The Squashed Harry Potter:
Part three: Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
This is only intended for humorous purposes, both yours and mine. I wouldn't advise using this piece for a book report, etc, nor would I advise flaming me. Because I'm not the one who made you read it.
The idea of a "squashed" is to put a trilogy – or in this case, novel – into 100 words or less. But these books are pretty … unsquishable, so I'm going for 400.
PG for some mild swearing.
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any other related items. Duh.
Disclaimer 2: I am not the person who came up with the "squashed" idea, I merely saw it under the Mercedes Lackey heading, noticed that there wasn't one for Harry Potter and decided to write it.
Harry: At least things can't get worse…
Dursleys: Aunt Marge is visiting.
Harry: Why me? (looks at murderer on TV) Wish you'd come over…
Dursleys: What?
Harry: Um, I said if I was good, would you fill out this form for me?
Dursleys: Ya, whatever… be good.
Harry: Okies!
Three days later
Aunt Marge: Bad blood, he has. Someone should do him a favour and put him out. That insolent, ungreatful –
Dursleys: Damn straight!
Aunt Marge: (inflates)
Harry: (evil smile) Um, oops? (runs away)
Harry: AH! FREAKY DOG! (holds out thumb) Beware! I gotta thumb and know how to use it! That's right, run! (gets hit by bus) Ouchies…
Ernie: Climb aboard!
Harry: Okies!
Fudge: You should be in trouble, but since you got hit by a bus, you're ok!
Harry: Cool!
On the train
Ron and Hermione: So this murderer is out to get you?
Harry: Mhm. (eats)
Hermione:This is serious!
Ron: Yup! Sirius Black!
Hermione: Not funny.
Harry: I feel sick…(strange hooded thing enters)
SHT: (sucking sounds)
HRH: AH!!!!!!!!!!!!
Trelawney: Harry, you are going to die. But you still have homework.
Harry: Damn!
McGonagall: Harry, if you die, you need not hand in your homework.
Harry: Okies!
Much later
Harry: This sucks! We lost the game and my broom, the Fat Lady was attacked and I can't go to Hogsmeade! And that freaky dog is stalking me!
Twins: Have this map so you can go to Hogsmeade. We've already memorized it!
Harry: Yay! (goes to Hogsmeade) Let's have butterbeer!
Hermione: Harry! Hide! It's McGonagall!
(Harry hides)
McGonagall: You know what's weird, Fudge? Sirius killed Harry's parents and now he's gonna kill Harry!
Fudge: Dude, everybody knows that. (exeunt)
Harry: Kill!
Christmas
Harry: Ooh, broom!
Hermione: Sirius sent it! (sends to McGonagall)
Ron: Hermione!
Harry: (retrieves broom) I'm gonna beat Ravenclaw!
Later
Harry: Everyone's gonna die. This sucks.
Hermione: (punches Malfoy)
Harry: I feel much better!
Later yet
Trelawney: The Dark Lord arises!
Harry: Yeah, right. (goes to see Hagrid)
Ron: Ah! Some dog grabbed my leg!
Harry and Hermione: Ah! (follow Crookshanks)
Harry: (points to Sirius) Dude! You're not Voldemort!
Sirius: Duh! That rat, (points to Ron), betrayed your parents!
Sirius and Lupin: (make Scabbers Pettigrew)
HRH: Dude! (return to Hogwarts)
Dumbledore: Save them!
Harry and Hermione: Okies! (timetravel to save Sirius)
Sirius: (leaving) Harry! I'm your godfather!
Harry: Nooooooooo!
Harry: Back to the Dursleys'.
Dursleys: Damn!
Mucho gracias to all reviewers!
I loathe quick-edit