The Squashed Harry Potter:
Part two: Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

This is only intended for humorous purposes, both yours and mine. I wouldn't advise using this piece for a book report, etc, nor would I advise flaming me. Because I'm not the one who made you read it.
The idea of a "squashed" is to put a trilogy – or in this case, novel – into 100 words or less. But these books are pretty … unsquishable, so I'm going for 400.
PG  for mild swearing.

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any other related items. Duh.
Disclaimer 2: I am not the person who came up with the "squashed" idea, I merely saw it under the Mercedes Lackey heading, noticed that there wasn't one for Harry Potter and decided to write it.

Much thanks to all reviewers!

***

Harry: This sucks. I want to go back to school and get in trouble.
Dursleys: Shut up and go back to not existing.
Harry: Ok… *starts singing* It's my birthday, I can cry if I want to…
Dursleys: SHUT UP!
Harry: Hi… house elf.
Dobby: *hurts himself* Don't go back to Hogwarts!
Harry: Make me!
Dobby: Okies! *Levitates pudding onto builder's wife*
Dursleys: BOY! *Locks Harry in his room*
Harry: This sucks even more… stupid house elf.
Ron and twins: Hi Harry! We stole this flying car to get you out!
Dursleys: Damn.

*Later*

Mrs. Weasley: *Rages at kids and says hi to Harry*
Mr. Weasley: Time to go buy stuff!
Ron: Look mum, it's Lockhart!
Mrs. Weasley: *preens*
Lockhart: *preens*
HRH: *sigh*

*At the platform*

Ron and Harry: We can't get through? *look at flying car* Hm… *Fly*
Harry: AH! The tree that we crashed into is attacking us!
Ron: My wand broke…
Snape: Yes, a chance to give Potter detention! *Is thwarted by Dumbledore*

*Defense against the Dark Arts*

Lockhart: I don't know how to teach a class, so I'm just going to imperil your lives.
Everyone: Okies!
Lockhart: Oh-oh… uh, you three! *indicates HRH* Clean up!
Hermione: He's so cool…

Harry: *starts hearing voices*
Voices: Kill…
Headless Nick: Want to come to my Deathday Party?
HRH: Cool! *Go to party*
Harry: Why's there water on the floor? *follows water*
Voices: Kill… Kill…
HRH: AH! Dead cat! *get in trouble*


Harry: It's Malfoy! Let's go prove it!
Hermione and Ron: Okies! *make potion*
Malfoy: Damn I wish I were the Heir!
Harry and Ron: Oops.


*Later yet*

Harry: Hey, cool! I can talk to snakes!
Everybody else: You're Slytherin's Heir! We hate you!
Harry: Not again…

*Lots of people get paralyzed*
Hermione: I think I know what's happening! *gets paralyzed*
Harry and Ron: Damn!
Ginny: *disappears*
Ron: AH! *Finds Hermione's note* Let's go save Ginny!
Harry: Yes! So people love me again!

*Drag Lockhart with them*
Lockhart: *Obliviates himself*
Ron: I've always wanted to do that…


Harry: Cool! Tom Riddle!
Tom Riddle: Nyaha! I'm Voldemort!
Harry: Oh-oh! *is chased by basilisk* Oooh, pretty sword! *kills basilisk**is hurt*

Voldemort: Hahahaha! I win!
Fawkes: *saves Harry*
Harry: *kills Voldemort*

Dumbledore: Cool! You get points!
Harry: Yay!
Dumbledore: I'm gonna tell you more stuff that doesn't matter.
Harry: Okies!
Gryffindors: Yay! We win again!
Snape: Damn…

Harry: Gotta go again!
Dursleys: Damn…

***

Yay! Reviews! Many thanks! And no flames! Even better!
R&R!
Hawk