Title: The Monster's Alphabet

Author: alliterator

Summary: A series of vignettes, from Adam to Zookeeper. Spoilers for all seven seasons.

Disclaimer: Nothing is mine; everything belongs to the great and power Whedon.

The Gorches

Takes place after Season 2's "Bad Eggs."

"You are just a big, strong, manly cowboy and I love you."

 - Candy Gorch in Homecoming

Lyle Gorch sat at the bar and tried to drown a whole bottle of whiskey. He also succeeded, but the last whole of the bottle dripped on his chin and shirt instead. He wiped his chin dry with his sleeve.

"Classy," a voice said from behind him.

"I can be when I want to," Lyle responded. "I just don't want to right now."

"Well, you may want to reconsider." A woman – the owner of the voice – walked up beside him. She extended her hand. "Candy."

He grabbed her by the shoulders and his face morphed into a demonic visage. "Lyle Gorch," he said.

He was completely surprised when her face morphed into that of a vampire's as well. "You don't think I'd walk into a demon bar without being a demon?" she asked.

Actually, he had. He wasn't the brightest of vampires. "Leave me alone," he said and pushed her away.

"Not so fast," Candy said. "I see you don't want company, but I have a proposition to make."

"I don't want no proposition," Lyle said and grabbed another bottle of whiskey from behind the counter. The bartender's hand stopped him and Lyle flashed his fangs. The bartender, however, had larger ones. And horns.

"I'll pay for this one," Candy said and plopped down a twenty on the counter. The bartender retracted his hand.

"I don't you I don't want any proposition," Lyle said.

"Just hear me out," Candy said, "and if you still want me to leave, then I'll pay for the rest of your drinks."

How could it hurt? Lyle said. I'm out of money anyway. "Fine, what's your proposition."

Candy smiled. "I hear that your brother died recently."

"No, he died in 1846, ten minutes before I did." Lyle started to drink straight from the whiskey bottle. "But he was just dusted last month."

"By the Slayer?"

"Yep," Lyle lied. Dying by the Slayer was nobler than getting eaten by a gigantic tentacle monster.

"So you're in need of a partner."

"I'm not going to have any partner anymore," Lyle said. "Don't need one, don't want one."

"Try to think of your brother's demise as a blessing," Candy said. "With him gone, you can have me. You're trading up." Lyle turned his head to look at Candy. She turned so he could witness her body in profile. Lyle had to admit she was very pretty. And it had been a long time…

Lyle smiled. "Alright. But first there's an assignment I want you to do before you become my partner."

"And what's that?" Candy asked.

Lyle bent over and whispered into her ear. She laughed and then turned and kissed him passionately.

Pulling away she said, "I think this is going to be the start of a beautiful relationship."