Disclaimer: I own nothing, nothing at all. I don't own J.K., Tom Riddle (and I wouldn't want to anyway), Ebay, or any of that. Nor do I own Sean. I own Nalara, though!

If Tom Riddle never was... Or atleast murdered at some point in time...

June 13, 1941

Tom Riddle awoke in his Slytherin common room, on June 13, to find he was the only one awake. Tom Riddle had to good. He was fifteen, prefect, had all of the Slytherin girls swooning over him, and he had a nice snake. He was also descendant of Salazar Slytherin and a parslemouth, but the rest of the school didn't know that...

But anyway... Tom woke up; looking around the room, to see his snake Nalara, trying to catch the mouse that lured in her cage. She caught it. And ate it... Tom grinned. "Good girl, Nala, good girl. I'll get you some more mice when I sneak off to Hogsmeade today," said Tom, to Nalara, in parslemouth. She then grinned a smug look... or, atleast as smug as an eight foot long Cobra can look. The other lazy Slytherins were still asleep. Good for nothing idiots. Worth nothing. Nothing at all. The stupid lazy gits all were probably in their little fantasyland. But Tom though...

While other Slytherins were sleeping, he was fantasizing, and not about half naked girls, either. He fantasized about being evil. His role model, Grindelwald, was evil. Tom planned on being evil one day, and he had even made plans about things. Next year, in fact, he was going to open up the Chamber of Secrets, and set it off for this filthy little mudbloods that haunted the school. He cackled his evil cackle.

Ahh... life was bliss....

He dressed into his clothes, which consisted of black socks, black shoes, black pants, black shirt, and a black cloak with green and silver fastenings. He petted Nalara, who, if anyone else had attempted to pet her, would find themselves without a hand, and he left the room, leaving his fellow students in dream-ta-da-land. He went to the common room, with a hand full of books, written my Salazar himself, and sat down in the hard couch, and began to read them. The books were various. Some were diary entries, rambling on about Muggles and Mudbloods, others were about his friendship with the other founders, which, thank God, was now over. Others were instructions about various things. One in particular held the instructions on entering the Chamber of Secrets.

Tom had read this book about twenty times, but that didn't stop him.

He opened to page two hundred and fifty-nine, which read the creature inside the Chamber, a Baslisk, and Tom smugly smiled. Then... Then there was a loud crack that made a loud echo bounce in the dungeon common room. Tom dropped his book, jumped up, and turned around. He would have gotten his wand, but he stupidly left it upstairs.

But there before him, about fifteen feet behind the couch, was a woman, with long blonde hair. She wore the oddest assortment of clothing. She wore a big, amethyst-purple shirt, with golden letters reading "I-LUV- HARRY-POTTER!" And a pair of jeans.

Then she had a big, big, hat on, a wizard's hat that read 'Hogwarts' on the brim.

"Who, in the name of Mudbloods, are you!?" Tom yelled, looking at the woman, who had a smug expression on her face.

"The names Rowling, Riddle, my name is Rowling," said the woman, bringing out a wand from her back pocket, and sticking it in her front. Odd. "Well... where did you come from?" asked Tom, wondering why she was here.

"I apparated, you idiot, how else?" she said impatiently.

"You can't apparate in the school! I read Hogwarts; A History! I know that for a fact!"

"Listen, idiot, I created this whole damn school! I can do whatever the hell I want to inside of it, including apparating inside," Tom looked at her. The only person, who created the school, was Salazar Slytherin, and he was both dead, and a guy. And he most certainly did not have blonde hair.

"Salazar Slytherin created the school! If you created it then... you... would... be... MASTER! MASTER HAS RISEN FROM THE DEAD! AND HE IS A GIRL! MASTER IS BACK!"

The woman now looked plain, outright annoyed. "Shut your trap. I'm not Sally; I'm not Sally. But I did create this school, and I am here for the better."

"What?" asked Riddle stupidly.

"Well, in about thirty years, you become this dark, sadistic, magalomaniac, sinister overlord, and kill alot of people," said Rowling. Tom jumped up and jumped for joy.

"YIPPIE!"

"Shut up. And in about forty years, you get defeated by a one year old, and in the process, killing his parents, and in the end, giving the kid a life of hell, with no parents, and basicly really pissing him off,"

"I donot get defeated by a one year old!" said Tom protestingly.

"Yeah ya do. And in about fifty-five years, you get resurected by a worthless, traitorous bastard and start your world of doom rage against people all over again,"

"Well...."

"And I make a book series about it. Now Harry, the kid we're talking about, is mad at me. So I have come here to kill you."

"You will not kill me!"

"Watch me. Avada Kedavra!" The wand dropped to the floor and Tom along with it. "Now, what to do about the body and books? I know! EBAY!" she waved her wand, and the books, Tom's body, and Tom's wand flew into a small (and I mean small) plastic bag, she put it into her pocket, and glanced at her watch.

"Oh, I'm late for tea with Sean. Must be off." And with the swish of her cloak, she was gone.

Three weeks later, Nalara could be seen begging for food in Hogsmeade. No one liked Tom, therefore, no one liked Nalara.

Author Notes:

Sean, is Sean Harris. He is who J.K. dedicated Chamber of Secrets to. Atleast I think so, I may be wrong....

But anyway. This can be two stories in itself. I am writing a story now, about if Tom Riddle never was, Harry would have a normal life, so I thought this would be a good One-Shot, alongside a Prologue.

And an update for those who read Lily, the Underaged Auror: My gosh, I am in such Writer's Block peril at the moment! GR! I will try to have it updated soon, though!

By the way: Most of this was written a long time ago, I found it though while breezing on by in the Microsoft Word files... heh, go figure! So that means, that if there are any Grammar flaws, that is due to the fact that my grammar wreaked when I wrote this.

But It should't, since I grammar-checked it before uploading it, but even machines aren't perfect...Heh...

Anyway. I now take anonymous reviews! So what does that mean? See the little button down there on the left side of the screen? It says 'go'... hit that, see what it does, who knows.... ; )