A/N: I just got my ear pierced at the top and it really hurts. But it looks cool. I also bought some nail varnish and it's supposed to last for like 5 days but I've only had it on for half a day and it's all flaking off. I think I'm going to hafta write another complaint letter.
(I write a lotta letters of complaint to companies who do not reach my grande expectations. It's fun. They send you free stuff)
OK, I was just watching Silence Of The Lambs, and Hannibal Lector says this line, "I'm just having an old friend for dinner." That single line is haunting me. I keep having these dreams where all my friends are sat round this table and I'm in the middle of the table, and I'm wearing this bikini with these fat little pink pigs on. And then this dude in a huge multicolour afro puts an apple in my mouth but before he does I say, "Bite me" and the apple says, in a really (mock) posh English voice, "Oh, don't worry dear, they will" and then all my friends start prodding me and my bikini starts getting really tight and the pigs on it start snorting and oinking. And then this ginormous lobster looms over me and gobbles me up.
I put things in bold to make you pay attention and actually read it, by the way. Hehehe.
And then I go onto this other dream where, haha, basically, oh man, it's really funny, haha. Basically, this really cute guy ------------- me, and then we ---------- And it's really nice because he has a --------- and I'm like "Oh my God, it's so -----------" and then we're ------------- and I'm like "-------------" and he's like "-" and then this huge ice cream sundae appears and I'm like, "You know, it would be really nice if you ----------" and so he ------- and then I repeat "--------" and he repeats "-". And Oh. My. God.
I know I know, but hey, it's not my fault TV shows such unadulterated filth and I happen to be influenced by it.
....
Seriously, it's a really nice dream. The one after the whole getting- gobbled-up-by-a-giant-lobster dream.
Cos that guy is soooooo ----------. I know I know. So can you really blame me for ---------- him? I didn't think so.
Gothic Granny: OMG!!! You're an Aussie???? THAT IS SO FREAKING COOL!! If there are any other people in the world I love as much as Americans, its Australians! OMG. I swear to God, this is Fate. This is Destiny. See, I've always said that I'm either gonna go live in America and become a company lawyer there...OR GO DO IT IN AUSTRALIA!!! OMG!!!! That is soooooo odd. Wow. Do you surf? OMG, can you tell me some of the other Aussie soaps you watch, apart from Neighbours and H&A. Do you have a pet koala or wallaby?
AngelicHalo: I'm glad you are actually enjoying reviewing this story, although I would rather hope you enjoyed reviewing all the stories you reviewed... My real name is Emily!!! Woooo. Yeah. OK, just went on your (cool) forum thingy, who the devil is RooneyRox or whatever? I sense a slight obsession with Rooney... And is it just me, or are all you friends completely schizo? Mad? Eccentric? Odd? I am just writing this story as I go along, I have no idea what's gonna happen next! But I'm gonna finish it in a coupla chapters cos I have a new story IN MY MIND for Mediator and I think you may like it... ALSO, on your forum thingy, it said that tonnes of your posts were posted at like 6 IN THE MORNING. Please say the clock is wrong. 6 IN THE MORNING???? That is wrong, man.
Ghost Magic: Ah, so eloquent with your praise and reviews. ;-)
Alexis De Silva: How come all my reviewers are completely nuts? I mean seriously. You guys are all mental. Especially you, Miss Alexis Obsessive.
Liz: Oooh, a new addition to the Trouble Love clan (i HATE the title of my story so much) . And in what country to you dwell, eh? On you knees isn't good enough, young lady. Kiss my feet!
Nice Hayley: I LOVE PEPPERONI PIZZA! Not regurgitated pepperoni pizza, obviously. That would just be gross.
Kewine: What kind of question is that? "Have you ever seen Cinderella?" Of course I have, fool! And I would be extremely worried if that tune and those words popped into my head. Very worried.
Chayter: You're gonna go nuts? What do you think you are now...? Don't try and act normal, we can all see right through you...Can't we guys? -resounding cheers form all around - There's no escape....
"Jesse!" I sat bolt upright and reached out my hand to clasp his arm that was laid on the bedcover with his hand resting above my stomach. A look of shock passed across Jesse's face an then he was gone, his blue sparkles suddenly seemed to reflect pain and sadness, they were ice cold. And then, my hand was clasping thin air.
"Don't go..." I whispered.
But it was too late.
At least I knew though.
Jesse hadn't moved on.
He had just moved out.
He was avoiding me. But still, looking after me. Now how cute is that? How many boyfriends do you know who would do that?
And Jesse wasn't even my boyfriend!
OK, I don't know why I'm celebrating that fact.
But he had been here! He had soothed my brow, watched me all night long, kept me safe.
Jesse still cared for me.
Hell, he might even still love me!
This newfound hope filled me with a golden ball of warmth. I smiled slyly an jumped out of bed. It was like my life had regained all meaning again, my heart suddenly blossomed, like those roses you see in films, when they're sped up. So all you see is a flower bursting into life unexpectedly, but welcome.
I had a shower, brushed my teeth twelve times and swallowed a whole tube of toothpaste. Barf-breath is so not the way to win back your ghost boyfriend. I got dressed (picking my outfit so I looked good without trying even though I did try, you get it, right?) and went downstairs. There was a note on the table from mom, 'Had to go to work as did Andy, hoe you're feeling better. See you tonight xxx'.
OK, so it was midday, as I sat at the table, munching on my cornflakes (A/N: you Americans have Cornflakes, right? I mean, aren't loadsa girls being found dead in cornfields all the time? Sorry to sound so crude but that's how I remember things – crudity) I plotted on how to get Jesse back into my good books.
If I just called him, what would I say?
What would he say?
Hell, if I could have it my way, we wouldn't say anything! We would just kiss and make up.
Just the thought of Jesse being near me, his hands on me, his lips on mine, his body pressed against mine, just the thought of Jesse, made me shiver and tremble. Made my nerves go shot and raw. Made my body flush hot and go all goosepimply with cold at the same time.
A great void seemed to fill me then. A great vacuum of yearning and loneliness. The yearning tweaked at my stomach and heart. All I wanted was Jesse. That's all I've ever wanted.
And he's always been there for me.
Sure, I used to think he was a pain in the ass and a nuisance, now I was just desperate to hear his soft whispered "querida". Or his disapproving "Susannah".
And I'm pretty sure Spike is feeling the same.
"Yeah!" I suddenly burst out through a mouthful of cornflakes. I swallowed and continued. "What about Spike, huh? Are you just gonna leave him all on his own? Spike is a helpless cat, Jesse, how can you just abandon him? After all he's been through."
I dropped my spoon into my bowl with a clatter and a splash and sat up with my back straight.
"Are you just gonna leave Spike friendless and lonely in this cruel, cat- hating world? I thought you were better than that Jesse. I mean, God, Spike isn't exactly the cutest baby in the cradle but hell, even he deserves to be loved!"
The kitchen blinds on the window behind started shaking noisily and I whipped round out of my chair.
And sure enough, there was Jesse standing with his arms crossed, his brow furrowed, and his scar glowing.
"Is that all you care about? The cat?" Jesse demanded, saying the word cat with pure disbelief.
I stared at him in shock. Then I realised.
Jesse was jealous!
Jesse thought I would be broken at his leaving, and here I was worrying about the cat! Well, ha! Serves him right! If all he's angry about is the fact I'm not heartbroken, well. That's not exactly gentlemanly. And Jesse was the definition of gentlemanly.
I pouted and crossed my arms.
"Well, he's been sulking all day and night."
"And how would you know that, querida? You've only been in your house for a short time and in all of that time you've been asleep!" Jesse's mouth formed a stubborn pout and my eyes drifted to those lips.
I coughed and dragged them back up to his eyes and got lost there instead.
"Well, I admit. I took my time getting home after..." I trailed off and looked down at the floor. But when I started getting memories of what had happened when I had gone up to Shadowland and met Sean, my eyes shot to the window where I concentrated on a bird that was sat on the fence in the garden.
"I had some thinking to do," I finally whispered. The bird looked at me and looked away. He bounced along the fence and stopped.
"So did I," Jesse whispered back. I hadn't noticed he had taken a step towards me.
I nodded and brought my gaze back to the bird.
It was a fat bird. And pretty dull. I suddenly got worried. What if Spike was waiting out there for it? Waiting to pounce.
"Where's Spike?" I asked Jesse. He frowned.
"Is that the only reason you want me back? So that Spike isn't lonely? Is that all?" His eyes searched mine.
I stifled a laugh.
"Well, he's a very special cat..." Jesse's jaw literally dropped.
"But what about you? Don't you get...lonely?" He took another step towards me. Suddenly I had no desire to laugh. Oh no, I was having desires of a whole different nature. My arms twitched at my sides.
"Meh," was all I said with a dismissive shrug. The window blinds started shaking again.
"That's all you have to say?" He took another step forward and his nose was practically resting on the top of my head.
"Well," I started coyly, "it's not really what I have to say..." I looked up at him with my lips slightly parted and my eyes big. He frowned in confusion for a split second. And then comprehension dawned on his beautiful face.
His hands crept round my back and his arms encircled me. We inched closer, if it was possible.
"Susannah, I'm not sure what you mean..." he whispered, our eyes were locked. Mine slowly drifted to his lips. Oh how I had missed my Jesse.
"Well then, I guess I'd better show you..." And I was standing on tiptoes, reaching up with my lips for his.
And then they found them.
And I sank down with my knees bent as Jesse held me like he never wanted to let me go.
After a few minutes we slowly pulled apart and he whispered into my hair, "I'm sorry." I looked at him in bewilderment.
"What do you mean?"
"I'm sorry for leaving you like that. I know it wasn't your fault," I pursed my lips and looked away briefly, "and I'm sorry for the hurt I caused you."
I sighed deeply.
"It's alright, Jesse. Honestly. I'm sorry I haven't been entirely truthful with you," and still aren't, I added mentally. "But I didn't want to hurt you. I love you Jesse. You know that, don't you?"
Jesse reached down and kissed my forehead. "Of course, querida," he replied. His eyes suddenly sharpened and he stared at me hard.
"Where did you go, querida? When I went from the Father's office?" I looked down at my fluffy-socked feet. Hey, the house can get cold sometimes!
"I just went to Shadowland," I said quietly. Jesse's face instantly darkened and he took a step away from me.
"Susannah..." he growled but before he could continue lecturing me, I cut him off quickly.
"I know I know, Jesse. Shadowland isn't a place for the likes of me, a sweet, young, innocent, living girl. It's a place for brooding, dark, dead spirits like Sean."
OK, did so not mean to say his name.
Jesse's scar was white.
"Sean?" He said in a guttural voice.
"Yeah," I squeaked, sounding even higher compared to his snarl. "Sean's gone. Basically. You know, moved on." I unconsciously scratched my cheek where he had hit me, memories flooding back. As I recalled punching him mercilessly and unflinchingly I yanked my hand away from my face and stared at my knuckles.
I expected them to bloody and raw.
I almost wanted them to be.
"How did you get him to move on?" Jesse seemed genuinely curious. A bit wary. But curious, mainly.
"Um, using my amazing powers of persuasion?" I gave a half giggle of nervousness.
Jesse raised an eyebrow. "Susannah," he said in his silky voice. Now that's a mighty good power or persuasion, let me tell you. I sighed and gazed dreamily at him, once again getting lost in those deep pools of loveliness that are his eyes as his arms encompassed me again.
"I rammed him through one of the doors," I sighed, still gazing deeply into his soulful chocolate eyes.
Jesse arms dropped from around me and he gripped my upper arms tightly.
"You pushed Sean through one those doors, Susannah?" His eyes searched mine frantically and I was brought back to reality with a resounding twang.
"Um, yeah. Why? It's not that big a deal. I mean, sure, I felt really bad about it afterwards, cos I didn't really intend to exorcise him in such an instant, vulgar manner. But he was being a total freak. And I kinda snapped and then there was this fight - noses got broken, things got said, bodies got flung - and then I just pushed him into his next life. Or the deep, dark abyss of hell. Whatever."
"You had a fight with Sean? In Shadowland? Did he hurt you?" His questions were getting sharper and his grip tighter.
Here comes protective ol' Jesse again. He probably regrets the day he ever met me. But hey! It's not my fault I'm devilishly attractive and I like kicking unworthy asses.
"Well, it was more me fighting and hurting him in purgatory. He only got on shot at me and even then it was only a punch. My cheek has so fully recovered." To accentuate the recovery of my bruised cheek, I stuck my tongue into the side of it and crossed my eyes in an attempt to check it out.
Jesse reached out and gripped my chin. I uncrossed my eyes to look at him with my tongue still poking my cheek out. I slowly pulled it in. Jesse's eyes wandered to my cheek.
"See," I said softly, "it's fine." I searched his face for signs of emotion. Eventually Jesse's eyes returned to mine, then they moved back to my cheek.
And then, to my joy of joys, they slowly wandered to my lips. I puckered them oh-so slightly and subtly. His eyes briefly met mine, almost asking for my permission.
Pah, like he would ever need to ask my permission.
And then he was giving me one of his famous Jesse kisses. I felt giddy with excitement, happiness, reconciliation and...ah hem, several other feelings that were raging about in my hormonal teenage body.
Jesse was kissing me so gently and softly, like he was tasting something he hadn't had in so long, but had been waiting for even longer.
And then he was done with the tentative tasting. Greed and want came and pushed tasting out of the window.
And I felt like I was home. Where I belonged. With Jesse.
His hand pressed into my lower back, pushing me closer to him. I let out a mild moan of pleasure.
I guess this meant Jesse was no longer mad at me.
His other hand was tenderly stroking the back off my neck and fiddling with my hair. My hands were having a fairly nice time of themselves too. First they running up his arms – very nice, strong arms. The kind of arms you wouldn't mind picking you up and carrying you to your bedroom...those kind of arms – then they were trailing down his mighty fine chest, my fingertips touching his bare skin where his shirt was open. And once they were done there, they were going back up again, this time onto his broad shoulders and curling round to the back of his neck. Where they stayed, tickling the tan, silky smooth skin.
And do you know what sprang into my head the instant my fingertips sizzled when they touched his peachy-soft skin? I thought, Damn boy, I know milk is good for the body, but how much milk have you been drinking?
I marvelled at my crudeness.
For hours we stayed like that, locked close together, not breaking our kiss once. And then the door was banging open, and Dopey was marching into the house, his heavy feet plodding along the hallway.
Jesse and I broke apart with small smiles tugging at our lips.
And then Jesse was dematerialising, I stood for a while smiling at what had just happened, the feel of his lips still scorching mine. I felt like I had a warm bubble of content around me.
"Yo, Suze, someone here to see you. God knows why." I turned round to face Dopey, still with a smile on my face.
Swoosh went the smile, pop went the bubble.