Authors Note: As a few have already noticed, this story is very Georgia Nicolson-esque. I find Louise Rennison's work to be the funniest, most- wittiest thing I've ever laid eyes on so I couldn't help using her books as the foundation of this story. You know, the funny thing is, I was never really that good with writing diaries...

Summary: A closer look at Hermione's innermost thoughts.

Disclaimer: This story is based on character and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books, Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

Confessions of an Annoying Know it all
By: Fidelius Charmer

Chapter 2: And to my further surprise, he flicked me off...

March 23-4:12 a.m.
Head Girl Dormitory

Remind me why I saved Crookshanks. That sorry excuse for a cat woke me from my much-needed beauty sleep. Do you honestly think that a complexion such as mine appears magically? I think not! Not only did he wake me up, but I was also swimming in cat saliva. It seems that he's been suckling at my sheets again. No matter how many times I hex the little bastard, it's never enough to break this obnoxious and thoroughly disgusting habit of his.

Maybe I should accidentally spill the contents of my jewelry stash on the floor...

4:26 a.m.

There are some really peculiar noises coming from next-door. I think I might check in on Justin just in case his bed curtains are strangling him again. How it happened last time is still a mystery to me.

4:34 a.m.

It's official; I am never leaving this room again. I mean, what is it with the 7th years and their strange fixation with orgies? Furthermore, why do I always seem to walk right into them? I must have some sort of bizarre magnetism to them or something.

Anyway, Justin wasn't too happy about me barging in on him. I never knew he had such an extensive vocabulary. He's almost as good as Malfoy; he's probably better because of his originality. I told him as much and to my further surprise, he flicked me off and told me to go shag a three-toed monkey with a lobotomy.

9:21 a.m.
Potions

Remember that whole ethics thing? Yeah well, it applies here as well. I couldn't miss the practical; that would have been total academic suicide. That and Snape would have probably been overjoyed over my absence. We can't have a happy Snape; it would be like defying the powers that be. The entire school would probably drop dead the moment they saw a shadow of a smile cross his disgustingly ashen features.

I mean, hasn't the man ever heard of sunlight? And what's with his greasy hair? He's a potions master, for Gods sake! How hard could it be for him whip up something to-

12:30 p.m.
Library

I hate Murphy. I hate his godforsaken law as well. I think I'll go drown myself in the lake now.

4:07 p.m.
Hospital Wing

Why do people insist on rescuing you when you specifically tell them not to? I can't stand it when Harry and Ron act all gallantly. I mean, whatever protest you send their way just goes in through one ear and out the other. Actually that always happens no matter what I say to them.

Anyway, couldn't they see that the Giant Squid was just trying to help me commit suicide? Except well, that would make it murder, wouldn't it? Whatever. Murder, suicide, it's always the same outcome; somebody dies. And this time I was hoping it would be me.

Now I know you're probably wondering what on earth would make a levelheaded girl such as myself wish to commit suicide. Well, what if your teacher had confiscated your journal and then read it out-loud to the entire class. Trust me, you would want to commit suicide as well.

And now Justin refuses to speak to me. It's always a bad thing when the head boy and girl are not on speaking terms. The last time this happened, the first years took over the school and finger-painted obscene pictures all over the place, though I have an odd feeling that Malfoy and his lot had something to do with this. This cannot be happening. I refuse to believe that any of this is happening.

4:24 p.m.

I swear that if anybody else mentions what happened today in Potions, I will not hesitate to turn them into a badger. Oh look, it seems that Malfoy has stopped by for a little visit. He's still got that lurker on his chin.

4:47 p.m.

Who would have thought Malfoy would make a good badger. He's got the whole wing in disarray. He's gnawing away and the legs of Madam Pomfrey's desk now to see if she wants to come down and play. I'm debating on whether or not I should lend him a helping hand...

4:50 p.m.

Dumbledore decided for me; he set everything to rights. He's such a party pooper. I think Malfoy was slightly peeved as well, though he did a fantastic job in hiding it. He stormed out shortly afterwards, muttering something about audacity and mudbloods. Does he ever have anything original to say?