[Author's note: There are some references to Nicole in this chapter. The references are to the events as they occurred in my version of the story ("What Child is This") not TPTB's version.]
Abby frowned. Luka seemed to be suddenly lost in thought.
"Luka?"
He looked startled. "What?"
"Are you ok? You look a little spacy."
"I'm fine. Just in pain, you know?" A hesitation, then, "I'm sorry Abby. You were right. I shouldn't have taken advantage of you last night. You were drunk, you didn't know what you were doing. I messed up ... I messed up everything." He didn't look at her.
"No," said Abby quietly. "It wasn't your fault, and you didn't do anything wrong. You did exactly what I asked for; exactly what I wanted you to do ... what I wanted us to do."
"You were too drunk to know what you wanted. I should have been able to see that."
"I wasn't that drunk. I knew exactly what I wanted. I got drunk because I wanted to. And we had sex because I wanted to."
A surprised, hopeful look. "So ... it was ok?"
And Abby had to laugh a little. "Ok? No, it wasn't ok. It was really, really stupid. But it was my stupidity, not yours."
"So, maybe it wasn't all that stupid. If you wanted it, and I did ... and it was good ...." A sigh. "We're good together, Abby. I know these last few days have been rough, but they'd be rough for anyone."
"We're good in bed," Abby said. "But that's all. We have good sex, but there has to be more than that."
"I care for you, Abby. I like being with you."
"But I don't!" The words, blurted out, startled even Abby. Luka winced, and a look of pain crossed his face. 'Stupid, Abby. That was a really stupid thing to say. Can we stop being stupid now?' she thought. The idea here was not to hurt Luka more. She shook her head. "I didn't mean that. I like you, but we don't belong together. You have to be able to see that. You deserve better than me."
"But Carter doesn't?"
"This isn't about Carter."
"Then what is it about?"
"It's about me."
"But not about us?"
"There is no 'us.' There hasn't been for months."
"So what was last night? You did want to sleep with me last night, right?"
"Yes, I did. But it was a mistake. I knew it was wrong, but it did it anyway. Which still makes it my mistake, not yours."
"So you were just horny then? Or maybe you were imagining that I was Carter."
"Why do you keep bringing Carter into this?"
"Because he's already here. He's always here."
"I'm not with Carter. I don't want to be with Carter." Abby sighed again. "I'm not with anyone right now, and that's working fine for me. You know, Luka, we don't have to rush into relationships that don't work, just because you think it's better than being alone."
"What do you know about being alone, Abby? I was alone for 8 years. Eight very long years. And I was with you for a year. I know which one I liked better."
"Was it me, or was it just having someone to keep you warm at night? I mean, God, Luka ... the sheets were barely cold and you were suddenly screwing Nicole ... you were going to marry her! And now she's gone, and you want me back again?"
"Don't bring Nicole into this," Luka snapped.
"You keep bringing Carter into it. And Nicole was real, Carter isn't. I have never been with Carter. You were very much 'with' Nicole. How long had you actually known her before you started sleeping with her?"
"A few weeks," Luka said quietly. "And that was my mistake. But I would have made it right, Abby. I was going to marry her ... make her happy."
"And make yourself miserable in the process? For all Nicole's faults, she did make the right decision here. She cared enough about you to not want to make you miserable. She knew you didn't belong together, and that the best thing she could do ... for both of you ... was to leave."
"And abort my baby? You think that made me happy?"
"No, of course not. But it was the only thing she could have done. And remember, she didn't want you to even know about it. She wanted you to believe that she hadn't even been pregnant. She did everything she could to not hurt you." Abby shook her head. "And I don't want to hurt you either, Luka. If we were together, you'd be unhappy. And I also care enough about you to not want to see you unhappy."
"Do I look happy now?"
"You look like you're in pain from a broken arm and a hangover," Abby said with a slight smile. Then, more seriously, "No, you don't look happy. And if it's because of last night, I'm sorry. But if it's because of 'us' in general ... I can't fix that. We don't belong together," she said again. "I was never really happy when we were together, and neither were you. We're doing pretty good as friends, Luka. I would really like for us to be friends now. Can we do that?"
"I don't know," Luka said softly. "Can we?"
"You mean, after last night's screw up?"
"I mean, we're obviously still attracted to each other. Can we be friends without that getting in the way?"
"We can try, can't we?"
"Yeah, we could. Or we could try being together again." Abby started to protest, but Luka went on quickly. "I would do anything for you, Abby. I beat Brian Westlake to a bloody pulp for you!"
Abby was startled, both by the words and by the sudden fierce look in his eyes. The police had told her that someone had beaten Brian up that night. But she'd never really thought it could have been Luka. Though, it certainly made sense ...
"I didn't ask you to do that," she said.
"How could I not do it? Was I supposed to just let him hurt the woman I love?"
Abby frowned. Luka seemed to be suddenly lost in thought.
"Luka?"
He looked startled. "What?"
"Are you ok? You look a little spacy."
"I'm fine. Just in pain, you know?" A hesitation, then, "I'm sorry Abby. You were right. I shouldn't have taken advantage of you last night. You were drunk, you didn't know what you were doing. I messed up ... I messed up everything." He didn't look at her.
"No," said Abby quietly. "It wasn't your fault, and you didn't do anything wrong. You did exactly what I asked for; exactly what I wanted you to do ... what I wanted us to do."
"You were too drunk to know what you wanted. I should have been able to see that."
"I wasn't that drunk. I knew exactly what I wanted. I got drunk because I wanted to. And we had sex because I wanted to."
A surprised, hopeful look. "So ... it was ok?"
And Abby had to laugh a little. "Ok? No, it wasn't ok. It was really, really stupid. But it was my stupidity, not yours."
"So, maybe it wasn't all that stupid. If you wanted it, and I did ... and it was good ...." A sigh. "We're good together, Abby. I know these last few days have been rough, but they'd be rough for anyone."
"We're good in bed," Abby said. "But that's all. We have good sex, but there has to be more than that."
"I care for you, Abby. I like being with you."
"But I don't!" The words, blurted out, startled even Abby. Luka winced, and a look of pain crossed his face. 'Stupid, Abby. That was a really stupid thing to say. Can we stop being stupid now?' she thought. The idea here was not to hurt Luka more. She shook her head. "I didn't mean that. I like you, but we don't belong together. You have to be able to see that. You deserve better than me."
"But Carter doesn't?"
"This isn't about Carter."
"Then what is it about?"
"It's about me."
"But not about us?"
"There is no 'us.' There hasn't been for months."
"So what was last night? You did want to sleep with me last night, right?"
"Yes, I did. But it was a mistake. I knew it was wrong, but it did it anyway. Which still makes it my mistake, not yours."
"So you were just horny then? Or maybe you were imagining that I was Carter."
"Why do you keep bringing Carter into this?"
"Because he's already here. He's always here."
"I'm not with Carter. I don't want to be with Carter." Abby sighed again. "I'm not with anyone right now, and that's working fine for me. You know, Luka, we don't have to rush into relationships that don't work, just because you think it's better than being alone."
"What do you know about being alone, Abby? I was alone for 8 years. Eight very long years. And I was with you for a year. I know which one I liked better."
"Was it me, or was it just having someone to keep you warm at night? I mean, God, Luka ... the sheets were barely cold and you were suddenly screwing Nicole ... you were going to marry her! And now she's gone, and you want me back again?"
"Don't bring Nicole into this," Luka snapped.
"You keep bringing Carter into it. And Nicole was real, Carter isn't. I have never been with Carter. You were very much 'with' Nicole. How long had you actually known her before you started sleeping with her?"
"A few weeks," Luka said quietly. "And that was my mistake. But I would have made it right, Abby. I was going to marry her ... make her happy."
"And make yourself miserable in the process? For all Nicole's faults, she did make the right decision here. She cared enough about you to not want to make you miserable. She knew you didn't belong together, and that the best thing she could do ... for both of you ... was to leave."
"And abort my baby? You think that made me happy?"
"No, of course not. But it was the only thing she could have done. And remember, she didn't want you to even know about it. She wanted you to believe that she hadn't even been pregnant. She did everything she could to not hurt you." Abby shook her head. "And I don't want to hurt you either, Luka. If we were together, you'd be unhappy. And I also care enough about you to not want to see you unhappy."
"Do I look happy now?"
"You look like you're in pain from a broken arm and a hangover," Abby said with a slight smile. Then, more seriously, "No, you don't look happy. And if it's because of last night, I'm sorry. But if it's because of 'us' in general ... I can't fix that. We don't belong together," she said again. "I was never really happy when we were together, and neither were you. We're doing pretty good as friends, Luka. I would really like for us to be friends now. Can we do that?"
"I don't know," Luka said softly. "Can we?"
"You mean, after last night's screw up?"
"I mean, we're obviously still attracted to each other. Can we be friends without that getting in the way?"
"We can try, can't we?"
"Yeah, we could. Or we could try being together again." Abby started to protest, but Luka went on quickly. "I would do anything for you, Abby. I beat Brian Westlake to a bloody pulp for you!"
Abby was startled, both by the words and by the sudden fierce look in his eyes. The police had told her that someone had beaten Brian up that night. But she'd never really thought it could have been Luka. Though, it certainly made sense ...
"I didn't ask you to do that," she said.
"How could I not do it? Was I supposed to just let him hurt the woman I love?"