Bittersweet
Disclaimer: I, sadly, do not own Harry Potter and other related characters/materials/etc. I also do not own the song "Bittersweet", which belongs to the band Within Temptation.
Author's Note: Yay! Insomnia moments for a great (yeah right!) H/Hr songfic!! Everyone rejoice! ::No one rejoices; crickets chirp:: ….The show must go on!!!!!:: is a bit crazy from too much reading for Honors Lit.:: I think it's a bit strange how I'm so crazy in my Author's note, yet I'm so angsty in my fics. Hmmm…Ah well...
EDIT: Alright, since NO ONE got the freakin' ending, ::shakes head:: I added one more part. Geez. Not that hard to figure it out...but then again, I should say that because I wrote this stupid fic. Hehe. And I did NOT add more details to the war because this is not about the war, but it is about HERMIONE waiting for HARRY. sigh So yeah.
The clock ticked noisily in the silence of the room. A young girl, no older than 19, sat on a queen-sized bed. She was sobbing quietly and gasping at each breath. She bit her lip to control her sorrow, but it was of no use. Her brown, bushy hair was tangled between her fingers as she attempted to pull them out with grief and despair. She had been like this for nearly two hours, and she still wasn't calm; and the girl probably never would be.
"The war has started." said Harry, a year ago at Hogwarts in the common room.
He sat next to Hermione on the couch, facing the blazing fire. Ron was sitting on the armchair in complete silence. He was in shock because he knew what the start of the war meant. His brothers, who were all in the Order, were going to be risking their lives to defeat Voldemort and his Death Eaters. Another thing was also troubling his mind: he, too, would have to go. Ron wasn't forced to, but he wanted to. With a sad sigh, Ron got up, said good night, and went up to the dormitories. It left Harry and Hermione, who had not spoken a word, alone.
"You know what this means, right?" Harry asked, facing Hermione.
Hermione did not answer. Her eyes were affixed to the crackling fire before her. The light shone in her watering eyes, and she did not keep the tears from falling. She inhaled sharply and turned her head, facing Harry. He gave her a sad smile and gave her a friendly hug.
"Harry," Hermione choked out. "You can't go…"
If I tell you
Will you listen?
Will you stay?
Will you be here forever,
Never go away…?
Harry sighed and said, "You know I have to, Hermione. The Prophecy said—"
Hermione shook her head and through her sobs, she said, "I don't care about the Prophecy, Harry! Don't you understand? All I care about is you!"
Again, Harry sighed. No, he didn't understand. Hermione knew that. Hermione knew very clearly what he though of her as—a sister, a friend. There was nothing more to it, except maybe she was his best girl friend; nothing more.
"Hermione, listen, I know as my best friend you should care about me. But you have to understand, the Prophecy must be fulfilled. I have to leave. It's either Voldemort survives or I survive. Neither can live while the other survives…" Harry explained.
A silence followed. Sniffles could still be heard from Hermione as she tried to control her sobs. Harry gave her a comforting hug, as she cried into his chest. The pain was unbearable, and she knew she couldn't keep the feeling inside of her anymore. Exhaling slowly, she lifted her head from his chest and looked into his emerald green eyes.
"Harry," breathed Hermione. "I love you."
Dumbstruck, Harry sat there, staring at her. A couple of silent minutes went by, and Hermione forced out a nervous laugh. It sounded more like a cough, and Harry smiled awkwardly.
"I-er…I don't know what to say, Hermione." Harry muttered, quickly looking down to avoid her eyes.
Hermione felt her heart shatter, and it was apparent that it did with the agonized look on her face.
"No, I didn't mean it that way," Harry said, quickly. "I just…I've always loved you, Hermione. But I always thought you loved Ron…more than a friend, so I never really thought much of it. I'm just shocked that you feel what I've been feeling…"
Never thought things would change
Hold me tight
Please don't say again
That you have to go
Hermione broke into a tearful smile, and she flung her arms around his neck. It was the happiest she had ever felt in the longest time, and it was the happiest she would ever feel during the remainder of the year.
Harry whispered his love to her, and he gently kissed her lips. When they broke apart, he said, "I don't understand why every girl I kiss has to cry…"
She looked at him, with tears in her eyes, and started laughing with amusement. Through her laughter, she also hiccoughed, which made Harry laugh with her. Then he pressed his lips against hers into a passionate kiss again. Harry's hand slid down her back and pushed her even closer towards him. After what seemed like eternity, they broke apart.
"I'll come back, and we'll be together," Harry said, using his fingers to wipe away her remaining tears. "Forever."
Lying down on the bed, she stared at the dark ceiling. The thoughts of regret passed through her mind several times. She knew she should have left with him, instead of just sitting here, waiting for her love to return to her. If she had gone with him, she would've been right by his side through everything, like she always have been. But, seeing that it was him, she knew that he would not have let her come, anyway. Still, the pain of being away from him for so long killed her inside.
A bitter thought
I had it all
But I just let it go
Hold your silence
It's so violent
Since you're gone
When the war had just begun, she had received owls from him nearly every day. Each day, she would also write back to her love. But there came a day when his owl did not come. Then another day came without his owl, and then another. The days turned into a week. And as the weeks went by, it turned into a month. The month turned into another month, until finally, it became almost a year without a single owl. Daily, Hermione would write, imploring for a reply to ensure her that he was okay. But all her pleading came in vain, for she never did get one back.
When his owls stopped, completely, she sought the Daily Prophet for any news of him. But the Daily Prophet did not say anything.
Not a second went by where Hermione did not think of Harry. Her love for him grew, painfully. Sometimes, she wrote to Ron to ask if he was alright and if he knew where Harry was. She would always get the same reply: "I haven't seen him since last year…"
All my thoughts
Are with you forever
Until the day
We'll be back together
I will be waiting for you
The day passed, and another had come. Hermione still lingered in the dark hotel room with tears stained on her face. With a last shuddering exhale, she slowly got up from the bed, got dressed, and disapparated.
The night when Harry left still stood clear in her memory. Over and over, Hermione begged Harry not to go to the war—to wait. But over and over, Harry told her that he could not wait because this was what he was meant to do with his life. With one last departing kiss, Harry left her.
Sometimes, she thought that if she told him how much she loved him, he would have stayed. Hermione realized she never did tell him just how much she loved him and cared about him. If she did, would Harry still be here?
If I had told you
You would have listened
You had stayed
You would be here forever
Never went away
"Do you think he's dead?" Hermione asked, quietly.
Ron raised his tired eyes and looked at her. His red hair wasn't as bright as it used to be, but it became a dull color. His whole face seemed to suggest that he hadn't slept in about a week. Ron reached across the table and touched Hermione's hand.
"He's not dead." he said, firmly.
Hermione pulled her hand away and sat back on her chair with a small sob of despair. She looked away from Ron and cast her eyes to the windows. It was raining outside, and the sky was grayer than gray. It seemed to be almost black, even though it was only noon.
"Hermione," Ron began.
"You say he's not dead, then where has he been?" cried Hermione. "I've written so many owls to him, and he does not reply one! If he's not dead, Ron, where is he? Why won't he write back? Where is he, Ron?"
Ron tried to say something, but Hermione cut him off again.
"And how come you're not with him?" said Hermione, tears streaming down her eyes.
"Hermione," Ron said, "You don't understand. This is war. You can't just go with whoever you want to go. You are assigned to certain places, depending on what you're strong areas are."
She shook her head, hung her head, and sobbed. If only she was with Harry now, things wouldn't be like this. She wouldn't be in such despair, and she wouldn't have been so harsh at one of her best friends.
It would never had been the same
All our time
Would have been in vain
Because you had to go
Everyday, she received an owl from him; and everyday, he told her just how much he loved her, as Hermione did. During this time, Hermione was not as sad as she was now about Harry's absence. She knew that Harry loved her and that was all that mattered to her. To read his letters was the only reason that Hermione woke up in the mornings. Knowing that he was out there, loving her was the reason she took every breath of life.
The sweetest thought
I had it all
'Cause I did
Let you go
"I'm sorry, Ron." she whispered.
"You don't need to apologize." Ron said with a small smile. "This war is making everyone lose their minds."
Hermione nodded and said, "The only thing that keeping me sane is the thought of Harry." Hermione lifted her head and looked at Ron, "And knowing I have a great friend to get me through all this."
All our moments
Keep me warm
When you're gone
Ron smiled and said, "He'll come back, Hermione. He promised you."
Hermione smiled and nodded. Ron got up from his chair and so did Hermione. They gave each other a warm embrace and went their separate ways. Ron had to go back to the war, and Hermione went back the same hotel room she was in last night. She could not go home because she would endanger her parents.
She decided to walk to the hotel instead of apparating. The rain fell steadily on her umbrella, as she walked through the soaked streets of London. She sighed occasionally, thinking of nothing but Harry.
All my thoughts
Are with you forever
Until the day
We'll be back together
When she arrived in her room, she took off her coat and threw it on the bed. She went into the showers and got into her pajamas. Through all of this, she did notice a snowy-white owl, holding an envelope with its beak. On the envelope was written, "To my beloved Hermione, from Harry Potter."
…I will be waiting for you…