Learning to Live Again
By: Barbara Kennedy
Disclaimer: It all belongs to J.K. Rowling, even this Alternate
Universe most of us play in.
Author's Note: This story contains male pregnancy, but it is
definitely not a slash story nor is it likely to become one, so don't
ask. In this story Snape is comfortably heterosexual. I've decided to
change the rating to PG-13 due to frank discussion of anatomy,
pregnancy and its symptoms and possible grossness and language.
I'm very sorry it has taken me so long to post this chapter, there
were some major hurdles (for me, anyway) I had to overcome before I
could finish it, like who lived after the battle and who was hurt and
how badly. I'm still not happy with it but I wanted to get this to you
before you thought I had abandoned the story. I also apologize for the
large amount of author's notes at the beginning. I'm trying to get rid
of a bunch of these by the next chapter. I'll just move most of it to
my author's page.
Just remember, I'm doing this for fun and I don't have a set deadline.
I know you all want regular updates, but I can't promise them. This is
going to be a long story for it to be told properly, so bear with me.
**********************************************
Important Author's Note: Something I forgot to establish in the
earlier chapters, the date of the Hogwarts Battle is March 8, 1998,
(Which I looked up - it was a Sunday.) in Harry's seventh year as a
student. (Many thanks go to the HP Lexicon for their Timeline!)
Silly me, I don't know how I missed that important tidbit, as it is
going to be VERY important in figuring a due-date.
**********************************************
*stressed words* (because italics don't work)
//thoughts//
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chapter 3 - Disturbing Information
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The meal was delivered to his room by a house elf within only ten
minutes, but Dumbledore did not return. When asked, the house elf
shook her head as she placed the large well-laden tray on Severus'
desk. "Binna is bringing the tray for Professor Snape when Headmaster
was called away. Too many people is needing to see Headmaster when he
should be resting. Unless Professor Snape needs anything else Binna is
going back to the kitchen to help, is so much to do for poor masters."
//Yes, I would imagine the whole school is still in an uproar after
today. Why did Albus take the time to baby-sit with *me* today? He
must have been taking messages while he was here. Bloody Ministry
likely sent owls every five minutes. He probably had the fireplace
going all day with floo calls. He could never neglect the rest of the
school for that long. I can well imagine the parents have been in a
panic as well, not to mention the blasted reporters that must be
swarming over the place like ants. Then again, I wouldn't put it past
Poppy to have slipped Albus a mild sleeping potion while she was here
examining me earlier today just to make him rest. I can't imagine why
he was sitting here in the dark when I woke otherwise.//
While such thoughts raced through his head, Severus dismissed the
house elf. "No, that will suffice for now Binna. I will call if I need
anything else."
His nausea had faded enough that he really was feeling hungry now. He
also realized he was very thirsty, nearly parched. It was not too
surprising, since the last time he remembered drinking anything was
when he had a cup of tea after dinner the night before.
As Poppy instructed, he started slowly with just a bit of bread and a
glass of water. He immediately felt better. He concluded that his
lingering nausea must have come from being so dehydrated. Before long,
he had finished everything on the tray including a full pitcher of
pumpkin juice and a small plate of assorted biscuits. He particularly
enjoyed the ginger snaps.
When he had finished his meal, Severus sat staring into the fire still
brightly burning in the fireplace and tried to analyze the day's
events in a calmer light. He was still achingly tired and knew he
should sleep but his mind was too active to settle.
Five hours of being unconscious is not the same as sleeping for the
same amount of time. He had found that out a long time ago. Even after
trying to clear his mind with Occlumency techniques, he was still too
agitated to sleep.
Was it an after-effect of the curse that kept him so tense? There was
still something about the day's events that was pressing on his mind.
He felt that he was missing some vital detail.
Severus closed his eyes to concentrate on remembering the details. The
answer must be in those last few minutes of the battle. He decided to
bring out his Pensieve. He drew out several threads of thought and sat
studying them as they were revealed on the shimmering surface.
Among all the confused scenes of the fighting around the castle and
its grounds, the last minutes of the battle with the Dark Lord kept
surfacing.
"*I* will make sure you suffer for months before an extremely slow,
painful and shameful death."
//He had stressed the word 'I'.
That means that he, personally, must have intended to see to that
eventuality.
He must have intended to capture me then, to hold me totally in his
power.
That sickening look in his red eyes, it was nothing less than unholy
anticipation.
No, no, surely not. . . yes, he would, he is - *was* - that sick and
twisted. . .
He intended to complete the curse himself, the Dark lord intended to
touch me first.
Oh Dear Merlin! If Potter hadn't broken loose . . . hadn't managed
whatever curse he used to kill Voldemort . . .
I would have been carrying Voldemort's accursed spawn and would have
been totally under his power, nothing more than a breeding slave!//
Severus' heart was racing again. He was also trembling as if in the
after-effects of an extended Cruciatus Curse.
Severus rose and dressed quickly. He felt the need to do something,
anything, to escape his thoughts at the moment.
He could not risk taking a Dreamless Sleep Potion now, probably not
for the next nine months, so even if he did go to sleep it would only
lead to nightmares.
He locked away the Pensieve without returning his thoughts. He would
deal with them later.
Without conscious thought, his feet tread the well-known path to his
potions laboratory. After placing locking wards on the door, he
quickly set up several cauldrons and began brewing several strengths
of healing potions and in one larger cauldron he began a Calming
Potion, aware that they would all be needed in the after-effects of
the battle that was just fought.
He slowly grew calmer as he immersed himself in the rhythms and
concentration necessary to brew several potions at once. The
repetition of the selecting, chopping and preparation of the
ingredients had a soothing effect on his jangled nerves. He shut out
all other thoughts and stilled all emotions as his total focus became
those slowly simmering cauldrons and their important contents.
It was long after midnight by the time Severus bottled and labeled the
last of the potions and carefully cleaned all his equipment. Then he
boxed the potion bottles and brought out his wand to levitate them to
the hospital wing for use. He would not risk sending them through the
fireplace by floo, even if he carried each box himself.
As he walked up the stairs from his dungeon laboratory, he realized
that he had not even inquired who had survived the day's battle, nor
did he know who had been hurt or how badly. He was sure only that
Potter, Dumbledore and Madam Pomfrey were apparently unhurt.
He had seen some people on both sides fall in the battle but didn't
know for sure who they were or if they got up to fight again. No,
wait, he had seen Hagrid being carried somewhere by that giant brother
of his just before Voldemort had arrived. He'd had to restrain Potter
from running after him.
He hoped Hagrid was alive. He actually liked the bumbling half-giant
even if Hagrid's rough ways often irritated him. Hagrid had been the
one to gently carry him, as easily as one would carry a child, to the
hospital wing more than a few times when he had been found at the edge
of the Forbidden Forest or at the castle gates, too weak or injured to
make it all the way to the castle by himself after a disastrous Death
Eater meeting.
In spite of common opinion that he was heartless, cruel and, according
to many, an evil git, he saw many of his colleagues as friends, almost
family.
He could not see himself as the monster that some made him out to be,
either. If he were, he would never have risked his life for the Order
the way he did. Certainly Dumbledore would never have placed such
trust in him.
Perhaps, now that he was free of the necessity of spying on Voldemort,
perhaps he could work at forging closer personal ties without fear of
being exposed. It had been a long and lonely existence. Now that
Voldemort was truly dead, he didn't want to go back to living that
way.
As soon as he left the stairway to the dungeons, Severus was aware of
changes in normal activity. He was surprised that there were still
people in the main hallway moving back and forth to the Great Hall or
the Hospital Wing at this time of night.
As he walked toward the Hospital Wing, he noted that a few people were
wearing the healer's-green uniforms of nurses and doctors from St.
Mungo's Hospital, but many were older students of the school
apparently helping to tend the wounded or running errands. Some of
them were sporting bandages as well. There were a few house elves seen
carrying linens or trays.
He did not attempt to stop any of the students to give detentions or
take house points, though more than a few seemed to blanch at his
approach, fully expecting him to call their names and take house
points the moment they saw him.
More than one student stood with their mouth hanging open as he simply
ignored their presence and strode past them on his way to deliver the
potions.
The greatest surprise of the night came when he was stopped at the
door of the Hospital Wing by an Auror who demanded to know who he was
and what he was doing there, refusing to allow him entrance.
He responded with a deadly glare. "I am Professor Severus Snape, the
Potions Master of this school, and I am here to deliver these healing
potions that I've been up most of the night brewing, you imbecile!
What does it look like I'm doing?"
At the fuss in the doorway, Molly Weasley came storming out, looking
tired and a bit disheveled.
"What in Merlin's name is going on out here? Oh, hello Professor
Snape, I'm glad to see you up and about. I had heard you were
unconscious and that Headmaster Dumbledore was sitting with you in
your room."
"Yes, he was, Mrs. Weasley, but I recovered much earlier this evening
and Headmaster Dumbledore has retired for the night, I believe. I have
been brewing extra healing potions as I believe there is a need for
them."
She turned to scold the Auror as she would one of her own children.
"Honestly, Jasper! Do you think you could possibly make a little more
noise to disturb everyone in the middle of the night? If you are going
to challenge someone, step away from the door first or put a silencing
charm up. People *are* trying to sleep in there."
Molly gave the chastened Auror a push out of the doorway and motioned
for Snape to come in. Auror Jasper allowed him to enter with his
levitating boxes and resumed his post by the door. Apparently Molly
Weasley's word on Professor Snape was good enough recommendation for
him.
"Madam Pomfrey has gone to bed, the poor dear was about asleep on her
feet and she does have other healers from St. Mungo's here to help
now, thank goodness. The Ministry has turned the school into a
temporary hospital for Hogsmeade as well, you see. I've also
volunteered to help, since my children need me here for them. Oh, my
poor babies! George and Ron were both hurt so badly; George was
knocked from his broom by spells while defending Hogsmeade from the
air and has back injuries and broken bones. Fred and Hermione won't
leave their side. Ron had broken ribs and a puncture lung, broken arm,
and concussion. My poor Arthur is stuck at the Ministry, terribly
worried for the children, but he's needed there now, you see."
Molly chattered on. With her help, Snape was putting away the potions
he had spent so much energy on that night. His fatigue was beginning
to manifest itself in slight tremors running throughout his body. He
welcomed the tired feeling though. Perhaps now he could sleep without
dreams.
He didn't even mind Molly Weasley's incessant chatter right now
because he *had* been curious about what had happened and her voice
was helping him to stay awake long enough to finish the job here. He
gathered bits of information as he let her talk without comment.
Most of what he gathered from Molly's ramblings boiled down to better
news than he had hoped. The battle could have turned out so much
worse.
Many of Voldemort's supporters were captured after the battle and
held, temporarily, at the school but kept in a secure place until they
were quickly taken away to face trial.
There were not as many dead as he had feared but the number was still
too large. Argus Filch and his cat, Mrs. Norris, had been among the
first to die that morning. Professor Vector, Madam Hooch, and seven
students were dead, two of them Prefects. They were not all
Griffyndors either.
Most of the students had escaped serious injury because they stayed
within the school. The younger students, fifth years and under, had
been confined to their house dormitories once it was known that they
were under attack. Sixth and seventh year student had been allowed to
choose whether or not to join the fight or to remain and defend the
younger students if needed.
Minerva McGonagall and Professor Flitwick were injured while helping
to hold wards in place when hit with Crucio then stunned. Flitwick had
also enchanted suits of armor and other items within the school to
defend the students.
The Three Broomsticks was torched along with a few more businesses
like Honeydukes and The Hogshead. Madam Rosmerta suffered some burns
while fighting the fire.
Mundungus Fletcher had been at the Hogshead in Hogsmeade when it
caught on fire. He was stabbed while fighting one of the people who
had started the fire, but is expected to make a full recovery.
Remus Lupin was also injured in the battle at Hogwarts, though not
severely. There were many of the members of the Order of the Phoenix
that had not been heard from since the end of the battle, but Molly
was confident that they would hear from them soon.
Draco Malfoy had almost been killed by his own father, who had
apparently escaped after the battle. Draco's face is bandaged over the
entire left side. He almost lost his left eye and is blind on that
side now. He may end up wearing an eye-patch because his eye is
discolored and unsightly.
Severus went in to see Draco and the other students. They were all
asleep. Severus sat down in a chair near Draco's bed and soon fell
asleep there, head propped on his arms. Molly, who was still awake,
covered him with a blanket and left him there.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
In the next week, Snape had felt almost numb to everything around him.
He was still in shock about what had happened to him. Outwardly, he
still appeared 'normal' to the rest of the school. Perhaps they even
thought he had mellowed because he hadn't handed out any detentions or
taken points from any students. He spent a lot of time in the library
when he wasn't brewing more potions for the Hospital Wing.
His sleep had been sparse because he could not risk taking the
sleeping draughts he had come to depend on far too much. They
contained ingredients that could be dangerous to him while he was
pregnant. When he did sleep he was disturbed by a whole new variety of
nightmares of Voldemort completing his curse, capturing him and
keeping him chained in a dungeon until he was able to cut his evil
demon-child from Severus' torn and bleeding body on a black altar,
leaving him to die. At that point he usually awoke screaming.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
All classes had been cancelled for the week to allow teachers and
students time to recover from the trauma and wounds of the battle and
to bury and mourn their dead.
Repairs were made to the castle and protective spells surrounding it
were renewed and strengthened. Security was still important because
many of Voldemort's supporters had escaped after the battle and some
encounters had still occurred with Death Eaters during the last week.
Many of Voldemort's supporters are still at large. Chief among them
was Lucius Malfoy.
Hagrid was found by a small search group wandering back to the school
on his own from the Forbidden Forest the second day after the battle.
He told them that Grawp had taken him to the Centaurs for help and
then disappeared again. He still had a few wounds that Madam Pomfrey
healed and then sent him back to his own hut to recover.
According to the reports in the Daily Prophet, simultaneous attacks by
Voldemort's supporters led by his Death Eaters had occurred at other
places the same day that Hogwarts was attacked, Ministries of Magic in
more than one country, and other wizard's schools, including
Beauxbatons in France. Even Gringotts Bank in Diagon Alley had been
attacked by a small group of Voldemort's supporters, though the
Goblin's security measures prevented their success.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dumbledore constantly seemed to be watching or hovering over Snape.
Albus's concern was becoming so apparent that people were starting to
question his sudden over-protectiveness. Word *had* gotten around that
Snape had been hit by some kind of terrible killing curse. Speculation
was rampant that it was going to slowly kill the Potions Master. He
did not correct the rumor.
//Who knows, it may very well be correct?//
Severus was beginning to resent all this sudden attention from
Dumbledore, however, he would never tell Albus exactly how he felt for
he did not see that it would make a difference. In combination with
some new physical changes, it served to make him even more moody and
irritable, taking out his frustration on those around him and making
the students even more miserable.
Madam Pomfrey was just as meddlesome, in her own way, as Dumbledore,
but at least she seemed genuinely concerned about *his* well-being
more than that of the baby. She often came down to the dungeon to talk
with him under the valid excuse of needing some potion or another,
sharing any new research she had come across, making sure that he was
not having any problems and giving advice on what he should and should
not be doing. She was keeping an uncomfortably close eye on him when
all he wanted was to be left alone. However, it was clear that she was
not going to stop her 'mother-hen routine' anytime soon.
He had met with her away from the hospital wing every day since she
had been notified of his condition. Today, he still had to meet with
her right after lunch to compare notes on their research on male
pregnancies. He had not found much yet.
Once again, today, he found himself in the library, hidden between
mountainous piles of old books, scrolls and papers, looking up
whatever information on pregnancy he could glean from them.
Severus had no trouble finding innumerable books on female
reproduction and pregnancy, including a few new muggle books. While
skimming through the large tomes, he fervently hoped that his
pregnancy was not going to be anything like the female version. He did
not wish to deal with morning sickness, back-pains, swollen ankles and
mood swings.
The whole process just seemed intolerable and he could not imagine any
sane person willing to put themselves through such misery.
Then, again, there were those, like Molly Weasley, that had endured
more than one pregnancy, even welcomed it. Severus believed they had
to be crazy.
He became even more apprehensive as he read through all the
information on pregnancy and its possible complications, of which
there was an alarmingly long list. However, there was not much written
about male pregnancies. He knew that it was an extremely rare
occurrence for men, whether muggle or wizard, to become pregnant.
Even among wizards it usually involved magic in some way, but it was
apparent that it happened less often than he thought because he had
not found more than a few scattered sentences on the subject in some
of the more obscure books. However, he knew for a fact that wizards
seemed to have a book on every topic that had to do with magic,
including "Magical Hats for Every Occasion".
Snape was about to give up on his search for today since it was about
time for his appointment with Madam Pomfrey, when he noticed a chapter
entitled 'The Male Mother' in the index of the book "Magical
Pregnancy." He had found that book in the Restricted Section of the
Library only that morning. Excited, he skipped to that chapter and
quickly began to read what the it had to say. Finally, he had found
something substantial on male pregnancy!
However, as he began to read, he paled and his stomach began to feel
queasy. He was soon wishing for a female pregnancy instead.
He picked up the book and shrunk it with a touch of his wand to the
size of a deck of cards. Looking to see that no one was watching, he
put it in an inner pocket of his robes, then quickly replaced the
other reference materials in their shelves. He did not want the
librarian, Madam Pince, to become curious about why he was looking for
information on pregnancy.
The last thing he wanted was for the Hogwarts rumor mill to be passing
around speculations that would, very likely, be far from the truth. It
could be devastating, whether it was correct or not. It could even be
worse than the truth that he was trying to reveal.
His gaze swept around him, making sure no one had been around to see
him conceal the book. He left the library and quickly headed straight
to the hospital wing. He was almost there when he caught sight of
Dumbledore, in his brightly coloured robes, waiting for him in the
hallway by the Hospital entrance.
Dumbledore gave him a cheery smile, his clear blue eyes sparking
behind his glasses as he caught sight of the younger man. "Hello,
Severus, you were missed at lunch."
"I had some research to complete in the library. Do you need
something, Headmaster?" keeping his voice neutral as he watched the
other man from behind a strand of his black hair.
"I wanted to be here for your examination." explained Dumbledore,
smiling. "I want to make sure that everything is progressing well."
Severus debated whether it was worth arguing that he did not need nor
want anyone there with him as he was examined, but he quickly decided
that, if he were to protest, they would spend pointless time debating
the issue. It was an argument which he was sure to loose and end up
being late for his appointment. Besides which, there was too great a
risk of someone hearing them here in the hallway. He said nothing and
walked around Dumbledore and into the Hospital Wing with the
Headmaster following closely behind.
Both men walked into the meticulously clean Hospital Wing, where
Severus was relieved to see that the patient's area was screened off
from the doorway by a set of movable privacy panels. A private room
had been made available for his exam. The last thing he wished was for
another person, especially a student, to be in the near vicinity when
he was being examined, especially since he was now aware of what the
examination may include after his recent in-depth studies of the
subject
He knew it was almost impossible to keep secrets in the school, but he
wished to keep his secret for as long as possible. The paranoid part
of him would have much preferred having this examination outside of
Hogwarts, but the rational part of him knew that was being
unreasonable.
"Hello Severus, you're on time, as usual. Please come in and sit on
the bed. Remove your shirt."
Severus entered and Albus came in right behind him, pulled up a chair
and sat down next to the bed as Severus removed his black outer robe,
frock coat and white shirt. Pomfrey walked around to the other side of
the bed, eyeing both of the men curiously.
"Hello, Headmaster." She nodded a greeting as she pulled out her wand
and began her first diagnostic charm.
She noticed that Severus kept giving Albus uncomfortable glances from
the corner of his eyes, his lips compressing every time he did so. She
realized that Severus was not happy about the headmaster's presence
and wondered if Albus was aware that Severus did not want him there
and was just choosing to ignore it, or if he was truly oblivious to
Severus' feelings.
Whatever the answer, she knew she would have to get the older wizard
to leave before she would be able to talk to Severus freely about any
concerns he was having. Severus was not normally one to openly show
his emotions or express his personal thoughts. He was a very private
man.
She could tell he was uncomfortable in Dumbledore's presence. Poppy
couldn't figure out why that was, but she guessed, from impressions
from their earlier discussions, that Severus did not want to
disappoint or worry the Headmaster. He was also having trouble
adjusting to the idea that he was going to have Albus' child, no
matter how it was conceived.
At first glance, Poppy could already see minor but significant changes
in Severus. His face, usually almost gaunt, had a fuller appearance
and there was a slight darkening in the skin across his cheeks and
forehead. He was developing a 'pregnancy mask' and it showed against
his normally sallow complexion more than it might in anyone else. At
this time it just looked like a motley, uneven tan.
"Lie back on the bed and let me have a good look now." Madam Pomfrey
drew out her wand to begin the first of several diagnostic charms. She
noted that Severus was still almost painfully thin. He had never had
much flesh on his bones. She would need to make sure he ate well and
put on a little weight.
As she scanned over him, various colors, pictures and even sounds were
revealed only to her, by means of the charms she used, that indicated
the condition and health of his body and the workings of its various
systems. Some of the charms also revealed the current magics residing
in his body. Some things she could see without charms, like an aura
around her patient. Her healer training had taught her to interpret
the meanings of everything she saw with her talent and charms.
"Well, Severus," began Poppy, "everything looks fine so far. I would
still like to see you more frequently than I would for a regular
pregnancy, but other than that, I would just like you to remember all
the things that I have already told you; be cautious of the potions
you use, no alcohol, drink lots of water, juices and some milk as
well, make sure you get plenty of sleep and you need to make sure you
eat sufficient meals on a *regular* schedule, four small meals are
better than one large one. Inform me if you begin to feel anything
unusual, anything at all. If you have any questions, just let me
know."
"Wonderful!" Dumbledore exclaimed from where he was sitting. "When
will we be able to know the gender of our child?"
Poppy saw Severus close his eyes. //Was Severus cringing at that
thought? Was it Albus's presence or was it his use of the word 'our'
that bothered him so much?//
"Not for a little while yet Albus, the embryo has not yet developed
enough." replied Pomfrey. Dumbledore sighed dejectedly for a moment,
and then his eyes sparkled brightly again.
"Well then, in the meantime it will be fun thinking of names for a boy
*or* a girl. The baby will be born in November, I believe? We should
be able to settle on appropriate names by then." Albus was smiling as
he gazed at Severus and popped a lemon drop in his mouth.
Madam Pomfrey watched Severus knuckles turn white as they gripped the
sides of the hospital bed at Albus' words. She quickly turned her full
attention on him. "Severus, before you leave, I was wondering if you
could give me a bit more of your time. I recently received a sample of
a new Bone-mending Draft, and I wanted your opinion on it before
putting it on my supply list."
Dumbledore stood up and decided that it was time for him to leave now
that the exam was concluded. He could not keep the excited smile off
of his face as he turned to the "mother" of his child. "Severus, why
don't you stop by my office tomorrow afternoon for tea? We have a lot
of things to discuss."
The Headmaster had already stepped out the door before Snape had a
chance to respond. Instead, Severus growled in frustration, tightening
his grip on the hospital bed mattress.
"He is just very happy about the child Severus. He needs a little
happiness right now." She was trying to get the younger man to
understand Dumbledore's actions. Depthless, black eyes stared back at
her, but he remained silent.
"I don't really have a potion for you to look at." explained Pomfrey.
"I figured you would feel more at ease without the Headmaster here,
and *we* have a lot to discuss as well.
Snape took a deep breath and let go of the mattress edge. He gave her
a sharp nod and a twitch of his lips that was probably meant as a
smile of thanks.
"Severus, what have you found out concerning male pregnancies?" asked
Poppy carefully, revealing nothing in her face or voice.
"Nothing I could call good." Severus was watching Poppy Pomfrey
carefully, trying to gauge the gravity of what *she* had learned. She
did not seem surprised by his answer, but she was not letting much
slip past her professionalism.
"I would appreciate if you would be totally candid in telling me what
you have learned in your studies, Poppy. What I have learned so far
may as well have come from some ancient tome of medieval torture for
all the hope it conveyed in my chances of surviving this curse."
"I have only found one book so far that has more than a single
sentence on the subject." Snape took the book from his robe pocket and
restoring it to original size. "I'm not sure how reliable it is
because of its age, but it mentions that a male pregnancy is quite
dangerous because the male body is ill-equipped for such a condition.
It says that magic can only do so much and that the process is very
difficult for males and most have not made it alive through the
delivery process."
Pomfrey nodded and replied, "I wish I could give you better news, but
the books that I have read say just about the same thing. You are
aware, then, that a large part of the danger of male pregnancy comes
from the lack of a uterus, or womb?"
"So I have just learned from this book." Severus had a rather
distressed look on his face as he lifted the book he had brought from
the library.
"Have you been experiencing any unusual pain, discomfort or tenderness
anywhere?"
A spot of red appeared on each of his cheeks as he paused before
answering her, though his face showed little emotion, as usual.
"Yes, I've notice a bit of discomfort here." He indicated the area
across his pectoral region [A/N;upper chest/breasts]. "I noticed it
just yesterday as I was hefting a stack of books against my chest as I
was putting them in an upper shelf in the library. I thought it may
have been a muscle strain from the battle last week, but my nipples
are irritated as well. I have also had some discomfort here in my
lower abdomen that I was going to ask you about. It began just after
breakfast today, not really a pain, more like a dull ache or muscle
cramp. I really didn't feel much like eating lunch today either
because of a touchy stomach."
Poppy had him recline on the bed again and raise his arms above his
head. She carefully pressed into the soft flesh on his thin, muscular
chest, around the recently widened and darkened area around his
nipples and almost under his arms, noticing that he flinched slightly
when she pressed hard. She then cast a diagnostic spell over the area
he had indicated on his abdomen.
"It is nothing to worry about, Severus. You are right on schedule. It
has been almost a week since conception took place, the embryo is
implanting itself now. If you had a uterus the embryo would be
attaching to the inner uterine wall, but since you do not, according
to what I read in a book by the Healer's Journal, Medica Obscura, it
is attaching itself to your peritoneum, the serous membrane that forms
the inner lining of the wall of your abdomen. That is the source of
your abdominal discomfort. I am confident that the curse will, at
least, prevent it from attaching to any of your organs, because that
won't be likely to ensure its survival, or yours. In women this type
of pregnancy is called an ectopic pregnancy, one occurring outside the
uterus. In your case we don't have to worry about a possible ruptured
fallopian tube, where many ectopic pregnancies occur in women."
"I suppose I should be thankful for that, at least."
"There is one thing I do worry about in your case though, Severus. You
have a lot of scar tissue within your abdominal cavity. All the
beatings and Cruciatus Curses you've suffered were not without
consequences. Normally I don't think it would cause you any problems,
but a pregnancy will put stresses on that tissue and it doesn't
stretch as easily as normal, unscarred tissue does. I don't dare try
to do anything about it now though, because any invasion into your
body, magical or otherwise, may trigger some of the curses worst
aspects and endanger your life. All we can do is watch for any
complication that the scars may cause. They may not be a problem after
all, but I want you to tell me if you have any pains *at all* because
they may indicate tearing tissue and that can lead to more problems."
While Madam Pomfrey was telling him of her worries, she watched
Severus unconsciously hold his hands over his abdomen in a protective
gesture.
//Is he afraid for himself, or for the baby, I wonder if he has
accepted the fact that he is indeed pregnant? He hasn't asked about
the baby itself and I don't want to push him, yet.//
His eyes betrayed his mask of indifference with a hint of fear. "I
will be sure to keep you informed of any discomforts in that case
Poppy."
"Very good, as for the discomfort in your chest, well, Severus you may
as well get used to it, the hormones being secreted by the developing
embryo are causing your mammary glands to develop in preparation for
feeding the child after its birth."
His eyebrows rose to startling new heights and his face reddened
perceptibly. "Are you telling me I'm going to grow *breasts*?"
"Yes, all men have mammary glands; they just don't develop as they do
in females. They will be tender for a while and I'd suggest binding
your chest to prevent irritation."
"There will be some tissue development and your nipples will enlarge a
bit, but perhaps not as much as you might fear, but they will remain
sensitive. There is little I can do about that. However, you can
minimize your discomfort by keeping them protected. Now, for a woman
I'd suggest a good maternity support bra. . . "
**"I am NOT wearing one of THOSE!"**
To Poppy's credit she did not crack a smile, though it was difficult
to suppress, at his expression of offended masculinity, his whole
being seemed to swell with outrage.
"I didn't expect you would, Severus! That is why I was about to
suggest a wide stretch band like you've worn when you had broken ribs,
just not wrapped as tightly. I will provide you with one even though
you may still have one or two of the bands. I know you've never
returned any of them. You probably have them in your own little first-
aid kit that I know you use more than you come to see me. It may be a
little uncomfortable at first until you are used to it but it will be
uncomfortable without it soon enough anyway and it will help to hide
any noticeable development. If anyone notices you wearing it, well,
you do know that you can always claim a broken rib or two as an
excuse."
Severus scowled and crossed his arms across his chest in a huff.
Evidently he did it a bit too vigorously by the way he quickly tried
to ease his arms off his chest without Poppy noticing. "Well, if you
insist, I suppose I will try it."
"Very good, Severus, you can dress now unless there is anything else
you have questions about before we get back to discussing what our
research has found?"
"Nothing that would be unusual, I was expecting the increased thirst
and, err, additional trips to the toilet. Although I have been
noticing that odors seem to be stronger than normal, things that did
not bother me before have started to be more noticeable and, Poppy, if
you say one thing about the size of my nose now, I will hex you into
next week."
Poppy had opened her mouth to say something with a look of amusement
on her face and instead began chuckling at his words. Was this a hint
of humor from Snape? "I wasn't going to Severus, honestly. The
increase in your sense of smell is not unusual either. Have you been
experiencing any morning-sickness yet?"
"Thankfully, I have not, unless my touchy stomach today is the start
of it? When should I expect this to occur?"
"It could start at any time now, or, if you are lucky, it may not
occur at all. It varies from person to person. It doesn't just happen
in the morning either, just so you know."
"Oh, joy. Since I am cursed, I doubt I am to be spared this unwelcome
aspect of pregnancy either. I'm just not that lucky."
He quickly pulled on his shirt and finished dressing.
Poppy noted his answers and results in his new medical record and
resumed their discussion on her research. "I found a book in the
library at St. Mungo's that told of a much more recent male pregnancy
than I had read about before. It was actually a detailed journal
written only twenty years ago by the friend of a wizard that became
pregnant, so it tells a great deal of what to expect. Fortunately, the
pregnant wizard did survive, though I'm afraid the child did not, due
to complications during his delivery. The wizard in the book was not a
victim of the Ingravesco Curse, however, but used a combination of
charms and a Fertility Potion, I believe. His name was withheld and
made untraceable or I might try to contact him personally. I'll give
the book to you before you leave, if you wish, but it will
automatically go back to St. Mungo's in a couple of days. It has a
Recall Charm permanently attached to it." Snape nodded.
"My research has confirmed that we cannot abort the embryo because it
would mean sure death to you. If we manage to get you through your
pregnancy, there is a fair chance you will survive. It won't be easy,
but there IS a chance. There have also been quite a few improvements
in medical care and obstetrics, both muggle and magical, since some of
these books were written and we will use any means, magical or muggle,
to help you."
"I also think your chances would be better if you would let me bring
in another healer, one more experienced in obstetrics than I am. I'm
going to have to consult with a colleague before your delivery anyway.
I want to be sure I know all the newest options and procedures before
the birth of your child. That seems to be the most dangerous time for
a pregnant male."
"Poppy, I will consider it if the need arises, but I am not ready to
let anyone else know of my . . . unique condition just yet. I don't
have great faith in muggle medicine, Poppy, but I trust your judgment.
I'll consider muggle methods if you think they will help but I want to
know before you use any muggle methods. I find myself at a loss since
my use of potions is severely limited because of this damned curse, if
not the pregnancy."
A thick silence filled the room, both of them lost in their thoughts.
Finally Severus said, "I don't want Albus to know about all the risks.
He is becoming insufferable enough as it is."
Pomfrey's opened her mouth to object, but his expression showed this
was not something he was willing to negotiate. Poppy sighed, "Alright,
Severus, but I want you to know right now, I think he should be told.
It is entirely possible he will find out on his own. He could be a
great help in figuring out how best to get you through all this. "
Snape said nothing, but Poppy could tell Severus was more than a
little worried about his future.
"We will get you through this Severus, it may not be easy, but we will
try our damnedest." She did not think that Severus was reassured.
By: Barbara Kennedy
Disclaimer: It all belongs to J.K. Rowling, even this Alternate
Universe most of us play in.
Author's Note: This story contains male pregnancy, but it is
definitely not a slash story nor is it likely to become one, so don't
ask. In this story Snape is comfortably heterosexual. I've decided to
change the rating to PG-13 due to frank discussion of anatomy,
pregnancy and its symptoms and possible grossness and language.
I'm very sorry it has taken me so long to post this chapter, there
were some major hurdles (for me, anyway) I had to overcome before I
could finish it, like who lived after the battle and who was hurt and
how badly. I'm still not happy with it but I wanted to get this to you
before you thought I had abandoned the story. I also apologize for the
large amount of author's notes at the beginning. I'm trying to get rid
of a bunch of these by the next chapter. I'll just move most of it to
my author's page.
Just remember, I'm doing this for fun and I don't have a set deadline.
I know you all want regular updates, but I can't promise them. This is
going to be a long story for it to be told properly, so bear with me.
**********************************************
Important Author's Note: Something I forgot to establish in the
earlier chapters, the date of the Hogwarts Battle is March 8, 1998,
(Which I looked up - it was a Sunday.) in Harry's seventh year as a
student. (Many thanks go to the HP Lexicon for their Timeline!)
Silly me, I don't know how I missed that important tidbit, as it is
going to be VERY important in figuring a due-date.
**********************************************
*stressed words* (because italics don't work)
//thoughts//
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chapter 3 - Disturbing Information
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The meal was delivered to his room by a house elf within only ten
minutes, but Dumbledore did not return. When asked, the house elf
shook her head as she placed the large well-laden tray on Severus'
desk. "Binna is bringing the tray for Professor Snape when Headmaster
was called away. Too many people is needing to see Headmaster when he
should be resting. Unless Professor Snape needs anything else Binna is
going back to the kitchen to help, is so much to do for poor masters."
//Yes, I would imagine the whole school is still in an uproar after
today. Why did Albus take the time to baby-sit with *me* today? He
must have been taking messages while he was here. Bloody Ministry
likely sent owls every five minutes. He probably had the fireplace
going all day with floo calls. He could never neglect the rest of the
school for that long. I can well imagine the parents have been in a
panic as well, not to mention the blasted reporters that must be
swarming over the place like ants. Then again, I wouldn't put it past
Poppy to have slipped Albus a mild sleeping potion while she was here
examining me earlier today just to make him rest. I can't imagine why
he was sitting here in the dark when I woke otherwise.//
While such thoughts raced through his head, Severus dismissed the
house elf. "No, that will suffice for now Binna. I will call if I need
anything else."
His nausea had faded enough that he really was feeling hungry now. He
also realized he was very thirsty, nearly parched. It was not too
surprising, since the last time he remembered drinking anything was
when he had a cup of tea after dinner the night before.
As Poppy instructed, he started slowly with just a bit of bread and a
glass of water. He immediately felt better. He concluded that his
lingering nausea must have come from being so dehydrated. Before long,
he had finished everything on the tray including a full pitcher of
pumpkin juice and a small plate of assorted biscuits. He particularly
enjoyed the ginger snaps.
When he had finished his meal, Severus sat staring into the fire still
brightly burning in the fireplace and tried to analyze the day's
events in a calmer light. He was still achingly tired and knew he
should sleep but his mind was too active to settle.
Five hours of being unconscious is not the same as sleeping for the
same amount of time. He had found that out a long time ago. Even after
trying to clear his mind with Occlumency techniques, he was still too
agitated to sleep.
Was it an after-effect of the curse that kept him so tense? There was
still something about the day's events that was pressing on his mind.
He felt that he was missing some vital detail.
Severus closed his eyes to concentrate on remembering the details. The
answer must be in those last few minutes of the battle. He decided to
bring out his Pensieve. He drew out several threads of thought and sat
studying them as they were revealed on the shimmering surface.
Among all the confused scenes of the fighting around the castle and
its grounds, the last minutes of the battle with the Dark Lord kept
surfacing.
"*I* will make sure you suffer for months before an extremely slow,
painful and shameful death."
//He had stressed the word 'I'.
That means that he, personally, must have intended to see to that
eventuality.
He must have intended to capture me then, to hold me totally in his
power.
That sickening look in his red eyes, it was nothing less than unholy
anticipation.
No, no, surely not. . . yes, he would, he is - *was* - that sick and
twisted. . .
He intended to complete the curse himself, the Dark lord intended to
touch me first.
Oh Dear Merlin! If Potter hadn't broken loose . . . hadn't managed
whatever curse he used to kill Voldemort . . .
I would have been carrying Voldemort's accursed spawn and would have
been totally under his power, nothing more than a breeding slave!//
Severus' heart was racing again. He was also trembling as if in the
after-effects of an extended Cruciatus Curse.
Severus rose and dressed quickly. He felt the need to do something,
anything, to escape his thoughts at the moment.
He could not risk taking a Dreamless Sleep Potion now, probably not
for the next nine months, so even if he did go to sleep it would only
lead to nightmares.
He locked away the Pensieve without returning his thoughts. He would
deal with them later.
Without conscious thought, his feet tread the well-known path to his
potions laboratory. After placing locking wards on the door, he
quickly set up several cauldrons and began brewing several strengths
of healing potions and in one larger cauldron he began a Calming
Potion, aware that they would all be needed in the after-effects of
the battle that was just fought.
He slowly grew calmer as he immersed himself in the rhythms and
concentration necessary to brew several potions at once. The
repetition of the selecting, chopping and preparation of the
ingredients had a soothing effect on his jangled nerves. He shut out
all other thoughts and stilled all emotions as his total focus became
those slowly simmering cauldrons and their important contents.
It was long after midnight by the time Severus bottled and labeled the
last of the potions and carefully cleaned all his equipment. Then he
boxed the potion bottles and brought out his wand to levitate them to
the hospital wing for use. He would not risk sending them through the
fireplace by floo, even if he carried each box himself.
As he walked up the stairs from his dungeon laboratory, he realized
that he had not even inquired who had survived the day's battle, nor
did he know who had been hurt or how badly. He was sure only that
Potter, Dumbledore and Madam Pomfrey were apparently unhurt.
He had seen some people on both sides fall in the battle but didn't
know for sure who they were or if they got up to fight again. No,
wait, he had seen Hagrid being carried somewhere by that giant brother
of his just before Voldemort had arrived. He'd had to restrain Potter
from running after him.
He hoped Hagrid was alive. He actually liked the bumbling half-giant
even if Hagrid's rough ways often irritated him. Hagrid had been the
one to gently carry him, as easily as one would carry a child, to the
hospital wing more than a few times when he had been found at the edge
of the Forbidden Forest or at the castle gates, too weak or injured to
make it all the way to the castle by himself after a disastrous Death
Eater meeting.
In spite of common opinion that he was heartless, cruel and, according
to many, an evil git, he saw many of his colleagues as friends, almost
family.
He could not see himself as the monster that some made him out to be,
either. If he were, he would never have risked his life for the Order
the way he did. Certainly Dumbledore would never have placed such
trust in him.
Perhaps, now that he was free of the necessity of spying on Voldemort,
perhaps he could work at forging closer personal ties without fear of
being exposed. It had been a long and lonely existence. Now that
Voldemort was truly dead, he didn't want to go back to living that
way.
As soon as he left the stairway to the dungeons, Severus was aware of
changes in normal activity. He was surprised that there were still
people in the main hallway moving back and forth to the Great Hall or
the Hospital Wing at this time of night.
As he walked toward the Hospital Wing, he noted that a few people were
wearing the healer's-green uniforms of nurses and doctors from St.
Mungo's Hospital, but many were older students of the school
apparently helping to tend the wounded or running errands. Some of
them were sporting bandages as well. There were a few house elves seen
carrying linens or trays.
He did not attempt to stop any of the students to give detentions or
take house points, though more than a few seemed to blanch at his
approach, fully expecting him to call their names and take house
points the moment they saw him.
More than one student stood with their mouth hanging open as he simply
ignored their presence and strode past them on his way to deliver the
potions.
The greatest surprise of the night came when he was stopped at the
door of the Hospital Wing by an Auror who demanded to know who he was
and what he was doing there, refusing to allow him entrance.
He responded with a deadly glare. "I am Professor Severus Snape, the
Potions Master of this school, and I am here to deliver these healing
potions that I've been up most of the night brewing, you imbecile!
What does it look like I'm doing?"
At the fuss in the doorway, Molly Weasley came storming out, looking
tired and a bit disheveled.
"What in Merlin's name is going on out here? Oh, hello Professor
Snape, I'm glad to see you up and about. I had heard you were
unconscious and that Headmaster Dumbledore was sitting with you in
your room."
"Yes, he was, Mrs. Weasley, but I recovered much earlier this evening
and Headmaster Dumbledore has retired for the night, I believe. I have
been brewing extra healing potions as I believe there is a need for
them."
She turned to scold the Auror as she would one of her own children.
"Honestly, Jasper! Do you think you could possibly make a little more
noise to disturb everyone in the middle of the night? If you are going
to challenge someone, step away from the door first or put a silencing
charm up. People *are* trying to sleep in there."
Molly gave the chastened Auror a push out of the doorway and motioned
for Snape to come in. Auror Jasper allowed him to enter with his
levitating boxes and resumed his post by the door. Apparently Molly
Weasley's word on Professor Snape was good enough recommendation for
him.
"Madam Pomfrey has gone to bed, the poor dear was about asleep on her
feet and she does have other healers from St. Mungo's here to help
now, thank goodness. The Ministry has turned the school into a
temporary hospital for Hogsmeade as well, you see. I've also
volunteered to help, since my children need me here for them. Oh, my
poor babies! George and Ron were both hurt so badly; George was
knocked from his broom by spells while defending Hogsmeade from the
air and has back injuries and broken bones. Fred and Hermione won't
leave their side. Ron had broken ribs and a puncture lung, broken arm,
and concussion. My poor Arthur is stuck at the Ministry, terribly
worried for the children, but he's needed there now, you see."
Molly chattered on. With her help, Snape was putting away the potions
he had spent so much energy on that night. His fatigue was beginning
to manifest itself in slight tremors running throughout his body. He
welcomed the tired feeling though. Perhaps now he could sleep without
dreams.
He didn't even mind Molly Weasley's incessant chatter right now
because he *had* been curious about what had happened and her voice
was helping him to stay awake long enough to finish the job here. He
gathered bits of information as he let her talk without comment.
Most of what he gathered from Molly's ramblings boiled down to better
news than he had hoped. The battle could have turned out so much
worse.
Many of Voldemort's supporters were captured after the battle and
held, temporarily, at the school but kept in a secure place until they
were quickly taken away to face trial.
There were not as many dead as he had feared but the number was still
too large. Argus Filch and his cat, Mrs. Norris, had been among the
first to die that morning. Professor Vector, Madam Hooch, and seven
students were dead, two of them Prefects. They were not all
Griffyndors either.
Most of the students had escaped serious injury because they stayed
within the school. The younger students, fifth years and under, had
been confined to their house dormitories once it was known that they
were under attack. Sixth and seventh year student had been allowed to
choose whether or not to join the fight or to remain and defend the
younger students if needed.
Minerva McGonagall and Professor Flitwick were injured while helping
to hold wards in place when hit with Crucio then stunned. Flitwick had
also enchanted suits of armor and other items within the school to
defend the students.
The Three Broomsticks was torched along with a few more businesses
like Honeydukes and The Hogshead. Madam Rosmerta suffered some burns
while fighting the fire.
Mundungus Fletcher had been at the Hogshead in Hogsmeade when it
caught on fire. He was stabbed while fighting one of the people who
had started the fire, but is expected to make a full recovery.
Remus Lupin was also injured in the battle at Hogwarts, though not
severely. There were many of the members of the Order of the Phoenix
that had not been heard from since the end of the battle, but Molly
was confident that they would hear from them soon.
Draco Malfoy had almost been killed by his own father, who had
apparently escaped after the battle. Draco's face is bandaged over the
entire left side. He almost lost his left eye and is blind on that
side now. He may end up wearing an eye-patch because his eye is
discolored and unsightly.
Severus went in to see Draco and the other students. They were all
asleep. Severus sat down in a chair near Draco's bed and soon fell
asleep there, head propped on his arms. Molly, who was still awake,
covered him with a blanket and left him there.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
In the next week, Snape had felt almost numb to everything around him.
He was still in shock about what had happened to him. Outwardly, he
still appeared 'normal' to the rest of the school. Perhaps they even
thought he had mellowed because he hadn't handed out any detentions or
taken points from any students. He spent a lot of time in the library
when he wasn't brewing more potions for the Hospital Wing.
His sleep had been sparse because he could not risk taking the
sleeping draughts he had come to depend on far too much. They
contained ingredients that could be dangerous to him while he was
pregnant. When he did sleep he was disturbed by a whole new variety of
nightmares of Voldemort completing his curse, capturing him and
keeping him chained in a dungeon until he was able to cut his evil
demon-child from Severus' torn and bleeding body on a black altar,
leaving him to die. At that point he usually awoke screaming.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
All classes had been cancelled for the week to allow teachers and
students time to recover from the trauma and wounds of the battle and
to bury and mourn their dead.
Repairs were made to the castle and protective spells surrounding it
were renewed and strengthened. Security was still important because
many of Voldemort's supporters had escaped after the battle and some
encounters had still occurred with Death Eaters during the last week.
Many of Voldemort's supporters are still at large. Chief among them
was Lucius Malfoy.
Hagrid was found by a small search group wandering back to the school
on his own from the Forbidden Forest the second day after the battle.
He told them that Grawp had taken him to the Centaurs for help and
then disappeared again. He still had a few wounds that Madam Pomfrey
healed and then sent him back to his own hut to recover.
According to the reports in the Daily Prophet, simultaneous attacks by
Voldemort's supporters led by his Death Eaters had occurred at other
places the same day that Hogwarts was attacked, Ministries of Magic in
more than one country, and other wizard's schools, including
Beauxbatons in France. Even Gringotts Bank in Diagon Alley had been
attacked by a small group of Voldemort's supporters, though the
Goblin's security measures prevented their success.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dumbledore constantly seemed to be watching or hovering over Snape.
Albus's concern was becoming so apparent that people were starting to
question his sudden over-protectiveness. Word *had* gotten around that
Snape had been hit by some kind of terrible killing curse. Speculation
was rampant that it was going to slowly kill the Potions Master. He
did not correct the rumor.
//Who knows, it may very well be correct?//
Severus was beginning to resent all this sudden attention from
Dumbledore, however, he would never tell Albus exactly how he felt for
he did not see that it would make a difference. In combination with
some new physical changes, it served to make him even more moody and
irritable, taking out his frustration on those around him and making
the students even more miserable.
Madam Pomfrey was just as meddlesome, in her own way, as Dumbledore,
but at least she seemed genuinely concerned about *his* well-being
more than that of the baby. She often came down to the dungeon to talk
with him under the valid excuse of needing some potion or another,
sharing any new research she had come across, making sure that he was
not having any problems and giving advice on what he should and should
not be doing. She was keeping an uncomfortably close eye on him when
all he wanted was to be left alone. However, it was clear that she was
not going to stop her 'mother-hen routine' anytime soon.
He had met with her away from the hospital wing every day since she
had been notified of his condition. Today, he still had to meet with
her right after lunch to compare notes on their research on male
pregnancies. He had not found much yet.
Once again, today, he found himself in the library, hidden between
mountainous piles of old books, scrolls and papers, looking up
whatever information on pregnancy he could glean from them.
Severus had no trouble finding innumerable books on female
reproduction and pregnancy, including a few new muggle books. While
skimming through the large tomes, he fervently hoped that his
pregnancy was not going to be anything like the female version. He did
not wish to deal with morning sickness, back-pains, swollen ankles and
mood swings.
The whole process just seemed intolerable and he could not imagine any
sane person willing to put themselves through such misery.
Then, again, there were those, like Molly Weasley, that had endured
more than one pregnancy, even welcomed it. Severus believed they had
to be crazy.
He became even more apprehensive as he read through all the
information on pregnancy and its possible complications, of which
there was an alarmingly long list. However, there was not much written
about male pregnancies. He knew that it was an extremely rare
occurrence for men, whether muggle or wizard, to become pregnant.
Even among wizards it usually involved magic in some way, but it was
apparent that it happened less often than he thought because he had
not found more than a few scattered sentences on the subject in some
of the more obscure books. However, he knew for a fact that wizards
seemed to have a book on every topic that had to do with magic,
including "Magical Hats for Every Occasion".
Snape was about to give up on his search for today since it was about
time for his appointment with Madam Pomfrey, when he noticed a chapter
entitled 'The Male Mother' in the index of the book "Magical
Pregnancy." He had found that book in the Restricted Section of the
Library only that morning. Excited, he skipped to that chapter and
quickly began to read what the it had to say. Finally, he had found
something substantial on male pregnancy!
However, as he began to read, he paled and his stomach began to feel
queasy. He was soon wishing for a female pregnancy instead.
He picked up the book and shrunk it with a touch of his wand to the
size of a deck of cards. Looking to see that no one was watching, he
put it in an inner pocket of his robes, then quickly replaced the
other reference materials in their shelves. He did not want the
librarian, Madam Pince, to become curious about why he was looking for
information on pregnancy.
The last thing he wanted was for the Hogwarts rumor mill to be passing
around speculations that would, very likely, be far from the truth. It
could be devastating, whether it was correct or not. It could even be
worse than the truth that he was trying to reveal.
His gaze swept around him, making sure no one had been around to see
him conceal the book. He left the library and quickly headed straight
to the hospital wing. He was almost there when he caught sight of
Dumbledore, in his brightly coloured robes, waiting for him in the
hallway by the Hospital entrance.
Dumbledore gave him a cheery smile, his clear blue eyes sparking
behind his glasses as he caught sight of the younger man. "Hello,
Severus, you were missed at lunch."
"I had some research to complete in the library. Do you need
something, Headmaster?" keeping his voice neutral as he watched the
other man from behind a strand of his black hair.
"I wanted to be here for your examination." explained Dumbledore,
smiling. "I want to make sure that everything is progressing well."
Severus debated whether it was worth arguing that he did not need nor
want anyone there with him as he was examined, but he quickly decided
that, if he were to protest, they would spend pointless time debating
the issue. It was an argument which he was sure to loose and end up
being late for his appointment. Besides which, there was too great a
risk of someone hearing them here in the hallway. He said nothing and
walked around Dumbledore and into the Hospital Wing with the
Headmaster following closely behind.
Both men walked into the meticulously clean Hospital Wing, where
Severus was relieved to see that the patient's area was screened off
from the doorway by a set of movable privacy panels. A private room
had been made available for his exam. The last thing he wished was for
another person, especially a student, to be in the near vicinity when
he was being examined, especially since he was now aware of what the
examination may include after his recent in-depth studies of the
subject
He knew it was almost impossible to keep secrets in the school, but he
wished to keep his secret for as long as possible. The paranoid part
of him would have much preferred having this examination outside of
Hogwarts, but the rational part of him knew that was being
unreasonable.
"Hello Severus, you're on time, as usual. Please come in and sit on
the bed. Remove your shirt."
Severus entered and Albus came in right behind him, pulled up a chair
and sat down next to the bed as Severus removed his black outer robe,
frock coat and white shirt. Pomfrey walked around to the other side of
the bed, eyeing both of the men curiously.
"Hello, Headmaster." She nodded a greeting as she pulled out her wand
and began her first diagnostic charm.
She noticed that Severus kept giving Albus uncomfortable glances from
the corner of his eyes, his lips compressing every time he did so. She
realized that Severus was not happy about the headmaster's presence
and wondered if Albus was aware that Severus did not want him there
and was just choosing to ignore it, or if he was truly oblivious to
Severus' feelings.
Whatever the answer, she knew she would have to get the older wizard
to leave before she would be able to talk to Severus freely about any
concerns he was having. Severus was not normally one to openly show
his emotions or express his personal thoughts. He was a very private
man.
She could tell he was uncomfortable in Dumbledore's presence. Poppy
couldn't figure out why that was, but she guessed, from impressions
from their earlier discussions, that Severus did not want to
disappoint or worry the Headmaster. He was also having trouble
adjusting to the idea that he was going to have Albus' child, no
matter how it was conceived.
At first glance, Poppy could already see minor but significant changes
in Severus. His face, usually almost gaunt, had a fuller appearance
and there was a slight darkening in the skin across his cheeks and
forehead. He was developing a 'pregnancy mask' and it showed against
his normally sallow complexion more than it might in anyone else. At
this time it just looked like a motley, uneven tan.
"Lie back on the bed and let me have a good look now." Madam Pomfrey
drew out her wand to begin the first of several diagnostic charms. She
noted that Severus was still almost painfully thin. He had never had
much flesh on his bones. She would need to make sure he ate well and
put on a little weight.
As she scanned over him, various colors, pictures and even sounds were
revealed only to her, by means of the charms she used, that indicated
the condition and health of his body and the workings of its various
systems. Some of the charms also revealed the current magics residing
in his body. Some things she could see without charms, like an aura
around her patient. Her healer training had taught her to interpret
the meanings of everything she saw with her talent and charms.
"Well, Severus," began Poppy, "everything looks fine so far. I would
still like to see you more frequently than I would for a regular
pregnancy, but other than that, I would just like you to remember all
the things that I have already told you; be cautious of the potions
you use, no alcohol, drink lots of water, juices and some milk as
well, make sure you get plenty of sleep and you need to make sure you
eat sufficient meals on a *regular* schedule, four small meals are
better than one large one. Inform me if you begin to feel anything
unusual, anything at all. If you have any questions, just let me
know."
"Wonderful!" Dumbledore exclaimed from where he was sitting. "When
will we be able to know the gender of our child?"
Poppy saw Severus close his eyes. //Was Severus cringing at that
thought? Was it Albus's presence or was it his use of the word 'our'
that bothered him so much?//
"Not for a little while yet Albus, the embryo has not yet developed
enough." replied Pomfrey. Dumbledore sighed dejectedly for a moment,
and then his eyes sparkled brightly again.
"Well then, in the meantime it will be fun thinking of names for a boy
*or* a girl. The baby will be born in November, I believe? We should
be able to settle on appropriate names by then." Albus was smiling as
he gazed at Severus and popped a lemon drop in his mouth.
Madam Pomfrey watched Severus knuckles turn white as they gripped the
sides of the hospital bed at Albus' words. She quickly turned her full
attention on him. "Severus, before you leave, I was wondering if you
could give me a bit more of your time. I recently received a sample of
a new Bone-mending Draft, and I wanted your opinion on it before
putting it on my supply list."
Dumbledore stood up and decided that it was time for him to leave now
that the exam was concluded. He could not keep the excited smile off
of his face as he turned to the "mother" of his child. "Severus, why
don't you stop by my office tomorrow afternoon for tea? We have a lot
of things to discuss."
The Headmaster had already stepped out the door before Snape had a
chance to respond. Instead, Severus growled in frustration, tightening
his grip on the hospital bed mattress.
"He is just very happy about the child Severus. He needs a little
happiness right now." She was trying to get the younger man to
understand Dumbledore's actions. Depthless, black eyes stared back at
her, but he remained silent.
"I don't really have a potion for you to look at." explained Pomfrey.
"I figured you would feel more at ease without the Headmaster here,
and *we* have a lot to discuss as well.
Snape took a deep breath and let go of the mattress edge. He gave her
a sharp nod and a twitch of his lips that was probably meant as a
smile of thanks.
"Severus, what have you found out concerning male pregnancies?" asked
Poppy carefully, revealing nothing in her face or voice.
"Nothing I could call good." Severus was watching Poppy Pomfrey
carefully, trying to gauge the gravity of what *she* had learned. She
did not seem surprised by his answer, but she was not letting much
slip past her professionalism.
"I would appreciate if you would be totally candid in telling me what
you have learned in your studies, Poppy. What I have learned so far
may as well have come from some ancient tome of medieval torture for
all the hope it conveyed in my chances of surviving this curse."
"I have only found one book so far that has more than a single
sentence on the subject." Snape took the book from his robe pocket and
restoring it to original size. "I'm not sure how reliable it is
because of its age, but it mentions that a male pregnancy is quite
dangerous because the male body is ill-equipped for such a condition.
It says that magic can only do so much and that the process is very
difficult for males and most have not made it alive through the
delivery process."
Pomfrey nodded and replied, "I wish I could give you better news, but
the books that I have read say just about the same thing. You are
aware, then, that a large part of the danger of male pregnancy comes
from the lack of a uterus, or womb?"
"So I have just learned from this book." Severus had a rather
distressed look on his face as he lifted the book he had brought from
the library.
"Have you been experiencing any unusual pain, discomfort or tenderness
anywhere?"
A spot of red appeared on each of his cheeks as he paused before
answering her, though his face showed little emotion, as usual.
"Yes, I've notice a bit of discomfort here." He indicated the area
across his pectoral region [A/N;upper chest/breasts]. "I noticed it
just yesterday as I was hefting a stack of books against my chest as I
was putting them in an upper shelf in the library. I thought it may
have been a muscle strain from the battle last week, but my nipples
are irritated as well. I have also had some discomfort here in my
lower abdomen that I was going to ask you about. It began just after
breakfast today, not really a pain, more like a dull ache or muscle
cramp. I really didn't feel much like eating lunch today either
because of a touchy stomach."
Poppy had him recline on the bed again and raise his arms above his
head. She carefully pressed into the soft flesh on his thin, muscular
chest, around the recently widened and darkened area around his
nipples and almost under his arms, noticing that he flinched slightly
when she pressed hard. She then cast a diagnostic spell over the area
he had indicated on his abdomen.
"It is nothing to worry about, Severus. You are right on schedule. It
has been almost a week since conception took place, the embryo is
implanting itself now. If you had a uterus the embryo would be
attaching to the inner uterine wall, but since you do not, according
to what I read in a book by the Healer's Journal, Medica Obscura, it
is attaching itself to your peritoneum, the serous membrane that forms
the inner lining of the wall of your abdomen. That is the source of
your abdominal discomfort. I am confident that the curse will, at
least, prevent it from attaching to any of your organs, because that
won't be likely to ensure its survival, or yours. In women this type
of pregnancy is called an ectopic pregnancy, one occurring outside the
uterus. In your case we don't have to worry about a possible ruptured
fallopian tube, where many ectopic pregnancies occur in women."
"I suppose I should be thankful for that, at least."
"There is one thing I do worry about in your case though, Severus. You
have a lot of scar tissue within your abdominal cavity. All the
beatings and Cruciatus Curses you've suffered were not without
consequences. Normally I don't think it would cause you any problems,
but a pregnancy will put stresses on that tissue and it doesn't
stretch as easily as normal, unscarred tissue does. I don't dare try
to do anything about it now though, because any invasion into your
body, magical or otherwise, may trigger some of the curses worst
aspects and endanger your life. All we can do is watch for any
complication that the scars may cause. They may not be a problem after
all, but I want you to tell me if you have any pains *at all* because
they may indicate tearing tissue and that can lead to more problems."
While Madam Pomfrey was telling him of her worries, she watched
Severus unconsciously hold his hands over his abdomen in a protective
gesture.
//Is he afraid for himself, or for the baby, I wonder if he has
accepted the fact that he is indeed pregnant? He hasn't asked about
the baby itself and I don't want to push him, yet.//
His eyes betrayed his mask of indifference with a hint of fear. "I
will be sure to keep you informed of any discomforts in that case
Poppy."
"Very good, as for the discomfort in your chest, well, Severus you may
as well get used to it, the hormones being secreted by the developing
embryo are causing your mammary glands to develop in preparation for
feeding the child after its birth."
His eyebrows rose to startling new heights and his face reddened
perceptibly. "Are you telling me I'm going to grow *breasts*?"
"Yes, all men have mammary glands; they just don't develop as they do
in females. They will be tender for a while and I'd suggest binding
your chest to prevent irritation."
"There will be some tissue development and your nipples will enlarge a
bit, but perhaps not as much as you might fear, but they will remain
sensitive. There is little I can do about that. However, you can
minimize your discomfort by keeping them protected. Now, for a woman
I'd suggest a good maternity support bra. . . "
**"I am NOT wearing one of THOSE!"**
To Poppy's credit she did not crack a smile, though it was difficult
to suppress, at his expression of offended masculinity, his whole
being seemed to swell with outrage.
"I didn't expect you would, Severus! That is why I was about to
suggest a wide stretch band like you've worn when you had broken ribs,
just not wrapped as tightly. I will provide you with one even though
you may still have one or two of the bands. I know you've never
returned any of them. You probably have them in your own little first-
aid kit that I know you use more than you come to see me. It may be a
little uncomfortable at first until you are used to it but it will be
uncomfortable without it soon enough anyway and it will help to hide
any noticeable development. If anyone notices you wearing it, well,
you do know that you can always claim a broken rib or two as an
excuse."
Severus scowled and crossed his arms across his chest in a huff.
Evidently he did it a bit too vigorously by the way he quickly tried
to ease his arms off his chest without Poppy noticing. "Well, if you
insist, I suppose I will try it."
"Very good, Severus, you can dress now unless there is anything else
you have questions about before we get back to discussing what our
research has found?"
"Nothing that would be unusual, I was expecting the increased thirst
and, err, additional trips to the toilet. Although I have been
noticing that odors seem to be stronger than normal, things that did
not bother me before have started to be more noticeable and, Poppy, if
you say one thing about the size of my nose now, I will hex you into
next week."
Poppy had opened her mouth to say something with a look of amusement
on her face and instead began chuckling at his words. Was this a hint
of humor from Snape? "I wasn't going to Severus, honestly. The
increase in your sense of smell is not unusual either. Have you been
experiencing any morning-sickness yet?"
"Thankfully, I have not, unless my touchy stomach today is the start
of it? When should I expect this to occur?"
"It could start at any time now, or, if you are lucky, it may not
occur at all. It varies from person to person. It doesn't just happen
in the morning either, just so you know."
"Oh, joy. Since I am cursed, I doubt I am to be spared this unwelcome
aspect of pregnancy either. I'm just not that lucky."
He quickly pulled on his shirt and finished dressing.
Poppy noted his answers and results in his new medical record and
resumed their discussion on her research. "I found a book in the
library at St. Mungo's that told of a much more recent male pregnancy
than I had read about before. It was actually a detailed journal
written only twenty years ago by the friend of a wizard that became
pregnant, so it tells a great deal of what to expect. Fortunately, the
pregnant wizard did survive, though I'm afraid the child did not, due
to complications during his delivery. The wizard in the book was not a
victim of the Ingravesco Curse, however, but used a combination of
charms and a Fertility Potion, I believe. His name was withheld and
made untraceable or I might try to contact him personally. I'll give
the book to you before you leave, if you wish, but it will
automatically go back to St. Mungo's in a couple of days. It has a
Recall Charm permanently attached to it." Snape nodded.
"My research has confirmed that we cannot abort the embryo because it
would mean sure death to you. If we manage to get you through your
pregnancy, there is a fair chance you will survive. It won't be easy,
but there IS a chance. There have also been quite a few improvements
in medical care and obstetrics, both muggle and magical, since some of
these books were written and we will use any means, magical or muggle,
to help you."
"I also think your chances would be better if you would let me bring
in another healer, one more experienced in obstetrics than I am. I'm
going to have to consult with a colleague before your delivery anyway.
I want to be sure I know all the newest options and procedures before
the birth of your child. That seems to be the most dangerous time for
a pregnant male."
"Poppy, I will consider it if the need arises, but I am not ready to
let anyone else know of my . . . unique condition just yet. I don't
have great faith in muggle medicine, Poppy, but I trust your judgment.
I'll consider muggle methods if you think they will help but I want to
know before you use any muggle methods. I find myself at a loss since
my use of potions is severely limited because of this damned curse, if
not the pregnancy."
A thick silence filled the room, both of them lost in their thoughts.
Finally Severus said, "I don't want Albus to know about all the risks.
He is becoming insufferable enough as it is."
Pomfrey's opened her mouth to object, but his expression showed this
was not something he was willing to negotiate. Poppy sighed, "Alright,
Severus, but I want you to know right now, I think he should be told.
It is entirely possible he will find out on his own. He could be a
great help in figuring out how best to get you through all this. "
Snape said nothing, but Poppy could tell Severus was more than a
little worried about his future.
"We will get you through this Severus, it may not be easy, but we will
try our damnedest." She did not think that Severus was reassured.