"Um............."Remus hesitated, fidgeting.
"Come one then! What are you so nervous about?" Sirius pressed, leaning forward grinning at Remus. "what are you hiding?"
"N-nothing!" Remus said looking away.
"well if you aren't hiding anything, then why can't you tell me what you were thinking about last night?"
"Am I not entitled to my own private thoughts?"
Sirius leaned back in the chair, "No actually. I've decided you aren't. Not when I want to know what has you so upset."
Suddenly Remus stood up from his chair and stomped off towards the kitchen, "It's none of your business Sirius!"
"Well I'm making it my business!" Sirius said as he followed him into the kitchen. He thought He would find Remus grabbing his coat, heading for the door. Instead he found him leaning back against the counter, his hands resting on the edges, facing him.
"I'm sorry....." Sirius whispered, seeing how upset he had made Remus, "I guess you're right..........it really is none of my business."
Remus brought a hand in front of his closed eyes, rubbing his temples, " It's fine....really......I just don't think it's something we should get into........it's best left alone."
"you're mad at me."
"no."
"Why are you lying?"
Remus finally looked up at Sirius, looking him in the eyes, "No, I'm not mad. I was. Along time ago. But I don't think I am anymore."
"why?" Sirius implored, moving closer to Remus, gripping his arm gentley, urging him on "Because we didn't trust you? Because we never told you about the switch?"
"no! not that! That doesn't matter anymore!" Remus said, resting his hand on Sirius shoulder, in comfort. When he bit down on his bottom lip Sirius knew he was finally going to tell him. Remus stared, concentrating on Sirius shirt. He was trying to think of the right words to say. Or deciding if this was a good idea.
"This whole thing...........this 'secret' you think I'm keeping...........it's not a secret and it's not important."
"but it obviously bothers you." Sirius said, reaching his hand up to brush Remus' hair out of his eyes. He felt Remus draw in a sharp intake of breath.
"Remus...........please tell me!"
Remus looked down at the ground, drawing himself away from Sirius. He was quiet for a moment, and Sirius began to think that Remus had chickened out. Maybe he had pushed him too far. Maybe he was right, whatever was bothering him, he would deal with on his own. Sirius decided to leave him be. As he started to head towards the living room, Remus finally spoke.
"do you remember when we slept together?"
Sirius froze in midstep, which nearly cause him to trip.
Not turning to face Remus he said "Yes, ofcourse."
Remus gave a sharp laugh.
"What?"
Remus shook his head, "Nothing, look I said it didn't matter."
"What Remus? You're mad at me for that?"
Remus shook his head again, "NO.......yes..........I don't know what I'm feeling about it........it's just been on my mind lately."
"oh." Was all Sirius could say.
"Oh? That's all you have to say? After you pry and pry and force it out of me, 'oh' is all you can say?" Remus was getting angry.
Finally Sirius turned to face him, but still not looking him in the eyes, "Well what the bloody hell do you want me to say?"
"I don't know!" Remus practically yelled, shoving a chair away from the table and sitting down in it, rather ungracefully. "I guess......" he trailed off.
"You guess what?" Sirius said impatiently.
"I guess I just wanted to know why you did that?"
"Why what? Why I slept with you?"
"Yes."
"Aw fuck Remus!" Sirius swore sitting down at the opposite end of the table, "I don't know! I was drunk you know!"
Obviously, from the hurt look on Remus' face that was not the best thing to have said. So Sirius decided to try again.
"Look, I didn't mean it like that! I don't mean, like, that it was bad or anything.......or that I was too drunk to know what I was really doing....."
"well what then?" Remus said quietly. "Tell me. I'm a big boy now Sirius, I think I can handle it."
"I , well,..........I was just.........kinda lonely............and well, being a 17 year old boy, I was........to be crude about it......horny?" Sirius said shrugging.
Remus looked up at him, shock and embarrassment written all over his body.
"Come one then! What are you so nervous about?" Sirius pressed, leaning forward grinning at Remus. "what are you hiding?"
"N-nothing!" Remus said looking away.
"well if you aren't hiding anything, then why can't you tell me what you were thinking about last night?"
"Am I not entitled to my own private thoughts?"
Sirius leaned back in the chair, "No actually. I've decided you aren't. Not when I want to know what has you so upset."
Suddenly Remus stood up from his chair and stomped off towards the kitchen, "It's none of your business Sirius!"
"Well I'm making it my business!" Sirius said as he followed him into the kitchen. He thought He would find Remus grabbing his coat, heading for the door. Instead he found him leaning back against the counter, his hands resting on the edges, facing him.
"I'm sorry....." Sirius whispered, seeing how upset he had made Remus, "I guess you're right..........it really is none of my business."
Remus brought a hand in front of his closed eyes, rubbing his temples, " It's fine....really......I just don't think it's something we should get into........it's best left alone."
"you're mad at me."
"no."
"Why are you lying?"
Remus finally looked up at Sirius, looking him in the eyes, "No, I'm not mad. I was. Along time ago. But I don't think I am anymore."
"why?" Sirius implored, moving closer to Remus, gripping his arm gentley, urging him on "Because we didn't trust you? Because we never told you about the switch?"
"no! not that! That doesn't matter anymore!" Remus said, resting his hand on Sirius shoulder, in comfort. When he bit down on his bottom lip Sirius knew he was finally going to tell him. Remus stared, concentrating on Sirius shirt. He was trying to think of the right words to say. Or deciding if this was a good idea.
"This whole thing...........this 'secret' you think I'm keeping...........it's not a secret and it's not important."
"but it obviously bothers you." Sirius said, reaching his hand up to brush Remus' hair out of his eyes. He felt Remus draw in a sharp intake of breath.
"Remus...........please tell me!"
Remus looked down at the ground, drawing himself away from Sirius. He was quiet for a moment, and Sirius began to think that Remus had chickened out. Maybe he had pushed him too far. Maybe he was right, whatever was bothering him, he would deal with on his own. Sirius decided to leave him be. As he started to head towards the living room, Remus finally spoke.
"do you remember when we slept together?"
Sirius froze in midstep, which nearly cause him to trip.
Not turning to face Remus he said "Yes, ofcourse."
Remus gave a sharp laugh.
"What?"
Remus shook his head, "Nothing, look I said it didn't matter."
"What Remus? You're mad at me for that?"
Remus shook his head again, "NO.......yes..........I don't know what I'm feeling about it........it's just been on my mind lately."
"oh." Was all Sirius could say.
"Oh? That's all you have to say? After you pry and pry and force it out of me, 'oh' is all you can say?" Remus was getting angry.
Finally Sirius turned to face him, but still not looking him in the eyes, "Well what the bloody hell do you want me to say?"
"I don't know!" Remus practically yelled, shoving a chair away from the table and sitting down in it, rather ungracefully. "I guess......" he trailed off.
"You guess what?" Sirius said impatiently.
"I guess I just wanted to know why you did that?"
"Why what? Why I slept with you?"
"Yes."
"Aw fuck Remus!" Sirius swore sitting down at the opposite end of the table, "I don't know! I was drunk you know!"
Obviously, from the hurt look on Remus' face that was not the best thing to have said. So Sirius decided to try again.
"Look, I didn't mean it like that! I don't mean, like, that it was bad or anything.......or that I was too drunk to know what I was really doing....."
"well what then?" Remus said quietly. "Tell me. I'm a big boy now Sirius, I think I can handle it."
"I , well,..........I was just.........kinda lonely............and well, being a 17 year old boy, I was........to be crude about it......horny?" Sirius said shrugging.
Remus looked up at him, shock and embarrassment written all over his body.