Disclaimer: Whatever.

Clk161821: Of course she's gonna end up with one of them!!! Just...which one...?

BloodyRayne: Holy FRUKING skittles? WHAT THE DEVIL DOES THAT MEAN????? I love skittles... where abouts in Cali are you from? I don't know anywhere in California but I'm curious anyway.

Universalcall: All your questions will be answered in due time, I pwomise. Moowahahaaaa!!! I have end of year exams too!!! I am from the Midlands – Oxfordshire, if you've ever heard of it. How bout you? Can I add you to my list of stalkers? I mean, ah hem, list of friends...

Muzacgirl: Too many veggies??? How can eating too many vegetables make you crazy????? PUT DOWN THE GREEN BEANS, GIRL. (I know the whole Suze-going- hysterical thing was a bit out of character, but I was watching Armageddon and that film AWLAYS makes me cry, even though I've seen it 5 times before... - cough cough loser cough -

Alexis De Silva: I totally agree with you Alexis De Silva (is that actually your real name???), UPDATE SOON GOTHIC GRANNY, PUT DOWN THE EYELINER AND EVANESCENCE CD AND START TYPING!!!! And thank you for taking a leak, Alexis, I feel so relieved. (get it? Relieved, like when you pee you relieve yourself? Aw, my wit is wasted on you feeble mortals)

Ghost Magic: Thank you! And I will write more! Aw, you guys are so sweet.

Frosted-Darkfox: Your name sounds like some kind of sweet. And I am continuing as quickly as I can (like, right now)

Strawberry Bliss: You welcome. And thank you for reading and reviewing so quickly. Bless your strawberry-coated heart.

Kewine: AMERICAN HISTORY???? THAT IS SO COOL!!! We do History, but it sucks. It's like "In WW2, bla bla bla." And "Queen Victoria once ate a beetle and laughed". And do you really have individual Algebra classes?? And Gifted and Talented?? OMG, ARE YOU A CHEERLEADER????? Do you only have 3 days of school let til you break up for the Summer? We (in England) have about a month. AND it's not even sunny. Unlike in America where it is.EVERYWHERE. LOVE "holy geeze, blue cheese". LOVE IT. Keep up the good work!!! Also, I did rather hope your real name wasn't Kewine, that would just be odd. (no offence to any Kewines out there!) I have, however, never seen Lilo and Stitch...OK, you can stop yelling in shock now! I know, I know. But I will watch it...one day... You are a very violent child, aren't you? "and then WHAMO! Let's punch a wall! Yippe!!" Of course us guys watch the Simpsons, we're not completely deprived. And I feel really sorry for your ballet teacher. You're like a weapon in a tutu. Dangerous...but oh-so pretty! And that's what counts, after all...

Nice Hayley: I'm sorry! Please stop crying!!!!! – cackles evilly and thanks the gods - and Jesse hasn't gone berserk, he's just a little bit upset. He is not a nutcase. Paul and Sean can't get along, can they? They both love Suze, how can they get along when they're both fighting for her heart? And I am sooo gonna write another story after this...AND DEDICATE IT TO NICE HAYLEY, FOR BEING SO NICE. And why is Emily such a cool name? (although, I must agree, it is - flashes cheesey smile and winks - ) My name isn't Horseradish.... Do you know anyone who is called Horseradish??? HORSERADISH??????????????????????????????????????

I took in a deep breath...and let it out. Then I opened my eyes.

And I was in Shadowland.

Strangely, I didn't panic. I sat in the mist, staring ahead. The silence wasn't oppressive like it usually was. The fog was chilling, like it usually was. And the endless corridors weren't haunting, like they usually were.

For once in my life, I felt safe.

I broke out of my stare and looked around calmly, sniffling disinterestedly as my tears slowly dried. I laughed, a bitter, ironic laugh.

This was where I had come chasing after Jesse like some poor lost soul a few months ago. Now I had come up here to escape him. Or rather, to escape the gaping crevice in my heart he had made.

I could feel the fresh gash in my heart spreading. Like an earthquake causing a crack in the ground to spread, wider and wider. Until there was nothing left but an empty, bottomless hole. The bruises on my body that hurt in the real world were gone up here, but a new pain was taking providence over their absence.

As the gash widened through out my heart, an unsullied tenderness was opening up. It was like heartburn, except now I had no heart to burn.

New tears sprang to my eyes as I recognised the symptoms of a heartless body, the same symptoms I had experienced only a month ago. The symptoms Jesse had caused. The symptoms Jesse had cured.

And here he was doing it again.

Except he wasn't coming back to help me this time.

This time, I was on my own.

I fought back my tears and gritted my teeth, fists clenching at my sides and my body tensing, straightening itself out in defiance.

No! I was not going through this again!

I didn't deserve this! Why couldn't I just live? Live like a normal person?

"Why?" I cried out in anguish. I glanced around looking for an answer. Anything.

But of course, there wasn't an answer.

My gaze suddenly locked onto one of the many doors lining the corridor. Would it be so bad if I just...went away? I took a step towards the door. Would it be so bad if I just opened one of the doors? Another step. If I took a peek? Another step. Maybe even stepped across the threshold? One more step and I would be able to reach the doorknob. Would anyone actually miss me? I reached my hand out, the door seemed be radiating a slight heat, almost forbidding me to touch it.

My hand was on the doorknob, clasping it desperately. My mind was racing but the thoughts and memories were blurring so I couldn't understand them. I was focusing on twisting the doorknob.

I heard a faint latch click.

One slight push...

"Suze!" And the door slammed shut. It was only half a centimetre open but it still managed to slam itself shut. I felt myself being pushed away and almost fell over. I gave another bitter chuckle and turned towards the intruder.

"What do you want?" My voice was acid and my eyes were blank.

Sean seemed a little taken aback by my anger and resentment, he took a step forward and raised his hand upwards, toward me. I scowled and a guttural noise rose in my throat. Sean froze.

"I don't think you should open that door, Suze," he began slowly. Fear was making his voice shake slightly and his pupils were shrinking.

"I don't give a toss what you think, Sean," I said his name scathingly, and I didn't say toss.

"Suze, please, I think we need to talk." He seemed genuinely concerned. I stared at him.

And then burst out laughing. I wasn't acting like normal-Suze, I felt reckless and daring. I didn't care what happened to me, I didn't care about consequences. Why should I? I was about to end it all, anyway.

"Talk about what, Sean? Huh? What do you wanna talk about? The weather? The news?" I gave a short bark of laughter. "Us?" Sean flinched as if he'd been slapped.

"Suze, come on. I'm sorry. What more can I say?" He spread his arms and I stared at them. This guy had almost killed me. And he was apologizing.

Are all guys this stupid? Or just the ones I meet?

"Oh, I'm sorry, Sean. You are so right. I forgive you. Wanna kiss and make up?" I puckered my lips and closed my eyes, clasping my hands together, radiating mockery.

I opened my eyes to find Sean scowling and I burst out laughing again.

"Sorry, Sean. Do you want me to be a bit more serious? It's just, I'm finding that quite hard at the moment. See. You tried to kill me." Sean opened his mouth to protest but I carried on. "And you just broke up my relationship with Jesse. Sean, you've just ruined my life. How does it make you feel?" Again, Sean opened his mouth. Again, I carried on.

"Basically, Sean, I'm not in a forgiving mood. Quite the opposite, really. Odd, I know. But that's just how I feel. I know you're probably used to having girls falling at your feet, begging you for forgiveness, begging you to just look at them. So I'm sorry to disappoint you, Sean. But, like I said, I'm not in a forgiving mood."

I looked him up and down, sizing him up, checking him out. For no particular reason. I just had nothing else to do. I felt restless and bored. I wanted some action. I needed some action.

"So I'm thinking, Sean. I'm thinking, maybe you should just piss off." And then my foot was connecting with his head, whipping it back. I heard a snap, and he fell over, his neck at an odd angle. I raised my eyebrow.

"Didn't even put up a fight," I tutted, muttering to myself. His head slowly snapped back and he lay in shock, getting his bearings. Before he had a chance to get up, I slowly and calmly walked over to him and kneeled over him, straddling his stomach.

"Oh my God, Sean! Are you OK?" I put my hands to my open mouth in false shock and horror. He stared at me incredulously. I punched him in the nose.

His arms shot up to try to stop me but I grabbed them and twisted them round. He let out a groan of pain. I twisted them harder. I let go and hi pulled his hands away immediately. I punched him in the nose again and he let out a scream of pain as his broken nose – it was slowly moving back into place – was crushed further.

I was on a roll. I was unstoppable. Eventually though I got bored. I suddenly stood up and grabbed the front of his shirt, hauling him up to my level. He took a swing at me and I ducked. He took another one and hit me. I felt the sting on my cheek and put my tongue to the side of my mouth, tasting blood.

I revelled in the fight and kneed Sean where it hurt.

He let out an "Oof!" and doubled over.

"Pathetic," I spat. His hand suddenly reached out and grabbed my shirt around my stomach. I looked down in shock. He yanked his arm holding me to the side and I flew against to wall of the corridor, smacking into the hard nothing that was the wall. I slid down the wall and stared at Sean, still crouched over and concentrating on his breathing.

I smiled and picked myself up, ignoring the sharp pain in my ankle, refusing to limp over. Sean looked up as I approached and I punched his face back down so he was looking at the ground again.

He toppled over in front of one of the doors.

I grabbed a handful of shirt from his back and wrenched him away from the door and closer to my feet. With my other hand, I tugged the door in front of me open, and then through the curled-up Sean through the doorway. I slammed the door and brushed my hands together, giving a contented sigh.

Sean was no more.

I suddenly became conscious of what I had done, and my – slightly sadistic – smile was washed clean off my neon red face.

I had just forced someone to die.

Again.

Oh my God.

Oh my God.

Oh my God.

"Oh my God..." I had exorcised him. But it was worst than that. Sean hadn't even been expecting it, I mean, one minute he'd been trying to sweet talk me, then my fist was smashing his face to a pulp, then he was gone.

"Oh my God..."

I felt sick. Not just sick sick.

I felt like my bones were being eroded away by the acidity of my sick that was now flooding my veins and arteries, clogging at my heart. My face went as white as the unearthly, unreal fog that crept anonymously along the invisible floor.

"Oh...my...God..." What the hell had I done? What the hell had I turned into?

I was Devil Woman. I had no heart. How could I do anything so cruel? Or so stupid? I collapsed onto my knees on the floor and buried my head in my heads, groaning with shame.

Well, I thought, that's it. I'm officially going to hell. It's been a nice life. I just wanna thank my mom for being so supportive – except for the whole let's-go-see-my-friend-the-psychiatrist – and I wanna thank my dad, and Andy, and Doc, and Father D. And of course my very few friends Gina, Adam, and CeeCee.

I pushed a shaking hand through my hair.

I tried to be optimistic. So, Jesse had deserted me – a familiar twang resounded on my heart strings as a sense of yearning struck me full-on – and so, I had just banished a helpless soul to the land of Never, and so, as soon as I got back on earth all I had to look forward to was a gloating Paul; an ignorant family; questioning friends and inescapable looks of sympathy from Father D. So what?

I was Suze Simon.

Mediator.

Ass-kicker.

Woman.

Almost, anyway.

Which reminds me, my seventeenth birthday is like, a coupla months away and I hadn't spotted any suspicious parcels being sneaked into the house by my mother. What was up with that?

Anyhow.

I was Suze Simon, the Invincible. Sometimes that's an incredibly unfortunate title. But it was the path God had chosen for me. (And I want a few words with the Big Man when my time comes!)

I picked myself up, a new sense of well-being dancing around me. I squared my shoulders, shook my mane of shiny locks, cracked my knuckles and my neck, and tried a smile. When I felt it turn into a sickly grimace I instantly stopped and coughed awkwardly.

I gave up with the smiles after a few more attempts and made a noise halfway between a sigh and a growl.

And then I shimmered back to earth.

A newfound woman.

Almost, anyway.

A/N: OK, I KNOW this was a really really ODD and completely un-Suze-like chapter (as was the previous) and I APOLOGISE. But I typed this chapter during ER which was exceptionally sad cos Carter's ickle baby was still- born. So yeah. It's un-Suze-like, I hope you can get over it. If you can't, I think you should leave, hard as it for me to say, please go...walk out that door...I don't love you...and I don't need you anymore...weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye?...did you think I'd crumble...did you think I'd LAY DOWN AND DIE?...OH NO NOT I!!...I WILL SURVIVE...AS LONG AS I'VE GOT ALL MY LOVE I KNOW I'LL STAY ALIVE...I'VE GOT ALL MY LIFE TO LIVE...I'VE GOT ALL MY LOVE TO GIVE...I WILL SURVIVE...I WILL SURVIVE...OOO-OOOH!

Phew. Let's all go to the disco!

Or not.