Insanity. Pure Insanity.
by Argy
Note: "Slayers" and all its characters are copyright 1989-present Hajime Kanzaka, Rui Araizumi, Kadokawa Shoten, TV Tokyo, SOFTX. Please do not take this seriously. I DON'T have anything against Ameria; she's actually one of my favorite characters.

This story contains spoilers if you haven't seen all, or at least the ending, of Slayers TRY.

-=-

"Sing the happy happy happy happy happy happy song..." Ameria chanted as she strolled down the main street in Saillune. Suddenly, she stopped and said to herself, "I wonder what Lina-san and Gourry-san are doing right now!" Ameria turned her head to the right and saw a fortune-telling shop. Cheerfully, she walked in and in a few minutes she was sitting in front of a glowing crystal ball in her own private room. Ameria closed her eyes and waved her hands over the ball.

"Oh, magic crystal ball, if you are truly wise, show me what Lina-san and Gourry-san are doing right now!" The ball glowed, swirling colors, and then an image appeared.

Lina and Gourry were sitting at a table in a restaurant, with several large dessert plates in front of them. Ameria watched as Lina plucked the cherry off a huge plate of whipped cream. Slowly, she put it in her mouth and began sucking on it. Lina turned her head toward Gourry, who was giving her the strangest look, and said in a seductive voice,

"Hey Gourry, I can think of lots of fun things we can do with whipped cream!"

"EEEEEWWW!!" Ameria screamed and threw the crystal ball against the wall, shattering it. "I didn't want to know THAT!!"

Ameria stared at the broken crystal ball. Slowly, and making sure no one saw her, she snuck out into the front room and grabbed a new one. She sat back down at the table.

"Oh, magic crystal ball, if you are truly wise, show me what... Filia- san, Jiras-san, and Grabos-san are doing right now!" The new ball glowed, this time with slightly different colors.

Filia browsed the racks of an expensive clothing store, finally finding what she was looking for. She had been searching for weeks, and finally, she had found what her heart desired...

"Yes! Finally, I have found it!" Filia exclaimed as she held up...

A clown outfit. With a big red nose.

"Finally, my dream of becoming a circus clown will come true! I'm going to be the cutest clown ever!"

"Oh..." Ameria gave the ball a strange look. "That's so unlike Filia-san..." Suddenly the ball began to swirl again and the image it showed was inside Filia's shop...

"Hey Jiras! I'm hungry! Make me some breakfast!" Grabos yelled from his custom leather recliner.

"Right away, Boss!" Jiras yelled from the kitchen as he searched around in the cupboards for any suitable food. "Oneesan 'as been gone fo' a few weeks now...'onder if 'ere's anyting ta eat..." Much to his dismay, Jiras couldn't find any food. Just when he was about to give up, he remembered something. He quietly crept into Filia's bedroom and found Valgarv, still unhatched.

"I'm sorry, Valgarv-sama, but I 'ave no choice..."

Ten minutes later...

"Jiras! Where's my food?!" Grabos yelled.

"Comin right up, Boss!" Jiras hurried into the room and gave Grabos his plate. Immediately, Grabos began stuffing the food into his mouth.

"Mmm...omelette...my...mmph...favorite!"

"AAAAHHH!!" Ameria screamed again and shoved the crystal ball away, being careful not to break it this time. She took a few deep breaths and pulled it back to her.

"If what I'm about to ask is going to turn out anything like the others...I don't want to know!" Ameria said hesitantly.

"Sure you dooooo!" a omnipresent yet slightly familiar voice said. Ameria looked around and didn't see anyone, so she turned back to the ball.

"Oh, magic crystal ball, if you are truly wise, show me what Zelgadiss-san is doing right now!" She crossed her fingers as the colors began to swirl. A very strange image appeared...

Zelgadiss was sitting on a throne in a huge palace. He had a jeweled crown on his head, and there were several servants surrounding him. One of them had a dog on a leash. Suddenly, Zelgadiss spoke...

"As king of New Jersey, I hereby declare war on the kingdom of Saillune! Those justice freaks have had it coming to them for a long time, and I want them gone! Here!" Zelgadiss pulled Ameria's bracelet out of his pocket and let the dog sniff it. "This is the scent of of their princess, dammit! Go and find her, and I want her gone from this world!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOO ZELGAAADISSSS-SAAAANNN!!!" Ameria screamed in terror and ran out of the room crying. She ran all the way home and locked herself in her room for twenty years, or at least until her dad died and then she went to his funeral, of course.

Back at the fortune-telling shop, the enchanted crystal ball Ameria had been using began to shake. Suddenly, it shattered and none other than our favorite dub-cursed mazoku popped out.

"Yes! It is I! Xelloss! I had complete control of this crystal ball and I thought it would be much more amusing if I spiced up the results a little bit, don't you think?"

"YEAH!!" yelled everyone in the world, except everyone mentioned in this story.

"NO!!" they yelled, Ameria the loudest.

fin. fufufu...