Learning to Live Again
By: Barbara Kennedy
Author's Note: This story contains male pregnancy, but it is
definitely not a Slash story nor is it likely to become one, so don't
ask. In this story Snape is comfortably hetero. Any rating [which may
change, if warranted] is due to subject matter and possible grossness
later.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This story sprang from a Plot Bunny that I adopted from Hufflepuff's
Badger when she was forced to abandon it due to dreaded Real Life
Problems. She had written the first four chapters and posted them here
on FanFiction.Net but has since removed her version of the story so I
can post this one. I was beta reading for her at the time. I really
liked the poor little Plot Bunny and couldn't bear to see it waste
away to nothing, so I asked her if I could have it to nurture and she
kindly agreed. So, I've taken it and re-written it. Here is my
version. I hope I haven't changed it too much to be recognized.
To the fans of her previous version, I hope I live up to your praise
of her story.
I can't promise how often I will be posting after the first four
already-written [now being rewritten] chapters, but I will try to post
as often as I can. This is going to be a long story for it to be told
properly, so bear with me. It will require some research on my part
too. I have a lot of plans for this one.
Be warned that Snape is not going to have an easy pregnancy. After
all, it is the result of a curse! Hopefully, he will learn how to live
through it, but he will have to accept a lot of help. Will he be able
to?
Constructive criticism is welcome as well as praise.
Flames will be used to brew tea and later to boil water, I hope.
Story suggestions may be considered, as long as it is remembered this
will not be a slash story.
You will notice I jump from using first names to using last names or
titles of characters often and for no apparent reason. It just depends
on how familiar the speaker would deem appropriate at the time [or
just at my whim, so there!]
I'm not introducing anyone you don't already know [yet], so there
should not be any confusion of who I'm talking about anyway.
Lots of angst in this chapter. It is rather long, but I had a lot to
establish here. So here we go..
________________________________________
Chapter Two: Albus Finds Out
______________________________________
Something was wrong.
Severus began to drift awake through a pink-tinged haze from his
unnatural sleep with a sense of dread in the pit of his churning
stomach. Very carefully, he barely opened one eye. Years of waking up
in dangerous situations keeping him still, seemingly still asleep.
He saw that he was in his own four-poster bed down in his dungeon room
in Hogwarts. The room was dark, only lit by a fire burning brightly in
the fireplace. His muddled mind tried to remember why he was there.
He had no memory of changing into the sleep shirt he now wore or of
going to bed. His listened for nearly a minute, but heard nothing.
When he was confident that there was no immediate danger, Severus
allowed himself the time to figure out what he was doing in his bed
with no recollection of how he got there.
Slowly, he began to recall the scenes of the final battle with
Voldemort, the curse, his flight from the battlefield to the safety of
his rooms, and finally, the scene with the Headmaster. He then
remembered, to his horror, becoming extremely dizzy to the point of
blacking out. Albus had reached for him as he began to collapse.
Everything went blank until now.
Suddenly, his breath caught in the back of his tightened throat as he
realized what the Headmaster's touch meant.
"Severus?" a voice softly said, "are you awake?" in response to the
choked gasp from the bed.
Startled by the unexpected voice in his room, Severus jumped slightly
and his head immediately turned to the intruder only to find Albus
Dumbledore sitting in one of his armchairs that had been moved near
the left side of his bed. Severus was greatly relieved that it was
Albus, not someone else. He berated himself for not sensing someone
else in the room. With as many enemies as he had, it could have easily
meant his life in a different situation. But then, again, Albus was
always sneaking up on him unheard. Dumbledore was the only person he
knew who could do that.
"I'm glad to see that you're awake. Feeling better?" said Dumbledore,
as he used his wand to light a lantern on the stand near the bed,
relief clear in his voice, as his eyes sparkled behind crescent-shaped
glasses.
"You've been unconscious for about five hours. I would have had you in
the hospital wing, but it is full with wounded. Poppy did check you
over, but she could not find anything wrong with you other the fact
you had, indeed, been hit with some kind of dark magic and Harry could
not tell us what curse Voldemort had used against you. Poppy would
have liked to stay and run more tests but she was needed urgently
upstairs, so I volunteered to watch over you until you awoke. Frankly,
I think she was relieved to have me out of the way as well." He
chuckled lightly.
"Five hours?" asked Snape in disbelief. The gentle older man nodded.
Severus impatiently threw back the thick, warm covers and tried to get
out of bed.
"Dear boy, don't get up yet. Poppy will want to check you again now
that you can answer her questions and there is something you will want
to see." When Albus reached out toward his left arm, Severus jerked
away from him and scrambled to the right edge of the bed.
"No, Albus, don't touch me." The Headmaster frowned slightly as he
contemplated his friend's behavior.
"Severus, whatever is the matter?" asked Dumbledore, clearly confused.
"Just tell me, Albus, has anyone touched me since I fell unconscious?"
Severus snapped quickly, not answering the Headmaster's question.
He was rather proud of himself because he managed to look Dumbledore
in the eyes and kept his voice from rising to a higher tone. It was as
quiet and steady as always. However, it did not keep the Headmaster
from being surprised at such an unexpected question. Albus'
penetrating blue eyes were steadily searching his dark ones, obviously
trying to figure out why he was asking something so bizarre and
unexpected. It was obviously very important to him.
"Yes Severus," replied Dumbledore slowly, "I tried to catch you when
you fell unconscious but we both went to the floor. I did manage to
cushion your fall. You could have really hurt yourself otherwise.
Poppy of course had to touch you while examining you. I put your sleep
shirt on you and put you to bed."
"Did anything.happen, when you.broke my fall?"
"Hmmm, well yes, now that you ask, Severus, I felt something when we
hit the floor and everything looked blurred for a moment, but I was
more concerned about whether you were hurt than whether I'd been
jarred by the fall as I caught you. I wasn't hurt at all." (A/N -
Really, that is what he remembers.)
It took all of Severus' control at the moment to not react outwardly
to what Albus had just told him. Emotions and wild thoughts tangled
his mind. He looked from behind a strand of his sleep-tangled black
hair at the older wizard as Severus concentrated on keeping his
breathing slow and even. However, it felt as if all the air had been
knocked out of his body. He felt an unfamiliar wave of panic rising
again and had to concentrate with all of his might to pull air into
his body and keep from trembling.
Great Merlin's crystal balls! If what Albus said was true, then he was
now definitely pregnant. Voldemort's damnable last curse was now
complete and he was pregnant by the none other than his most trusted
friend, Albus Dumbledore. If the situation had not been so
devastating, he would have found it hard to keep from laughing at the
absurdity and unfair irony of it all, but, as it was, he could barely
get his numbed mind to grasp the fact.
He rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands, trying to abolish the
maniacal look of triumph he had seen in the Dark Lord's face just
before he had been killed. Voldemort had made sure he knew what it
meant, what Voldemort had intended this curse to do.
The maniac's foul hissing whisper echoed again in his memory. "I will
make sure you suffer for months before an extremely slow, painful and
shameful death."
When Severus still had not spoken after a long moment, Dumbledore
asked, "Severus, why are you so concerned about whether or not someone
has touched you?"
He looked up into kind blue eyes, shining with concerned curiosity.
Severus quickly thought over his options. He could say nothing. This
whole mess was not Albus' fault, after all. Maybe from there he could
decide what he was going to do.
However, unless he left the wizarding world entirely, it was not very
likely that he would be able to keep any part of this a secret, least
of all from Dumbledore. He did not want Albus to find out like that.
He would have to tell him at least part of the truth. Besides, Severus
thought with a snort, give Albus a few more days, and he most likely
would have everything figured out, since he seemed to know everything
all the time anyway. Severus took a little perverse pleasure in the
fact that, even for only a moment, he knew something that Dumbledore
did not.
However, that feeling quickly dissipated, and he knew he needed to
tell Albus what was going on, because it would only become more
difficult the longer he waited.
Severus took a moment staring at the fireplace to gather his thoughts,
"Remember, I did tell you that Voldemort had cursed me one last time
just before he was killed?"
Dumbledore nodded his head encouragingly, "Yes, Harry mentioned it as
well, but he was concerned that he was unable to tell me what the
curse was. He had been too far away to hear. We were hoping he could
tell us in case it was the reason you fainted."
"Well." continued Snape, but then stopped not knowing how to put his
thoughts into words.
How do you tell someone they were going to be the father of a baby a
man was pregnant with? It was twice as difficult when he still could
not accept the fact himself. He kept trying to convince himself that
the curse had not worked, could not work, but, even though he did not
feel any different, he knew deep down that the curse had worked.
It was useless now to avoid anyone touching him as well, the deed was
done. There was not a doubt in his mind. However, that knowledge did
not make the situation any better.
He had great respect for the Headmaster. However, he was a little
nervous about whether or not the Headmaster would believe him. It was
extremely rare for human males, including wizards, to become pregnant.
At least, he consoled himself, if anyone would believe something so
strange, it would be Albus Dumbledore.
Severus finally made up his mind and slipped off of the other side of
the bed onto the cold stone floor, still avoiding the Headmaster. He
picked up the fallen book he had been reading earlier and flipped to
the page that contained the curse and then thrust it towards the older
wizard, indicating the entry on the curse in question. He stepped back
and crossed his arms on his chest.
Dumbledore looked at him questioningly for a moment before looking
down at the book in his hand and began reading. He almost dropped the
book by the time he finished. Startled blue eyes shot looks toward
him, and Severus looked back impassively, none of his many emotions
showing on his pale face.
The Headmaster continued to stare at him for a minute before he
managed words again.
"You're.? This means I'm.?"
Severus gave a sharp nod before pacing the floor again like a creature
trapped in a cage.
Dumbledore removed his glasses and rubbed his eyes tiredly. Albus
seemed to be having as much difficulty taking in the news as he was
and the vindictive part of him was quite happy for it because he did
not want to be the only one struggling with this unbelievable news.
However, it was becoming disconcerting as the Headmaster kept looking
down at the passage and then back up at him, as if it could change
what was written there.
After a few moments of strained silence, Dumbledore stood and placed
the book on the bed. "Well, we definitely should get Poppy back down
here to check you over again and make sure you are alright. She will
need to be informed about what has happened. She did want to know when
you were awake."
Snape nodded but did not say anything as the Headmaster went over to
the fireplace and threw a handful of floo powder into the flames. When
they flared green, he leaned into the flames. "Madam Pomfrey, could
you come to Severus Snape's quarters as soon as you are available? He
is awake now."
He was not looking forward to the witch's visit, but he knew he would
need her expertise and figured he might as well tell her everything
now.
As Severus watched Dumbledore call for Madam Pomfrey, he suddenly
noticed how pale the older man was, and how staggered he looked. He
had never seen the powerful wizard looking like that, but he supposed
Albus had the right. He had organized a major battle today, which had
freed the know wizarding world from a deadly menace. He had also lost
friends, allies and students in the fight. Now he was learning,
suddenly, that he was going to become a father, without the normal
activities that would cause a pregnancy. To top it all, it was with a
man! It had to be twice as disconcerting for a man over a century-and-
a-half old that probably never expected to be a father at his age.
It was not as if Severus would have ever been likely to be carrying
said child either. Far from it, he had never expected to find that
certain woman who would love him enough to want a family with him in
the normal way. He certainly never would have considered a male
partner in spite of the rumors that he had. He had found the
fictitious lovers.useful, if distasteful, in his associations within
the Death Eaters.
All of this added on top of leading a long war against Voldemort, it
was no wonder that Albus looked so strained. He imagined he looked
rather gobsmacked himself.
All too soon for Severus, the tired-looking witch appeared through his
fireplace, looking slightly pleased that he was awake, but at the same
time frowning disapprovingly at him.
"Severus, you really should be in bed." Madam Pomfrey scolded as she
somehow managed to get him back into his bed before he had a chance to
protest. She immediately produced her wand and started her diagnostic
charms to make certain that everything was in working order. "I was
beginning to get a little concerned that you were not awake yet,
especially since I found out that you had been cursed, but I did not
find anything wrong with you the first time I examined you, aside from
a residual sign of some dark magic. Do you know exactly which curse it
was?"
Severus had developed a professional relationship with Madam Pomfrey
over the years, based on mutual respect. She had seen him in some of
his most embarrassing moments. If she cared to, she had more than
enough material to blackmail him for the rest of his life. She had
been his healer from when he was a first-year student to the times
when she had cared for his wounds while he was a spy, so he did not
hesitate to tell her.
"Ingravesco."
By the shocked looked on her face, he could tell that she knew
something about this rare curse. However, she quickly schooled her
face back into its normal no-nonsense mask and turned her scan to his
abdomen. She frowned in concentration, murmuring all the while, before
looking him straight in eye and said, "Well, this is quite unusual."
She then did another full-body scan, slower this time.
"I'd say that was the understatement of the year." He sneered, but
Pomfrey completely ignored him. She was use to his dark moods and
snarky comments.
"Now that I know what to look for, I can detect its effects. This
curse is centered in your abdomen, as I expected, but it winds
throughout your body as well. It is strongly linked to your heart,
too. Before you get any ideas, you need to be aware that there is no
known way to break this curse."
Severus nodded. "It was described in one of my books on curses, there.
I looked it up as soon as I got back here." He indicated the tome on
the bed, still opened to the passage about the Engravesco Curse, just
as Dumbledore had left it. Poppy merely nodded and went on with her
examination.
"Yes, Severus, I'm afraid you are indeed pregnant." She did not seem
to find this to be good news nor in the least amusing. That alone
worried Severus.
"I never thought I would ever see a pregnant male, for it is extremely
rare. The last recorded case of a pregnant man was over fifty years
ago. There are probably many cases that go unrecorded though. I have
to tell you that I really do not know all that much about male
pregnancies. I don't know if anyone in this day and age does. I will
have to do some research. However, I can give you a little information
about the Ingraveso Curse. I only know about it because my mentor was
fascinated with rare and obscure curses and always had me looking up
information on one or another. I probably know as many of those curses
in that book as you do, Severus." Poppy explained. "Now, what you can
expect.."
"He's keeping the baby, unless it is seriously going to harm him."
interrupted Dumbledore.
Pomfrey whirled around, surprised at the Headmaster's outburst. She
took a moment to study the powerful wizard, who was looking quite calm
though a little worn out. She noticed a stubborn expression on his
face that plainly said he was getting his way and the subject was
closed. This was quite rare for the headmaster. Normally, he would
gently manipulate people to get his way, instead of being so
forthright with his opinion. Most people hardly even noticed. She
turned back to Snape, to see how he was taking the Headmaster's
announcement. Snape was glaring at Dumbledore.
Shaking her head impatiently, she said, "It really does not matter
what Severus wishes, Albus, as it would be extremely dangerous to
terminate this pregnancy and would most likely kill him, even now, so
early in the pregnancy. This particular curse pervades the entire body
and changes it in subtle ways to permit the pregnancy to progress. Any
tampering, any at all, with its course could cause severe internal
damage or death to Severus. It is an extremely powerful curse. The
only way it will end is when the baby is born or, otherwise, when
Severus dies."
Pomfrey was carefully watching Severus as she said this, but he had
his usual annoyed sneer in place. He wore it like a mask, she knew, to
hide his feelings. She really wished she could tell what was going on
in his mind, but his expression gave little away, other than the fact
he was not happy with Dumbledore for his declaration just then.
Hopefully the reasons behind Albus' sudden outburst would be explained
soon. She was beginning to have an idea why though..
"Albus told me that when you fainted earlier you appeared to be dizzy,
Severus. How do you feel now, any dizziness, nausea or other odd
sensations?"
"Ever since I was hit with the curse I felt dizzy and nauseous,
although it has faded. When I saw Albus in my room, though, I had what
could only be called a panic attack. My heart started racing, I
couldn't catch my breath and I became very dizzy. That is when I
passed out." Also, when I got pregnant, he thought. "I am still mildly
nauseous since I woke, but it too is fading." Snape sat up now that
the healer was through with her examination.
"That would be the work of the curse. It has been found that it
'assists' the completion of the curse by rendering the victim
unconscious, thereby being more likely to be touched by someone."
"As for what to expect during your pregnancy," continued Poppy, "I
will have to do some detailed research on male pregnancy at St.
Mungo's, and I suggest you do the same in the library here. You can
also look up reference material on female pregnancy, as there are, of
course, certain similarities." Snape nodded.
"It would be helpful to know who the.erm.other father is, so I can
have the medical information for both of you. Do you know who it is?"
She asked with a look of professional indifference masking her
curiosity.
"I am." Dumbledore declared from behind her.
Pomfrey turned and gave the Headmaster a look that neither Severus nor
Albus could quite read before she gave him a nod of acknowledgement.
She then turned to Severus, "Now, I want you to eat a full well-
balanced meal tonight and drink plenty of water and juice, no alcohol.
You are a little dehydrated. I'm sure you haven't had anything to eat
today, like most of us, so start by nibbling on some toast or bread if
you still feel nauseated. You will need to eat more regular meals now,
for you own health as well as the baby's. I would like to see you in
about a week so we can compare what we both have found in our
research. Oh, I should remind you to be cautious about the potions you
use now. I'm sure you know which ones to avoid."
"Yes, I believe I do, Madam Pomfrey."
Snape then stood and crossed his arms across his chest as if he was
lecturing students. "Madam Pomfrey, Professor Dumbledore, sir, I want
it understood that I do not wish word of this to become public
knowledge. If anyone asks about the curse, simply imply that it was
something that will eventually compromise my health and that I do not
wish to speak of it. If anyone else needs to know the truth, I wish to
be consulted about it first. I will deal with other aspects of.of.my
pregnancy," He hesitated to even say it yet. "when they occur."
Poppy gripped his shoulder. "Severus, I would not dream of letting
word out without your approval. It would be a breach of my oath as a
healer and, as a friend, I wouldn't think of it either."
Albus nodded. "I will protect your privacy as I always have, Severus.
Never fear."
"Oh, there was one other thing we noticed when I examined you earlier.
I'm willing to bet that Albus forgot to tell you in light of all
this." She reached and took Snape's left hand, rolling up the sleeve
of his sleep shirt to reveal..nothing.
His Dark Mark was gone! The skin there would never be smooth as new
again, too many scars criss-crossed it, but it no longer showed a
trace of Voldemort's ugly brand.
"I assume it disappeared when Voldemort was killed, Severus. I thought
you'd like to know." She smiled at him as he ran his fingertips
lightly over the skin of his forearm with wonder in his eyes, in spite
of the turmoil he was going through because of his curse.
Madam Pomfrey then wished them both a good night and flooed back to
the hospital wing. The moment she disappeared from sight Severus
turned to Dumbledore.
"Who gave you the right to decide whether to keep the child or not?
Not that I apparently have that choice to make!"
"The child is mine as well." commented Dumbledore calmly, with just a
hint of finality to his voice, seemingly unaffected by the other man's
tone, letting the Potion Master know that he was not going to be
completely pushed out of the picture. "No matter that this was
unintended. I plan on accepting my responsibility for this new life."
"Be that as it may," snapped Snape, his eyes blazing with barely
controlled rage, "you still have no right to tell me what I am going
to do in anything other than Hogwarts business. If you have a problem
with that, you should bring it up with me first."
Dumbledore's eyes sparked as he said, "We'll discuss this later. Right
now, I'll go see about getting some food sent here for you." and he
walked over to the still-blazing fireplace and cast more floo powder
onto the fire, turning the bright red-and-orange flames to green, and
walked through, leaving the sputtering man behind him.
TO BE CONTINUED...
(Never fear, lots more to come, guaranteed.)
________________________________________________________________
Answers to Reviews -
SalemCat - Glad to see you like this story too.
Gallant - I'm new to writing this story. You must have confused me
with Hufflepuff's Badger who let me take over this story. I appreciate
your review too. I hope I live up to your expectations.
Selua - I wish I could take all the credit for the story idea, but it
all goes to Hufflepuff's Badger. This was originally her story.
Little girl - I'm sorry if the story gets to be too dramatic for you,
but I did make it clear that this was an angst story - it HAS to be
dramatic.
Made - I hope I live up to expectations for you too.
Aku Maru - I will try to keep this story in line with events in OotP,
but it is already Alternate Universe anyway. There will be some
differences.
Elysia1 - I don't know how funny this story will be, but there are
bound to be some humorous parts too. I can't bear to write anything
without a touch of humor.
E5, npetrenko, DarkHorse7, Sevter1, Samson, and Delaney - Thank you
all for your encouragement. I do plan on continuing this story as long
as possible. I cannot promise additional chapters on any kind of
regular schedule, but I will keep working at them.
~~Barbara Kennedy~~
~~~~
By: Barbara Kennedy
Author's Note: This story contains male pregnancy, but it is
definitely not a Slash story nor is it likely to become one, so don't
ask. In this story Snape is comfortably hetero. Any rating [which may
change, if warranted] is due to subject matter and possible grossness
later.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This story sprang from a Plot Bunny that I adopted from Hufflepuff's
Badger when she was forced to abandon it due to dreaded Real Life
Problems. She had written the first four chapters and posted them here
on FanFiction.Net but has since removed her version of the story so I
can post this one. I was beta reading for her at the time. I really
liked the poor little Plot Bunny and couldn't bear to see it waste
away to nothing, so I asked her if I could have it to nurture and she
kindly agreed. So, I've taken it and re-written it. Here is my
version. I hope I haven't changed it too much to be recognized.
To the fans of her previous version, I hope I live up to your praise
of her story.
I can't promise how often I will be posting after the first four
already-written [now being rewritten] chapters, but I will try to post
as often as I can. This is going to be a long story for it to be told
properly, so bear with me. It will require some research on my part
too. I have a lot of plans for this one.
Be warned that Snape is not going to have an easy pregnancy. After
all, it is the result of a curse! Hopefully, he will learn how to live
through it, but he will have to accept a lot of help. Will he be able
to?
Constructive criticism is welcome as well as praise.
Flames will be used to brew tea and later to boil water, I hope.
Story suggestions may be considered, as long as it is remembered this
will not be a slash story.
You will notice I jump from using first names to using last names or
titles of characters often and for no apparent reason. It just depends
on how familiar the speaker would deem appropriate at the time [or
just at my whim, so there!]
I'm not introducing anyone you don't already know [yet], so there
should not be any confusion of who I'm talking about anyway.
Lots of angst in this chapter. It is rather long, but I had a lot to
establish here. So here we go..
________________________________________
Chapter Two: Albus Finds Out
______________________________________
Something was wrong.
Severus began to drift awake through a pink-tinged haze from his
unnatural sleep with a sense of dread in the pit of his churning
stomach. Very carefully, he barely opened one eye. Years of waking up
in dangerous situations keeping him still, seemingly still asleep.
He saw that he was in his own four-poster bed down in his dungeon room
in Hogwarts. The room was dark, only lit by a fire burning brightly in
the fireplace. His muddled mind tried to remember why he was there.
He had no memory of changing into the sleep shirt he now wore or of
going to bed. His listened for nearly a minute, but heard nothing.
When he was confident that there was no immediate danger, Severus
allowed himself the time to figure out what he was doing in his bed
with no recollection of how he got there.
Slowly, he began to recall the scenes of the final battle with
Voldemort, the curse, his flight from the battlefield to the safety of
his rooms, and finally, the scene with the Headmaster. He then
remembered, to his horror, becoming extremely dizzy to the point of
blacking out. Albus had reached for him as he began to collapse.
Everything went blank until now.
Suddenly, his breath caught in the back of his tightened throat as he
realized what the Headmaster's touch meant.
"Severus?" a voice softly said, "are you awake?" in response to the
choked gasp from the bed.
Startled by the unexpected voice in his room, Severus jumped slightly
and his head immediately turned to the intruder only to find Albus
Dumbledore sitting in one of his armchairs that had been moved near
the left side of his bed. Severus was greatly relieved that it was
Albus, not someone else. He berated himself for not sensing someone
else in the room. With as many enemies as he had, it could have easily
meant his life in a different situation. But then, again, Albus was
always sneaking up on him unheard. Dumbledore was the only person he
knew who could do that.
"I'm glad to see that you're awake. Feeling better?" said Dumbledore,
as he used his wand to light a lantern on the stand near the bed,
relief clear in his voice, as his eyes sparkled behind crescent-shaped
glasses.
"You've been unconscious for about five hours. I would have had you in
the hospital wing, but it is full with wounded. Poppy did check you
over, but she could not find anything wrong with you other the fact
you had, indeed, been hit with some kind of dark magic and Harry could
not tell us what curse Voldemort had used against you. Poppy would
have liked to stay and run more tests but she was needed urgently
upstairs, so I volunteered to watch over you until you awoke. Frankly,
I think she was relieved to have me out of the way as well." He
chuckled lightly.
"Five hours?" asked Snape in disbelief. The gentle older man nodded.
Severus impatiently threw back the thick, warm covers and tried to get
out of bed.
"Dear boy, don't get up yet. Poppy will want to check you again now
that you can answer her questions and there is something you will want
to see." When Albus reached out toward his left arm, Severus jerked
away from him and scrambled to the right edge of the bed.
"No, Albus, don't touch me." The Headmaster frowned slightly as he
contemplated his friend's behavior.
"Severus, whatever is the matter?" asked Dumbledore, clearly confused.
"Just tell me, Albus, has anyone touched me since I fell unconscious?"
Severus snapped quickly, not answering the Headmaster's question.
He was rather proud of himself because he managed to look Dumbledore
in the eyes and kept his voice from rising to a higher tone. It was as
quiet and steady as always. However, it did not keep the Headmaster
from being surprised at such an unexpected question. Albus'
penetrating blue eyes were steadily searching his dark ones, obviously
trying to figure out why he was asking something so bizarre and
unexpected. It was obviously very important to him.
"Yes Severus," replied Dumbledore slowly, "I tried to catch you when
you fell unconscious but we both went to the floor. I did manage to
cushion your fall. You could have really hurt yourself otherwise.
Poppy of course had to touch you while examining you. I put your sleep
shirt on you and put you to bed."
"Did anything.happen, when you.broke my fall?"
"Hmmm, well yes, now that you ask, Severus, I felt something when we
hit the floor and everything looked blurred for a moment, but I was
more concerned about whether you were hurt than whether I'd been
jarred by the fall as I caught you. I wasn't hurt at all." (A/N -
Really, that is what he remembers.)
It took all of Severus' control at the moment to not react outwardly
to what Albus had just told him. Emotions and wild thoughts tangled
his mind. He looked from behind a strand of his sleep-tangled black
hair at the older wizard as Severus concentrated on keeping his
breathing slow and even. However, it felt as if all the air had been
knocked out of his body. He felt an unfamiliar wave of panic rising
again and had to concentrate with all of his might to pull air into
his body and keep from trembling.
Great Merlin's crystal balls! If what Albus said was true, then he was
now definitely pregnant. Voldemort's damnable last curse was now
complete and he was pregnant by the none other than his most trusted
friend, Albus Dumbledore. If the situation had not been so
devastating, he would have found it hard to keep from laughing at the
absurdity and unfair irony of it all, but, as it was, he could barely
get his numbed mind to grasp the fact.
He rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands, trying to abolish the
maniacal look of triumph he had seen in the Dark Lord's face just
before he had been killed. Voldemort had made sure he knew what it
meant, what Voldemort had intended this curse to do.
The maniac's foul hissing whisper echoed again in his memory. "I will
make sure you suffer for months before an extremely slow, painful and
shameful death."
When Severus still had not spoken after a long moment, Dumbledore
asked, "Severus, why are you so concerned about whether or not someone
has touched you?"
He looked up into kind blue eyes, shining with concerned curiosity.
Severus quickly thought over his options. He could say nothing. This
whole mess was not Albus' fault, after all. Maybe from there he could
decide what he was going to do.
However, unless he left the wizarding world entirely, it was not very
likely that he would be able to keep any part of this a secret, least
of all from Dumbledore. He did not want Albus to find out like that.
He would have to tell him at least part of the truth. Besides, Severus
thought with a snort, give Albus a few more days, and he most likely
would have everything figured out, since he seemed to know everything
all the time anyway. Severus took a little perverse pleasure in the
fact that, even for only a moment, he knew something that Dumbledore
did not.
However, that feeling quickly dissipated, and he knew he needed to
tell Albus what was going on, because it would only become more
difficult the longer he waited.
Severus took a moment staring at the fireplace to gather his thoughts,
"Remember, I did tell you that Voldemort had cursed me one last time
just before he was killed?"
Dumbledore nodded his head encouragingly, "Yes, Harry mentioned it as
well, but he was concerned that he was unable to tell me what the
curse was. He had been too far away to hear. We were hoping he could
tell us in case it was the reason you fainted."
"Well." continued Snape, but then stopped not knowing how to put his
thoughts into words.
How do you tell someone they were going to be the father of a baby a
man was pregnant with? It was twice as difficult when he still could
not accept the fact himself. He kept trying to convince himself that
the curse had not worked, could not work, but, even though he did not
feel any different, he knew deep down that the curse had worked.
It was useless now to avoid anyone touching him as well, the deed was
done. There was not a doubt in his mind. However, that knowledge did
not make the situation any better.
He had great respect for the Headmaster. However, he was a little
nervous about whether or not the Headmaster would believe him. It was
extremely rare for human males, including wizards, to become pregnant.
At least, he consoled himself, if anyone would believe something so
strange, it would be Albus Dumbledore.
Severus finally made up his mind and slipped off of the other side of
the bed onto the cold stone floor, still avoiding the Headmaster. He
picked up the fallen book he had been reading earlier and flipped to
the page that contained the curse and then thrust it towards the older
wizard, indicating the entry on the curse in question. He stepped back
and crossed his arms on his chest.
Dumbledore looked at him questioningly for a moment before looking
down at the book in his hand and began reading. He almost dropped the
book by the time he finished. Startled blue eyes shot looks toward
him, and Severus looked back impassively, none of his many emotions
showing on his pale face.
The Headmaster continued to stare at him for a minute before he
managed words again.
"You're.? This means I'm.?"
Severus gave a sharp nod before pacing the floor again like a creature
trapped in a cage.
Dumbledore removed his glasses and rubbed his eyes tiredly. Albus
seemed to be having as much difficulty taking in the news as he was
and the vindictive part of him was quite happy for it because he did
not want to be the only one struggling with this unbelievable news.
However, it was becoming disconcerting as the Headmaster kept looking
down at the passage and then back up at him, as if it could change
what was written there.
After a few moments of strained silence, Dumbledore stood and placed
the book on the bed. "Well, we definitely should get Poppy back down
here to check you over again and make sure you are alright. She will
need to be informed about what has happened. She did want to know when
you were awake."
Snape nodded but did not say anything as the Headmaster went over to
the fireplace and threw a handful of floo powder into the flames. When
they flared green, he leaned into the flames. "Madam Pomfrey, could
you come to Severus Snape's quarters as soon as you are available? He
is awake now."
He was not looking forward to the witch's visit, but he knew he would
need her expertise and figured he might as well tell her everything
now.
As Severus watched Dumbledore call for Madam Pomfrey, he suddenly
noticed how pale the older man was, and how staggered he looked. He
had never seen the powerful wizard looking like that, but he supposed
Albus had the right. He had organized a major battle today, which had
freed the know wizarding world from a deadly menace. He had also lost
friends, allies and students in the fight. Now he was learning,
suddenly, that he was going to become a father, without the normal
activities that would cause a pregnancy. To top it all, it was with a
man! It had to be twice as disconcerting for a man over a century-and-
a-half old that probably never expected to be a father at his age.
It was not as if Severus would have ever been likely to be carrying
said child either. Far from it, he had never expected to find that
certain woman who would love him enough to want a family with him in
the normal way. He certainly never would have considered a male
partner in spite of the rumors that he had. He had found the
fictitious lovers.useful, if distasteful, in his associations within
the Death Eaters.
All of this added on top of leading a long war against Voldemort, it
was no wonder that Albus looked so strained. He imagined he looked
rather gobsmacked himself.
All too soon for Severus, the tired-looking witch appeared through his
fireplace, looking slightly pleased that he was awake, but at the same
time frowning disapprovingly at him.
"Severus, you really should be in bed." Madam Pomfrey scolded as she
somehow managed to get him back into his bed before he had a chance to
protest. She immediately produced her wand and started her diagnostic
charms to make certain that everything was in working order. "I was
beginning to get a little concerned that you were not awake yet,
especially since I found out that you had been cursed, but I did not
find anything wrong with you the first time I examined you, aside from
a residual sign of some dark magic. Do you know exactly which curse it
was?"
Severus had developed a professional relationship with Madam Pomfrey
over the years, based on mutual respect. She had seen him in some of
his most embarrassing moments. If she cared to, she had more than
enough material to blackmail him for the rest of his life. She had
been his healer from when he was a first-year student to the times
when she had cared for his wounds while he was a spy, so he did not
hesitate to tell her.
"Ingravesco."
By the shocked looked on her face, he could tell that she knew
something about this rare curse. However, she quickly schooled her
face back into its normal no-nonsense mask and turned her scan to his
abdomen. She frowned in concentration, murmuring all the while, before
looking him straight in eye and said, "Well, this is quite unusual."
She then did another full-body scan, slower this time.
"I'd say that was the understatement of the year." He sneered, but
Pomfrey completely ignored him. She was use to his dark moods and
snarky comments.
"Now that I know what to look for, I can detect its effects. This
curse is centered in your abdomen, as I expected, but it winds
throughout your body as well. It is strongly linked to your heart,
too. Before you get any ideas, you need to be aware that there is no
known way to break this curse."
Severus nodded. "It was described in one of my books on curses, there.
I looked it up as soon as I got back here." He indicated the tome on
the bed, still opened to the passage about the Engravesco Curse, just
as Dumbledore had left it. Poppy merely nodded and went on with her
examination.
"Yes, Severus, I'm afraid you are indeed pregnant." She did not seem
to find this to be good news nor in the least amusing. That alone
worried Severus.
"I never thought I would ever see a pregnant male, for it is extremely
rare. The last recorded case of a pregnant man was over fifty years
ago. There are probably many cases that go unrecorded though. I have
to tell you that I really do not know all that much about male
pregnancies. I don't know if anyone in this day and age does. I will
have to do some research. However, I can give you a little information
about the Ingraveso Curse. I only know about it because my mentor was
fascinated with rare and obscure curses and always had me looking up
information on one or another. I probably know as many of those curses
in that book as you do, Severus." Poppy explained. "Now, what you can
expect.."
"He's keeping the baby, unless it is seriously going to harm him."
interrupted Dumbledore.
Pomfrey whirled around, surprised at the Headmaster's outburst. She
took a moment to study the powerful wizard, who was looking quite calm
though a little worn out. She noticed a stubborn expression on his
face that plainly said he was getting his way and the subject was
closed. This was quite rare for the headmaster. Normally, he would
gently manipulate people to get his way, instead of being so
forthright with his opinion. Most people hardly even noticed. She
turned back to Snape, to see how he was taking the Headmaster's
announcement. Snape was glaring at Dumbledore.
Shaking her head impatiently, she said, "It really does not matter
what Severus wishes, Albus, as it would be extremely dangerous to
terminate this pregnancy and would most likely kill him, even now, so
early in the pregnancy. This particular curse pervades the entire body
and changes it in subtle ways to permit the pregnancy to progress. Any
tampering, any at all, with its course could cause severe internal
damage or death to Severus. It is an extremely powerful curse. The
only way it will end is when the baby is born or, otherwise, when
Severus dies."
Pomfrey was carefully watching Severus as she said this, but he had
his usual annoyed sneer in place. He wore it like a mask, she knew, to
hide his feelings. She really wished she could tell what was going on
in his mind, but his expression gave little away, other than the fact
he was not happy with Dumbledore for his declaration just then.
Hopefully the reasons behind Albus' sudden outburst would be explained
soon. She was beginning to have an idea why though..
"Albus told me that when you fainted earlier you appeared to be dizzy,
Severus. How do you feel now, any dizziness, nausea or other odd
sensations?"
"Ever since I was hit with the curse I felt dizzy and nauseous,
although it has faded. When I saw Albus in my room, though, I had what
could only be called a panic attack. My heart started racing, I
couldn't catch my breath and I became very dizzy. That is when I
passed out." Also, when I got pregnant, he thought. "I am still mildly
nauseous since I woke, but it too is fading." Snape sat up now that
the healer was through with her examination.
"That would be the work of the curse. It has been found that it
'assists' the completion of the curse by rendering the victim
unconscious, thereby being more likely to be touched by someone."
"As for what to expect during your pregnancy," continued Poppy, "I
will have to do some detailed research on male pregnancy at St.
Mungo's, and I suggest you do the same in the library here. You can
also look up reference material on female pregnancy, as there are, of
course, certain similarities." Snape nodded.
"It would be helpful to know who the.erm.other father is, so I can
have the medical information for both of you. Do you know who it is?"
She asked with a look of professional indifference masking her
curiosity.
"I am." Dumbledore declared from behind her.
Pomfrey turned and gave the Headmaster a look that neither Severus nor
Albus could quite read before she gave him a nod of acknowledgement.
She then turned to Severus, "Now, I want you to eat a full well-
balanced meal tonight and drink plenty of water and juice, no alcohol.
You are a little dehydrated. I'm sure you haven't had anything to eat
today, like most of us, so start by nibbling on some toast or bread if
you still feel nauseated. You will need to eat more regular meals now,
for you own health as well as the baby's. I would like to see you in
about a week so we can compare what we both have found in our
research. Oh, I should remind you to be cautious about the potions you
use now. I'm sure you know which ones to avoid."
"Yes, I believe I do, Madam Pomfrey."
Snape then stood and crossed his arms across his chest as if he was
lecturing students. "Madam Pomfrey, Professor Dumbledore, sir, I want
it understood that I do not wish word of this to become public
knowledge. If anyone asks about the curse, simply imply that it was
something that will eventually compromise my health and that I do not
wish to speak of it. If anyone else needs to know the truth, I wish to
be consulted about it first. I will deal with other aspects of.of.my
pregnancy," He hesitated to even say it yet. "when they occur."
Poppy gripped his shoulder. "Severus, I would not dream of letting
word out without your approval. It would be a breach of my oath as a
healer and, as a friend, I wouldn't think of it either."
Albus nodded. "I will protect your privacy as I always have, Severus.
Never fear."
"Oh, there was one other thing we noticed when I examined you earlier.
I'm willing to bet that Albus forgot to tell you in light of all
this." She reached and took Snape's left hand, rolling up the sleeve
of his sleep shirt to reveal..nothing.
His Dark Mark was gone! The skin there would never be smooth as new
again, too many scars criss-crossed it, but it no longer showed a
trace of Voldemort's ugly brand.
"I assume it disappeared when Voldemort was killed, Severus. I thought
you'd like to know." She smiled at him as he ran his fingertips
lightly over the skin of his forearm with wonder in his eyes, in spite
of the turmoil he was going through because of his curse.
Madam Pomfrey then wished them both a good night and flooed back to
the hospital wing. The moment she disappeared from sight Severus
turned to Dumbledore.
"Who gave you the right to decide whether to keep the child or not?
Not that I apparently have that choice to make!"
"The child is mine as well." commented Dumbledore calmly, with just a
hint of finality to his voice, seemingly unaffected by the other man's
tone, letting the Potion Master know that he was not going to be
completely pushed out of the picture. "No matter that this was
unintended. I plan on accepting my responsibility for this new life."
"Be that as it may," snapped Snape, his eyes blazing with barely
controlled rage, "you still have no right to tell me what I am going
to do in anything other than Hogwarts business. If you have a problem
with that, you should bring it up with me first."
Dumbledore's eyes sparked as he said, "We'll discuss this later. Right
now, I'll go see about getting some food sent here for you." and he
walked over to the still-blazing fireplace and cast more floo powder
onto the fire, turning the bright red-and-orange flames to green, and
walked through, leaving the sputtering man behind him.
TO BE CONTINUED...
(Never fear, lots more to come, guaranteed.)
________________________________________________________________
Answers to Reviews -
SalemCat - Glad to see you like this story too.
Gallant - I'm new to writing this story. You must have confused me
with Hufflepuff's Badger who let me take over this story. I appreciate
your review too. I hope I live up to your expectations.
Selua - I wish I could take all the credit for the story idea, but it
all goes to Hufflepuff's Badger. This was originally her story.
Little girl - I'm sorry if the story gets to be too dramatic for you,
but I did make it clear that this was an angst story - it HAS to be
dramatic.
Made - I hope I live up to expectations for you too.
Aku Maru - I will try to keep this story in line with events in OotP,
but it is already Alternate Universe anyway. There will be some
differences.
Elysia1 - I don't know how funny this story will be, but there are
bound to be some humorous parts too. I can't bear to write anything
without a touch of humor.
E5, npetrenko, DarkHorse7, Sevter1, Samson, and Delaney - Thank you
all for your encouragement. I do plan on continuing this story as long
as possible. I cannot promise additional chapters on any kind of
regular schedule, but I will keep working at them.
~~Barbara Kennedy~~
~~~~