In which Legolas gets bashed. A lot.

Yep. This is what we do in Language Arts class. Instead of listening to the teacher and studying for exams, we sit and write little pieces of fluff. Keep in mind that since we are both writing this, the story often changes as we wrestle for control.

I, thelastsilmaril, am writing in italics, and my wonderful best friend, Numair's Daine, is writing in regular type. If you choose to review this, please e-mail me too (thelastsilmarilyahoo)

Oh yeah, Disclaimer: We do not own any of it!

Out of nowhere, Legolas popped into the Gryffindor Common Room of Hogwarts castle. Ron was sleeping on the couch nearest to the fire, wearing only his boxer shorts, as Hermione gazed at his topless self. Legolas's eyes widened.

"Um… Ronikins?" Hermione said, voice shaking, Ron's eyes widened also, pondering on how he ended up half naked in the Gryffindor and why Hermione was calling him Ronikins.

Then he saw Legolas, and his face went from the usual gaze of confusion to a look of elation.

"Leggy! How've you been doing? Did you get rid of that ring thingy then?"

Legolas glared guiltily at his finger, where he sported a large, yellow, oddly Middle-Earth looking ring. "Umm….yeah…"

Ron stared. "So why can I see you? I know! You're not really Leggy! You're Sauron! You KILLED Leggy!" Ron accused, as Legolas stared blankly.

pop

pop

Suddenly Merry and Pippin were beside him.

They took a quick glance around them, exchanged exasperated looks with each other, and made a bee-line for the remnants of Ron's numerous snacks.

"No!" Hermione screamed, lunging for the food. Everyone looked at her quizzically.

"Er… they are… um… spelled!"

"No they're not, I just had one," Ron said, Hermione looked at each of their faces, then scooped up the snacks and ran screaming, "I have Ron's snacks! He actually bit them!"

Merry and Pippin exchanged more exasperated looks, then gave pursuit, yelling, all the way to the girls dormitory. Hermione had just gotten to the top when they came, and the steps turned into a giant slide.

"You get 'em Hermione!" Ron yelled, giving a whoop.

The vanquished hobbits slowly sat up, rubbing their newfound, bruises, glaring at Hermione.

The young witch dumped off the pastries in her room, then slid down the slide, a cloak in hand.

"Here, Ronny, I got this for you so you can wear something." Hastily she added, "Not that I mind er…" Hermione stopped, blushing.

Ron looked at the cloak. "Oh, that's okay, I'll just…" Legolas concealed a snort behind his hand, but Ron isn't that unobserving. "Oh, just give me that." Ron's ears colored as Legolas let his hilarity loose. Ron, muttering under his breath, shrugged the cloak on, glaring at the laughing Legolas, straitening aggressively.

"Ronny!" Hermione gasped, "You're so brave, taking on a full grown elf!" Ron looked at Legolas, then Hermione, then sat down.

Legolas raised an eyebrow at Ron, the, smiling slightly, as if he knew something hilarious that no one else knew, seized Hermione, covered her mouth, and began passionately kissing the back of his hand. Of course, Ron couldn't see that Leggy wasn't really kissing her. He approached Legolas with a murderous look in his eyes. Apparently he got too close, because a long, shiny, wickedly sharp knife appeared in front of his nose. Ron stared in horror at the still lovingly kissing pair.

Hermione began laughing at Ron's expression, but to Ron it looked as though she were crying. Ron seized his wand, pointing it at Legolas' head. Legolas froze, then dropped the knife, still kissing Hermione. Ron did a quick spell that made Legolas….beautiful, so the result was disastrous. Parvati and Lavender walked in, paused, and dropped to their knees in Orlando/Legolas worship.

Ron ignored his mistake and quickly summoned his most manly and deep voice. "Step away from the girl or I'll blast your beautiful head to bits!"

Legolas let go of Hermione, who sank to the floor, doubled over with a red face and tears streaming down her face. Legolas surreptitiously wiped his hand off on his shirt before Ron forced him up against the wall.

"No!" Legolas yelled, in an overly dramatic voice. "I surrender, the girl is yours to snog, my privilege is gone." Ron let him go and Legolas backed off. "Besides, I'm a big Ron/ Hermione shipper, can't help myself."

By the look on Ron's face, Legolas could tell that his flattery wasn't going far.

"Come on Ron, it was just a joke, were still pals, right?" Ron's face grew darker.

"THIS," he bellowed, pointing at Hermione, "is NOT a joke!" It was then that Hermione decided to repair some damage. Or, not.

"Get 'em Ron!" She said, making things worse. Ron flew at the elf-boy, and backed of when Legolas brought out his twin knives.

"Um…Ron…maybe I should….." Hermione pulled out her wand, made a little swish, muttered something, and Legolas was on the floor, making out with the carpet.

"A just punishment if I do say so myself," said Ron, kicking Legolas and jumping back from the sharp blades.

"Who the heck is that?" Harry asked, coming in from the portrait hole. "And who the heck are they?" he added, spotting Merry and Pippin. "You didn't conjure up someone just to practice mean hexes on again, did you, Hermione?"

"Me?" Hermione asked innocently. "Why would I go and do something like that?"

"Remember Alanna and King Jon?" Ron said. Harry shuddered; the memory was a painful one.

"What about that poor talking rat thingy, what was its name, Reepicheep?" Harry asked.

"I sent him back!" Hermione retorted defensively.

"He wasn't exactly… the same…." Ron said, shuddering also.

"I always wondered why no one ever saw Saruman ever again after we flooded his tower. I always thought he had run off to live in the woods or something." Legolas had managed to disengage himself from the carpet. "I didn't really kiss her, you know," he added quickly before Ron could do anything.

"You didn't?"

Author's Note (I am the person who wrote in normal print)

And thus we reach the end of chapter one to our lovely jointed story. I get to do the conclusion, and I get to post it, but thelastsilmaril did all the typing (blame her for the typo's teehee) so, I hope you liked it, it took up our language arts period for three days, but it was loads of fun. We've started the second chapter, so review and tell us we should go on...it would be nice....

The funny thing about this is thelastsilmaril is against Ron/Hermione and I'm all for it, it's the only Harry Potter fic I read, but somehow I got her to write a fic with me that has slight Ron/Hermione undertones. Amazing. You will notice the majority of the Ron/Hermione stuff is written in normal print...that was me.