Rating: PG?
Genre: General
Pairing(s): Sirius/Remus
Warnings: Slash, shounen ai, whatever you wanna call it, all the same thing. Guy/guy romance! PEACE, LOVE, AND SHOUNEN AI! …I need to make a banner that says that.
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. I will be going to London next summer, so I may be able to stalk out various cafes for JK-sama—does anyone know the names of the cafes she goes to? But even still, I doubt any encounter with her will end in my owning the series. Maybe a signature and a restraining order, but not series ownership.
Plot: Sirius, beyond the Veil, remembers. He feels all his past once again. Can feelings really bring a soldier home from the brink of death?
Notes: I love Sirius and Remus. They are my favorite characters, right up there with Draco. Tom Felton's hot and I'm exactly eighteen days older than him. --
I like the Prisoner of Azkaban movie. It has different ordering than the book in some parts and moves really fast, but I still loved it. I like Oldman and Thewlis, even if they aren't the exact Sirius and Remus I imagined. They grow on you like a fungus. I saw the movie twice in two days and plan on seeing it at least once more with my friend once she gets back from Europe. SEE THE MOVIE! I AM NOT BEING PAID TO ADVERTISE, I JUST THINK YOU SHOULD.
They say that feeling can lead a soldier home, even from the brink of death.
I may not be a soldier, but I believe it now.
I remember floating. I was weightless. It was almost like those dreams in which you get a falling sensation right afterwards.
Was this death?
I had time to contemplate. Lord knows I did. However, most of all, I remembered.
My whole life played before my eyes almost as realistically as if I'd been reliving it all. My rich, snobby family, the cold-hearted Regulus my parents loved, family reunions, the day Regulus got his letter, the day he got into Slytherin. Those passed with disgust. Those were their happy days.
I felt the day I got my letter in by owl post. They were happy then, too. I was as well, but for severely different reasons. They were so proud that I would grow up to be just like my charming, dear older brother. I remember getting my first wand. I also remember, from later on, my first broom.
I felt the day I learned that I would be in Gryffindor. I remember the hatred in my family's faces, the contempt in my brother's eyes, the distrust looming around my housemates. They had all heard of the Black family and their evils. I was alone.
The fondest days came now. I felt as if I would smile, but I couldn't. I felt the days I met them… Prongs, Moony, and yes, even the traitorous Wormtail. I replayed the pranks we pulled and the days of James' Quidditch games. I didn't study quite enough for my OWLS once again. I heard Remus scold James and I. That was probably why he had become a prefect, because he at least tried to keep us in line, whenever he himself wasn't helping in the mischief.
I relearned that Remus was a werewolf. I hatched the plans with James and Peter once again to become Animagi so that we could accompany him on his times of the month. I remember the glowing joy and relief in his eyes when we told him and how he almost cried. I felt the sensation of wanting to hold him close again, and then realized that I really did want to, not just in memory. His face was something to cling to.
I felt the pain and hardship of becoming an Animagi. It was one of the few times we actually studied, and Professor McGonagall was quite surprised. If only she knew. I felt the giddiness once again of our first romp in the woods, a dog, a werewolf, a stag, and a rat. I grinned at James' plans for our monthly outings and noticing that Remus had less and less scars now. I remember all four of us creating the Marauder's Map and Peter's brilliant idea to bewitch it. Remus was the one who actually came up with the spell, but it was one of the few times when Peter shined.
I returned home every summer.
I hate the people there.
I went to James' to run away. His family loved me and I loved them. I was happy. I remember laughing while writing notes to Peter and Remus about my whereabouts.
I got back on the train my last year. We three laughed at James trying to start up a conversation with Lily Evans bashfully. There was potential there. He came to us then, blushing furiously. He'd fancied her for over a year.
We plotted the first months' outings. James and I grinned, Peter smiled nervously, and Remus just… smiled. That moment was the one in which I knew I was in love with him. I had thought possibly, especially after seeing his reactions to our becoming Animagi, but now I knew. I loved him.
James knew. He read my journal over the summer while Mrs. Potter took me out to help shop while James was sick. He decided that using the Map, we'd have to split up and test some of our possible secret passages. He left Remus and I alone while he and Peter went the other direction.
I professed. He smiled and kissed me. I could feel the butterflies in my stomach and the warmth of his body. He told me he loved me too. This had to be the most momentous moment in my life.
My brother died. I remember not caring. I was pretty much banished from the manor, but I didn't care, because I was James' adoptive brother. I had a family that cared, friends, and a lover that wasn't quite as secret as I had thought. It seems that girls really do know how to spot these things, because Lily would continue giving my knowing looks.
"James, just do it." I heard myself say.
"But… what if she says no?" He asked nervously.
"You won't know unless you try." I slapped his shoulder. "Besides, why would she say no to you?"
"We've only been dating for about a year."
"I know."
"Alright." He sighed. "Hey, Sirius?"
"Hm?"
"If this works, will you be my best man?"
I grinned, both in the memory and in real life. "Of course."
He grinned too, but unsurely. "Thanks."
They got married and I was the best man. A few months later, Lily announced that she was pregnant. On July 31st of 1980, she gave birth to Harry Potter, and they named me his godfather. I was happy.
Everyone, even my lover, suspected me to be Voldemort's spy. I guess this was all right, because I suspected him as well, for a while. But James still trusted me. He wanted me to be Secret Keeper when they went into hiding.
They died. They were killed just as I was coming to check on them and Peter. I knew who had done it, too. Voldemort. What I couldn't believe is that Peter had betrayed them. He was the Secret Keeper. I cornered him and tried to kill him. He blamed it all on me and killed himself. I remember the rage. I remember Azkaban and the dementors. I remember seeing the rat in the picture. I knew he was alive.
I felt myself escaping past the dementors. The fear was there, just hidden. I saw Harry for the first time in twelve years and I would have cried if I could. Even in the dark, I could see that he looked just like James.
Except for his eyes, those were his mother's.
The recent memories passed so quickly now. It was like the world was speeding up. Harry hated me, and then accepted me. I saw Remus again, and he too, was suspicious, but then realized. I remember the warmth of him hugging me. I escaped with Buckbeak and hid in the south. I returned to the manor and was asked by Dumbledore if it could be used by the Order of the Phoenix.
Remus came to live with me. His eyes widened and he ran into my arms. It was the first time we could really talk in years.
"Sirius, I'm sorry." He sobbed into my shoulder.
"Sorry for what?" I asked as good-naturedly as I could, running my fingers through his hair.
"Everything." He answered. "I still love you." He commented.
"I love you too." I smiled as we kissed. It had been so long since we could express these feelings. We spent the night together.
Harry came. I was so overjoyed because my life was falling back into place. I may have been a little too overprotective and parental to Harry though, because people kept saying that I was treating him like James. Why couldn't I treat him like James? He was getting to that age and I didn't seem to mind.
Too much happened. The Veil. I fell through the Veil in the Department of Mysteries.
Here I was, floating aimlessly.
There were so many things I still wanted. I could imagine taking Harry in officially, I a free man to the public, and Remus living with us. I could hear myself explaining to Harry the nature of our relationship, and see his smile of acceptance. It cast warmth upon my body, the only thing I could actually feel now.
I wish I could adopt Harry.
I wish I could tell Remus that I love him again.
James, Lily, I'm coming to meet you. Long time, no see, huh? I'm afraid I couldn't protect your son like I had hoped. I'm sorry I failed. But I want to see him again. I want to see him and Remus.
Why the hell can't I? Because my damn cousin pushed me through a veil? That's just stupid! Who makes these rules? That's all I could think, about those two. How dare anyone tear me apart from them?
Why is it getting dark? My skin feels cold now, all of a sudden. The last thing I see is an image of Remus and Harry welcoming me home with open arms…
"Welcome back, Mr. Sirius Black." A voice said. I recognized that voice. But that's impossible; I fell through the Veil. "Quite a feat, I must say."
I tried to open my eyes, but my lids were heavy.
"Don't try just yet. You need more rest. You've been through a very rigorous journey."
Yeah, maybe I do need sleep.
I saw their faces again and it soothed me.
Wait for me.
Sirius Black opened his eyes a few days later to see Professor Dumbledore looking at him from across the room. "Awake, I see."
"Nn." Sirius mumbled.
"I imagine that you are strong enough to move?" He asked. "I did not contact your loved ones about your condition. There was… very little hope for your recovery. No one has ever come back from the Veil before."
"I need to get back." Sirius sat up, blinking off a dizzy spell.
"Mr. Lupin has been watching over your house, in a rather obsessed manner, if I may add." He looked at him over his glasses. "I am sure it will be of great relief to find that you are alive and well."
"And Harry?"
"At his uncle's, as he normally would be at this time of year. Do you wish for me to notify him?"
Sirius nodded. "Home. I need to get home."
"You're in no shape to travel on your own." Dumbledore warned. "I have a carriage waiting."
"Thank you."
Outside was indeed a carriage, pulled by two beautiful palomino winged horses.
"Fly swift!" Dumbledore waved them off.
The trip was short, but far too long for Sirius. He stumbled out of the carriage and to the front doors, feeling beat up and tired still. The horses neighed and took off as he opened the door.
Remus Lupin stood, staring wide-eyed at him, originally at his present location to check what the noise was. He mouthed in disbelief as his eyes watered.
Sirius laughed, still very sore from the journey he could not remember. But that didn't matter right now. "I'm home, Remus."
This took about fifteen minutes to write last night, and about the same amount of time to type it. I can't think for long amounts of time, please don't make me!
Wildwolf: And next summer, she plans on going to King's Cross and ramming her head into the wall between platforms 9 and 10 so many times until she knocks herself unconscious.
Chibi: No one will probably care. They're probably used to it. There's probably a sign saying, "There is no platform 9 ¾, please stop ramming yourself into the wall." Hah! That's what you Muggles think! --
Wildwolf: sigh
Chibi: Oh, and some news-type stuff on Harry Potter, special for you people who read this, though many of you probably already know! We're late on the uptake, so we just found this stuff out! The Goblet of Fire movie is scheduled for a release next year! And according to my Dad and his sleuthing, though I haven't verified it myself, book six will be released next summer! Maybe I can find JK and get her to sign it… that would be so awesome!
Wildwolf: Here we go with the restraining order…