, but it was not a peaceful one. His ankles and wrists were red and raw from pulling on the bonds holding him to the bed. His palm bled from his fingernails of his clenched fist digging into the soft flesh.
Slowly removing the bonds, Bakura treated each with a special ointment to help the skin heal. The he wrapped joint so as to avoid more damage to the lightly tanned skin. He caught a wayward hand trying to scratch and held it.
Yami was still asleep through all this, apparently exhausted from almost fours hours worth of screaming obscenities and Bakura in three or four different languages. He whimpered slightly and shifted towards Bakura's presence when he sat on the bed. Grabbing both wrists Bakura lay with Yami in front of him and the former Pharaoh finally slay still.
Bakura almost regretted it. Once again, it was like lying with a corps in his arms.
If I
fall down,
Would you come around,
And pick me right up off the ground,
Bakura awoke to Yami trying to break out of his grip. He was not screaming this time, his throat much to soar for that, but he was muttering, in Egyptian no less. Regretfully Bakura retied Yami to the bed. He left the mumbling boy only long enough to bring him more soup. Yami didn't seem to know he was there. Propping the try-haired teens head on pillows he forced the whole bowl down his throat. That done, he sat to try and decipher the one time ruler of Egypt's ramblings.
More then once he heard Yami say, "Rip my heart out and offer it to Ra…not good enough…someone who's worth something." He did not understand this except that it might mean Yami was realizing what he was doing was not right in the eyes of his gods.
If I fall down,
Would you come around,
And pick me right up off the ground,
But just as often as he heard this, he also heard his own words coming from the Pharaoh, only in ancient Egyptian. "...idiot…. wretched little whore… loosing something he never had …taking the weak way out… weak little fuck." He felt guilty for saying those things to the one he loved, but Yami needed to hear them. He needed to hear the truth.
Three days went by like this. Yami muttering or screaming, Bakura sleeping next to him to chase away the nightmares and practically force feeding Yami soup at every meal time. Slowly, Yami showed signs of improvement. He reverted to Arabic after two days and finally returned to Japanese on the third. Bakura had no idea where Yami had picked up Arabic, but he wasn't really concerned with that at that point in time.
When the itching stopped Bakura had released Yami from the bindings, but he soon discovered that was not a good idea. Still locked in his hallucinations, Yami ran right into a wall and didn't even notice. Bakura found him unconscious from having walked into the stairs. Unwillingly, he reattached Yami to the bed.
pick me right up
off the ground,
After a weak Yami seemed to be quieting down at last. Finally aware of his environment he watched Bakura's every movement and swallowed when given soup and now small pieces of bread, crackers, and vegetables. When he began to swallow on his own Bakura figured he was in control of his motor functions and released him from the bed. Yami didn't say anything, but rubbed his wrist looking strangely and the wrappings. But when Bakura moved to take them off, he snatched his had back and scooted away from the white-haired thief.
Bakura removed the foot bindings when Yami fell asleep because they were too tight and the Pharaoh's feet were slightly purple. Yami didn't even notice when they were gone the next morning.
pick me right up
off the ground,
yeah, yeah
No longer with a withdraw symptom controlling him, Yami seemed to revert back to himself before he gotten mixed up in all of it. Once again Bakura held a corpse at night to chase away the dreams of a dead man.
Yeah,'Cause everything it'll be okay,
You know we're gonna live
Every time he shut his eyes, Yugi came to his mind's eye. But Yugi didn't need him. No body needed him.
With nothing to distract him all of Yami thoughts settled around this one fact. And it was slowly driving him insane. He didn't know how he slept, or if he slept, for Bakura only joined him when he was sure Yami was already asleep. He didn't want Yami to think he was taking advantage of him.
On the seventh day Bakura asked him what he was thinking about.
"Yugi doesn't need me, no body needs me," Yami said in a monotone speech.
Bakura gazed sadly at the young man next to him. "You are wrong," he replied . Only he didn't speak Japanese as Yami had, he used Egyptian. Realizing this, Yami turned to look at the robber of tombs whom he had depended on to save his life this last week, thought it felt like and eternity to him "You are wrong," he repeated himself, "You are wrong, someone does need you… I need you."
to see another day,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
And with that, Bakura leaned forward and gently pressed his lips to the most powerful man in ancient Egypt's lips, and broke the shell of depression and self isolation that Yami had incased himself with.
Motivate me,I wanna get myself out of this, yeah
At first Yami was too shocked to answer, but when he felt Bakura's lips on his own, even though he couldn't respond with words, his body enabled him to answer in other ways.
He leaned into the kiss, deepening it, and brought his arm around Bakura's neck to keep him there. When they were forced to release each other for air, he immediately latched onto Bakura's neck with fervor.
Bakura however, pushed him off before they could go any further. A little shocked, Yami sat back and stared wide eyed at Bakura.
Taking a moment to catch his breath and collect himself, Bakura gazed sadly and softly and Yami, something no one had ever seen him do.
"Why did you stop me?" Yami asked, confused.
"Because I don't want to be a replacement for that big guy you fucked every night. I don't want to be a replacement for Yugi. I need you Yami, I …" he stuttered, something very unusual from the King of Thieves as he was apt to call himself to rival Yami's King of Games, "…Yami, I…I love you."
Yami gazed at the white haired man in front of him and the word he couldn't remember from that first night came back to him.
"I will help you fight your demons…I love you too much to loose you to them."
Motivate me,I wanna get myself out of this, yeah
Bakura had seen what Yugi did to him. Not that the little light had meant to, but he had driven Yami to do things the Pharaoh of Egypt would never have done. He knew the effects love had on the tri-haired teen, probably better then Yami did himself, but he still offered his heart to him, trusting him to take it and not abuse it.
Yami could very easily say Bakura was not going to replace Yugi and that he meant more then that and not mean a word of it. But something about this gift, about what the other male had been through with him, would not allow him to lie.
"You are not a replacement for Yugi, neither was "the man I fucked every night." He was a distraction so I wouldn't think about Yugi."
"I do not want to be that either, I want you to love me, or at least except me for myself. Not because of who I could be, or what I can do to help you forget, for me, myself, alone."
Motivate me,I wanna get myself out of this, yeah
"I think I could do that." Yami replied. "I can except you. I can not promise love, I do not even know if I am capable of love anymore."
"Good enough," said Bakura, fighting back tears. "Good enough, good enough."
Motivate me,I wanna get myself out of this now
Exhausted, Yami fell sideways and was hardly awake to feel Bakura's arms wrap around him. Now he knew why he had been able to sleep. It had been the presence of Bakura, someone who loved him, who had cased away the demons so that he could rest.
"I think I could love you, demon-chaser," he mumbled and fell into a peaceful sleep.
[1] coughcough for-shadowingcoughcough
[2] I'm convinced these are the real lyrics even though in the lyrics they give you in the CD it self say it is "I'm un-artistic, unrealistic" just incase you thought there were other lyrics…. its NOT just you. And narcissistic means selfish, vain, egotistical, conceited, …yea, you get the idea
[3] Also questionable lyrics…
Yami Kitsune: Well people, its finished. There's a nice lemon at the end on AFF if your interested. Same fic up till there so its all good. Yes I did post another fic with this song a while ago, I thought if needed redoing….yea, but the beginning the same, hope you got pat that and read the whole thing. As far as anything more with this foc or the other…. everything depends on reviews.
Rurouniagra: Are you aware that this story is 15 pages long?
Yami Kitsune: Yes, why?
Rurouniagra: And we havn't even written the lemon as of yet! Wow!
Yami Kitsune: roles eyes this is her way of bragging….
Yami: You made me a DRUG ADDICT?!
Bakura: You made me UKE!?
Yami Kistune: No, I made you a cock-sucking crack/heroine whore, a drunk, and depressed.
Rurouniagra: uh…Kitsune….I don't think that's helping….
Bakura: points and laughs at Yami
Yami: is flustered WELL AT LEAST I WAS SEME!
Bakura: stops laughing Why you insolent little…
Yami: runs away singing SEME SEME I WAS SEME!
Bakura:chases after Yami
Rurouniagra: You planned that….
Yami Kitsune: Yup.
Rurouniagra: It worked.
Yami Kitsune: That it did.
Rurouniagra: How long do you think it'll take them to notice they're both still naked…
Yami Kitsune: goes off to find hand cuffs Soon enough….
Rurouniagra: -- and on that note….please review.