Title: The Myth of Innocence
Author: Catalina Royce
Disclaimer: These stories are based on characters and situations created
and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books,
Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made
and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
Rating: R
Baby's got secrets
And she keeps them very well
But when she finds a friend
Then she'll have someone to tell.
4 Years Previous
Dear Tom, I think I'm losing my memory. There are rooster feathers all over my robes and I don't know how they got there.
Ginny looked down at the scrawled words, written in the new diary. It was exactly what she'd written six months before, but this time, no one answered. And, of course, this time, there was no Tom, and no comfortable surroundings. St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries wasn't the friendliest place, even for a once-innocent now-traumatised twelve-year-old.
She'd been suffering lately. Dreams, hallucinations, sometimes even another voice in her head. She hadn't told anyone, but the nurses knew – they'd be daft if they didn't. Most nurses had walked into her at least once when she was hallucinating, with dreams so real she could almost feel them. Could almost touch them. Touch him.
The youngest Weasley dropped her head into her hands. There was no use denying it; she was insane. Purely, utterly mad. She had to be. Why else would a voice be there, telling her that she'd destroyed Tom, that she'd murdered him? And why was there a sudden lack of space in her mind, as if two people shared her body?
A sob was torn from her, and she closed her eyes and wrapped her arms tight around herself. Tom was gone – irrevocably, forevermore gone. She'd have to accept that, but it would be easier if this voice didn't keep telling her she was a murderer. She hadn't killed Tom, she hadn't done anything. It was Harry who had; it was Harry who received all the praise and applause. And what of her? Dreams and nightmares. That was her reward. Or was it her punishment?
Miriam bustled in, smiling as usual. She was a pleasantly plump lady, whose uniform lime green robes made her look washed out, against her cinnamon brown hair and eyes. Ginny liked her, but affection between Mediwizard and patient was rather strained; Miriam was slightly perturbed by the 'crazy Weasley'.
'Hello, Miriam,' smiled Ginny. But Miriam's reply was never heard; Ginny's voice – her conscience? – chose that moment to speak, drowning out the warmth of Miriam's smile and dousing her in cold pain. Her head throbbed, eyes ached. Ginny's ears roared like all of the sea's pressure was bearing down on down on them. It was like someone had opened the back of her skull and was trying to force great big globs of pumpkin pasties into it. There's no room here! Ginny's mind screamed at the intrusion.
Yes, there is. You'll just have to get used to it, the voice replied. It is, after all, all in your head.
The horrible pun made everything seem so much worse. The artificial lighting. The buzz of normal people leading happy lives. The stale air and the pale rooms. The white of being lost – a colour adorning her room. She wondered sometimes if it kissed her when she was sleeping – after six months in the hospital, she was so pale, so white. So pure.
On the outside, that was. But the nurses, the mediwizards all knew the state of her purity.
Ginny held her head, hoping that would ease the pressure inside her, or perhaps stop her head exploding. Whatever you are, leave me alone!
Whoever. And I am you. A part of you, at least.
Why are you being so mean? It wasn't until Miriam gasped that Ginny realized she'd spoken out loud. Miriam left the room, looking offended and upset. She shut and locked the ward door behind her. Ginny's eyes pleaded through the small glass window to be let out, but Miriam just pursed her lips and walked off. The twelve-year-old hung her head.
You've been here before, Ginny was careful to speak silently this time. Haven't you? You were the one talking to me.
Yes. I was. The other voice spoke to her, soothing her and scaring her at the same time – the way Tom's voice had.
"But..but it didn't hurt the other times." When she heard her own voice, Ginny slapped her hand over her mouth and closed her eyes, hoping the old adage was true. See no evil, speak no evil, hear no evil.
You think I'm evil?
Yes. Ginny kept her hand where it was, her eyes tightly closed. See no evil, speak no evil, hear no evil.
I'm not evil, Ginny.
See no evil, speak no evil, hear no evil… See no evil, speak no evil, hear no evil… See no evil, speak no evil, hear no evil… See no evil, speak no evil, hear no evil…
And it didn't hurt the other times because, well, I've just moved in permanently.
Ginny didn't respond, except to faint.
"Ginny!" Blaise called as she wandered down the hall, eyes dazed and unfocused. Her run in with Draco Malfoy hadn't done anything to discourage her from seeking Blaise's friendship. She'd never wanted anything more with him, which was what Mr. Malfoy had implied.
However, Ginny's anger with Blaise was still intense. He assumed to know her after two days, when she didn't even know herself, and she'd been around for four years.
Ginny hadn't known it until this year, but she'd given birth to Virginia – she was Virginia's mother. And for that, Virginia would protect Ginny's very essence. She wouldn't tell anyone who they were, because if she did, then they'd be sent back to the hospital that Ginny hated so much.
Virginia faced him before he could call out again. "It's Virginia, Blaise. My name is Virginia." She winced at the subtle emphasis on the word 'my'. She didn't want him to ask questions, so she'd have to be careful.
He grimaced and ran a hand through his hair. "Yeah. Look, I wanted to talk to you," he looked around at the crowd of people standing near them, watching the proceeding with a fascinated stare. "In private."
Virginia looked around, and then walked over to an empty classroom, and pulled open the door. "After you."
Virginia faced him a few seconds later, her arms crossed over her chest. Her face was stony; chocolate brown eyes cold and hard with her anger. Her hair was down around her face and shoulders. Her pale complexion and red lips played havoc with his concentration. She had some old freckles on her nose; there were there, but faded.
She looked like she spent most of her life indoors.
Blaise looked her over again. His gaze zoomed on the side of the neck. Was that a bruise on her neck? Who would have given her a…unless she'd been…but with who?
Virginia watched the expressions on his face, and inwardly she winced. He'd jumped to the wrong conclusion, obviously. She hadn't done anything with anyone; Malfoy didn't count. Although, she could still feel his fingers sliding over, his lips pressing softly against her neck.
She almost sighed.
She didn't, though. She caught herself just in time, instead choosing to raise an eyebrow towards Blaise, a smile coming to her lips. "So what did you want to say to me?"
Blaise just shrugged, looking extremely uncomfortable in the situation. "Look...I wanted to apologise. I..I'm sorry."
Virginia's smile didn't waver. "For what?"
"For assuming."
He didn't say anything more. He didn't need to. Virginia had already started moving across the room. She hugged him tightly, glad that she wasn't feeling that awful feeling of being lonely. No, worse, of being alone. If she'd known what Ginny had been going through, then perhaps...
"I'm sorry too. It's just...you acted like you knew me, and I don't even know myself. Sometimes, it's like," she hesitated, trying to put the truth into a context that wouldn't get her thrown into St. Mungos, "Like there are two people in my head. And no matter what I do, I'm fighting to survive, even if it's just to survive in my mind."
She sighed and rubbed her head, absently noticing that Blaise was leading her over to a desk and sitting her down. "In my first year, something bad happened to me. I didn't deal with it very well, and I was sent to St. Mungos. For a very long time I've been trying to deal with that experience, and I've just gotten over it. Does that make sense?"
"Yeah," Blaise said, smiling down at her. "Actually, Frecks, it does."
Virginia was too happy to notice he'd just given her a new nickname, one that screamed familiarity and love.
Author's Note: The 'old adage' that Ginny mutters, See no evil, speak no evil, hear no evil, isn't actually correct. The correct saying is See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil. I've changed it for my purposes.