Disclaimer: You know, I might actually be Meg Cabot. You never know. I could be. Don't give me that look. Stop it. Stop it!
Loser.
OK, I thought I would stick this chappie up now. STRAIGHT AFTER I PUT THE OTHER ONE UP. Because I am a good girl. When I want to be.
Kewine: candy is gooooood, always eat candy.... Finals sound like...fun... LOVE the new catchphrase. LOVE it.
"Jesse? Jesse?" I looked around wildly.
"Susannah..." said Father D calmly, standing up from behind his desk.
"Jesse!" I whirled round, searching for Jesse.
"Susannah." Father D started walking around his desk.
"Jesse! Please, Jesse!" Tears were pouring silently from my eyes. They were gushing, glistening, like tiny droplets of liquid ice, down my cheeks. Falling silently onto the floor, ignored and unwanted.
"Susannah," Father D was approaching me from behind. I twisted my body this way and that, hunting for any sign of Jesse.
"Jesse! Come back! Jesse, I need you! Do you hear! I need you! Jesse, come back!" I was screaming dramatically, spinning round so quickly everything was a blur. But that may have been because of the tears. It may have been because my mind had gone numb and blank. It may have been because, perhaps, the room actually was spinning.
I wouldn't have cared if the world was spinning off its axis. All I cared about was Jesse. And he was gone. So what had I left to care for? I had pushed him away.
"Susannah," Father Dominic's hand was resting on my shoulder, firmly trying to pull me round to face him.
"Jesse! Jesse!" My screaming was hysteric, high, and loud. "Jesse! No, Jesse! Jesse!"
"Susannah!" Father D had turned me to look at him. We stared at each other for a split second. My tears making the room dance in my vision. And in that split second, I saw pity. I saw loss. I saw truth. I saw eternal sadness.
I saw hopelessness.
Jesse was gone.
What had I done?
What had I done?
"I'm sorry, Jesse...I'm sorry," I was sobbing now, sinking to the ground as the realisation hit me like a lightning bolt. Scorching everything inside of me, riding in my blood. "Jesse, I'm sorry! I'm sor-ry!" My sobs were wracking my body.
I buried my head in my hands as Father Dom clutched me to his chest, stroking my hair sympathetically. Pitying me.
"Jesse...Jesse, I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry. I'm sorry. I'm...I'm..." I couldn't take it anymore. I just...couldn't take it.
Suddenly all I wanted to do, was let go.
Let go of everything that was making my life so shitty. Let go of everything that wouldn't let me be happy. Wouldn't let me be normal and happy. I let go.
I let go.
I let go.
What was the point of holding on to the impossible? That slimy creature you strove so long to get hold of, that slimy thing you sacrificed so much of your life and your life's possessions for. That thing that, no matter how hard you held on for, would also always get away.
After all that work it would just...abandon you.
Without a glance back.
Without a last thought of you.
It would discard you, throw you away, cast you off.
Reject you.
So I let go of that slimy, disgusting creature. I let go of any hope of catching hold of the impossible.
I just let go.
And everything was gone.
Everything went black.
I had let go.