Dancers in the dark
The time came for Squall to pick the dance he wanted to specialize in. He wanted something simple and clean, nothing fancy. Scrolling through the list of dances he'd learned since the beginning of his semester, Squall stopped at "W" for waltz. It was plain and simple, in fact as simple as one could get it. All you had to do was spin around and avoid tripping over your partner. Yet, that was perhaps a bit too plain for him? He should be aiming just a little bit higher he thought. No way he was going to specialize himself on "Dirty Dancing", his back would break if he had to lift Fujin up one more time.
How about the traditional Balamb waltz? It was a little more advanced version of the regular waltz, yet it wasn't too hard to learn. It sounded like a plan. Hopefully Fujin would agree to help him out. If not he'd be in big trouble, because then he HAD to crawl to Sensei and ask if he could hook him up with one of the girls from Galbadia Garden.
The phone rang, making Squall jump slightly out of his skin. It was probably just Seifer sitting in his room, bored and wanting to gloat over something to Squall. The phone kept ringing. Maybe it was Xu? Had the results on his status magic test come in? Squall picked up the phone. "Leonhart." He said loud and clear. "MEET." It was Fujin in the other end. "Fair enough, where?" He replied. "ROOM." Fujin said and hung up. She wanted him to come to her room? He'd only been there once and since he had a few bad memories from that room, he wasn't too keen on going back so soon. Squall would have dialled her up again, but he didn't know her number and his pride forbade him to ask the Garden staff for help. After some thought, he picked up his jacket and headed for the female student dorm.
Wandering down the long hallway of the female dorm, Squall drew a lot of attention to himself. It made him feel uncomfortable the way each and every girl looked at him like he was some pop star. "Excuse me..." A short, blond haired girl with big green glasses asked him. "...Co-could you check these for me?" She said, holding out her test book and bowing deeply to him. "..." Squall just looked at her for a moment and then walked on.
After several similar encounters with girls of every kind, Squall finally found Fujin's room. Lisa was sitting in the tiny-shared room, browsing through her tactics and strategies book when she by chance noticed Squall standing in the doorway. She just froze solid as if she'd been hit by a Break spell. Ignoring her, Squall walked up to Fujin's door and knocked. "ENTER." Came from behind the door. As soon as he opened the door, the sent of freshly picked flowers tickled his nose.
Her room was just like any other, though much as he suspected, it didn't have that girlish touch to it. Fujin stood over her bed, looking down at a piece of cloth. Studying it closer, Squall noticed that it was in fact a dress. "You wanted to see me?" He began. "FINAL DANCE." Fujin replied. "Straight to the heart of things, huh? Well, I'd like to go for the Balamb waltz." Squall said, spreading his hands. "TANGO." Fujin said. "Do we have time to learn both?" Fujin nodded. "EASY." She said.
One day glided into the next, days turned to weeks and before he knew it, Squall was only two days away from his dance exam. He and Fujin had been dancing at every chance that they got, mainly because she insisted on nothing less than perfection as far as her tango skills went. Much to his own amazement, Squall found himself enjoying the time he spent on the dance floor. If nothing else, it was a way to disconnect and just... well, flow with the music.
Since the Balamb waltz was so easy in nature, and being a natural fast learner, Squall quickly learned it by heart. Fujin wasn't a slow learner either, though once she got the basic idea; she did experiment around a lot until she found a style of movement that she liked, while remaining true to the basics. Sensei had told them to see him at his dancing school if they had any questions or needed a second opinion.
Truth be told, neither Squall nor Fujin felt that they needed any further guidance. This was going to be their dance, their moment. They both knew it and didn't seem to care. Although they hadn't spoken about it, in public, in private or otherwise, the agreement was there nevertheless. Squall spun around once more, holding his arms stiff as sticks (as it was required in a tango), Fujin elegantly following his lead. They weren't training in the outfits that they would wear on the exam (it had a dress code), but none of them seemed too concerned that a different piece of clothing would interfere too much with their dance.
The details around the exam was sketchy, all they had to go on was when, where and how to be dressed. Since Squall wasn't a SeeD yet, he'd have to wear his SeeD candidate uniform (his budget didn't allow him to rent, let alone buy a suit). Fujin on the other hand had a lovely black dress that she wanted to wear. The music stopped and Squall let go of Fujin, bowed his thanks for the dance and took a seat near the stereo system.
While he was sipping a sports drink, Raijin came in and talked to Fujin for a moment. Squall tried not to listen in on their conversation, since just as he hated to have people sticking their noses in his affairs; he hated to have other peoples affairs packed on him. "LEAVE!" Fujin barked, her rather unique voice echoed in the empty ballroom. Is she upset about something? Just don't ask, and don't care stupid. She might like you now, but she'd be long gone tomorrow or some day. She's no one special. Squall thought to himself.
Taking a long warm shower at the end of the day was a ritual for Fujin. It was during these precious 35 minutes and 24 seconds that she could truly be herself. Every word, movement and expression was just a mask. It was uncomfortable to wear all day long, never for a moment relax, always alert, always... afraid.
Turning off the water, Fujin reached out from behind the shower curtain, fumbling slightly after her towel. It had taken her a while, but she did find out it was smarter to dry yourself up inside the shower rather than outside. That way, she didn't get goose bumps all over her skin as soon as she popped her head outside. Wrapping herself up closely in her egg yellow towel, Fujin stepped out of the shower and looked at the mirror. It was all foggy due to all the steam in the room and a human skin coloured blurry spot looked back at her.
Placing her left palm flat on the mirror, Fujin stood like that, leaning over the sink for a moment. Another moment past and she furiously rubbed the mirror's fogginess away. The surface was still moist, but at least now she could see herself clearer. She looked around, worried if someone was around to see her or even worse, hear her.
After she'd make sure she was alone in the bathroom, she faced her reflection again and removed her eye patch. Her synthetic eye glared back at her from the mirror. Putting her hand over her real eye, Fujin played around a bit with her synthetic eye, switching vision modes; infrared, thermal, electromagnetic and default. "Wh-wh-o a-a-aaaare yyy-y-y-yyyy-ou?" She said with quite an effort, sounding very different from her usual self. Poking the chin on her reflection, Fujin looked at herself with both eyes open. "FUJIN?" She asked the mirror.
"I'm NOT kidding! He came in to my dorm room! Honest!" Some girls entered the bathroom with a loud bang. They seem to ignore Fujin's presence all together and happily gossiped. She watched them from the corner of her real eye as she put her eye patch back on. "Listen Lisa, there is no way, I say again, NO WAY Squall Leonhart was in your room." Another girl said, washing her hands. "He came to see Fujin." Lisa pouted, since her so-called friends didn't buy her story. Suddenly the gang noticed Fujin and a strange silence filled the room.
Going back to her usual self, Fujin gathered her things and left the bathroom. Just as she reached the door, she could hear the gang whisper about love rumours between her and Squall. She wanted to tell them that it wasn't like that. They were just... what were they? Did they have this thing called love?
"Afternoon Fujin." Seifer greeted her from where he stood, just next to her dorm door. Fujin swallowed nervously and choose not to reply. "What? Embarrassed while wearing a towel? We're friends Fujin, no need to be ashamed." Seifer cleverly remarked. "NERVOUS." Fujin said finally, closing the door behind her quietly. "Oh yeah? About what?" Seifer half shouted, since the dorm doors were nearly sound proof.
A magazine caught his interest and he started flipping through the pages at random. "TEST." Fujin replied honestly while struggling with her bra. She personally hated this piece of clothing and she really envied men for not having to go through this hassle several times a day. "Ah, don't sweat it Fujin. You'll make a clean cut, beating the crap out of those weaklings." Seifer assured her while reading an article written by a certain Laguna Lorie (whomever that might be) with half interest.
Fujin took a pause, with her t-shirt half way over her head. For the first time she wondered how the exam would be rated. They danced as a pair, yet they had different dances to perform. Would there be one judge or several, like a jury? Perhaps it would be more like a GF hearing? Then they gave you a given GF and a panel of instructors asked you out about the GF. But this was a practical exam, much like a field exam. "Just give it your best Fujin. No one is asking anything more of you." Seifer said, putting the magazine away before he left.
Squall couldn't sleep. He'd tried everything, read a book, read a magazine, do push-ups, do sit ups, walk around like a zombie and drinking a glass of water from the wrong side of the glass. On a closer thought, he realized that the latter was for hic-ups, not lack of sleep.
Frustrated to no end, he decided to go for a walk. Perhaps some fresh air would clear his head. Since it was 05:15, all sections were closed, aside from the training grounds. He wasn't in a mood for a fight and he'd forgotten to bring his Gunblade as well (damn thing was too heavy to drag around at 5 in the morning anyway).
Quistis once mentioned that there was a secret area inside the training area, a place where students met after curfew. In theory it all happened in deep secrecy, but still everyone knew about it, even Squall. "Fine, fine... I'll check it out." Squall muttered to himself and turned on his heel.
He had to run away from a few monsters, but Squall eventually got to the secret area and the place was... crowded. He immediately noticed why he'd never been here before. Everyone was talking in pairs and even Squall, who was lacking a great deal of emotional insight and understanding, figured that all these people were lovers.
Still, the night scenery was quite a sight to behold, with Garden off at the edge of the horizon, glowing a cold blue light, yet shimmering with homey warmth that every SeeD knew. A large and pale looking full moon floated amongst the clouds, calmly watching over the lovers. Even the rhythmical humming from the training ground fans was relaxing and fitting to the scene. After all, the secret area was nothing more than a platform holding large air fans up and it was originally for technical staff only, but since a few of the technicians grew fond of both the scenery and the female students... it became a public access area.
Making his way to the edge and leaning on the fence, Squall let the chilling breeze sweep his face and play with his hair. He needed a haircut he thought to himself. "Squall?" Someone asked in a small voice. Oh great... no privacy whatsoever. Why did I even leave my room? He cursed mentally as he tried his best to ignore whoever was calling him. "Are you waiting for someone?" The voice asked again. Suddenly, Squall heard some mumbling and the pairs that used to be far too buys with their own... lovey-dovey talk tip- toed out and closed the door. "Can't I be left alone, just once?" Squall asked, still not turning. "Why I'm here is non of your god-damn business, understand? Follow their example and sod off." It was harsh and he knew it, but it worked every time. If shutting people out of his life kept his emotions from being hurt, he'd lock himself up and swallow the key. "I am sorry, really. I am so sorry. I just... did not know and was.... Well, surprised." The voice said. Whoever it was, she sure sounded like a shy and skinny little girl, Squall thought.
He drew a mental image of how she'd look like, but he didn't turn. If he did, it'd be a sign that the conversation had caught his interest, his curiosity rippling. "I don't want to hear your lame excuses and before you ask, no, I don't have a girlfriend and NO, I don't want one either. Not tonight, not tomorrow. I'd only like to have a girlfriend the day after I'm dead, and even then, it wouldn't be you." He said as coldly as he could, rising from the fence. Turning, putting his hands in his pockets and looking down on the ground, Squall left the girl before she could recover from his reply and make one of her own. Left alone in the secret area, looking at the door Squall had just closed, Fujin bit her lower lip, her throat hiking with sobs as she painfully closed her eye and a single tear got pressed out.
The big day was here at last. Squall usually stayed cool as chunk of ice whenever there was a test coming up. Spinning around like a headless Chocobo in a state of total panic not only looked silly, but also it was a complete waste of time and energy. Still, this was the first "dance test" he'd ever taken, not to mention that he had to depend on a partner in order to pass. Dancing and relying on another person, two things Squall was sure he'd never do for the rest of his life.
This would have to be the one and only exception, but was it really an exception? After all, there was no way he could become a SeeD unless he showed some sense of teamwork, on a teacher-student basis at the very least. As long as it remained strictly professional, there could be little harm in it, right? He'd had to be careful not to let them in too close of course, but that was more like a reflex and habit for him now, so it shouldn't be a problem.
Fujin sat on her bed, looking at the dress that she wanted to wear at the dance test. It hung on the cloth closet door, just waiting to be picked up. Until last night, she'd looked forward to wear it, almost like a little girl looking forward to Christmas Eve, but now... now things were different. She glanced outside her window, it was getting dark outside, the lower part of the horizon hissing with a purple red colour, fading into yellow and then darker and darker blue. Since nearly everything in her room was white and the lights were on, the window functioned very much like a mirror. "FUJIN." She said to the window, her refection following her movements perfectly. I am and always will be... no one, no thing... just another face in the crowd. The mental conclusion surfaced in her mind. What was the point? Who was she trying to fool? Herself? Everyone? No one? Cruelty of reality had slain her dreams once more.
Phasing around wasn't something Squall used to do, since he was hardly ever nervous (and the few times he were, he kept his feelings under lock and key), but this was an exception. He felt excited, thrilled, nervous and afraid at the same time. It was all very confusing. The clock was ticking and Fujin still wasn't anywhere near to be seen. Not that Squall knew much about girls, but he did know that for whatever reason, they all seem to use ages on the bathroom. Then again, Fujin wasn't your average girl so perhaps she didn't spend much time? "Well Squall, better get your woman because we'll be starting in 5." Sensei said as he led what seemed to be the jury into the ballroom. He was right, for once Sensei was right. Squall tried to haggle a little more time, but the jury had come from the dancing academy in Deling City and they needed to catch the train back without delay. Muttering curses under his breath, Squall angrily stomped off to Fujin's room.
Manners flew out the window as he stood and literary hammered away at Fujin's door. "FUJIN! We've got a test to take! C'mon! We don't have much time!" Some girls glanced into the room since his yelling could be heard far out in the hallway. Glaring at them coldly sent them a clear message to mind their own business. There was still no answer and the door remained locked. Squall hadn't been this frustrated in years. He stomped around, pulling his hair and busting his brains out, trying to find a way to get through to Fujin. Talking to her was out of the question, since he hated talking to people and time was running out.
Another glance at the clock on the wall and Squall made up his mind. A direct charge was needed, since circumstances didn't allow anything else. With all his might, Squall sent his right foot, sole down, smack into Fujin's door. Pain crippled and crawled through his nerve system like thin little threads. The dorms doors where just as kick-down proof as sound proof. That was no excuse for giving up though. A second and third try didn't produce any satisfying results, but the forth one went through.
The doorknob had hit a mirror that stood behind the door so hard that the mirror had broken into dozen of pieces. Cracking sounds of glass breaking sounded as Squall cautiously entered the dark room. "Fujin?" He almost whispered. Some clouds slid aside revealing the moon on the sky and letting only the faintest of moon light shine through the window. With her back facing Squall, Fujin stood looking out the window, like a ghostly statue, hidden in shadows. "...Sorry about the door." Squall said sounding a bit embarrassed. There was something about the mood and feel of the room that just screamed that something wasn't right.
The moonlight faded away as a dark cloud hid the moon's pale face. "We'll flunk if we don't show up soon." He said after a while. Fujin remained silent. He knew it, he'd known it for years and this was just another painful reminder. She'd left him, just like sis. Damn it, how could he become this careless?! "You know, whatever... screw the whole thing. Dancing was your dream, not mine. I'll just have to retake a class next year." The pain twisted around in his heart like glowing needles as he spoke. This feeling, he'd tried so hard to avoid it and yet here he was, stuck with it once more. Next time someone asked him for a dance, he'd cut her down with his Gunblade, no matter how white, pure and angel like she might be. Turning on his heel in disgust, Squall left and slammed the door hard.
Squall didn't return to the ballroom to explain to Sensei what had happened. He wanted to be left alone, now and forever. Never again, he agreed with himself. For the rest of the school year Squall would devote himself to burning every social bridge there might be in his life. There was a knock on the door, but he ignored it. "Squall? Sensei is looking for you." It was Quistis muffled voice that came from the other side of the door. He didn't answer her. "Squall, are you there?" Quistis was quite persistent, he'd give her that much. It sounded like someone else entered the common room and talked to Quistis before silence followed. Squall was a bit curious, but he remained motionless on his bed, starring at the ceiling, yet not really looking.
The door lock made the familiar clicking sound when it became unlocked and the door slowly opened. "Let's go Mr Leonhart." Xu said from the doorway. Possible scenarios flashed through Squall's mind as he got out of bed and reluctantly followed Xu's wake. He'd be taken to headmaster Cid to explain himself on why he'd failed the test, he'd be taken to the discipline committee to explain his behaviour in Fujin's room or Xu would just arrange a private heart-to-heart dialog between student and instructor to sort things out, completely off record. Either way, Squall had a lot of talking to do and he hated it.
They reached their destination, which wasn't the discipline committee's office, headmaster Cid's office nor Xu's office. It was the entry hall to the ballroom. "Be a man Mr Leonhart." Xu said, nudging her head sideways towards the double doors. Taking one doorknob in each hand, Squall pulled the large double doors open and inside was an almost complete darkness, only some dozen candles on stakes lighted up the room. Frowning, Squall hesitantly walked into the large room and Xu quietly closed the doors behind him.
Standing still for a few moments so that his eyes could adjust to the dim candlelight's. Sound of feet in high heels click-clacking across the floor caught his attention. He turned, blinking and nearly stunned at the sight. Fujin was dressed in a beautiful, yet plain black dress. It had a long cut along her right thigh, straps over her shoulders, a plain, yet fitting black necklace tight around her neck and the same black high-heeled shoes she tired out some weeks before. "SORRY." Fujin said in a barely audible voice. He thought for a moment before he straightened himself, held out his right hand, palm facing upwards and asked her: "May I have this dance?"
Although there weren't any music, let alone any jury to judge and evaluate their dance, Squall and Fujin danced with grace and beauty. They weren't dancing for good grades, they were dancing for their own sake.
I decided to call this section rear-view rather than the standard "author's note"(hey, I'm being original! Oh, I'm so good! Ragnarok would be so proud if he saw me now ). At any rate, this is where I'll toss in my comments on the story you've just read (and enjoyed I trust...? stands with baseball bat in hand), why I did this and not that and... some other stuff. Yeah, so lets get going then, shall we?
Why I wrote this thing: It was at www.fanfiction.net that I noticed a fan fic about FFVIII (DUH!). Now, the point is that somewhere along the story (which wasn't all that bad) Squall said to Rinoa that he learned to dance when they first met at the ball (or party or whatever. You get the idea). For some reason, that sounded wrong to me. I mean, Squall has to be one fast learner in order to pick up a whole dance in a matter of... 2 min? Okay, granted, it might be possible, but I still didn't like the sound of it, so I decided to make my own version of it. As I speculated and toyed with the idea, Fujin came to mind. Noticing that Squall's dancing skills are a bit... rusty when Rinoa drags him along (which is so hilarious BTW), I decided to put the story a few years into the past.
Typos & grammar: English isn't my main language (though its on a good second, as you might have noticed by now), hence there will be some typos and grammar errors scattered about. I try to keep them down to a minimum, but I fear that they'll always be around in my fan fics (unless someone bother's to hunt them down that is). If you think this is bad, you should read my Japanese writings. Now THEY suck.
Quistis & Squall: Quistis is still a SeeD candidate though a very promising (and damn good looking) one. True, she grew up perhaps a bit too fast, hence she acts like she does in the game. Though I'm sure that at some point she was a half clumsy girl with a crush on Squall. It is this Quistis I'm trying to show you, not the mature-slightly-confused-big-sister version of the game.
Fujin & Squall: Why Fujin? She's not even a hot looking babe! She might not be hot (and that all depends on your own personal taste, so I won't really argue), but I find her very interesting for two reasons: We don't know much about her We get to know only tiny teasers about here during the game Unlike Squall, it's the LACK of things we know about her that makes her interesting. Squall is also interesting, but only because we get so deeply under his skin during the course of the game (well, there might be more to it than that, but I'll leave it at that).
Xu & Squall: To me, Xu is just as old (or slightly older) as Ellone. During the game, she'd be like 22-23 years old, while in this fan fic she's more like 18 and a freshman as a SeeD instructor. I needed someone to take Quistis place as Squall's instructor and I wanted it to be someone whom we all knew (not just some random dude like that dork Anakin).
Squall: Everybody's favourite loner (well, at least mine) is having quite an inner struggle. Granted, it's not anywhere NEAR the dimensions and drama of the original story, but... What I'm trying to show here is how Squall dragged himself through puppetry and staying true to his promise to sis (he'd be okay on his own) at the same time. Confusion and denial, it seems so wrong, yet it seems so right. Oh what lady, oh what a night. Yeah, I know... not the best idea in the world, but screw it. I'm having fun writing.
Sensei: The Japanese word for teacher/mentor and more of a title than an actual name, I wanted him to be a comical relief, but found it unnecessary. Squall & Fujin produced enough humour on their own, so his role faded away to nothing.
Lisa: Just like Quistis has her "Terpie's", Squall has his group of fans as well, with Lisa in the lead. Of course, being a cold-hearted loner, Squall treats them like shit. I wonder why they keep on coming back for more?
In between the lines: In case you're either perfectly ignorant to symbolism or just don't bother to look for it, I'll point them out for you and what they mean. Since the whole FF saga is Japanese, I use a lot of typical Japanese symbolism in my fan fic, since it can also be found in the original game:
Many experienced readers will be aware that girls and women are often associated with the Moon and lunar cycles. A full moon tends to be symbolic of full femininity, and an awakening of womanhood, a growing into a young adult from formerly childlike innocence. Another aspect of this symbolism deals with clouds covering the Moon or the Moon changing phases. Clouds covering the Moon often indicate the troubled heart of a girl striving to grow into womanhood, or some other dire circumstances that are of great importance to her. If the clouds pass and the Moon is once again revealed, this can indicate the revelation of the girl's true heart, completely open and easily hurt at that point, but also her opening and growth into the world of full womanhood and adulthood.
First used in this fan fic during the secret area scene
First used in the game during the ball FMV (as related to Rinoa, though the moon in the landing FMV (Squall's field exam) can be linked to Squall as in him growing to become who he'll be for the rest of his life, a SeeD)
Water is often symbolic of girls and women, as well. This includes rivers and lakes, as well as reflections. Reflections also bring up mirrors and the symbolisms associated with them for portraying a young girl coming of age. Reflections, whether in water or in mirrors, are often considered the bane of a girl's existence. The reflection doesn't lie -- it shows the girl as she is, and many young girls wind up striving to achieve some type of 'perfect image' in their reflection. Also, reflections are reversed images -- which is real, then, the original or the reflection? Reflective surfaces such as mirrors or water are often thought of as doorways into the images and worlds they show... again, which is real, the 'original' or the reflection? Who can tell, really? During adolescence, and even beyond, many girls and women find themselves fighting a battle with their own image or reflection -- it can cause them a great deal of stress. After Squall leaves Fujin in the secret area, we learn that Fujin starts to cry due to his cruel words... again, we see her as the wobbly, sensitive personality she really is, inside, and gets this vision by seeing her through the medium of water (this time, the tear in her eye.)
First used in this fan fic during Squall & Fujin's lift lesson on the beach
To my knowledge, this symbolism isn't used in the game
Using a person's first name indicates a great deal of familiarity, closeness, and intimacy. If you notice someone going to first name basis, it tends to indicate a great deal of familiarity and intimacy -- in other words, being a couple, or perhaps long-time friends such as anyone from Edea's house (of course, no one remembers 'cause of the GF junction). Makes you wonder where Fujin really stands amongst her teachers and why.
First used in this fan fic when Squall haggles (or tires to) with Xu regarding his timetable
Not used in the game, since they move on first name basis from the first dialog to the last
Spacing: Heaven knows why the people at www.fanfiction.net are so touchy about spacing. Personally, I hate those damn 2 line paragraphs when reading a story. I wonder what those guys do when reading a book? Aside from children's books, I don't think there are that many that containing just 2 lined paragraphs. Anyway, I changed the chapters and as you might notice, chapter II is still "screwed." Don't ask me why, it just is. Tried to change, replace and edit it 12 times. All the other chapters could be changed with hardly any effort, but not chapter II. Learn to live with it and if you can't do that, copy the chapter into Word and space it out for yourselves. Now how hard can that be?
Thanks to: Boys, girls, readers & reviewers at www.fanfiction.net for their feedback Eden for her espresso suggestion for Squall, much valued second opinions, advices and suggestions (she's my unofficial co-writer/pre-reader, so don't mess with her or you'll mess with me as well) Squall at for actually daring to post my fan fic at his site (got ourselves a brave young man right there) SquareSoft/Enix for making the wonderful world of Final Fantasy VIII and casting it with such fascinating characters Mom and dad for having the nerve to set me loose on life
Legal disclaimer: Such a bore, but here we go (don't wanna get sued y'know); I don't own Final Fantasy VIII (no matter how much I'd like to). It's cast, character design, world, locations, items, music, and generally speaking the whole shebang (aside from a few so-called "original" characters and locations placed in this fan fic by me) belongs to Square-Enix. Hats off for you guys, and keep 'em high quality games coming if you please.